AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

[jenniech]

I have been going to AA meetings everyday since 8/5 with the exception of two days. that is 30 days of meetings....and I have been to 30 meetings (doubled up a couple of days). I am keeping a very open mind about it and giving it a chance. The meetings do really help me. I like going to them and I don't plan on stopping because they really help me. Here are my issues:
1. I have a sponsor who I really like. She gave me a good long talk at the beginning that really got me going with the sobriety and for that I am forever grateful. The thing is, she wants me to call her every night to "check in" with her. I find it to be kind of a pain. I have to talk on the phone all day at work and the last thing i want to do when I get home is call someone just to tell them that I am not drinking. I can do that here. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't really feel like I "need" her. But, she gets mad when I don't call.
2. I don't feel like I am powerless over alcohol. Step one of AA is to admit that you are powerless over alcohol. I don't really feel like I will ever be able to "work the steps" because I am not a religious person and feel like my destiny is not up to someone or something else. It is up to ME. I do have power over alcohol. I have the power to choose not to drink. So, although I get pieces of wisdom and tools from the meetings, I don't think I will ever be able to completely "work the program"

Does anyone else have this type of experience? Does anyone go to meetings without working the steps? I feel like if I shared my feelings with an AA member, they would be alarmed and would think that I am going to inevitably fail to stay sober. I find AA people to be all or nothing in terms of the program so I don't really know what I should do.....any thoughts?

[Wildflowers]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Yes, you can just go to the meetings & benefit. However, it's the steps that help change the thinking, ego imo, but there are other methods that are just as effective & may even be better for some people. Plus there are times I've used the steps when I've been weak in my human nature & been tempted. Relying on my HP for strength. Well there's actually a lot the steps can do.... I think of AA as two separate parts. Fellowship ~ Steps.

Get an AA pamphlet on sponsorship. You can view on line. It explains in there that some people don't want or need to be baby sat. Back in the old days they did the steps in a wknd. The HP stuff can be anything, like an old giant oak tree, it doesn't have to be mine or anybody elses. It's a spiritual program of action, not a religious one. Fire your sponsor politely. Be confident. There are some high priests in there. If she pulls the old crap, well do it your way & you'll get drunk, tell her Wow thanks sweetie, but I've made my mind up that I enjoy living a sober, happy & content life. I rushed into this getting a sponsor thing & this isn't the right fit. Thank you for your time, I do appreciate your help. blah, blah, blah

Believe me there are some great AAer's there that don't think & treat others this way! If down the road you decide to look for a sponsor you could ask them how they sponsor. As sponsors tend to sponsor the way they've been sponsored. Good ones tend to be more flexible & treat people as individuals imo. I think of sports coaches. Some coach this way & others don't.

I think it's tradition 12 that offers the freedom of flexibility in such a wide range of meetings. You can ck out lots of them if you live in a lg metro area. Believe me people go through dozens of sponsors until they find the right one. Also some just go to one meeting a month & never get a sponsor, or do the steps. It's your AA, or no AA. Hope that helps. Don't forget Smart Recovery, WFS, SOS, Lifering & there are others, can't remember now. I like Smart & WFS too.

I found I had to give wide berth to what people say in recovery meetings & forums. The answers will come & your free to change your mind, your plan, to suit whatever helps you the most!.... It's your journey to health & happiness. Embrace all of it, as there will be bumbs along the way, but were all in it together to lift & support. Toss out whatever doesn't work & pick it back up later if you think it will help at another time. I have to shelf things sometimes.

I've fired sponsors in the past & been fired too.

Good Luck.

[jenniech]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Thanks wildflower!!! My skepticism is not keeping me from going to the meetings so I have that.....I like going everyday because how pathetic would it be to go to a meeting and then drink?? anyway, I will carefully tread and take your advices....and I am doing this one day at a time which really helps keep me in the NOW

[FlyAway]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

I have avoided AA for the same reasons as you; I'm not religious and I don't believe I'm powerless to alcohol. I believe that I hold all of the power in my world within! I also don't agree with the idea of alcoholism being a disease.

That being said, you said that you enjoy the meetings and find them helpful. We have a Toolbox here at MWO which I'm sure you've heard about 100 times or so. Put AA in your toolbox. It's a tool that helps you. Don't expect it to be your be-all-end-all. Just use it in the way that it helps you. If you don't agree with the steps or some of the steps, don't do them. Make it your program, not a carbon copy of a program that is supposed to work for everyone. And ditch that sponsor. Obviously she's a part of the program that isn't working for you. Maybe someday you'll get another sponsor and maybe you won't. But right now you know that she isn't working for you. Tell her it isn't working and just go solo for now. Someone may eventually come along who sings to your soul. I think you'll know if/when the right person comes along.

