Something's Missing

[LibraryGirl]

I hate to say anything depressing, as sometimes I'm the leader of the cheering squad around here. I just feel like something is missing in my life. When I had AL as my crutch, it was all I needed to have something to look forward to every evening. I really had a hard time understanding how people could just do the droll everyday type things like watch tv, clean house, etc. day in and day out without any little pick-me-upper.

Well, I've been doing the everyday things AF day in and day out, and I am tired of it. I feel listless and frankly, bored. I am reading every good book that comes out on my Kindle, playing computer games, watching Netflix, drinking coffee, drinking soda, eating right, working, etc., but I still feel bereft.

No I don't want the anxiety, the hangovers, the bloated ugliness of daily drinking back. I want the excitement of AL back. I want what someone quoted, "AL is the aprodisiac of life". Without it, my life is seemingly endless years of boredom, dotted with occasional reconcilliation to my lot in life, and brief contentment.

I wish I had never experienced the highs of AL, so I didn't know how truly dull life can be sometimes!

LG

[K9Lover]

Something's Missing

LG -

I completely understand. Are you about 45 days sober? (sorry, I lost count) I felt that way around 40 days...a few times. That's why I had to start over SO many times at day 40. I thought "Well, I did the 'sober thing'...time to go back to drinking!". But you can guess where that lead....back to driving drunk, being a complete stupid idiot, blacking out, passing out, throwing up, depression, anxiety, guilt, and the list goes on and on....

Maybe drinking does bring a bit of "excitement", but the kind it brought me is the kind I can do without (the kind that involves handcuffs and a cellmate named Diablo).

I don't mean to make light of it, I know you are struggling. I guess I just want to say that it's completely normal to feel that way. It's like you lost your best friend and just don't know what to do....

The way you feel right now will pass, I promise. Keep hanging in there and remember WHY you started this journey to begin with.

:h
K9

[Rusty]

Something's Missing

Hi LibraryGirl,:l

Yes, you are one of the cheerleaders here, and you do a great job because I certainly get something out of your posts. Do you think that AL itself was exciting or the activities you were doing while you were drinking were exciting? I know you've said in previous posts that you are in a relationship. Does he drink? Do you look forward to seeing him at the end of the day? You said you looked forward to AL at the end of the day....probably as your reward, right? I doubt if it was a pick-me-up. I used to think that way, too, but really, I found that instead of being a reward, it was a punishment, because after even having 1 or 2 drinks at the end of the day, I was motivated to do absolutely nothing the rest of the evening. The same with the weekends. The "activities" you are doing AF do sound kind of boring to me....watching movies, reading, computer games.....they are just fillers, correct? Something to replace the time you spent drinking. None of the activities involve any kind of real action. Now that you're AF you have time to develop real HOBBIES and INTERESTS....join a gym, volunteer, get out and meet new people. You have a great personality....and I bet you'll make friends fast. PM me if you would like. Keep posting, and I'll keep reading, and cheering you on.

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

K9, I'm more like 70 days sober, as the last time I drank it was only a thimble full of wine. hahahah! Really though it wasn't hardly anything. Not enough for it to have given me any feelings of eurphoria or buzz at all. It didn't, so I don't count only being 45 days sober as being the reason I feel the way I do.

Thanks though dear K9, and Molly. I know intellectually all that you're saying is true. Boy would I love to have a salt rimmed glass of margarita right now!!! HAHAHAHA

[K9Lover]

Something's Missing

mollyka;1340925 wrote: Xpost K9 - yep, everything you said!
Did you REALLY have a cellmate called Diablo:H:H

I'm sure ONE of them was named Diablo...I was in a "pod" with about 40 stinky women. One of them stole my shoes the first night I was in. I guess it was nice that she left me her ratty ones in their place. Gawd. LOL

[K9Lover]

Something's Missing

LibraryGirl;1340932 wrote: Thanks though dear K9, and Molly. I know intellectually all that you're saying is true. Boy would I love to have a salt rimmed glass of margarita right now!!! HAHAHAHA

I'll make you a deal. If I can get a date with Joaquin Pheonix tonight, you can have a margarita. OK? :H

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

Yeah, Rusty, you hit the nail on the head woman. LOL, it's true I haven't developed any REAL hobbies. I never did have any I guess. I'm not an "active" sort of person, to be honest. It would seem like a chore to me to have to be committed to a volunteering position, gym or anything like that. Maybe that's why I enjoyed AL so much.:H Just not drinking and now, dieting and eating healthy is a huge change from what I was doing for the last 10+ years. I would hate to run out and start something big, like volunteering or what not, and then disappoint someone because I just lost interest or didn't want the hassel.

Sorry, it's good advice. Maybe it's something I should aspire to do.

