Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

[Audrey14]

Hello to all new and "old" starting out and coming back!!!

I'm not very "old" but i suppose not new too
I'm on Day 7 and it' s the first time since i arrived in Australia last september!!!

What helped me this time??? I have to clarify that my ex-fiance, now husband (yes i'm freshly married) is alcoholic too and he drinks every evening despite my requests to support me and actually to improve his health too...

1) My day 1 this time was very terrible+ after 6 months i quit Zoloft - slowly and with scheme but anyway i had some withdrawal..i read some info and discussions in depression forum about poor americans who' s doctors prescribed them "horse doses" of this drug!!! I was lucky i had "baby dose" and i took it only 6 months not for years..those guys really suffered from a huge side effects for weeks..
So, i'm afraid to say - never ever, but i really don' t want to be addicted to any chemical which changes your brain chemistry. There are herbs, meditations, yoga etc.

2) I have very big determination to see my daughter on her highschool graduation on July11. I have ticket but i'm in a process of getting "normal" Australian visas..It' s abnourmous work with papers, documentations..piles of papers...i postponed guess why??? drinking!!! not clear mind, no control etc. and this is really serious!!! I applied for permanent visa, but now i have to get visa for travel otherwise i' ll be able to leave AUS but not to come back:H Quite strong "wake up" !!!!

3) This time i really religiously listen to MWO cd' s. i bought a new mp3 player and coppied them. Day 1 i was such wrek that i only was reading MWO all day, iwas not able to write.. My muscles were so tense, hands shaking..didn' t sleep in the night.
Day 2 in the morning i felt better but still my spine was blocked, anxiety..I put Hypnotic NR1..Probably i was counscous till the middle than i collapsed in a sleep..i woke up when voice told me to wake up..it was miracle!!!! My muscles were almost loose, less anxiety..i started slowly normal life again.

I have some meditation and hypnosis expierience which of course helps me.
My favorite are Clearing cd' s..i think i (and EVERYBODY OF US HERE IN MWO) have a lots of pain, losts, guilt, regrets etc. which have to be healed..after Clearing sessions i really feel more light, bright, even transparent and MOST IMPORTANT - more in PEACE with myself..which i never had..

Wishing everybody sunny day (here in AUS is winter but from my northern herritage perspective - is early autumn or spring)!!!

[Guitarista]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Great to see you Audrey.

Congratulations on day 7, and congratulations on getting married! Safe travels to your daughter. I'm pretty sure our friend Lavande highly recommends the MWO cd's, and meditation generally. Being at peace with myself is something i always strive for, and i find meditation and mindfulness practice really helps me be quiet, and at peace. As does running and exercise.

Take care of yourself and keep it going. Best wishes to you friend.

G.

[Audrey14]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Good morning/evening/night!

Thanks Guitarista!! I hope you' re doing well too. Want to say that you always seemed me Wise man
But even wise people sometimes struggle with difficulties of self-acceptance..
I was never satisfied with myself, even 10-15 years ago when i had very good career, studies for second higher education, small child and family, model' s body (women always told me - why aren' t you eating, are you sick???) etc. It was all in the same time and I tried to do everything on my best...The result was that my marriage collapsed and i started to cure my pain and chronical tiredness with wine..
Now i know reasons why...

But back to present
My day 7 was successful and i'm proud
In the evening i went to art exibition' s opening and!!!!! there were plenty of free wine But i had only glas of lemon squash
I analized why: because before i went to gallery i had very clear agreement with myself- JUST ART NOT WINE!! Usually i play games with myself - we' ll see, maybe yes maybe not, just 1-2 glasses etc. Now i know myself that in such "game with wolf" wolf always win...

Every evening i have skype conversation withe my daughter (even on skype she knows when i'm drunk when not:H) and she have been reported about every successful day. That' s another reason which gives me strength.
I like to hear see her face and listen to her voice which tells me that i look good and she' s proud of her mum.
Now back to Day 8. i have to rush to immi department for visa and get my medical card.
So happy to be with clear mind, fresh face and more self-confidence.
Blessings for this day to everybody!!!

[MWOLady]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Hi Audrey! You are such a breath of fresh air! So happy to meet you, and so glad to see day 8 for you. I love your "game with Wolf" Yes, Wolf does always win! I think once we start to argue with ourselves about drinking the Wolf wins. Just the decision NO, I'm NOT drinking tonight - with no argument is more successful, no?

I'm far away from my daughter too so I know how much you are looking forward to seeing yours. I hope it all works out fine. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.

[Audrey14]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Hi MWOLady!!

Glad to meet you!!! Thanks for nice words about fresh air!!!
I think was a movie "Dancing with wolfs" or something like that..so, it accidentaly came in my mind.

How old is your daughter? Where does she lives? I see that you' re from Canada.
I didn' t see my daughter for 6 months and thanks God we have skype..but our relationship with my daughter is very "touchy" - kisses, hugs etc. Even she' s 19 years old she sometimes like to sit on my lap LOL:H I'm 170 cm tall, she' s 176:H I'm not very familiar with inches and pounds...

She lives in my homeland Latvia, 14 500 km apart..she' s laughs that i choose a place where to live as far as possible..on no - Antarctica:H

I'm going to Latvia on July 6 - 2 days of long flights and long waiting hours (aprox 8 h in each transfer place) and i know - triggers to drink. Aiports are places NR1 for me to drink i know...

