I've been here before. Stopping drinking that is.
Last year was an excellent one for me. I didn't drink for 115 days between August and December. I didn't drink for 79 days in the spring and I had another 54 days off before the summer. That's 248 days alcohol free in a year, more than half the year.
My problem isn't stopping, it's staying stopped. When I stop, things start going my way. My business starts working well, my relationships start to blossom. I actively want to do interesting and involved things with my kids. The TV goes off and we read books and play games. The sun comes out so to speak, and all is well with the world. And then, there's just a little niggle inside of me, that tells me I can have a drink; it tells me I'm in control - I think I can have one or two, which is more like ten or twelve. Two weeks later I'm finding every opportunity to go to the pub. In the pub I'm drinking two for everyone else's one. Then it's back home and start on the 24 beers and the cold wine that I've made sure are there.
Two weeks after that and I'm taking time off work and starting to drink earlier and earlier. I start to look at the clock and make excuses to go to the shop to make sure there's beer in the fridge.
Finally I'm drinking volumes of beer, wine and spirits that would kill most humans. On the whole I continue to function. But inside I'm twisted and lonely, I'm in total isolated fear. Drinking and drinking until I touch bottom.
Once I've touched bottom, I come back to the surface. I shake my life back into action and get on with things. No-one out side of my family knows there is a problem. When I come back, I come back strong. I know that people perceive me as a powerful intelligent person who has good ideas and does interesting things. This is why, when I go missing for a few days or maybe a couple of weeks they probably thing I'm doing something interesting. When in fact I'm sitting at home drinking alone and vomiting.
Thankfully I'm not an abusive drunk. I never have been. But my wife is pissed off, every time I touch bottom she makes the journey with me, so I need to fix this. I need to make this right.
I need to be the man I know I can be.
Last year I set myself a goal of 100 days. I told everyone that I was going to do it. The reason I gave - I believed it was important to be in control of your life. This avoided all problems when being offered a drink. I'd hate the awkward questions and the ?well you can just have one cant you?
This time I've said a year.
Last year was an excellent one for me. I didn't drink for 115 days between August and December. I didn't drink for 79 days in the spring and I had another 54 days off before the summer. That's 248 days alcohol free in a year, more than half the year.
My problem isn't stopping, it's staying stopped. When I stop, things start going my way. My business starts working well, my relationships start to blossom. I actively want to do interesting and involved things with my kids. The TV goes off and we read books and play games. The sun comes out so to speak, and all is well with the world. And then, there's just a little niggle inside of me, that tells me I can have a drink; it tells me I'm in control - I think I can have one or two, which is more like ten or twelve. Two weeks later I'm finding every opportunity to go to the pub. In the pub I'm drinking two for everyone else's one. Then it's back home and start on the 24 beers and the cold wine that I've made sure are there.
Two weeks after that and I'm taking time off work and starting to drink earlier and earlier. I start to look at the clock and make excuses to go to the shop to make sure there's beer in the fridge.
Finally I'm drinking volumes of beer, wine and spirits that would kill most humans. On the whole I continue to function. But inside I'm twisted and lonely, I'm in total isolated fear. Drinking and drinking until I touch bottom.
Once I've touched bottom, I come back to the surface. I shake my life back into action and get on with things. No-one out side of my family knows there is a problem. When I come back, I come back strong. I know that people perceive me as a powerful intelligent person who has good ideas and does interesting things. This is why, when I go missing for a few days or maybe a couple of weeks they probably thing I'm doing something interesting. When in fact I'm sitting at home drinking alone and vomiting.
Thankfully I'm not an abusive drunk. I never have been. But my wife is pissed off, every time I touch bottom she makes the journey with me, so I need to fix this. I need to make this right.
I need to be the man I know I can be.
Last year I set myself a goal of 100 days. I told everyone that I was going to do it. The reason I gave - I believed it was important to be in control of your life. This avoided all problems when being offered a drink. I'd hate the awkward questions and the ?well you can just have one cant you?
This time I've said a year.
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