[Wildflowers]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

jenniech;1373720 wrote: Thanks wildflower!!! My skepticism is not keeping me from going to the meetings so I have that.....I like going everyday because how pathetic would it be to go to a meeting and then drink?? anyway, I will carefully tread and take your advices....and I am doing this one day at a time which really helps keep me in the NOW

Your welcome. Yep, you have that & more!!!... I don't think it would be pathetic, but then I do recall, I did that. I even went to a meeting b4 hand, a bit looped, long time ago.

I take it one day at a time too. I'm not promised anything more. When I've forgotten, somebody suggested to look down at my feet, helps me to stay in today. Your doing great, you will succeed!

[cpn1004]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Jenniech,
I agree with the others here, find what works for you. I have been around MWO for 6 years but I was not able to put 30 days of sobriety together until I started attending AA meetings. AA works for me. I too had some difficulty with the powerless issue, but I do realize that if I drink alcohol, then I am pretty much powerless over how much I will drink and when I will stop drinking. So for me, that is my definition of being powerless over alcohol.

Also for me, AA has nothing to do with religion. It certainly can be a spiritual program. The fellowship of AA helps keep me sober. I always keep in mind Tradition 3, "the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking".
Good luck with your sobriety.

[stumpy]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Jenn, may i ask how long were you going to AA before you got a sponser? My husband went for four months and chose his own sponser, the sponser called a few times in the begining then he wanted my husband to call when he felt the need to have a drink. You can always get another sponser that you feel close witht anytime. I wouldn't give up on it, work it so it works for you.

[Wildflowers]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

That's my interpretation of powerlessness to & for me it's not just an AA thing! Tradition 3, yep. Except yrs back, I've met some family members, curious people of all back grounds, interns doing under grad work, & community members at open meetings.

I've have to incorporate a whole lot of things into my plan & recycle them around depending on whats going on. I've had many a sleepless night reading the toolbox & archives here, all excellent!

Wishing You The Very Best Jenn :l

[Prairie Fairy]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

I couldn't do AA - at first because it was the higher power thing - until a year or two ago - I was too angry at some thing in my life to go back to church.

I'm ok with God now - or at least saying I'm Christian - and going to church if not the faith of my childhood. But I still couldn't do AA. There felt like too much victimization in there for me. But it's worked for lot's of people

I just feel better at Celebrate Recovery. It's got God all over it so it would probably make you uncomfortable - but it starts on the premise that "I am not God. I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life has become unmanageable." The day I broke - that was true.

But it's second principle is that "Earnestly believe God exists, that I matter to Him and that He has the power to help me recover" Take out the God parts for a minute - the second principle goes straight to - recovery.

I looked at a LOT of programs - right down to the Leader's guides. I know. Sick. But I wanted to know both ends of where I was going. And this just felt fundamentally more positive and outcomes based.

There are so many programs - if AA isn't it - there is a Rational Recovery group - that is - I thought - I could be getting them mixed up - not religious - but based in logic - that meets in a semi-widespread way?

Maybe that would meet the need? I think there are several people who participate in it on the long term Abs threads elsewhere...

[jenniech]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

a lightbulb just went off thanks to all of your posts: When I am not drinking, I have power over alcohol. When I am drinking, I am powerless.....I never thought of it that way...duh..before, I took it to mean that I was too much of a wimp to stop, but I'm not!!
And last night I had the first drunk dream I have ever had in my entire life. I woke up at 4am thinking I was really hungover. I had to really toss that around in my head for quite a while before I was content with the fact that it was just a dream. Then, I fell back asleep for another hour and woke up with the same feelings going through my head!! It was very disturbing. Almost like I don't trust myself when I remember that I did not drink....weird. So, in that way, I am powerless. I find this so fascinating!!

[Nelz]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

I cant speak much for AA, because I have never attended one. But I do have two brothers and a cousin that swear by it.


IMO I dont see why you cant take out of the program "what works for you". This whole quitting drinking thing isnt a one size fits all program. Seems to me that a balanced approach to a few techniques is best for everyone.

I also had issue with one of the core beliefs of being powerless over AL but the way it was explained as....powerless to stop, once you start........now thats just genius!

As far as the sponsor, seems you could ask her if you guys could cut back on the nightly calls....if not, Im sure there are others you could use.

Good luck with whatever you choose

[kuya]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

jenniech;1373896 wrote: a lightbulb just went off thanks to all of your posts: When I am not drinking, I have power over alcohol. When I am drinking, I am powerless.....I never thought of it that way...duh..before, I took it to mean that I was too much of a wimp to stop, but I'm not!!
And last night I had the first drunk dream I have ever had in my entire life. I woke up at 4am thinking I was really hungover. I had to really toss that around in my head for quite a while before I was content with the fact that it was just a dream. Then, I fell back asleep for another hour and woke up with the same feelings going through my head!! It was very disturbing. Almost like I don't trust myself when I remember that I did not drink....weird. So, in that way, I am powerless. I find this so fascinating!!

