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    #1

    time to quit

    hi everyone. I am a long time lurker. Today i took the plunge and joined after my millionth day yesterday of waking up saying today is the day i will quit drinking, only to end the evening with a litre of wine. :upset:

    I drink daily, at least a litre sometimes more, and worse I hide it.

    My husband is a very light social drinker. Maybe 6 drinks a year other than on our yearly all inclusive vacation where he drinks daily. We had problems over my drinking a few years ago and it nearly ruined a great marriage. He made me choose the wine or him. Obviously I chose him. At least for a while. then it started creeping back in, started with a glass of wine at a work function, and quickly snowballed. I have NO idea how he doesnt know i am drinking but he seems oblivious. I think he was used to the smell of a dark red wine,, and now i seem to be drinking white only and it doesnt have the strong smell.

    I even have the gall to drink right in front of him some nights with my wine in a coffee mug. I feel like such a failure and a liar.

    so I am coming here for help as it is so obvious to me that i cannot do this alone.

    Day ONE. hopefully I can resist the urge to go buys some wine..it is already calling me and it is only noon.
    Tags: None
    #2
    time to quit

    Hi Lexi and Welcome!

    I'm glad you've gone from lurking status to posting! Your story sounds so familiar. I don't have a spouse, but I tried to hide my drinking from my daughter (14). I'd pour my beer into a glass and act like it was apple juice...um hello, she's not stupid! She knew what I was doing, then I just felt even worse for lying about it. I'm pretty sure your husband "suspects" you may be drinking, even if he doesn't say anything.

    You are not alone here, we have all been there and done that, no matter what it is you're going through. For tonight, I would suggest you keep yourself very busy. The first few days will be the hardest. Do you have anything that can occupy you? Maybe go to a movie, the library, take a long walk, go shopping? Please let us know how you are...and remember you are NOT alone!!!

    K9
    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

    Comment

      #3
      time to quit

      Welcome Lexi, you are very smart and brave to admit to yourself that you have a problem with alcohol. It's the first and most important step in beating the beast. Visit the Newbies Nest and the tool box (others will post a link momentarily). There are so many people including me in your exact situation. It may take a few tries but eventually if you keep trying to quit, you will be successful. Join us as we are all in this together. Day 7 for me.
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        time to quit

        thank you both for the welcome. This is going to be hard so i am just going to take it one day at a time for now..no long term goals. At least maybe I can finally lose the 30 lbs i have gained over the last couple of years. I eat healthy..but drinking 1000 plus calories a night sure packs on the pounds!

        Comment

          #5
          time to quit

          Hi Lexi and welcome, welcome :welcome:

          You're story absolutly DOES sound so familiar. In fact last week another member was talking about how her husband had no idea she was drinking and struggling and I thought, " Holy cow! You Too!!?'

          I don't know why they don't know...or maybe they do and don't say. I have learned ( and please forgive me mthe great guys listening in out there ) that men just compartmentalize stuff and do not share as we do...

          My drinking and yes, right in front of him was what I called -F-You- drinking... :upset:

          we do not have a big warm fuzzy relationship. But believe me, if he knew I was drinking...there would be hell to pay !!
          He thought I had pretty much stopped over a year and a half ago but all I did was switch drinks form wine to rum and tonics....at first I just drank before he got home and after he went to bed. Then hid the drinks in the cupboard or the bedroom. Then as it became obvious he was clueless, I just started leaving them on the counter, bedside table...the big nothing...
          Perhaps because there has been no fights or ugly scenes or crazy crap in almost 2 years, he's good to go with that...It's unclear.

          Wow, didn't mean to carry on but your post touched that nerve.
          Anyway, my battery is about to die on the IPad so , I am so glad you are here and now that I got that all off my chest I might just go ask him how he could not know as we had the talk a couple of days ago...another long story

          hugs
          :l
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

          Comment

            #6
            time to quit

            wow kradle, i thought i was the only one who hid the bottles ect. right now i bet there are at least five or six empties under the guest bed. I am going to get rid of them today and I am wondering if i need to tell my husband. It will hurt him, and royally piss him off that i have been lying. Or do I just get rid of the bottles and put all my effort into stopping this behavior?

            Comment

              #7
              time to quit

              Hi lexilou,

              Welcome to MWO!
              This is a good place with lots of support available. Have you read the MWO book yet? Download it from the Health store here on the site - it's a good place to start!

              Hoping for luck & success won't work but making a good plan for yourself will help. Use the ideas in the
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html
              A good plan & a solid commitment will help you meet your goals

              Visit the Newbies Nest thread for ongoing support.
              Wishing you the best on your journey!

              Lav
              AF since 03/26/09
              NF since 05/19/09
              Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

              Comment

                #8
                time to quit

                Hi Lexilou! I just got rid of all of my "empties" last week! I went to all of my hiding places and wrapped them in newspaper and took them to the dump...ugh! As pathetic as it sounds did I stop drinking.....hell no! I seem to get on a roll with AF days and then cave. I am totally disgusted with myself but I just have to brush myself off and get back in the wagon....again.
                AB Club Member
                AB Start Date - 7/25/12

                10 Months AF - 5/24/13 :yay:


                :heart:I would rather be addicted to my horses than alcohol:heart:

                Comment

                  #9
                  time to quit

                  Hey Lexi
                  I'm so sorry I didn't see that you had replied on the 26 and here we r on the 30th!

