A hard today

[scottish lass]

A hard today

When I was drinking, I used to accept responsibilty for what went wrong - I couldn't always remember what I had said or done, and I know I was not very often pleasant when my emotions were high and I was under the influence - as I became more sober, I was able to see what was real and stood up for myself - and then noticed all that was really wrong - and after 18 years our divorce should be final in January. I am lonely and sad that I have to share the girls but I am strong and happier in myself - I am having to rediscover myslef, but that is ok, because I can do it now that I am sober. I do wish I wasn't doing it when I am 50, and I am sure if I wasn't drinking so heavily, I would have done this years ago.
so, what I am trying to say - whatever path any of us chose, when we are sober it is more likely to be the correct path and hopefully one that leads to happiness - and confidence in that we don't have to wonder if we are doing the right thing if we are so blotto not to be able to tell!
Good luck to us all on the new roads we are treading!

[kdog]

A hard today

prairie, I hope everything works out for you, I am in the early stages of doing without, but something my husband said to me last night disturbed me, he said I am glad you are doing this and doing so well, but what about when we go out with our partying friends? WTF I can't have fun without Al?????
So we shall see what happens in a few weeks. Otherwise I have been married with no major issues for 27 years, but this is a whole new ball game. Maybe give it
awhile and see if things settle down. Thing is we both drank together so what happens when one of us doesn't anymore???
Kdog

[LibraryGirl]

A hard today

I'm not sure how that will work Kdog. I've heard many others say that their partners were upset or felt somehow betrayed that they no longer had their "drinking buddy". Maybe if the one who hasn't quit doesn't drink much, they probably already know that you drink too much and will be relieved...

Things got a little better this afternoon with my SO. When things are going well I feel like I exaggerated the bad times. Why is that?

[JackieClaire]

A hard today

Byrdlady;1375015 wrote: I never thought I had the 'right' to say anything because I was such a drain on the relationship. I just went along. But now I do have a voice, and he is learning to respect it because I now respect myself! AL changes everything, and so does getting sober, thank God. Seeing thru clear eyes is both troubling and rewarding. It's as if we are getting to know each other again...25 years later. B
Oh my goodness me. I've been struggling to put into words how the dynamics in my marriage shifted and you took the words right out of my mouth,B. Thankyou

kdog;1375293 wrote: prairie, I hope everything works out for you, I am in the early stages of doing without, but something my husband said to me last night disturbed me, he said I am glad you are doing this and doing so well, but what about when we go out with our partying friends? WTF I can't have fun without Al?????
So we shall see what happens in a few weeks. Otherwise I have been married with no major issues for 27 years, but this is a whole new ball game. Maybe give it
awhile and see if things settle down. Thing is we both drank together so what happens when one of us doesn't anymore???
Kdog

Prairie, my lovely. I also hope things work out for the best.

As to Kdog's question about what will you do at parties. Well me and Mr JC were just the best drinking buddies in the world. First to arrive and the pain in the backsides last to leave. Holidays, parties, meals out. We were hand in hand, drink by drink.

Anyway he doesn't have a problem with alcohol and could have stopped at any time but I do. He saw the absolute despair that drinking led me to and was my biggest cheer leader when I did my final quit.

Since then we've been to a good few parties etc. He'll have a few and I'll stick to my soda. I'll dance, eat and chat and wake up without a hangover. He'll dance,chat and wake up feeling a bit shabby the following morning. I've even left him behind and come home if it got too late and I was bored with listening to people repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

Don't let him think he's lost his drinking buddy. He's getting a new improved version of his wife. A sober one who can still dance like there's no-one watching (it takes practice but it can be done).
Oh and we're also coming up to our 27th wedding anniversary in November.

[Prairie Fairy]

A hard today

I thought I would resurrect this today.

More because last night I stood up for myself - in a quiet, mature manner. Calm.

Had I been drinking - it would have been a scream fest. I would have had all the same underlying emotions - but how it came out would have been CRAZY.

What he does with it - and if he does anything with it are his choices. What I do with his inaction - if that's what he does - is also up to me.

But i read everyone's stories before and thought - there is this hugely interesting dynamic happening that I guess we are just tapping into...that out what our personal relationship was, why/how it got there - how is it changing - for the better or the worse - did they really want it to change or did they also get accustomed to using it to their own advantage a bit....How do we navigate this new world to it's healthiest outcome for everyone if we want to try to save it?

So I thought I would resurrect this thread today and see where everyone else was on this today...since you have had several weeks to ponder your own circumstances...

[Slaythefear]

A hard today

Prairie Fairy;1379245 wrote: I thought I would resurrect this today.

More because last night I stood up for myself - in a quiet, mature manner. Calm.

Had I been drinking - it would have been a scream fest. I would have had all the same underlying emotions - but how it came out would have been CRAZY.

What he does with it - and if he does anything with it are his choices. What I do with his inaction - if that's what he does - is also up to me.

But i read everyone's stories before and thought - there is this hugely interesting dynamic happening that I guess we are just tapping into...that out what our personal relationship was, why/how it got there - how is it changing - for the better or the worse - did they really want it to change or did they also get accustomed to using it to their own advantage a bit....How do we navigate this new world to it's healthiest outcome for everyone if we want to try to save it?

So I thought I would resurrect this thread today and see where everyone else was on this today...since you have had several weeks to ponder your own circumstances...

Morning PF and to all.

I'm right on your heel at Day 26 today. I'll make day 30 a day before my 50th birthday, and I think that is so fitting. I can enter my fifties sober and ready to make this part of my life's journey mean something to me outside of a blur of blackouts and bad decisions.

As I read many of your posts, it's funny how we tend to run parallel to one another on some issues as we are, also, on the same part of our AF journey in days. I often say, "yes, that is how I feel or what I wanted to say." Big hugs and a back pat for your success and let me reach around and give me one while my hand is at it. LOL!!!

I had to stand up to my husband yesterday in a strong way as well. At first, the REOCCURRING issue was met Friday and Saturday with I don't want to hear it as usual. However, it was magnified Sunday and when he didn't want to address it again, I was very hurt and angry. Hurt because why would he continue to do this if he loved me and angry because it becomes so hopeless not to be able to deal with something rationally and for the sake of both of our futures. Anyway, I WANTED a drink sooooooo badly. I felt that hopelessness rising up and saying, "to hell with it". Kudos for the posts here because I had read a post about the hangover lasting longer than the craving and how someone uses exercise to ward off the feelings, so I opted for logic and discipline and went out for a speed walk stomping my emotions out on the ground. When I returned, I went into the bedroom with my tablet and read some of this board as I still wanted to go drink at the pub. and throw it all out the window. After about ten minutes, he came in and apologized and like you, I voiced my concerns in a reasoned and matter of fact way. I sort of drew a bit of a line in the sand as far as what I would accept in his irresponsible behavior from now on with more SOBER force. So, not drinking was ABSOLUTELY the right way to go. (HEAR THAT ANYONE FACING PROBLEMS). The alcohol would have done damage and not allowed me to be reasonable and do what was necessary with strength and clearer reasoning.


I will say, Lola is correct on the mood swings though. Although I have very real legitimate issues that can't go on, my emotions have been swaying. I have to deal with this slowly and not move when I am in a mood swing. I don't want to do anything rash. I want to make decisions with a clear head based on facts and reason. It's, also, a balance. I am feeling good today. I didn't breakdown and I stood up for something that has been really bothering me and not letting it fester further while it runs on top of me.

I hope today finds you all happy and fighting the good fight.:l