Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

[Liath]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I think we have all fallen prey to the cycle of addiction. In "Drinking, a love story", the author talks about how drinking wreaks havoc on our pleasure sensors.. we come to associate a drink with reward/pleasure. Even though we wake up feeling horrible after a bad night, and logically we know the thing to do is NOT drink anymore, a more convincing part of our brain tells us, "Only one thing will make you feel better, there is only one thing you need-- a DRINK a.s.a.p.."

That little voice has had me heading to the liquor store at 11 am, even though I was puking moments before, because I stopped listening to reason. I just knew I needed that bottle of wine to feel better. I knew what I was doing was irrational, disturbed even, but I did it anyways. I wanted the wine to drown everything out-- including the nagging voice telling me it was getting bad again.

Funny how we use AL to forget we have a problem with AL (or anything else for that matter)!

[BelleGirl]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

This is such a great thread for me, personally. This Friday, I will have 6 months AF. At times the little voice starts telling me that maybe I really didn't have a problem after all. Then I read this thread and am reminded of all the ways I snuck around and hid my drinking.

I was a hider, sneaker, etc. I thought I invented the concept of rotating liquor stores, but now I see others have "invented" it also. Still, when I pass one of my "out of the way" liquor stores, the thought passes through my head that "while I'm out here, I could stop"...but never do. I don't have cravings or a desire to drink and feel SO DAMN GOOD to be AF. But I do need to be reminded that I indeed had a problem, and as Byrdie says, the problem is AL.

I did my stealth drinking in the laundry room. I guess the smell of detergent and bounce helped keep the AL smell down...or maybe not. Who was I fooling but myself? I was always topping off the bottles of gin and vodka with water, then worrying that my husband would decide to have his once or twice monthly drink and find out that all the "punch" was gone from the booze. So off I would go to the liquor store to replenish, but end up drinking the replenished booze also.

The worst part of this is that it turned into a normalcy. I did not see (well maybe deep down I did) that what I was doing was totally insane. I can't believe I could live that way. Well, now I know I wasn't really living, just trying to get thru day to day, and not doing a very good job of that.

Towards the end of my drinking "career" I did take a few nips some mornings to cure the hangovers. You would think that would have been the wake up call.

I guess it took feeling like crap for long enough to look up "how to stop drinking" and landing here at MWO. I cannot imagine being where I am today if not for MWO. I would have never considered going AF for 30 days on my own, which opened my eyes to the possibilities, even though it did not click the first time I did 30 days.

Thanks Liath for starting this thread and to everyone that has contributed.

[Mootsbill]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Hi Guys

I am on day 1 (again) i have managed varying lengths of time over the years from months to days ;0( but always end up back to square. I am a terrible self medicator for my general anxiety and depression disorder. Even though i know taking my meds, eating well, not drinking and exercising (i am a fitness intructor!! the irony) is the right thing to do sometimes the pain of it all is too much.
anyway on the subject of hiding drink i have done some toe curling things, filled my childrens beakers with drink, had wine, vodka you name it bottles in my handbag, empties under my bed in my drawers in the boot of the car, spent all day drinking and then stupidly think hubby wouldnt notice ;0( Once my husband shouted at me for drinking and said he would look in my bag, i didnt want him to see the vodka so hid it behind the curtain at his grandmas house, i then pacnicked for weeks till we could get back to move it IDIOT! all these things seem rational after a drink but in the harsh light of day it is terrible.
hope all have strong alcohol free days :thanks:

[gettingthere]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

How ironic that I came upon this thread. I literally JUST sat down at the computer after going through the house and garage getting rid of the empties! The hubby is at work and my daughter is still sleeping. Its the perfect opportunity!

I had some airplane bottles in the bottom of my purse. I conveniently 'ripped' a hole in the lining of my purse pocket to stash the little bottles in. Ok, sometimes it was hard to get them out but where there's a will, there's a way! I had an empty wine bottle, the large size, in a moving box. Damn moving boxes...its way too easy to hid stuff in them! (We are living in a rental until our house is done). And of course the empty vodka bottle in the underwear drawer. Ugh.

Byrdlady...your hiding stories are so similar to mine! I threw away reciepts promptly too....in case the hubby would want to look at it. OMG! And one of my personal hiding favorites....to empty out a vinegar bottle and fill it with vodka. No one in my family would have reason to touch the vinegar! Hiding in plain sight, sick sick sick.

[drinkingal]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

interesting topic which really got me thinking. You know I think my first signs of problem drinking for me was secretly drinking whenever I had to be around my father. Growing up he was verbally and physically abusive and even after leaving home I found it hard to be around him, I was always tense with my guard up with him, so the only way I could be around him and relax was to be buzzed so I carried vodka and soda with me on those occasions. The funny thing is, that at other times I never even drank and he was the only person that made me feel or act this way.

I remember one time I was at his house and I had a can of soda and he asked for a drink (this was the first time ever he did this so I suspected he was testing me) I said fine and he took a drink of my soda and it was probably the only time it was just real soda I've never hid my drinking from my dh or anyone else but my father was such a critical hard @ss that for me it was just a necessity. The funny thing is he was the person who made me want to drink (like putting myself in a protective bubble), but I knew if he found out he would just use it as another excuse to berate me.

