Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

[Mootsbill]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Arrii, welcome, Be strong today, think how nice it will to be free of all the shame, lies and deceit xxxx

[Flossie]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I too was a secret drinker hiding bottles, rotating shops, constantly at the bottle bank, the panic I felt in the morning when I couldn`t remember where I had hid the bottle was enormous until I found it before the OH might.
It sounds funny and it probably is but more sad for hiding it but I thought where the devil won`t he find it and so the washing machine became a great place as he wouldn`t even know how to open the door let alone use it

Much luv Flossie x

[Sober Visitor]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Yep...I'm a former member of the "hider" club too, Liath!

I didn't really hide the fact that I drank per se, but I sure did try to hide how much I drank which resulted in my world getting smaller and smaller and smaller over time from all the collateral damage. In retrospect, my progression was text book classic.

Like so many of us do, I also started out as just a weekend binger but my weekends got longer and longer until I was eventually drinking every single day. Well, at least I didn't drink in the morning, I would tell myself, as if that somehow made me less of an alcoholic. The kicker is that it worked for a while until I eventually crossed that line in the sand too. I don't like to think of myself as a cheater, but the truth is, I cheated all the time with my ever-changing rules--you know the ones where you wake up in the morning telling yourself never again, only to cave by mid-afternoon, or the ones where you promise yourself you'll only have 2 and predictably drink 12 instead. Vowing to quit tomorrow was the daily bargain I'd make to my myself while walking into the liquor store, but those tomorrows never seemed to come.

Dealing with the daily empties became such a heavy load to carry in more ways than one, so I made the calculated decision to switch to box wine. Not only were the boxes easier to dispose of, the silence when I put out the trash was golden to my ears. I can remember feeling so incredibly relieved to have finally found a solution for that pesky problem and actually thought I was very unique and clever. Now I can't help but wonder if the person that invented box wine was catering to people like me and not the holiday party drinkers.

I never did drink at work, something I prided myself on, but I sure did show up for work still drunk from the night before plenty of times and many more than I care to remember. I used to think that I did a really good job of hiding my drinking from my co-workers, but I'm not so sure now that I'm sober. As a non-drinker, which I consider myself to be now, I'm very sensitive to the smell of even one drink on someone's breath. :blush: Yep, I'm certain I must have wreaked of stale booze doused in Listerine and eau du parfume of the day. How could I not? I have a neighbor that has a drinking problem, and the reason I know, is because I can smell him way before I see him. It makes me cringe for myself and for him as I'm sure he probably thinks he's doing a really good job of covering it up just like I did. Don't we all?

I also had liquor stores for each day of the week but yet I still worried that the clerks could see right through me and all the shame I carried inside. After all, I had become nothing but an paper thin shell of emptiness compared to the person I once was. It makes me really sad to reflect back on those times living on that slippery soul-sucking slope.

There are just so many things I did and lies I told to keep the extent of my problem hidden from the rest of the world. If friends started to suspect, or the shame got too great to be around them, I simply distanced myself until they were no longer in my life. I dreaded every invitation I got because that would require yet another lie and piece of my soul. It still boggles my mind how much I allowed this addiction to compromise my morals and values and beliefs.

I think one of things I love about sobriety the most is being able to live out from under the cloak of shame and look everyone in the eye again, including myself, every single day. Honestly, I could write and write and write until my fingers fell off and never be able to find words adequate enough to truly capture the shame I felt inside from my drinking or the pride and gratitude I feel today from overcoming something that once seemed so impossible to me.

I'm really glad you're back in the fight again, Liath!

Sheri

[Dr. Dirt]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

While I recently slipped there was no hiding it. But back in. The day 22 years ago, I would work on the plumbing under the house (I was getting free rent 4 repairs). That is where I hide my bottle. Since it was muddy and nasty under there she wouln't use a kiss to check my breath. Who knew I could escape affection and drink by laying it mud. Oddly enough, today it sounds crazy.

[gettingthere]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Arrii, I know what you mean about disappointing your husband. He takes it so personally when I screw up. Hang in there Hon. I am on day 4 which isn't a big deal to me. Once I get to like day 10 or 15, my mind will really start twisting my thoughts around until I justify a drink. But alas, I am on Antabuse and I will continue taking it this time until I string along 30 plus days. Hopefully then I can focus on why the hell I think alcohol enhances my life when it actually makes it a living hell. Keep us posted....and remember we are in this together!!

Sober Visitor, Well said! I too thought boxed wine was a wonderful invention. But then it bothered me that I couldn't tell how much I drank. I don't know why, but after a binge I am obsessed with how much booze I consumed. Doesn't really matter, I was drunk and I had too much, right? But your post is truly something I want to come back and read every time I feel the urge. Thank you!!!!

