Something's Missing

[LillyE]

Something's Missing

I'm sorry to hear you're depressed and sleep deprived LG. I hope it passes here. Your presence and posts here mean a lot to me and others so please keep hanging in there with us. This too shall pass. :l

[Byrdlady]

Something's Missing

LG...I think we all can identify with this one. Without our best friend to turn to...what's left? Take it from me...I turned back to him MANY times and I'm afraid what I was chasing wasn't actually there to begin with. The lover that I longed to get back..never really existed. It's just like when you go back with an ex...those same old warts pop right back out. Same with AL...as soon as you let him in again, it ain't pretty at all. All that excitement wasn't really excitement it was CHAOS. In some twisted up way...this got us attention. If I really take a hard look at it, as if I had a hidden camera...I would see that what I was doing was pathetic addiction. It wasn't exciting...it was hell on earth.
What you are feeling is normal in the process!!
Others have said it, and I will echo them. Put yourself into the service of others. This helps get thru the Pity Party, gives YOU a purpose and helps someone else. You may remember back some time ago....I was having a hell of a Saturday. I was listless and walking from window to window. The Voices were strong! I took out a cake mix and my pans and I made a little train cake for a neighbor boy (who was about 4). I didn't know them very well, only seen them out and about. This cake took hours for me to make...and by bakers standards was a real hack job. I decorated the little railroad cars with jelly beans and M&M's and star peppermint candies for the wheels. When I was finished...I marched over to the door with the cake and presented it to him. His eyes got big as saucers!!! He looked over at his mother and said, MOM, is it my Birthday??? I took it over to the table and I will never forget the pure JOY in this little boy's face...his fingers touching each and every jelly bean, just to make sure they were real! This was genuine JOY, and I got to see it...I made it happen. What this little fellow didn't realize, is that cake helped me get thru a bad situation that could have derailed me for weeks and months. I set myself to a task and saw it thru.
I wish I didn't know so much about this subject....but just muscle your way thru this time...and you will find joy again, and excitement that isn't AL produced. I promise. You will find what's missing, and trust me...it's not ALCOHOL. xo, Byrdie

[FarfallaP]

Something's Missing

Byrdlady, What a great post! Soul-satisfying is at the heart of the matter, not merely "passing the time..." F

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

It would be my luck that I'd bake a cake like that and his mother would scream, "He's a diabetic! That will kill him!"

LOL, thank Byrdie.

[aihflvt]

Something's Missing

Hang in there LG. I didn't drink for the excitement, I drank to self-medicate. I have an extremely stressful job this week with a couple of completely unreasonable bosses, and I wanted nothing more at the end of the day yesterday to suck back a pint of vodka. But with the help of a good book (my meds helped too, I'm sure), I was able to enter another carefree reality without having to do it with booze.

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

I wish I could just delete this thread. There's nothing anyone can tell me that I couldn't have told myself. I'm not saying I drink for excitement. It's just that everyday activities are becoming so mundane....Go figure, right?! Ok, so it's something I have to live with. I get it.

Thanks for all of your comments and suggestions.

[pingu1997]

Something's Missing

come and PM pingupants LG... you have said all the things I have said to myself in the past few weeks, even after 15 months

There is a reason I took up the cello a week ago....

[caysea]

Something's Missing

Hi All
We have been drinking for a long time and think that we go back to "normal" after a few months in recovery. It doesn't work like that. We have altered our brain and this is what causes us problems trying to reconnect to our before al life.
Please go to the smart recovery site and read about motivation. It explains why the simple things don't excite us any more. It is something that takes time and work just like first going AF. It is the next step in recovery. I used smart recovery along with this site to get sober. It is very helpful in regards to tools and current research. I don't think any thing, research wise has been added here since 08 or 09. They are current and professionals in the field. Also non profit. I have no connection to them other then another tool in my recovery.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Kaslo]

Something's Missing

LG, im kind of glad you cant delete the thread, because its been useful for me to read. I see how so many others have coped with that phase in recovery where boredom and resentment set in. Mine lasted a long time, if I remember correctly. I was at a complete loss as to what to do with myself. I started working on my photography in the evenings, something I could only do during the day when I was still drinking. It took about three months (I guess past month 5 or so) before I started to notice I was no longer the slightest bit bored. I started adding stuff to my roster of things. I love my life now. At 5 months during some periods of time I was pretty low. I hope others read this too. Its a useful discussion.

[Kradle123]

Something's Missing

LibraryGirl;1341325 wrote: I wish I could just delete this thread. There's nothing anyone can tell me that I couldn't have told myself. I'm not saying I drink for excitement. It's just that everyday activities are becoming so mundane....Go figure, right?! Ok, so it's something I have to live with. I get it.