Some picks of Audrey' s fresh breakfast when she' s a "good girl" (not drinking wine for breakfast):
espresso with milk and a dash of cinnamon, glass of pomegranate juice, 100ml of australian natural organic yogurt, toast with australian brie and little top of french fig confiture.

[mama bear]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Welcome back Audrey and congrats on Day 8!!

[daisy45]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Audrey, welcome back; already your posts have made me smile - I have 3 girls, 16, 17, 19 and a 20 yr old son. He has lived 80 mile away with his dad this past 3 yrs. He was home for a day last week and my house was empty apart from him.
He is 6 foot, 5 inches(just to put you in the picture). Lying on the sofa watching telly and next thing I get the big lump lying almost on top of me; He put his head in my lap and I just petted him and stroked his hair; he is such a hard man to the outside world but I could tell, that day, he needed his mammy. I was so happy.
They are always your babies, aren't they.......
Back to the real issue; you'll get there. Stay close and read and post often......

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Welcome back Audrey & congrats on your recent marriage.

[Audrey14]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

Evening/morning/night (for me) all dear friends!!!

Mama bear - thanks!!! For now already 9 days!!! I read in some post that youre trying, falling and trying again with more succsess..sometimes i feel very desparate with inner question - BUT REALLY..WILL I BE ABLE TO BECOME TRULY SOBER AND HAPPY PERSON?? or i' ll struggle till the end of my life??? i know only one thing that i have to try, to faith, to achieve despite of all..
My HB drunk tonight again, he is having his 7 years old son here and it is always huge stress for me because children education here in AUS (average) is very far from what i got from my mum (i' m very thankful and grateful to her about everything what she gave to me and also my daughter..i'm probably in some way very old fashioned but that' s the way i was brought up, but in the same time- very much emotional insite too) and how i brought up my daughter, so i better not watch..i tried to teach boy how to eat at the table, how to use fork and knife, not to run in the house like crazy but when my dear HB is drunk he alows him everything..
And honestly - i'm happy to be sober and observ and be more controled. When i drink i just explode..so ok i give up with it..i can TRY to control my drinking and stay sober but i can' t (especially now that i'm still very weak) to change other' s person' s mind..
the scary part for me is that in our conversation he told me that he' s not very convinced to quit absolutely so he' d like to moderate..when we met he was convinced for abstinence..i'm just scared..problem is - when he drinks we have nothing to talk about so i feel quite lonely..but i like "sober lonliness better than drunk frienship"..
Cherry on the cake is that he got as present from co-workers beer brevery mashine with all instructions, plastic bottles..nightmare!!! i have brevery at home:H
House is cold no heating systems in AUS (average) so one electric heater is in bedroom..2 nights before we had a big fight because he took 2 boxes of beer bottles in BEDROOM for correct t' for breeving process..i took them out in spite of his sreeming..he was quite aggressive (he always is when he' s drunk) verbaly i got mad and hit him in the nose needless to say that i have very small hands and thin wristles and in my past i really didn' t beat my man:H I' m very sorry about it but i had this feeling that Evil is following me and testing:upset:

Daisy - you' re rich!!! 4 kids!! I have only daughter and that' s it, so all love for her!!!
I think this longing to see her gives me most of the strenght to stay sober..one night i called her on skype and i was quite drunk..she knew it..she was angry but she told me "Mum, i love you anyway but you have to stop!! Do something with your life!!" That hit me..sometimes she' s more wise in her 19s than me..

KTAB - rememeber you when i first wrote in MWO...2 years ago..somehow i feel better now than 2 years ago..and MWO saved me from falling from a high cliff..yes, i'm going up and down, climbing, going straight like soldier, dancing and falling but i'm still here..that' s a bit reassuring..

Bought today new PJ in lavender and cream..very lovely..and rose body oil.. Such small things can be very comforting too.

After midnight!!! Will listen to clearing cd and try not to fall asleep:H but probably it is what we all need - more sleep and more fresh mornings!!!

[Audrey14]

Freshly married Audrey back to LIFE...

My Day 10 yestarday was quite calm and no really cravings.
Did my yoga session, start feeling more flexible and able to control my mind again.
Was cold here and windy but had inspiration to go for a walk on the beach. Here is nice beachside suburb called Glenelg where tram stops in the front of beach and jetty.
Expensive and very well kept place. My walk was very short despite wearing beret and scarf. Had chai latte in Italian cafe, bought chocolat and jasmine/amber candle in a glass jar.
Waited for a tram for half and hour and become frozen which could be a reason to get some congnac or whisky for warming up Normally i don' t drink spirits..
But i made a choise for another alternative - hot jacuzzi bath with rose bath salt and hot mint and lemongrass tea (fresh from backyard). and rose body oil. Such indulgence instead of poisoning myself with whisky

Australian movie "Beautiful Kate". Good movie. Not Hollywood glamour or predictable scenario. Harsh but genuine.

My darling HB (drunken) went to sleep before 9 p.m. with his son in guestroom with heater so the second night i hade lonely "movie night" and went to sleep before midnight with second attempt to listen to Clearing cd1..Fall asleep again:H

My morning of Day 11. My HB asked me: tell me, how it is to wake up without hungover??? Me: great, Darling, great. Very nice feeling..Like you did some very good job the day before...