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

K9Lover;1340935 wrote: I'll make you a deal. If I can get a date with Joaquin Pheonix tonight, you can have a margarita. OK? :H

That doesn't sound completely fair, somehow.:H:H

[Nelz]

Something's Missing

K9Lover;1340933 wrote: I'm sure ONE of them was named Diablo...I was in a "pod" with about 40 stinky women. One of them stole my shoes the first night I was in. I guess it was nice that she left me her ratty ones in their place. Gawd. LOL

Oh hell no! shoulda shanked her good! LOL


Try not to romanticize the drink LG..........but do keep fresh in your mind the money it costs, the hangover, the oh no, what did I do/say last night? And alllllll the other positives linked with AL

[RingingCedars]

Something's Missing

LibraryGirl;1340937 wrote: Yeah, Rusty, you hit the nail on the head woman. LOL, it's true I haven't developed any REAL hobbies. I never did have any I guess. I'm not an "active" sort of person, to be honest. It would seem like a chore to me to have to be committed to a volunteering position, gym or anything like that. Maybe that's why I enjoyed AL so much.:H Just not drinking and now, dieting and eating healthy is a huge change from what I was doing for the last 10+ years. I would hate to run out and start something big, like volunteering or what not, and then disappoint someone because I just lost interest or didn't want the hassel.

Sorry, it's good advice. Maybe it's something I should aspire to do.

Don't let fear stop you from trying something new. I'm sure volunteers come and go for all sorts of reasons and hey you just might find something you truly feel passionate about. Google the internet for hobby ideas. Take an art class(so many mediums to choose from), writing, music(so many instruments), dance(so many forms)....you get the picture....spread your wings girl! xo

[FreeFly]

Something's Missing

Peace of mind, IMHO, is a conscious choice. The highs and lows will always be there but it's our consciousness that determines our life's path. Which side of the fence do we wish to look at. Just saying...

[FarfallaP]

Something's Missing

Hi Library Girl,
I am not particularly "active," and I do not want to commit to regularly doing an activity at night...so now that I no longer drink until bedtime, AND I do not want to do anything that might seem like "homework," I have -- somewhat oddly -- learned to "treat" myself by watching certain tv shows and playing mindless solitaire on my laptop at the same time! In fact, I am presently enamoured of reruns of the "Big Bang Theory." And, one skinny cow ice cream treat, too. Who knew, after I used to be so "sophisticated" (in my own opinion...) with my AL poison in its pretty glass...that I am actually having more fun NOW! Maybe something unexpected like this would work for you, too...F

[SAUSAGE]

Something's Missing

Hi LG

I kind of understand what you are saying ( and our original quit dates are similar). One of the problems for me is I really only started nightly drinking when my children were very small and I couldn't go out / resume old interests etc as I was stuck in the house and after a day running round after babies / toddlers ( they are nearly 8 and nearly 7 now) it was all I had to look forward to apart from the TV / Internet. I was exhausted and also had postnatal depression. I am a lone parent a lot of the time as my husband is in the forces and away a lot.

So what I am trying to say here is I used to sit there and think - ok what did I do to cheer myself up / relax in the evenings before I started drinking - I've kept a daily diary / journal since I was 12 so it is easy to look back to the old days when I rarely had alcohol, and to be honest because I couldn't leave the house, do the things I used to and I had so little energy ( I never knew what true exhaustion was pre - kids, despite lots of marathon running and a hospital job where I could sometimes work over 80 hrs / week) until I had 2 children under 2 and was anaemic and got very little sleep. And looking back and analysing the situatuon I think this is why I turned to drink as a pick me up as it was easy, and I couldn't do the things I used to do pre drinking pre - kids anyway. I used to really envy people trying to quit who had no responsibilities outside work and could spend every day how they choose. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence etc.

But as someone else said on here, it is easy to romanticise it - that initial buzz only lasts a few mins then you are chasing that buzz all evening, never getting there and just feeling rubbish and ill as a result - its REALLY important to remember that - maybe write it in a note book or on a little card and keep re reading it. Once you have been AF for a little longer ( possibly 100+ days) you will start to experience the natural highs and lows of life - not just artificial ones out of a bottle.

The key here I think is what do you want to do with your life?
Start writing plans / lists.

Where do you see yourself in 1 , 5 and 10 yrs time if you stop drinking. What do you want to really get out of life - ( and I don't just mean filler activities like TV and computer games).

Also if you go back to nightly drinking, where do you see yourself in 1, 5 and 10 yrs time - write a graphic list assuming you gain weight, develop health problems, work out what it costs in terms of money too. What could you do with that money instead . Do you want to travel for instance? If you knew you only had 1 year left in life, what would you want to do?

Someone on here has a signature which says something along the lines of no-one can go back and make a new beginning but each of us can start today to make a new ending, and that is so true.The world is your oyster once you have stopped drinking. The only limit is your imagination.

[lifechange]

Something's Missing

i totally hear you LG!
i've always gone back to drinking because of boredom. and i seem to have a very short term memory when it comes to alcohol. i can't believe how easy it is for me to forget the pain. i think i am like that with most painful areas of my life. put up a wall and ignore.
i like what sausage said about going through the motions, enduring the boredom--probably trying not to analyze too much. from what i've read here--especially from those who have more sober time, it seems like it comes together at some point. i like reading on the monthly abs board.
someone said on this thread that the only thing stopping us from doing what will make us happy is lack of imagination. somehow this rings true to me. i know in my case it's often true. opening my mind to the possibilities. and then getting off my lazy ass.
i am being challenged today.

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

Thanks guys. I think it is a combination of depression and sleep loss. I may have sleep apnea. Yes, I know, get a sleep study. That is on my to-do list. Plus, I can't make my bf get out of his depression, as I now know he suffers from too...so we feed off of each other. Don't get me wrong, I am not miserable all of the time, as you can probably see from most of my posts. I'm just re-evaluating and I think it's one of the necessary steps on my journey. You all have given me some good things to think on.

LG