Thanks for all of your comments and suggestions.

HI LB:

I am really glad you Can Not Delete this Thread because it has made me really stop and think about the reasons why I started drinking and why I never stopped drinking...and do you know what I discovered..

I really have absolutely no clue.! I realy don't !

Oh I can list all the usual suspects LB : It was fun at first, parties, grown up stuff, stress, lonliness, self this, self that...but all in all I really am not all that certain.
And so, I have to ask myself why then do I really want to stop? besides all the usual suspects that is? Family, Friends, Health, me, me ....

So this thread is forcing me to re-examine areas I thought were done, thought were clear and farily well defined. Well they are clearly not for me. That may seem odd but it's true.....
This means I have to write 'My Story' doesn't it? :egad:

Never a dull moment !
You are still that inspriation we all need. :h

Hugs, :l

PS: Didn't you say at one point you were a writer? And not just for IBM

[Kradle123]

Something's Missing

LibraryGirl;1341257 wrote: It would be my luck that I'd bake a cake like that and his mother would scream, "He's a diabetic! That will kill him!"

LOL, thank Byrdie.

That was hysterical, LG

:H:H:H

[SAUSAGE]

Something's Missing

LG - when I read that story I was thinking.... What if (like me!) he can't eat gluten !!!

[SAUSAGE]

Something's Missing

Expanding your world

I too an really glad you can't delete this thread because it has raised some very important issues.

I have seen on MWO a lot of posts where people talk about deprivation v gratitude thinking - ie the key tool to long term successful sobriety is not as seeing yourself as deprived that you can't have al but instead being grateful about what a sober life can bring to you. However I think there is more to it than this.

You titled the thread "something missing" and I know exactly what you mean.

People often argue over the definition of an alcoholic or alcohol dependant - is it someone who drinks all day, or if you only drink in the evenings etc are you really one, how about of you only drink a couple of glasses of wine a night ( but are not happy about your compulsion to so) even though your weekly unit consumption is not excessively high, are you alcoholic / alcohol dependant. Allan Carr touches on this concept when he describes in his book the pitcher plant and how far someone has descended in to it.

Another way to look at this is - how much prominence does alcohol play in your world?

For someone who is contentedly tee total or who ( like my mother) drinks one alcoholic drink every couple of months, alcohol has no prominence in their world. It wouldn't bother them if they never had another drink again.

For someone who has to drink every evening, however much or little ( or who generally binge drinks at least once a week) then alcohol does form a significant part of their world. It's not just the time drinking it s the time planning the drinking / looking forward to it and the recovery after. This could actually be calculated in hours a week?

For someone who has reached the stage where drinking consumes everything and it is all they do or think about every waking moment from morning to night, alcohol is their world.

Not sure if I'm making a lot of sense here, but what I'm trying to say, is if alcohol previously formed a significant part of you weekly world then when you quit it is obvious that you are going to have to expand your world in other ways to fill the void, otherwise eventually you will return to alcohol again. Something will be missing. How someone chooses to do this, is up to them, it's a very personal thing depending on their interests, circumstances etc and it may not be initially be easy to do, but doing this is a key to long term contented sobriety I believe.

I don't think this thread is stating the obvious at all, I think it raises some very important issues.

[LibraryGirl]

Something's Missing

That really sounds like something I can understand, Sausage. For a change.:H Yes, it was a part of my daily life, so obviously it's going to feel as if something is missing. Although I no longer even think of the liquor store as I drive home, and I don't wring my hands every evening because I can't have a drink, I do realize that my crappy, boring life that AL made feel a bit more interesting, is now just what it was, crappy and boring.:H:H

The conundrum is this: I am a little bit reticent in branching out. I don't really have a desire to meet new people particularly. I did think about this last night, and am going to look into some adult ed classes here in town. I can take classes at the univ where I work for free, but they last a whole semester and they're pretty intense. I'm not sure if I really want to go back to school, per se. I did get my Masters, and I think that's enough, lol.

So today I'm going to explore some possibilities. I know it will take some time, but it is at least an idea, and a start.

Kradle, you crack me up. Thanks for being so supportive, love.:l

[SAUSAGE]

Something's Missing

Glad what I wrote made sense, but please don't think by expanding your world I mean you've got to go out and meet lots of new people or do lots of educational courses, if that's not what you want to do or something you are comfortable with, you don't need to do anything like that.

It could be something you do from home which develops and interests you, as a simple example supposing someone used to sit and drink and play computer games at home, instead they might like to do something different and more productive like using the Internet for genealogy to research their family tree. Or perhaps take up a musical instrument, or take up a craft or develop the garden etc etc. it can easily be something you do from home. These are just examples - none may appeal to you, but hopefully you get the general idea.