First time here .......

[Kradle123]

First time here .......

Pinecone;1376479 wrote: Hi Txbird, it's nice that you are here. I just wanted to welcome you and give you some support. Your posts really touched me and made me remember how totally wretched drinking used to make me feel. It didn't matter to me at the time, because I kept doing it everyday! This community helped me a lot and I have learned so much about myself through sobriety. When I came on here, the commonality of experiences about drinking blew me away and it still does. I hope you stick around!:welcome:

Pinecone:

So beautifully said. :l

[porqoui]

First time here .......

Good Morning Txbird....just checking in to see how you are doing. I see my regulars are here too. This really is an amazing community. Hope all is well with you, check in and let us know how it's going. Have a good one. PPQ

[txbird]

First time here .......

I drank yesterday. I got drunk. I drank 9 beers. I spent the day with my friend and I really did have a fun time. I am home today resting and re cooperating. I don't feel as guilty yet as I will tomorrow. So it looks like my pattern is to get drunk every 3 days and I'm so sick of it. What happened? I just wanted to. I didn't even try not to. It occurred to me of course, but almost every time I'm with that particular friend, I drink. He is sober for 10 years now.
So today, I begin again.

[txbird]

First time here .......

I drank again yesterday. I had about 9 beers. I spent the day with my friend, had some great food and enjoyed myself. This morning I felt ok but tired. I am so tired of doing this. I wanted to drink. I of course knew that I was going to try to stop but I just threw my hands up and said, "what the hell!". I'm tired of that too. I am almost always drinking when I am with this particular friend. I don't drink alone or with anyone else. I don't have any other friends that I spend time with. I would spend all of my time alone without my time with my friend. He is sober for 10 yrs. I want to be sober.

[porqoui]

First time here .......

Hey Txbird........glad you posted!

Let me get this straight...is he the same "he" you've talked about before? I would have thought that if he's AF for 10 years, he'd be there to support you on your new journey of an AF life. Don't mean to be rude as I don't know anything about the relationship, but it almost sounds like he's taking advantage of you....If I'm wrong, I apologize. I'm assuming he's not drinking when you do get together, and I know I could just be making an ass out of myself by doing that.

"What happened? I just wanted to". Hey you don't own that feeling/event alone. I for one have been there, done that, got the Tshirt....

You've made a big start in thinking/dealing with your relationship with Alcohol. Keep posting and I guarantee MWO will screw you up when you have/think of having that next drink.

I think you are going through a lot of changing emotions right now, I'd like to think of it as growing into yourself. Just posting like you did took guts and in your way you are reaching out. Only you can decide it's time for a change.

Don't beat yourself up tomorrow when the guilt/remorse hits. (You don't know how many times I typed Quilt instead of guilt :H)

We're here and we're listening and believe me we'll give you our 2 cents worth and our 2 Grand worth of support. Hope you'll choose to live the sober life after all.

Keeping an eye on you....as long as you let me... PPQ

[txbird]

First time here .......

Thank you so much PPQ!! I will let you keep an eye on me. I'm seeing my Dr tomorrow and thought I'd ask about some of the new meds that are used to help reduce relapse. Anyway, I want to live sober, yes - absolutely. I've had a ton of wonderful, sober times. With my manic depression and general life stresses, I have tended to just give up. I get so, so, so tired of fighting my way through life alone. I am just sick of it and drinking is like taking a trip without leaving the farm. But then it turns on me of course and the depression comes which is already here today from last nights binge.
Yes he is the "friend" I talked about previously. He does not drink when we are together, he doesn't drink at all. I am sure he would prefer that I don't drink but he doesn't tell me whether I can or cannot. I really don't know how to describe it. I know that with my boyfriend in prison, he has been company when I was very lonely. I feel guilty about that too. Oh my, I am a mess, aren't I? My boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic before he went to prison. We had not lived together for the last 6 yrs. and we've been together for 8. I'm worried about what will happen when he comes home, I'm worried about my financial situation, I'm worried about being alone. Stupid alcohol, it bites me in the ass every time. And just a few days later, I just ignore that. I do need help, support - daily. Thank you so much for being there.