Dr. Dirt, OMG! I totally get the extremes we go through to hide and keep the spouse at distance enough so they can't smell us. I never had an excuse to lay in the mud when I drank, but if I could have I would have done it too!! Thanks for sharing!

[Liath]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Jackie---Wow, refilling NA wine bottles with real wine.. that is crafty... but didn't anyone ever try it and notice the kick or were you the only one drinking them?

SoberVisitor (Sheri)-- Thanks, I am absolutely back in the fight. Today is day 9 sober! Without the help of AA, I could not string together 2 sober days. It was the same as for so many others.. I was always saying I would quit tomorrow... or cut down.. and I never did. In fact, it just got worse and worse.

DAY 9 and loving life again!!!

[JackieClaire]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Liath;1349229 wrote: Wow, refilling NA wine bottles with real wine.. that is crafty... but didn't anyone ever try it and notice the kick?

The family loathed and hated the non-alcoholic wine so it was all mine. They never bothered to check.

[Arrii]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Hi thanks mootsbill and gettingthere, i do find that after a few days i try to justify a bottle of vino until i buy the bloody thing. Telling myself that will be the last or i'll only have one glass..seriously just madness isnt it? Fingers crossed we all get through this and feel a million times better soon!!

[Liath]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

I don't know about you guys, but I can definitely tell when someone is drunk.. I think that we have been able to delude ourselves into thinking that we are fooling people only because they are too polite to say anything. Most people are NOT too polite to comment to someone else about it though.... UGH.. I can't even worry about all the times I probably made an ass out of myself or made myself the subject of gossip. Today is a NEW day!!

[Arrii]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Ha ha same, one glass im slurrring and hyper, bottle later im a gibbering idiot...totally obvious as sober im very sensible and walk around with a stick up my ass lol

[gettingthere]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Liath;1349257 wrote: I don't know about you guys, but I can definitely tell when someone is drunk.. I think that we have been able to delude ourselves into thinking that we are fooling people only because they are too polite to say anything. Most people are NOT too polite to comment to someone else about it though.... UGH.. I can't even worry about all the times I probably made an ass out of myself or made myself the subject of gossip. Today is a NEW day!!

Ugh, the hundreds of times I thought I was super smooth after having a few (or more). I bet the whole world knows by now! I guess let them talk, right? They usually do it to make themselves feel better because they are worried about their own faults. F&%#@ them!

[Destiniey]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

gettingthere;1349280 wrote: Ugh, the hundreds of times I thought I was super smooth after having a few (or more). I bet the whole world knows by now! I guess let them talk, right? They usually do it to make themselves feel better because they are worried about their own faults. F&%#@ them!

I couldn't have said it better myself!!!!!:finger:

[Dave_]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Wow, so much here that triggers memories that make me cringe. I'll list some of mine briefly.

swap shops( seems to be a favorite )
vodka in water bottles
vodka in just juice packs ( you do need a syringe to take out some of the oj and replace with vodka. Small bit of tape over the straw hole prevents spills until consumption. A six pack of these will do damage if they are mixed strongly.
booze in jacket pockets.
little bottles constantly refilled. My bottles went to the public bin at the corner shop on my way to work, out of the garage into the boot/trunk and then into the public bin.
I always bought mixed spirits on nights out and when my turn to go to the bar I aways made mine doubles or triples
kept two or three bottles at a time. One was my stage bottle. On display and only ever moving by samll increments. The other bottles assisted in the illusion of a slowly consumed bottle of spirits.

My god it just goes on and on and on. It shatters me to think of the years I wasted on booze and the damage it did.

[Dave_]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Reggie;1349375 wrote: I used to hide mine in the recycle bottle green bin unfortunately I woke up to the fact that every Wednesday my stash was gone .ultimate doh moment !

That is funny as hell!

[shueaddict]

Hiding our drinking--please weigh in!

Oh my gosh, I loooove this thread.

I sooo belong with the “hiders”. For some strange reason I actually got a huge kick from drinking in hiding. I would have my “official” glass of wine out in the open and then do the real drinking on the sly.

My usual MO was the always half full grappa bottle – next to the oil in the pantry – quick swigs while cooking, then refill with water. Replace with real stuff often. Disappointment at the obvious dilution.

Bottle of grappa in the garage, behind the preserves – pet the dog, take a swig. I showed that dog a lot of love.

Buying the same bottle of wine I have finished the night before then pouring half into the empty – placing it proudly in the fridge so hubby thinks I only had half the bottle.

Wine in coffee mug

Buying the 2nd fridge (oh, “the au-pair needs a fridge, honey”)

Buying the 3rd fridge (“for outside , for your beers, love”) – so I can get more devious in bottle rotation and God forbid I ever drank warm wine!!.

Empty wine bottle in new designer bag, girlfriends wanting to touch and see the new IT bag.