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Time to Try Again

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    #1

    Time to Try Again

    Hi All: I could say I am "new" here but really I am not. I have been stalking the forums for almost a year now and have gotten a lot from reading about your experiences. I have decided to start being an active person in the forums to see if it can help me or if I might be able to help others. I have a drinking problem. I have been drinking heavily for longer than I care to remember. I am a 43 year old woman with a great family and a successful career. I drink almost every day, usually 1+ bottles of wine but sometimes hard alcohol as well. I want to stop. I am going to ruin my life. I have begun to have a self loathing for myself. I feel guilty and sad and angry all the time around my drinking. I am tired of trying to justify my drinking and I am tired of pretending that I am fine and that no one notices how much I drink. I had 100 days without last year but then the holidays came and I caved and am now drinking more than ever. So, I need to try again because last night I got in my car after a bottle of wine and went and picked up my 20 year old son from work. It was less than a mile drive, but still - I had no business being out on the road. I could have hurt myself, my son, or some other innocent person. The thought of that really scares me and makes me ashamed that I would do such a thing. :upset: So, I am going to once again try to stop - for good. Today is a new chance to be a better person than I was yesterday.

    Goal 1: 7 Days
    Make it a great day!:heart:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Time to Try Again

    Thanks, Molly. It is really scary to be so out there about it. A new adventure sounds much more appealing than trying again. I will take your advice on that mindset. I do have that worry that I will not succeed. I wake up every morning committing not to drink but by evening that all goes out the window and that evil little voice talks me in to doing it all again. I did find the toolbox which has some really good tips. I am hoping that by writing down the words and being honest about what is happening to me that this time I can do it.
    Make it a great day!:heart:

    Comment

      #3
      Time to Try Again

      Hello & welcome back OnceAgain

      A plan, a strong commitment & staying close to MWO helped me in the beginning & still helps me now! You have to do the work but you will never be sorry

      Go visit the Newbies Nest ~ it's a good place!
      Wishing you the best.

      Lav
      AF since 03/26/09
      NF since 05/19/09
      Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

      Comment

        #4
        Time to Try Again

        Onceagain; welcome - so glad you have taken that first move with MWO. You have done it before, so you know all the good things that are about to come into your life. It really is up to you - make a commitment to yourself - you deserve it.
        I am also starting again; on day 2 right now. I look back and can see things that I 'missed' or 'let slide' in previous AF attempts. One of them was being afraid to 'open up' completely on this site. I don't care any more - I want this so badly, so I have decided to 'bare all', if you will. It takes time to trust but by posting here and reading regularly you will get to know others and your eyes will open more each day to the possibility that this can and will happen....
        You know the boards already, as we can see, but now get yourself comfortable and I wish you all the best....
        IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BE WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN
        Relapse starts long before the drink is drunk!!.Fresh Start!

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          #5
          Time to Try Again

          Welcome Onceagain,
          The first days are scary and can be hard it that's how we want them to be. If we think we are depriving ourselves it does become a constant challenge. Not to say the first weekend wasn't hard, but what is helping me this time is that I am no longer focusing on what I am giving up but rather what I am gaining.

          I have and am still reading lots of books, fiction and non-fiction related to alcohol abuse and the book that is helping me with retraining my brain is Jason Vale's kick the drink easy book.

          Keep coming to this site, it truly is a great resource and you will receive lots of support.

          IMT
          new beginnings July 16, 2012

          Comment

            #6
            Time to Try Again

            Hey Once Again

            You can do it! Make a plan! Stick close to this place and get support here and wherever you can.
            You are right in your assessment of the situation. You are a big step ahead of the game in recognizing and talking about the issue. You are not a bad person for being this way. The stigma of alcohol addiction is so pervasive, in the sense that people will actually say "Why don't you just stop?" OR "Why don't you just have one?"
            HAHAHA...as if....
            It is immensely helpful to be here where everyone knows exactly what you are talking about. I was drunk more or less for forty years, and at 43 I knew I should quit and didn't/couldn't.
            I hope you can find some support here and get going with a sober life. I wish you well

            Comment

              #7
              Time to Try Again

              Thanks to all. Already the monster is calling to me again. I have an unopened bottle of wine and also a 1/2 bottle that I did not finish last night. I am about to dump both of them down the sink. As I just tried to do that a voice came in to my head that said - well, what a waste, why not just finish up what you have and then stop? And, I am actually stopping to consider it. Instead of pouring a glass (it is my day off and no one is home to see me) I came on here to look around again. I will dump them, I will dump them......
              Make it a great day!:heart:

              Comment

                #8
                Time to Try Again

                Welcome OA!
                I'm so glad to have you here. By posting and being active, you will really feel like a part of the community. I owe my sobriety to this place. It sounds like your drinking habits are heading in a scary direction, just like mine were. I drove WAY too many times when I shouldn't have. I hate to even think of it, but I force myself to. Honesty is the only way to get better. Like Daisy, I "bare all" on these boards (maybe too much...lol). There's nothing you've done that someone else hasn't experienced also. It really helps to not feel alone in this battle. My 12+ a day beer habit was causing all kinds of havoc in my life. I was blacking out daily, driving drunk, waking up to extreme panic attacks...etc, etc. My life without alcohol is now quite peaceful, even boring some might say! I know you can do this. Focus on the future and don't beat yourself up over the past. Please stick close and keep posting!
                K9
                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Time to Try Again

                  OnceAgain,
                  We were posting at the same time. I just saw your latest...PLEASE just dump out the bottles. A DUI will run you about $15,000 (on the low side)....now that's a WASTE. Dump 'em...you can do it! Remember, they're going down the drain anyway...spare your liver the work of having to process them first.
                  :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                  Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Time to Try Again

                    Hi OA....how is it going? Bottles down the drain?
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Time to Try Again

                      K9 - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I did dump them but still failed on my first day! Friends came over and brought wine and I caved. I did not feel comfortable enough to tell them I was not drinking and the evil voice was giving me the green light since I did not pre-meditate it. So, it is back to day one again. I am thinking that it is not only about having a "plan" but it is about having a contingency plan as well for when things come up unexpectedly. I feel a bit defeated but I am not giving up. Happy Saturday!
                      Make it a great day!:heart:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Time to Try Again

                        Hi OA,
                        The early days can be challenging when facing friends and family and not drink when you normally would. All I am saying the first days is I'm not drinking today, if I am questioned I say I don't feel like it. With every challenge and craving we conquer it makes us that much stronger.

                        The key for me is not thinking I am giving something up. My past tries were based on that and I eventually gave in and started drinking again. This positive thinking of gaining my life back is making it easy this time.
                        new beginnings July 16, 2012

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Time to Try Again

                          Hi, OnceAgain-

                          I hear you... I SOOOOO hear you. That 1+ bottles of wine a day? That was me as well. The driving? Yup, there too. It's so scary to look at your keys and realize what you did.

                          Dump the bottles... you can do it! :l

                          Marieth
                          "Feel the fear... move through it... do it anyway."
                          Jillian Michaels

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Time to Try Again

                            Thanks Marieth, I did dump but then drank anyway. Starting over again today. Today I feel very committed and strong, I refuse to give up on being sober. I am keeping myself extra busy hoping that if I am exhausted that I will have an easier time of resisting. Love your signature line....
                            Make it a great day!:heart:

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Time to Try Again

                              Hi Once again,

                              Good to see you here.

                              Here are a couple of links again in case you lost them.

                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...est-30074.html

                              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                              Comment

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