Letting go of people who drink heavily.

[Slaythefear]

How many of you had to let go of people who drink regularly and heavily in your life in order to move forward? An AF life begins to remove things you had in common with some people and they, also, become toxic to be around. I haven't seen any posts so far that discuss this topic, so I thought I'd open one up and see how your lives were changed in that way. I know I'm going to have to remove the people who have been stumbling blocks for me in the past.

[scottishman]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

its hard to do, and like all things in life, the hard things are normally the right things to do

[Struggles 106]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

HEY SLAY

Being sober has allowed to to see more clearly, and I still think that I was the worst in the group. I was around a very nice woman the other night who was really drunk and I was made aware once again.

I find that I have to stay away from even moderate drinkers. I know a lot of "normies" and it's too tempting for me to be around it.

[scottishman]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

glad to see you're ok ann :goodjob:

[Slaythefear]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Tis true, scottishman! Fortunately my best friend who I've always caved into has moved to another state, so we can be long distance friends. I've never been able to quit with the two of us in the same town. However, I have a lot of social acquaintances and a couple friends and they are all daily drinkers, so there is no way I can move forward in this journey and be around them. I think they even feel guilty if you don't drink with them. You find one in front of you anyway. It feels like you are cutting a piece of your life out that you are so used to...actually it is exactly that. Better though, girl, much better. Why hold onto something that harms?

Seeing that you are Scottish, maybe you've heard this group? I keep them in my favorites online to play from time to time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE5vhrDnVZA[/video]]Twelve - YouTube

[Slaythefear]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Hello Sweetie (Ann). So glad to see you made it through that dark night. I've been there plenty of times and I know how it feels to have your mind tell you the world is a dark place, hopeless, uncaring and feel so alone and unloved and/or unworthy and guilty about some prior history. Yes, it can be cold and dark, but there is always good and bad. We or a depressed mine can focus and run with only the darkness. As you see, there is good in people and you are not alone in your struggle and I KNOW you have the strength in you to hold on and make it through those moments and YOU are worth it. I hope if it's clinical depression, you get the proper medication to help you through. If it's life or guilt, just set your feet right today and forgive yourself for all your yesterdays. xo

[scottishman]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Slaythefear;1371980 wrote: Tis true, scottishman! Fortunately my best friend who I've always caved into has moved to another state, so we can be long distance friends. I've never been able to quit with the two of us in the same town. However, I have a lot of social acquaintances and a couple friends and they are all daily drinkers, so there is no way I can move forward in this journey and be around them. I think they even feel guilty if you don't drink with them. You find one in front of you anyway. It feels like you are cutting a piece of your life out that you are so used to...actually it is exactly that. Better though, girl, much better. Why hold onto something that harms?

Seeing that you are Scottish, maybe you've heard this group? I keep them in my favorites online to play from time to time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE5vhrDnVZA[/video]]Twelve - YouTube

never heard of the band, but thanks for the link, its a great tune

[Slaythefear]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

You're welcome, SM. I have a Scottish friend that occasionally passes on Scottish music.

One more for the road. Enjoy your evening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpiYSHRPudc[/video]]Seven Nations - "Up to Me" Seven Nations Music - YouTube

[Kradle123]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Slaythefear;1371944 wrote: How many of you had to let go of people who drink regularly and heavily in your life in order to move forward? An AF life begins to remove things you had in common with some people and they, also, become toxic to be around. I haven't seen any posts so far that discuss this topic, so I thought I'd open one up and see how your lives were changed in that way. I know I'm going to have to remove the people who have been stumbling blocks for me in the past.

Hi again Slay:

I started a thread awile back called OUT WITH THE OLD IN WITH THE NEW..I had the same question. I started another one too but forget the name!
People weighed in with very good answers. Gave me a lot of insight.

I also posted my story a few weeks ago about how one f my dearest friends who drinks like a fish, attacked my twin daughters dring a sleepover with her twins... She was very smashed of course...

You're not alone in this struggle, my friend.

Love and hugs,
:l

[Slaythefear]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Thank you again, Kradle. Maybe later I can dig up the thread. It's been on my mind the last couple days because people keep calling as they always have. Meet me here...are you coming tonight...etc. I have never been able to quit and still remain friends with regular drinkers. This isn't my first go around with the notion I better quit and in the past these people have become angry when I avoid them or try to tell them kindly why I can't come around. It can be hard to say this is about me not you and you'll just have to be mad. I've caved in the past out of a sense of obligation and it's hard to give up all those familiar people you've known. I don't really have any other choice though if I want to win this time and IT IS TIME!!!

It's a brand new life in many ways. It takes time to develop relationships, so sometimes we just don't want to let them go even if they are bad for us. If only they would join the journey. I may not even like them all in a sober life. Isn't that a kicker?

Thank you for the response. It helps to know others have been there or are there. We aren't alone and that feels comforting.

[mario]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

Slaythefear;1371944 wrote: How many of you had to let go of people who drink regularly and heavily in your life in order to move forward? An AF life begins to remove things you had in common with some people and they, also, become toxic to be around. I haven't seen any posts so far that discuss this topic, so I thought I'd open one up and see how your lives were changed in that way. I know I'm going to have to remove the people who have been stumbling blocks for me in the past.

Its a very good question slaythefear, How can one who has chosen the alcohol free life be around the people that drink,even if its in moderation,I find my tolerance for being around anyone that drinks is getting lower and lower and sometimes its actually annoying,What can one do ? move on and leave a person you/do loved or is that being selfish ?

[scottishman]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

its ultimately about saving ourselves, others have to make that choice for themselves also

[Lavande]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

IMHO there is absolutely nothing wrong in doing what you have to do to save yourself!

I've had to dismiss friends & even certain family members due to their attachment to AL & resulting obnoxious behaviors

[pixie]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

I found that some drinking friends are just drinking buddies, and are not sympathetic to the changes you are making, and may even sabotage it, as you said. Good riddance. I think it's common to have at least one drinking buddy whose quality as a friend is that they drink more than you - "see, I'm not as bad as him/her".

Other drinking friends may support you, but are not ready for that path for themselves. You may need to put those friendships on hiatus for a little while. If they're a true friend they should understand.

[Slaythefear]

Letting go of people who drink heavily.

scottishman;1372190 wrote: its ultimately about saving ourselves, others have to make that choice for themselves also

That's it in a nutshell isn't it? I have to let go of the guilt of leaving them, feelings of obligation and fear of loss and take on the responsibility for myself and let them be responsible for their own decisions. Sometimes entering the unknown (new way of living without the familiar people and environments) can be a little scary if you don't learn to look at it positively and like a new adventure to immerse oneself in. We tend to attach to the familiar. We are, also, most often taught it is selfish to think of ourselves. The alcohol addiction is only a small part of what we have to work on. The reasons behind it are a larger part.imo

Feeling good today, though. My head is clearing more as well, so the decisions will be based on more logical thinking and hopefully, I can keep the emotional aspects at bay. Can't lose yourself while meeting the demands of everyone else.