22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

[Dr. Dirt]

:new: Didn't think it would go that easy. Last night wife and I had it out over past our common past indiscretions (her affairs, my drinking and affairs in retaliation). For some reason I have been feeling slighted and took it out on her over these issues. She told me the reason she wandered was she needed to sow wild oats. I took it well we went to bed and once she was asleep I got up imediately got up and drank all of the brew she had around. Maybe I was just spoiling for a reason to drink again, and picked this issue.
Any thoughts folks

[greeneyes]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Hi Dr. Dirt and welcome!

I applaud you for the 22 years! I also applaud you for taking the time and effort to find a place like MWO immediately after an episode like that. I hope it's an indicator that you don't want to go down that road at all. I'm afraid I 'm not able to shed light on why you drank last night. But there are lots of people here who can offer support in your regaining and maintaining your sobriety. Have a look around the site, jump in on some threads you like and make yourself at home. Let us know what we can do to help! Again, well done on moving in a positive direction immediately.

[FarfallaP]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Hi Dr. Dirt and welcome!

First of all, I second everything Greeneyes just said...well done on moving in a positive direction immediately.
Secondly, I have just finished reading 2 books by Lance Dodes, MD, and (as best I can re-phrase his message) when a person feels really terrible (his take on it, is "trapped and helpless,") and the person takes action to alleviate those feelings, (i.e., sometimes something positive, like reaching out to MWO, or sometimes something negative, (such as bingeing on food or gambling or booze) the fact that the person is DOING anything is in itself a healthy respones to intolerable anxiety/misery.
So, maybe that is why you felt drinking was necessary last night, and now you have moved on to a more beneficial "next step" forward.
Whatever the case, I am sorry that you have had to go through so much pain, and I hope for your sake that this, too, shall pass. Sincerely, FF

[DfromCT]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Dr. Dirt, don't feel that the 22 years are wasted. You had one night of drinking, that doesn't erase 22 years of sobriety. Without those 22 years AL free, where would you be? If you need to go to meetings, or do something to avoid falling back into your old drinking self, follow Nike's advice: Just Do It.

There's many programs that, unlike AA, don't force feed the notion that one drink means you're back to your evil ways. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people that have had something to drink after getting sober WITHOUT relapsing. I don't know if moderation is going to work for me, but I'm giving it a try (after at least 30 days of sobriety). My point here is that because you drank one night after a blow out with the wife doesn't mean your back where you were. Don't beat yourself up, or that will make you want to drink more! (That's what I see as the AA self fulfilling prophecy.) But you have to stop the habit of immediately turning to alcohol in times of stress, IMHO, or you'll be back on that path pretty quickly.

GOOD LUCK.

[Dr. Dirt]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Thanks guys. I realized the other night I didn't even have a craving, just did it out of frustration. I didn't return to the old me. I guess I was just trying to hurt her again. But any sobriety or slips are on me. I get the credit/debit for my actions. Again thanks for your concern

[Sunbeam]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

While I'm not planning to have any one drink on any occasion, it does seem like your booze-guzzling evening may not return you to old patterns. But it could if at any moment you are having the thought that it was a great release, that it might be OK to do it again. THAT would be a slippery road.

[LibraryGirl]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Welcome, Dr. Dirt. Everyone has said such good things about your situation so far, and I have nothing else to add really. I just want to give you kudos for immediately looking for help, after drinking. With 22 years of sobriety under your belt, you've no doubt got all the tools to go back to it. I imagine you could teach some of us a thing or two.

Great job on recognizing the potential harm of the one night. Maybe more talking with your wife, or whatever you two might think is helpful (counselling, etc.) is in order. I'm no expert, and in fact was up this morning at the ungodly hour of 5 am (not that early to most, lol) because bf decided it was the right time to bring up hurtful stuff.

All I know is that Alcohol does not make anything go away, and in fact makes trouble twofold, when it is used as a crutch.:l

[Dr. Dirt]

22 years of sobriety awirling down the tubes

Library girl, At this point I have little to teach. Time for me to listen and learn. We are headed to counseling. Just have to wade through till the appointment.
Hope it goes well on your front too.
Later
Dr. Dirt