Sick of my routine-going to change it

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Oh nancy...I have a history of anxiety/panic disorder that is resolved in terms of full blown panic attacks but I've figured out that I am generally wound a little tight. Anxiety doesn't scare me anymore..just part of who I am and that is ok. I just guzzled cuz its faster to get my buzz on and shuts my brain down I think. Yes, it did lessen anxiety and was reinforcing for that reason...but I want my anxiety damn it! I need it to crawl out of this hole...my anxiety is high but no longer debilitating. It makes me feel uncomfortable at times but I need to feel that way for a while I think. Does this make any sense? Thanks all....truly enjoying our conversations. Off to fetch the sleepy time tea...maybe treat myself to a lemon wedge even...woohoo!!!

[nancy]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

anxiety

That makes sense. Guzzling wine sounds extreme. I completely understand anxiety being a driver but wine isn't that easy to guzzle, so that's why I was wondering if you had some extreme anxiety. I really suggest you read a book called Heart of The Addiction by Lance Dodes. It really helps with the drivers of drinking if the drivers are psychological.

I am really impressed with your attitude.

[mommyKW]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Your story is almost identical to mine! Congratulations on being AF! I'm currently on day 3 and hope to go all the way to 30 - at least, if not forever. Couldn't have done even that without the support from the members of this site.

[ThreeDogNight]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Just wanted to thank you, Lola, for that post. Yes, drinking is like a second or third job, and it takes a huge amount of commitment to quit that job--and not reapply! I had a horrid year, full of things this professional woman would never have expected, and yet went back after rehab and six months AF. I am now on Day 4, and come here every day (mostly post on the monthly abstinence thread, as that is where I was for months) and am fpcised on staying AF. You can go back and read my posts to see what kind of devastation I went through. I won't have my license back until December, and am grateful to have a job close to home for the season, as my husband drives me back and forth. How he is still with me is also a miracle!
Raven, I know you haven't had any "really bad" things happen, but those are just "not yets," as I learned the hard way. I am grateful that I had a few successful careers before the beast really took over, and am basically semi-retired now.
This site is a wonderful support for me!
:lTDN

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Thanks nancy. I will try to look into that. It sounds like a great resource. Mommykw I bet you re feeling better already. I am on day 10 and I am feeling so much better. I will go read that thread threedog. Sounds like you did learn some things the hard way. I have been lucky and like raven, kind of feeling like I have been a fraud and dodging bullets right and left. It's just too much to worry about, we all have so much to lose and lightening can strike anytime. Just cant live like this anymore.
Raven...I thought of an obvious strategy for eve cravings that I bet everyone already knows but it is so important that it deserves another mention.....when you have a pm craving....DRINK AND EAT! And try to eat regularly throughout the day. I get to working and forget about food and at the end of the day the cravings come on strong. In fact, yesterday evening was like this for me. I was running around doing errands and my little one wanted to go to our favorite Chinese restaurant. It was just the two of us and I was starving and I wanted a drink so badly. I knew i could have gotten away with it if I wanted to. I thought about getting a drink and then deciding no I won't, and then thinking well why not, UGH...back and forth and back and forth. My thoughts kept vascillating even as i walked across the dining room and was seated at our table. I honestly didn't know until the waiter asked me what I wanted to drink whether I woukd cave or not. Thought about routine, thought about tomorrow (did I want a good morning or another shitty one?) and got a cranberry, sprite,and lime. Thought I was going to crave a drink all through dinner but I didn't at all. Got my AF drink in me, had an appetizer and POOF ..craving gone. I need to remember that next time. Drink something...anything AF and get some calories in you. This will help!!!
Smiles to al...

[Raven2012]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Thanks Lola

Very sound advice
Glad you're hanging in there. You've been of a bit of inspiration for me. Last night was supposed to be my big wild last hurrah before my two week abstinence. Had a sitter for the kids. Nice evening with my husband open bar tab, which for me could have led to maybe six glasses of wine, if I was even counting. Had two glasses, didn't even finish the second. Got sleepy went home.

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Hello all. Thanks for the kind words raven. I think youn are starting from a stronger place than I did if you can leave a half a glass of wine. That was unheard of for me. And who is the fraud now? Me I guess. I was putting some laundry away (folded towels) last night when I came across a mini bottle of sutter homes. I wasn't expecting that and it caught me by surprise. I obviously stashed it tHere drunk one night and latter forgot about it.,At first I felt like I had just won the lottery, so what did do? I promptly popped he cap off and downed it (equivalent to one glass). Didn't even really think twice. Just said to myself...cool! Bank error in my favor!!!

