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    #1

    I'm back! And blew day 3.

    Hi everyone:
    I haven't posted in a long time but have been lurking. Today was day 3 but I gave in. I really wanted it this time. My life has become unmanageable. I lost my job of 6 years, 4 months ago due to several abcineetes. Mostly caused by an anxiety (but the anxiety was surely worsened by my drinking). I've been searching for other employment since, but the job market is terrible. Anyways, after spending the last 6 days pretty much in bed, I decided enough was enough! I quit drinking 3 days ago. I felt like crap the first day but the last two days have been okay besides having the worst anxiety I have ever experienced. I finally caved in today and refilled my prescription for Klonopin which I have been on for over a year. I finally got some relief. But......it also made me feel too good. Good enough to finish off the quarter of a fifth of vodka still in the fridge. *sigh* I didn't get drunk but was able to take a 3 hour nap this afternoon which was much needed since I haven't slept much in the last few days. Not an excuse to drink though. So I'm back to day 1 tomorrow. I hate this. My Birthday is Wednesday and I have plans with family. I don't want to be feeling sick and unable to eat. Or puking up what I eat, which has become a norm for me.

    I hope everyone else is doing well! I've missed you guys. :l
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    #2
    I'm back! And blew day 3.

    Hi there,

    I am sorry to hear you lost your job - what line of business was it? could you maybe sign up for any free courses in your area to give you motivation to stop drinking and possibly a new career? I always cave on day 3 too so I am using a reduction technique this time, combined with AA attendance, hypno cds and al dependance unit help. Wishing you luck on your AF journey
    Taking it ODAT

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      #3
      I'm back! And blew day 3.

      Hi Jewl, sorry for whats happened, sometimes things happen and its the wakeup call that we need, I am speaking from experience, as I have had many. Good luck to you, you can do it, as most people on here will testify. Good to see you Maurits. Welcome Emily.
      .

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        #4
        I'm back! And blew day 3.

        careful with the booze and the klonopin sweetie
        I speak from experience......you feel too good and then you get in a car and drive
        hope you feel better soon
        I love my family more than alcohol.:h
        Live in the Solution....not the problem

        Comment

          #5
          I'm back! And blew day 3.

          Thanks everyone! Beginning of day one. Took my Klonopin as directed as I woke up with anxiety, tight chest, etc... I have lots to do today so that will help keep my mind off the booze.
          Everyone have a great Tuesday!

          Comment

            #6
            I'm back! And blew day 3.

            Blew it tonight as well. I'm not going to waste anymore of anyone's time here. Thanks for your support though. It did mean a lot. Best wishes.

            Comment

              #7
              I'm back! And blew day 3.

              Hi Jewels:

              I'm so your struggle is so tough up to date. I have been practicing Nichiren Buddhism many years and b your Avatar, you may have some interest or experience.

              The hardest struggle in my Buddhist practice is my self destructive tendency to maintain 'an incorrect view of myself.' It is so fricken hard to see myself clearly and with compassion. I have always been much more comfortable Believing the worst about myself (unless I am drinking and then it's a pendulum between self loathing and self acceptance) and finding very very viable, good excuses to simply go on my merry drinking way...which of course just maintains that great incorrect view of myself !!
              I've been AF 37 days now (with a ga-zillion day ones behind me! ) with the constant, daily support of MWO and so am getting A somewhat clearer view.

              You are actually doing really well it looks like because you are here and you are posting and trying. Sounds trite but please stay close and keep trying even if you only get a day one or two here or there. I see that in you now. You have the Blow It part wrong but you have the Persistant part right.

              Don't give up!! Okay, now here's a really annoying Buddhist saying my Buddha buddies use when I'm about to cave in: A Sword in the hand of a Coward is useless. I think MWO is supposed to be the sword...I think...
              Doesn't that just suck! .:H

              Hugs, :l
              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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                #8
                I'm back! And blew day 3.

                Hi Jewels, don't go I'm Mrs Restart and was so embarrassed to keep f***ing up but I need this site - had more success on here than off. Everyone so patient and giving - please stick around.
                You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                :lilangel:

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                  #9
                  I'm back! And blew day 3.

                  Jewels83;1354449 wrote: Blew it tonight as well. I'm not going to waste anymore of anyone's time here. Thanks for your support though. It did mean a lot. Best wishes.
                  Jewels don't go!!!! If you read back through my old posts you will find this is about my millionth attempt to quit and along the way I am sure people have been exasperated by my promises and then failures but everyone on this forum has been supportive of me every time I have come back tail between my legs to start over, someone once said the most important thing to me which has always stuck with me

                  Never give up giving up...

                  As long as you have the desire to stop drinking and you keep coming back here with another attempt you have the hope and the possibility that you will one day be sober. :l:l
                  Taking it ODAT

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