A dawning realisation...

[mauritiusdodo]

I have been thinking more and more about how heavily alcohol has featured in my life since I started my reduction and I have come to realise that for almost my entire life I have been obsessed with the stuff, from swigging cider out of the bottle (and by that i mean a two litre one) in a bus shelter as a young teenager to staggering out of nightclubs at 2am completely rat arsed to drowning the stresses of my days as a stay at home mum in two+ bottles of the strongest wine I could buy, the only momentous occasions in my life that havent featured AL are the births of my two children, every other celebration or commiseration has been an excuse to roll out the barrel

I feel sad for myself and so weary of it all

[satz123]

A dawning realisation...

mauritiusdodo;1354196 wrote: I have been thinking more and more about how heavily alcohol has featured in my life since I started my reduction and I have come to realise that for almost my entire life I have been obsessed with the stuff, from swigging cider out of the bottle (and by that i mean a two litre one) in a bus shelter as a young teenager to staggering out of nightclubs at 2am completely rat arsed to drowning the stresses of my days as a stay at home mum in two+ bottles of the strongest wine I could buy, the only momentous occasions in my life that havent featured AL are the births of my two children, every other celebration or commiseration has been an excuse to roll out the barrel

I feel sad for myself and so weary of it all

God Dodo - that could have been my life you are speaking of there ! But I let it drift and the bottles of wine came and went over the years but when the kids were grown - they were firmly back. You can stop this happening now.
I was scared up to a month ago that I wouldn't cope without al in evenings, weekends , weddings - have done all of them in last 3 weeks and feel stronger for it. We CAN cope with situations without al - I promise you:l
Just choose you battles carefully - if you think you won't win - go AWOL :H
Listen to Mollyka & stay close - she knows what she's talking about

[mama bear]

A dawning realisation...

oh Mauri
Good for you for recognizing this. So many don't...
My doctor said I was going to be fine since I have the ability to be brutally honest about myself....
and so do you!!!
lose those "beer goggles"............it's very liberating!!

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

thanks everyone, I need to print out what I wrote and add it to my stash of material to read in moments of weakness

[Supercrew]

A dawning realisation...

Great job Mauri! When I realized that I spent 27 years planning and obsessing over my drinking it was a real eye opener for me, and one of the first major steps for me to decide that it will never happen again.

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Supercrew;1354294 wrote: Great job Mauri! When I realized that I spent 27 years planning and obsessing over my drinking it was a real eye opener for me, and one of the first major steps for me to decide that it will never happen again.

I don't know why it has never occurred to me before, maybe because I wasn't ready to accept it? I have lost count of the number of excuses I have given myself to drink and when people (well meaning I know) suggest finding your 'triggers' for drinking I want to laugh because EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is a trigger to me!!

[Supercrew]

A dawning realisation...

I agree, my trigger was just thinking about drinking, and alcohol was all I thought about!

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Supercrew;1354327 wrote: I agree, my trigger was just thinking about drinking, and alcohol was all I thought about!

LMAO me too!!!

[K9Lover]

A dawning realisation...

Mauri,

Mama made a good point. When you can finally be 100% honest (sometimes it takes a while), that's when you can truly begin to recover. It wasn't until I was able to truthfully tell my pathetic little tales that I was finally able to just let it go and move on. I had to face them head on. Yes, my behavior was horrible and dangerous...and yes I own it. But now I am free to move on. The more stuff that "dawns" on you, the more freedom you will realize.

Hang in there Mauri...I'm cheering for you!!! :yougo::yougo:

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Aw thanks K9 I need some :cheer: to keep me strong :l

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Aw thanks K9 I need some :yougo: to keep me strong :l

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Something else just hit me, all this time I thought I liked the taste of wine but tonight when faced with my one hundred ml I realise I am not looking forward to savouring it like I thought I would - what I actually like is the oblivion a boatload of the stuff gives me...

[mauritiusdodo]

A dawning realisation...

Molly you are funny! yes I 'need' to stick to my plan to the letter so I will be drinking my miniscule amount this evening ceremoniously LOL

[K9Lover]

A dawning realisation...

Mauri -
The last time I drank, I felt like I was just forcing down can after can of beer. Like I HAD to drink them for some reason. I wasn't enjoying them and I certainly wasn't having a good time. They filled me up and made me feel bloated. Basically I downed the 12 pack and went to bed...very exciting huh? I think it hit me right then that drinking just wasn't fun anymore, in any way. Sounds like you're headed in that direction too...which is a very good thing. Keep up your good work. I admire your determination to stick with your plan of reduction, you're doing great!
K9

[Mumof4]

A dawning realisation...

Actually I get that also K9, I found that the past few times ive drank...I just want to get tiddly, but u cant just stay at the tiddly stage, where u feel all relaxed and comfy, you have to get to the point your a sponge and soak up as much as you can get down your throat! And god forbid you run out of AL too early in the night, so off i go trundling to the shop, dog on the lead, and i'll only visit this shop if ive had a few as its in a rougher part of my town and most people that go in it are wasted themselves...so i don't look too out of place!!! And im not even slightly interested in the taste it mostly tastes vile anyway! lol
Good Luck for tomorrow Mauritiusdodo!! You can do it!! And you'll feel really proud that you have!!| Oh and Happy Birthday also for then xx