                  Anyway, oddly enough I reallyu didn't hide bottles, I hid drinks...he has a bottle of whiskey which he has a drink out of like once every 3 months and I just kept a bottle of rum by that...see? Clueless .
                  Not that I didn't on occasion put one in the closet because everyone was in the kitchen standing next to the whiskey bottle. :H


                  Hey Destiny , Darling'!
                  Is is hot still there? I am glad your're back and my unlearned observation is that even though you are having these slips off the saddle so to speak, you are the kind of gal who is going to get right back up again and again until you get where you're going...

                  Just my opinion of course

                  Oh, and I want the pictures please :h

                  Parade day today- rainy and cold . Kids are excited though. Off for coffee,

                  Hugs,
                  :l
                  On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                  *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                  Comment

                    #10
                    time to quit

                    Hi Lexilou! From my perspective, I would not discuss this with your husband at this time anyway. Why dig stuff up now when you are shaky? Wait until things are easier for you, especially as you will have ups and downs (not that I'm anticipating failure for you - but from my own history it's possible you may not have 100% AF days)

                    So do your best to have as many AF days as you can, and keep calm. As someone else said men seem to be unconscious most of the time about what's going on around them - with their wives anyway - and if they do notice they just want it to all stay under the rug. My DH would rather stick pins in his eyes than have a confrontation about anything!!!!! I've not said one thing about my trying to stay AF and if he has noticed he's staying MUM about it. But I don't care - it's easier for me at this point as this is only day two!!!

                    Good luck with your weekend and take care of yourself - eat well and drink lots of good tasty things and nap if you have to go pass the time.
                    Ask yourselves, would you rather be a non drinker with an occasional desire to drink or a drinker with a constant desire to stop doing it?
                    (quote from Bean )

                    Goal: Survival

                    Comment

                      #11
                      time to quit

                      Hello lexilou and welcome!!!

                      I live with an alcoholic so when i drunk i don' t care.. if i hide my wine i'm afraid that he' ll drink (normally he drinks beer but when is finished - what ever!!!)

                      But when i lived with "normal man" and my drinking problem was less noticable i tried very hard to hide drinks, brush teeths, put parfume etc.
                      Especially i hided my drinks from my darling daughter.. the same as K9Lover says about her daughter..when my problem really started 4 - 5 years ago (and progressed very fast:upset she was about 14..
                      My suggestion (but not advice!!!!!) is not to talk to your husband about your problem in the beginning..he' s having no idea about addiction (because he' s "normal", i'm using especially this word in parantesis, no definition of NORMAL in this world..)..
                      Get sober, stay with mwo community - you' ll get a lot of support, if you can - order mwo book and cd' s from store and folow all instructions from our "Nest principal" Lavande!!!
                      I'm on Day 11.

                      Audrey
                      The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something.
                      /Antoine de Saint-Exupery/

                      Comment

                        #12
                        time to quit

                        Hey everyone!!!!! Happy AF Sunday!

                        Kradle...it is sooo hot here.......it is not a normal temp for this time of year. I haven't been able to ride due to the heat. My poor horses are big sweat bags just grazing in the field. I have fans in the barn but it's not helping..just blowing hot air around! Ugh! Send some of that rainy, cold weather my way!! Ha!
                        AB Club Member
                        AB Start Date - 7/25/12

                        10 Months AF - 5/24/13 :yay:


                        :heart:I would rather be addicted to my horses than alcohol:heart:

                        Comment

                          #13
                          time to quit

                          hi everyone u guys just took it out of my mouth. The worse part of me is i'm a teacher and everybody always complain about my drinking in the morning and carrying the odour sometimes. Now i think like it's time to quit cuz it only makes me weak all day long especially in summers. My boss is so disappointed in me for warning me abt it and i feel like i'm a loser/ I get the complain from workmates to students and the more i think about it at home the more i wanna drink. Can u guys give me tips pl
                          Fisher

                          Comment

                            #14
                            time to quit

                            Good Morning Fisher,

                            I see you only have one post so Welcome welcome :welcome: this is an awesome place to start. pop on over to The Newbie nest and the Tool Box Threads.
                            I'm sorry I still don't know how to post those links

                            What do you teach? I was a little surprised that your boss knows and you still are able to teach. The mornings must be tough. maybe you can start there.

                            Stay close :h

                            Hugs,
                            :l
                            On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                            *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                            https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                            Comment

                              #15
                              time to quit

                              A great thread. Lots brought up for me. I never hid my drinking from my hubby. I prefer lite beer and it needs to take up space in the frig. But, when someone is coming to visit.....I buy Mike's Hard Lemonade.....and go upstairs for sips.

                              I am pretty open with friends that I have a problem. At work no way! I even blamed one of my drinking binges on Klonopin....they gave me time to detox from the Klonopin.....I drank the whole 4 days! And was so thankful...that I could still drink. Duh...what a gift.

                              I am really coming to grips with the cunning and baffling part of this. Honestly....if I ate chinese food and got sick....was down the whole next day....I doubt I would crave chinese food at all!

                              I am understanding what addiction is. And it ain't no joke! But my disease will minimize the crap out out of it.

                              Comment

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