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    #1

    In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

    Hey everybody,

    After a few years on and off in MWO, an incident last year landed me in outpatient detox and AA. I quit AA and picked up a drink 2 months later. Fast forward 1 year... I have just re-joined AA and have 3 days sober after a big scare. A bad night drinking with a friend and the guilt I felt, not to mention the biggest exam of my life coming up, I went on a 3 day bender. Those three days are just a haze.. and on the 4th day, I woke up and realized I had not eaten, had not studied, had lashed out at my BF and others...there were beer and wine bottles everywhere and my house was just a mess.. food going to waste in the fridge.. I was feeling desperately sick, alone, and terrified.and fighting the overwhelming urge to go back to the liquor store. I realized I had been consuming over 10 drinks a day..and I needed HELP, badly..

    I called a contact from AA, and now I have 3 days sober. Eating is still a problem I am struggling with.

    Anyways, I am ready to take whatever steps necessary to recover from this horrible problem (disease..whatever). I will be joining the monthly abstinence and AA threads. I never want to pick up a drink again. I hate/love it.. and it is just far to risky. I feel like this is the fight of my life.. even more difficult than the advanced degree I am working on. I am still afraid of failure, afraid of what AL does to me, afraid of life without my constant companion and BFF--alcohol. I love this site and support is especially welcome in the infancy of my recovery.

    Thanks!
    Liath
    Tags: None
    #2
    In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

    Liath, welcome back. Why don't you head on over to the Newbie's Nest. We've got folks there that are in the first 3 days, too. Mick just came over today, you and he can be nest mates!! I totally understand where you are in your head...I could have written that note myself...only fast forward about 20 years....
    You are doing great with 3 big days under your belt!!! Those are the worst, so now you just need some coping skills to make it on thru. Check us out over there, we have lots of success! Byrdie
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
    Tool Box
    Newbie's Nest

    Comment

      #3
      In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

      Thanks a lot. I am 3 days sober and definitely grateful!
      Liath

      Comment

        #4
        In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

        Liath;1346940 wrote: Thanks a lot. I am 3 days sober and definitely grateful!
        :welcome: Liath. May I second Byrdie in inviting you over to the Nest. My heart went out to you reading you post. I recently had my own dark night of the soul - though I'm sure there could be more and even worse to come were I to continue drinking - and it is a horrible, lonely and scary place to be.. But the good news... If it brought you to that place of acceptance and determination there is hope - lots of it!

        We can all help each other fight our way toward a new and better life. I'm glad you're here.

        Lilly

        Comment

          #5
          In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

          Also, you may well be familiar with Spiritual River but I was just reading this last night and it may speak to you too right now:

          http://www.spiritualriver.com/altern...nge-your-life/

          Comment

            #6
            In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

            [QUOTE: By Liath]

            Hey everybody,

            After a few years on and off in MWO, an incident last year landed me in outpatient detox and AA. I quit AA and picked up a drink 2 months later. Fast forward 1 year... I have just re-joined AA and have 3 days sober after a big scare. A bad night drinking with a friend and the guilt I felt, not to mention the biggest exam of my life coming up, I went on a 3 day bender. Those three days are just a haze.. and on the 4th day, I woke up and realized I had not eaten, had not studied, had lashed out at my BF and others...there were beer and wine bottles everywhere and my house was just a mess.. food going to waste in the fridge.. I was feeling desperately sick, alone, and terrified.and fighting the overwhelming urge to go back to the liquor store. I realized I had been consuming over 10 drinks a day..and I needed HELP, badly..

            I called a contact from AA, and now I have 3 days sober. Eating is still a problem I am struggling with.

            Anyways, I am ready to take whatever steps necessary to recover from this horrible problem (disease..whatever). I will be joining the monthly abstinence and AA threads. I never want to pick up a drink again. I hate/love it.. and it is just far to risky. I feel like this is the fight of my life.. even more difficult than the advanced degree I am working on. I am still afraid of failure, afraid of what AL does to me, afraid of life without my constant companion and BFF--alcohol. I love this site and support is especially welcome in the infancy of my recovery.

            Thanks!
            :welcome:Liath,

            I completely 100% relate to the gift of desperation!.... Stay close to AA & the Newbies Nest. You will find strength, support, laughter, hope & coping skills in both.!....

            I still struggle with eating too, but its better than it was. It takes time, but it will get better, as long as I don't pick up that 1st drink, the one that's going to get me drunk, the one that starts the whole endless drinking cycle again. At least that's how it happens for me.


            LillyE;1346942 wrote: :welcome: Liath. May I second Byrdie in inviting you over to the Nest. My heart went out to you reading you post. I recently had my own dark night of the soul - though I'm sure there could be more and even worse to come were I to continue drinking - and it is a horrible, lonely and scary place to be.. But the good news... If it brought you to that place of acceptance and determination there is hope - lots of it!

            We can all help each other fight our way toward a new and better life. I'm glad you're here.

            Lilly

            I will third our strong, winged & giving Byrdie! Stay tucked under her wings, she is wise! There are others too! We can learn something from nearly anyone, if we are willing to listen & work for it!....

            Lilly has a great thread going on to, if you get a chance to read it! Really glad your hear Liath. There is always hope! Congratulations on 3 days!

            Be gentle & patient with yourself!.... You deserve a happy & healthy life, your worth it!.. :l

            Take Care,

            Wildflowers :h

            Done With Alcohol 5/23/12

            Comment

              #7
              In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

              Thanks LillyE, Wildflowers. Desperation and acceptance, that does about sum it up. I have enough of both right now to get started. I finally have a sense that I CAN beat this thing. One thing I noticed is that it gets harder to stop every time when I go off the deep end for some reason. And the reasons were probably a lot of excuses. The fourth of July, for instance, is a major drinking holiday. It was my first day sober and I really want to keep it as my sobriety day forever! It is scary to me right now that the meetings are the only thing keeping me sober. If it works though, I am not going to question it.

              :thanks:
              Liath

              Comment

                #8
                In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

                Hey Liath:

                I am 20 days AF. I'll fly with you in the Nest.
                Another member here said that maybe it wasn't failure we were really afraid of but our own success. An advanced degree is a big challenge. I have an MA where I became quite the coinissuer of extremely cheap wine...

                Stay close,

                Hugs and sleep well

                :l
                On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

                Comment

                  #9
                  In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

                  liath..i am glad you woke up and have the chance to get sober. i know it is hard but life is so much better without drinking. sounds like you have a lot to keep you busy with school so let that be your focus. get sometime under your belt and you will start to see the world in a different light. good luck and stay close to these boards. these folks are the best!
                  I must suppress the beast within so I can find my way out of the darkness.
                  sober since 2/4/12

                  Comment

                    #10
                    In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

                    Hi Liath
                    I was exactly where you are 5 days ago. Eating was out of the question. With everyones help made it to day 5 and for me everything changed. I actually woke up wanting to eat something. At least that stage is over.
                    I also returned to AA and am now conquering the quilt feelings. Day 9 AF and feeling much better mentally & physically. Hang in there and congrats on 3 days AF.:welcome:

                    Comment

                      #11
                      In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

                      I am hoping today is the day that my appetite returns. Day 4! And I am starting it off with a meeting. I am continually struggling not to cry at these things. :-(
                      Liath

                      Comment

                        #12
                        In the infancy of recovery..whatever it takes!

                        Hi Liath ..how are you doing? have you jumped into the nest yet? haven't seen you. Go on jump in there's plenty of support We should now be on af 6 and that includes a weekend.. YES!!!!
                        :thanks: to everyone for their help and support
                        af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

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