So...slip one! I am so much better when I can anticipate the trouble and psych myself up or something. I do,see the importance of a plan...especially contingencies for the unexpected. Rats...oh well..I'm gonna keep on keepin on. I'm a little worried about this upcoming week. Fami'y and extended fami'y coming to stay with us. Some of them like drinking so I plan to have a six pack of beer and bottle or two of Vinnie in the house. That will be difficult. I am plotting my escape plan. Will let you know what I come up with.
Raven....how is day 1...or is it 2 already??? I bet you're rockin it!

[Raven2012]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

day two

I don't think you should feel too bad, it's kind of like you got rid of an annoying bug in the air right? At least you didn't go out and buy a whole bottle and polish it off. That probably took amazing self control to just toss it and go on with your day. Day two is going fine. Nothing in the house is the key for me. Husband is doing the shopping tonight. Let's just hope if you find another annoying bug its not a big one! Those go straight outside to the wastebasket!

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Hey raven...so no one else really chiming in about those elusive pm strategies. If you come up with any games let me know. Today was stressful. Very irritable and barky at kids...momihood is tough stuff sometimes. I don't believe it is the hardest job in the world as is a popular sentiment but it's tough stuff for sure. Hardest part for me?....NEVER a second for a thought of your own. Man....silence is golden isnt it? Now there is a good saying. I bought booze for visiting family. It's "in the house with me right now" (sheesh..reminds me of that horror movie...."a stranger calls"). but....also got supps today. Took a handful of milk thistle, megavitamin, and kudzu. Guess what ...no cravings at all. So far so good.
Congrats on day 2...hang in there..you're doing great!

[pixie]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Hi Lola and Raven

Sorry I can't give any advice on making things more bearable in the PM with kids underfoot (no kids here). But I can suggest L-glutamine in addition to the kudzu. I take a big spoonful as soon as I get home from work (I think it helps to not take it with protein, so there's no competition for uptake). Works great for the cravings.

Lola I think I would have done the same thing with that mini bottle. The first time anyways. But I would make a plan for what to do if I found another. I'm still expecting to find some hidden booze somewhere in my house at some point - I was very good at hiding it.

Best wishes

[Raven2012]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Hi Lola,

Does your husband help out with the kids? Mine does so tonight I just slipped upstairs but when he works late or travels that's when it's tough. In the summer I would take them straight out to a kid friendly place for dinner and linger to pass the time. That helped. But in the winter when the nights were longer that's when it was harder. I'm hoping I can gather some strength from this and learn to be more patient with them. It's so easy to treat a whine with wine. My mothers group even had a Friday night get together called "wine and whiners" little did those ladies know that a some of us (me) took it a litle too seriously.

[jenniech]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

New day 2 for me...feeling like I am sick with the flu but have no symptoms......steering clear of the self pity party...I need to just move forward...I have a stressful day ahead of me..I have to go to NYC for a business meeting so I am looking forward to going to aa tonight and having the day be over....I wil read read read on the train and write in journal...that is my plan for the day

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Hey raven and jenn.
Rav- Hubby is a workaholic and away most of the day. He typically leaves around 5 am, comes home around 8, I throw a burger down his throat and it's off to bed. Not the healthiest schedule I know. Yeah...I think a lot of the home pm cravings revolve around a need to end the shift. So I did get the supps yesterday....I'm not huge on holistic healing but I'm not against it either. Somewhat ambivalent on the topic but I think I felt something beyond placebo last night. Cravings were nil after poppin pills and that all natural sleep aid they give you in the package is whack! (in a good way). I took a couple and I was so chill and sleepy within an hour. Sheesh..that stuff should have a warning against operating heavy machinery. Woke up feeling rested and no mediciny hangover though...me likey!
Jenn..my first few af days were so anxiety ridden but I'm feeling so much better and you will too very soon. Good for you for renewing your commitment. journaling is also a great idea. I have gotten so much out of WMO which is a kind of journal also. Jenn..have you tired the WMO supps? I'm curious what others think. Well, I am off to take a series of horse pills by the name kudzu, milk thistle, plumeria, fruity planet, and fuzz bus. Ok...I made up those last two. Feeling every day that I am becoming a more jealous and zealous defender and protector of my sobriety. Remember how much you want this today and how much better you will feel tomorrow!
Smiles to all....

[jenniech]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

hi lola
yes, i take L-Glutimine, Gaba and Kudzu but I don't really notice a difference...I wish i did.

[Lola01]

Sick of my routine-going to change it

Oh hey pixie..just saw your post (on prev page so missed it at first). Hey...l-glut didn't come with my package and I thought it would but suppose I was wrong. So I'm heading to the health food store today and get some. I hear powder is better and you say don't take it with protein. Will try it as ive heard good things.....