[txbird]

First time here .......

You're right. I'm not really have a good time. I'm hiding, I'm running, I'm numbing out. I do realize that. I did fall and I did (or am) getting back up. I am determined. I do want to be and live sober. I know that peace will only arrive, even if it's fleeting, when I am sober. I also know that whatever I need to do to stay sober is entirely worth it. Thank you for your support. I can't do this alone.

[K9Lover]

First time here .......

Hi Txbird,

How are you feeling today? You know when I quit drinking? When it became harder to drink than to not drink. Sounds like you might be at that point too...running, hiding, numbing....can your friend that has been sober for 10 years help you? You're lucky to have someone like that! Of course, we'll be here for you too! :l

K9

[porqoui]

First time here .......

When drinking becomes harder than not drinking...K9

I am going to make my millions on K9's quote when I produce the "Bumper Stickers", she just doesn't know it yet....

So, so glad you posted....and he does sound like a true friend. He's not judging, or lecturing, maybe he sees that you need to decide on your own and is there for you no matter the decision...

Let us know how it goes with the Doc tomorrow. Be honest so you can get the right advise.

I'll be looking for you..... "Peeking"PPQ

[K9Lover]

First time here .......

porqoui;1376835 wrote: I am going to make my millions on K9's quote when I produce the "Bumper Stickers", she just doesn't know it yet....

I'll be expecting a cut of the profits! LOL

I have more, but I'm thinking I should trademark them before I bestow them upon you. :H Just kidding.

[txbird]

First time here .......

Thanks K9, I find it fairly easy to drink, it's dealing with the few days afterward that sucks. I was never a daily drinker, more of a binge drinker I think. Every 3 - 4 days or once a week. That is only a difference in frequency, not in the affect it has on me. I don't stop at 1 or 2. I plan my drunks. I drink to get drunk, I do have black outs. I was in and out of AA for 15 yrs. I've had as much as almost a full year sober and many times, 6-7 months. I just always go back or relapse and I'm really tired of living like that. Also, it seems the hangovers are lasting longer and bring on even more depression. I'm so familiar with this and I want to stop for good. I enjoy being sober. I am more content and feel much more secure. It's when I reach that place where I've just had enough and I throw my hands up. I want to learn other methods of managing that.

[txbird]

First time here .......

Thanks again! I will be honest with the Dr. I have some other health issues and at 55, I think (I know) it's time for me to get very serious about taking better care of myself. I'm not sure whether he will offer meds or not. I just want to talk with him about it and see what he thinks I should do.
I used to attend a lot of AA meetings. I got sober in AA but always relapsed. I'm not blaming the program at all but I found that it just isn't for me. After 15 yrs. in and out of the program, I believe it's time to look into another method. My friend is in AA but stopped drinking 4 years before he ever went to a meeting. He finds the support and fellowship very helpful for him. He is supportive of whatever I decide I want to do. He is a good friend but my boyfriend (in prison) would not approve at all. So - that's a whole other can of worms.

[porqoui]

First time here .......

I agree that your boyfriend (in prison) wouldn't approve....in so many ways. May feel threatend by your friend wanting you to grow and better yourself.....Just saying.....

:happy: So glad you're here :happy: STICK AROUND...

p.s. K9....way I see it...50/50...not kidding....

[LibraryGirl]

First time here .......

Hi txbird. I read over your posts and want to say hello, and welcome. I know you will find lots of support and empathy here. We have all been where you are in one way or another. Our combined experiences with AL have a way of bringing us all to the same level...in a good way, because we can relate.

I think it's a journey and one I'm still travelling. Welcome fellow traveller.

LG

[txbird]

First time here .......

Thank you so much!