Hi all,
A big heartfelt THANK YOU to all those who have reminded me exactly how to let go of what others think.
I was in a management position, I've now stepped down... because I know that the pressures of the job were becoming an excuse not to look at the problems in my life. I never thought it would happen to me, but I became a workaholic - and worse, felt like that was a normal way to be.
I felt like I could only be successful by moving up and on within this large company. I'm only 28 (well, 29 in two days!) and I thought it was such a great thing to be a manager at this age. I thought it would negate all of my father's opinions about me. And for a little while, it did.
But then I realised that I was suffocating my real feelings about life through work. In fact, I was giving myself an excuse to drink because of "such a high pressure job."
No, it wasn't. If I felt good about myself, I wouldn't worry about the approval. It was just like drink - another excuse to ignore the real cause of my sorrow; a lack of belief in myself. Working hard was an excuse, a focus rather than me. Because I didn't want to look at me. I was afraid at what I would see.
My new boss will be my ex-colleague. I was worried about that; worried that she would think I would try to undermine her; worried that she would feel uncomfortable about working with me. And you know what? I heard that when she heard I was joining her team, she clapped her hands. She was glad to know that someone who knows her stuff is going to be there helping her.
Sorry. I know this is self-indulgent. I am just so glad that I made this step. And it's all about you lot, and helping me realise at the end of the day...
Who gives a stuff what they think????
I'd rather be me, with all my overanalysis, then a someone who functions unconsciously. Don't get me wrong - I think everyone else is just as valuable - but I'd rather be awake than not.
Thank you all!
Gem x
A big heartfelt THANK YOU to all those who have reminded me exactly how to let go of what others think.
I was in a management position, I've now stepped down... because I know that the pressures of the job were becoming an excuse not to look at the problems in my life. I never thought it would happen to me, but I became a workaholic - and worse, felt like that was a normal way to be.
I felt like I could only be successful by moving up and on within this large company. I'm only 28 (well, 29 in two days!) and I thought it was such a great thing to be a manager at this age. I thought it would negate all of my father's opinions about me. And for a little while, it did.
But then I realised that I was suffocating my real feelings about life through work. In fact, I was giving myself an excuse to drink because of "such a high pressure job."
No, it wasn't. If I felt good about myself, I wouldn't worry about the approval. It was just like drink - another excuse to ignore the real cause of my sorrow; a lack of belief in myself. Working hard was an excuse, a focus rather than me. Because I didn't want to look at me. I was afraid at what I would see.
My new boss will be my ex-colleague. I was worried about that; worried that she would think I would try to undermine her; worried that she would feel uncomfortable about working with me. And you know what? I heard that when she heard I was joining her team, she clapped her hands. She was glad to know that someone who knows her stuff is going to be there helping her.
Sorry. I know this is self-indulgent. I am just so glad that I made this step. And it's all about you lot, and helping me realise at the end of the day...
Who gives a stuff what they think????
I'd rather be me, with all my overanalysis, then a someone who functions unconsciously. Don't get me wrong - I think everyone else is just as valuable - but I'd rather be awake than not.
Thank you all!
Gem x
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