Newbie....

[Oneredshoe]

I had accidentally posted what I am about to write again as a reply to someone....I am new to this site and am not sure how to navigate it. In a way I am kind of glad for my posting mishap for it has given me a little more time to reevaluate myself. Allow me to introduce myself....I am oneredshoe. I am a 42 year old female who has been drinking alcohol off and on since 17. I am a binge drinker....I usually drink on the weekends or when I am extremely stressed out which seems to be a lot lately. I drink to the point in which I only remember bits and pieces of the evening, and more often than I like to admitt, to the point of blacking out. I have been married for 15 years....not all happy years, as my husband has his own issues with alcohol. I don't drink with him often as he is not always the nicest when he drinks....I often nag him about his drinking as for some reason I thought I was justified because I don't drink everyday. My actions make me a huge hypocrit! My husband travels a lot and is often gone for months at a time...this also has put a strain on our marriage. But I love him nonetheless. For the most part my drinking binges have had mostly "minor" embarrassing consequences such as being reminded of or told about drunk dials, stupid things I said, or the emotional double ugly clutch crying breakdown. That was up until recently...when I woke up from a drunken mess horrified of the partial memory of a very brief intense make out session with a very good friend of mine. At first I thought it was some crazy horrible dream...I don't remember details only that something very inappropriate happened. I have no idea who iniatied it, as this was a very innocent friendship. No past history of flirting or anything remotely close to that. I am not even remotely attracted to this man...he is much older than me so I have kind of looked up to him as a "Father figure" for gosh sakes I am friends with his wife and kids. Anyway...I went into full on panic mode, shaking, sweating, dry heaving, crying fits. I am mortified! I seriously want to crawl into a hole and never show my face again. This is so out of character for me....I have never cheated on my husband. I don't understand what would posess me to do something like this. I couldn't look myself in the mirror let alone all of our mutual friends. My "friend" came over to my place the following day and I apologized profusely insisting that nothing like that would ever happen again, told him I had never done anything like that....he said not to worry that we were both pretty trashed. I don't want to tell my husband as this would send him over the edge, and it is my guilt to carry not his. I fear that my friend may tell his wife and that would be the unraveling of both of our marriages and our pretty tight group of friends. I seriously am absolutely terrified.....and disgusted with myself. How could I have done something so out of character for me.....I really want and need to stop drinking!

[CanToo]

Newbie....

ORS,

I am so sorry this happened. Hang in there for a response from someone with more experience than me.

This is a great site and they'll tell you to start with the toolbox thread.

You are not alone.

CanToo

[CanToo]

Newbie....

Here you go.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Kradle123]

Newbie....

Hi One and Welcome :h

That is very scary but I heard loud and clear in your writing hat this was a one shot deal and completely not your true self. But the AL creates such sudden, unexpected upheavals within us- thank heavens on some level it wasn't someone creepy or dangerous. Not much comfort I know but honestly, honey almost every single person here has got stories of things we've done we can barely believe!

Please stay close for awhile and read read read. Also as Can Too pointed the way to the tool box. The Newbie Nest is also a very good place to stop in. Many senior members there. Lots
Of comfort and wisdom there.

This will be a long journey but it truly sounds as though the front desk just sent you the wake up call. I know when I got mine. Kept hitting the damn snooze button.

Hugs and strength,
:l