Don't read too much into that dream Jen, years ago I cut wheat out of my diet and after about 2 weeks had a dream that I was being CHASED by a piece of toast down the street!!! That did not mean that I needed a higher power to stop me eating wheat ....... Just that my body was de-toxing from it :H

[lagataloca]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Yes, dreams can be just diabolical! I also recently had one where I was having a rum and coke, and I felt so guilty! But then I remembered that in college when I had a bad bout of colitis, and I was on a strict bland no fat diet, I had a dream that I was hit in the face with a chocolate cream pie, and I was so distressed that I was not allowed to at least lick it off my face, that I woke up in almost a crying tantrum! LOL!

[IAD]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

Been their, done that........It's all about you ! Getting sober is a selfish endeavor......You are the one that can change your life ! I have friends in AA.....They know the path I'm taking, they give me support. People that want to help, will help. Don't get into this internal struggle.......Do what works for you ! Good Luck.....

[Wildflowers]

AA - Can I take just what I want but not all of the program?

I think the thing about early recovery is that I tended to immerse myself in so much recovery, that I tended to forget about other things. My ex Nana sponsor whom I'm still in contact with, has 43 yrs of sobriety, reminds me to go have fun & enjoy life. She has a ton of experience & wisdom working with many woman through the years.

I didn't just get sober to think about recovery constantly, but I do think in the beginning it may be normal for some. It was also suggested to just do something small everyday for my recovery. That could mean a # of things, like exercising, eating better, going to bed earlier to.

Just to reiterate you don't have to get a sponsor. Some never do, some wait a year or more, some do right away. Your free to do anything that helps you, & free to change your mind. Your in charge of your destiney, but what's cool is we don't have to do it alone. In fact I don't think were suppose to.

I had a 10 day blip, a slip that turned into a relapse. I didn't drink every day, but over those 10 days it quickly became worse, reminding me I drink alcoholically. During March 18th ~ May 12th, I'd achieved 55 days AF. I was not taking any time out for fun!... I did have drinking dreams!..... I'm not saying that any body is going to have a slip, or relapse, but maybe it's important to take little breaks once in a while & have fun too. My brain was so saturated in recovery talk & such, that perhaps it needed a rest.

I know when I woke up that morning my drinking dream felt so real, I cried. I was even disappointed in myself. Which I realize & am working on being good to me. Anyway, one week later I did have my blip. I was also stressed out!.... Thankfully, here at MWO people don't judge, in fact quite the opposite. Other wise who knows where I'd be. It was MB who had courage more than once, who brought this scaredy cat out of the woods. As I lurked here.


I realized that my sig line shows I have a little over 3 months of sobriety. But all & all since joining MWO, I've done pretty good. Cause after my 10 day blip ~ drinking run, May 12th ~ May 22nd, I quickly jumped right back into recovery & am 100% committed to an AF life now. New sobriety date May 23rd.

I guess my point is don't forget to smell the roses. My brain today is experiencing either a bit of PAWS, or maybe I have a bit of sub type ADD. As some times when I come here, I can't concentrate. I tend to jump all over in my writing, thinking.

Jenn, there is an AA thread under Monthly Abs board. ReTeacher ( I think ) aka Mary, is really sweet, wise, calm, long sobriety, helpful! I don't post there, but have thought to. Also I was going to go back to AA recently & changed my mind. Did some on-line meetings instead. I'm glad the meetings are helping you!



PF, were getting ready to go on vacation & I'm suppose to be cleaning, waiting for some business deals, calls. etc. As you can see I'm on the PC, immersing in recovery & having fun to ( getting better at finding balance between both now). But, if it's OK with you, I'd like to PM you about CR. I've been to them to. Just don't know that I will have time. Or maybe I should just say I'm very happy that their working well for you.

One thing I learned is that I don't need to protect God at AA, but I do need his protection. In the past I did walk out of certain AA meetings. I just found at CR meetings I felt like I was in Alanon meetings. Many woman weren't alkies or addicts, so I did get the evil eye. I tried many of them & very lg one to. They use to have CR on line, haven't ckd in a long time. In the past I've been to Smart recovery meetings, as this is more what my op -rehab's model was based on. I've made a promise to myself that when I do eventually go to a f2f meeting, it will be to WFS. I just need to contact them, as you can't find their locations on line.

The thing is that when I did attend AA, Smart, CR I met many folks who attended many different groups. As you might have noticed I like people, I listen, talk. Still working on making shorter posts. On the other hand one or two posts a day, or a wk gives me more time to read, work & have fun. Then change it up if wanted or needed. LOL.

I also wanted to apologize to you or anyone I offended about that oatmeal.com. My daughter handed me her I-phone while waiting in pre-surgery rm, with how to pet a kitty site already on it. Then last wk I went & looked at it & not pleased. I will say something to her, but she's a grown up & I'm certainly no saint!!!!! I mean I say the feck word, but I don't like what I saw there!

Have a good sober day!