[satz123]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

drinkingal;1348338 wrote: interesting topic which really got me thinking. You know I think my first signs of problem drinking for me was secretly drinking whenever I had to be around my father. Growing up he was verbally and physically abusive and even after leaving home I found it hard to be around him, I was always tense with my guard up with him, so the only way I could be around him and relax was to be buzzed so I carried vodka and soda with me on those occasions. The funny thing is, that at other times I never even drank and he was the only person that made me feel or act this way.

I remember one time I was at his house and I had a can of soda and he asked for a drink (this was the first time ever he did this so I suspected he was testing me) I said fine and he took a drink of my soda and it was probably the only time it was just real soda I've never hid my drinking from my dh or anyone else but my father was such a critical hard @ss that for me it was just a necessity. The funny thing is he was the person who made me want to drink (like putting myself in a protective bubble), but I knew if he found out he would just use it as another excuse to berate me.

Oh DG :l I feel so sorry when I read this - for you & the little girl you were growing up being abused by your father ! He was a lucky man that you stuck with it and still were (kinda ) able to be around him - why did you even bother with him at that stage after you had left home ?

[BelleGirl]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Oh yeah...always tossed the liquor receipt in the trash cans right outside the store. And, always paid cash. Never wanted that to show up on the credit card bill.

Gettingthere: ripping a hole in the purse lining is so resourceful! I'm sorry I never thought of that one.mg

[Byrdlady]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Belle, you are such an ameteur (ehehe)....everybody knows about that one! I was impressed with the vinegar bottle!! XO, B

[JackieClaire]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Ermmmmmmmm here we go.

Buying non-alcoholic wine pouring it down the sink and refilling with the real stuff. No wonder we're nearly bankrupt.

Miniature bottles of vodka hidden from here to Eternity. I still find one or two.

Buying 3 bottles of wine because 'the girls' were coming round for lunch. Our corner shop must have thought I had so many girlfriends as it happened at least twice a week. In reality it was just me and repeats of Desperate Housewives.

Buying large bottles of vodka and trying to refill all the empty miniatures to carry round in my bag. Now there's a task.

The never ending running backwards and forwards to the bottle bank. It could be an Olympic sport and at one time I could have won the gold medal by a length.

Oh dear and the worst one was chewing garlic in the morning so I reeked of that instead of last nights booze. Yes indeedy vodka does smell.

And I hate to say this but there's more.

[ladybug75]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Wow. I'm new to this place and am in awe of how I can relate to all of these stories- hiding alcohol, rotating liquor stores, sneaking, etc. Going through all of these I just found myself crying...how the hell did I turn into this!? What in the world is going on in my head?? I want to stop drinking every day, but just find myself crackin' my next 'hidden' beer!!:new:

[kdog]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Hi ladybug, welcome aboard! I can certainly relate to everyone here also, I've never done the mini bottles, but have done things just about as bad. Found a hidden beer in my desk drawer once, unfortunaltely my husband was with me at the time I found it. I have gotten pretty good at hiding though, and not sure why he has never noticed how drunk I actually am! SAD SAD SAD! Well lets just hope we can all beat the beast! I too rotated the stores, or better yet sometimes I bought some at one and then the other so they wouldn't know how much I was buying, also I would drink hubbys beer and then have to go replace it, UGH
Kdog

[cpn1004]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I tried to hide my drinking. Never too successful. I think we all do it at some time.

[drinkingal]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

satz123;1348358 wrote: Oh DG :l I feel so sorry when I read this - for you & the little girl you were growing up being abused by your father ! He was a lucky man that you stuck with it and still were (kinda ) able to be around him - why did you even bother with him at that stage after you had left home ?

thanks satz You would think it would be easy to just walk away but I mainly hung in there for my mothers sake and my relationship with her. Shortly after i left home she became ill and I couldn't walk away so I guess because of that I was tied to him. But even if that hadn't happened, I was so beaten down confidence wise that it was just something I felt I had to put up with (being around him) and I never had the courage to say feck it or speak up and say I won't do it anymore.

[RedThread12]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I didn't hide my drinking. However, my friend, whose wine cellar I drank myself a good way through, hid bottles of wine from ME! It's almost 4 years later and he's STILL finding bottles that he stashed away. :H They had to have been hidden pretty dang well, 'cause I was looking!!

But looking through these posts, one things stands out to me: we may be drunk of our a**es, but by damn, we RE-CYCLE!! I remember calling a friend after my first trip to the re-cycling center, when I quit with the wine. I said, "And today's number 1 reason not to drink: Re-cycling is SO much easier!!"

I didn't hide my drinking, but I developed some decidedly bizarre behavior patterns, both to ensure that I COULD drink, and to try keep myself FROM drinking. Exhausting! Life is certainly challenging enough, just as it is. It is far more exhausting to try to drink through it. So grateful those days are over.

[Arrii]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I do these things too unknowndoll.. I buy a normal size bottle of wine then a small one as i know the large one wont be enough i sneak the little bottle in and then sometimes i may go buy more which i try to hide from my hubby as the thought of disappointing him makes me ill. I certainly dont tell m
y friends like this. I then hide the empties at the bottom of the bucket rather than put them out to
the recycle box where everyone that comes to visit can see the evidence of the amount i drink. Todays the day i woke up and thought enoughs enough i need to stop this so not only my kids are proud of me , my hubby is and also myself as all im doing is cracking myself up with worry and guilt over the whole thing!!