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    #1

    Fear

    Hi There
    Today i feel ok but spend so much time dealing with `what if` and `fear`what if i gave up the booze for a long period how good would i feel , if i gave up the booze how would i fill my time as i spend most of my time either justifying why i dont need a break or time spent feeling sick or upset how much i have drank

    I have a wedding coming up and i know my partner will be hoping i dont get pissed or say stuff during the speaches i should not , my thoughts are maybe i wont drink at all to take away the risk and then i have a holiday coming up and the fear i have with flying how on earth can i fly `straight` i always have a few to take the edge off
    So the days continue i think i will have a break from the booze after my holiday but why wait i ask myself well it comes down to `fear`
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    #2
    Fear

    Hi The time is now,

    When is the wedding?

    You've got a lot of "what if's"

    Flying, (I'm terrified of that too) speaking, yep, another one, big party, anticipation of the event. Socializing without drinking too much, or better yet, not drinking at all so you can have some great memories.

    It's best to break these down into individual parts so they are not so overwhelming. Why don't you start by telling us when the event is and how far away you have to go. There's a great group here who can help you break down the particulars one by one.

    Best, Raven

    Comment

      #3
      Fear

      hi

      the wedding is this Sunday !

      Comment

        #4
        Fear

        OK, so how far away is it? Do you know who will be there? Please don't think this is silly but its important. Do you know what you're wearing yet? Shoes, accessories, clothes, hair, the whole thing. If not plan this now. You want to look absolutely fantastic and be in your best form as you probably haven't seen a lot of these people in a while right?

        Who is driving? Are you giving a toast? Have you written out your toast yet?

        Have you thought through some kind words for the bride, the groom the parents of the bride, parents of the groom, siblings, grandparents. You want to be at your utmost charm and charisma here and leave an amazing impression with these folks about how well mannered and polite you are. Think about current event topics (light hearted) as conversation starters for guests who might be ill at ease because you will be confident and self assured the whole time you know.

        Comment

          #5
          Fear

          Raven2012;1376880 wrote: OK, so how far away is it? Do you know who will be there? Please don't think this is silly but its important. Do you know what you're wearing yet? Shoes, accessories, clothes, hair, the whole thing. If not plan this now. You want to look absolutely fantastic and be in your best form as you probably haven't seen a lot of these people in a while right?

          Who is driving? Are you giving a toast? Have you written out your toast yet?

          Have you thought through some kind words for the bride, the groom the parents of the bride, parents of the groom, siblings, grandparents. You want to be at your utmost charm and charisma here and leave an amazing impression with these folks about how well mannered and polite you are. Think about current event topics (light hearted) as conversation starters for guests who might be ill at ease because you will be confident and self assured the whole time you know.
          mmmm strange lol

          yes suit sorted , yes know most people , not doing a toast or speach ! probably a cab home drive there ! but maybe thats my out to drive.......................

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            #6
            Fear

            OK, baby steps. Little bit about me. I am not terribly religious but come from a long line of Baptist ministers! Every now and then, something kicks in and I just get rolling Forgive me and I hope you see the humor. If you have a goal of going there and coming away having a good time with no uncomfortable situations I completely respect that and its a very solid step in the right direction.

            My point was, planning is the way to go and you will succeed. Sounds like you are well on your way. Good luck!

            Comment

              #7
              Fear

              i certainly dont want to be the person people talk about who was pissed and have a upset partner !!! so maybe drinking nothing will be the way forward that night , how long you been dry /

              Comment

                #8
                Fear

                Just over a month. And I guess you could say I'm real enthusiastic about it. Great things start happening all over the place, home, work, social,family, but for some people it's gradual so I may have layed it on a bit much. I sensed with you a sincere desire for good things in the future, and maybe thats a week away, maybe thats a month away, you know everyone has their own pace.

                But if you have a plan, that's the most important thing. I think you are on the right track and again, sorry for my semantics, when I re-read my post I realized I sounded just like my cousin from Alabama! He was a sweetie!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Fear

                  The Time is now...

                  I am new to all of this....and am still myself trying to learn how to breakdown all of the steps. May I go out on a limb by saying the thing you have to "fear" is "fear" itself. Embrace and face your fears one at a time...which is so much easier said than done. If you chose to attend the wedding sober and you follow through with that what have you lost? Flying sober....what have you lost? Like I said I am new to all of this and this line of thinking has helped me so far....I have far more to lose is I choose to drink than I do if I remain diligent in remaing sober. You can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                  "Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody knows about".
                  ~Author Unknown
                  AF since February 4, 2013

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Fear

                    TTIN,

                    You know what I fear? Drinking! Because when I drink, I DON'T know what will happen, but when I'm sober, I can pretty much control what's going on. Losing control is scary. Doing things/saying things I would never say sober is scary. Regret, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety and a hangover...all scary. Being sober and with a clear head....not scary at all. You CAN get through any situation sober, and you'll be glad you did. Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

                    K9
                    :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                    Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Fear

                      K9, me too!! Great post!

                      Hi The Time is now,

                      Fear was one of the things that held me back for years as well. I put it in my signature line to remind myself about it. I think I finally figured out that the real "I" was not afraid of a change, but "it" was afraid. Part of a break from fear for me was finding the stregnth to listen to real, weakened part of me and make a difficult life change.

                      I also began to see the relationship between alcohol and fear/anxiety in my life. Alcohol PUTS far more "edge" into your life than it will ever take off. If someone would have told me at the beginning of my quit, how relaxed I would become, I would have never believed it.

                      Drinking was my nightmare, but my alarm went off! Ultimately, I was more afraid of continuing, than repeatedly folding to all the little "fears" it tried to whisper into my ear. Maybe writing some things down and looking at them would help you?

                      Oh yeah, I hate, hate, hate, hate flying too, but I'd do anything to relax now EXCEPT have a drink. Good topic!
                      "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them." Analects of Confucius
                      AF 11/12/11

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Fear

                        Pinecone;1377639 wrote: K9, me too!! Great post!

                        Hi The Time is now,

                        Fear was one of the things that held me back for years as well. I put it in my signature line to remind myself about it. I think I finally figured out that the real "I" was not afraid of a change, but "it" was afraid. Part of a break from fear for me was finding the stregnth to listen to real, weakened part of me and make a difficult life change.

                        I also began to see the relationship between alcohol and fear/anxiety in my life. Alcohol PUTS far more "edge" into your life than it will ever take off. If someone would have told me at the beginning of my quit, how relaxed I would become, I would have never believed it.

                        Drinking was my nightmare, but my alarm went off! Ultimately, I was more afraid of continuing, than repeatedly folding to all the little "fears" it tried to whisper into my ear. Maybe writing some things down and looking at them would help you?

                        Oh yeah, I hate, hate, hate, hate flying too, but I'd do anything to relax now EXCEPT have a drink. Good topic!
                        so how do you take the edge of when flying rather than drinking

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Fear

                          wedding

                          my hardest part is not drinking at social events because everyone looks like theyre having so much damn fun,plus the anxiety of trying not to drink muddles my brain so theres really no good memories made,uh it sux
                          I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                          I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                          Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Fear

                            The time is now;1377686 wrote: so how do you take the edge of when flying rather than drinking
                            I suggest magnesium, an eye mask and headphones blasting ocean sounds. My travel formula is needles, yarn and an audiobook. Get creative - you can think of something.

                            As for the wedding, I say plan for the worst. If you know that you're likely to drink, plan some ways of mitigating the damage. Eat a huge, fatty meal before you go and take a kudzu supplement if you can get some with a lot of active kudzu before Sunday (doubtful). I have also used activated charcoal (dirt cheap) to slow the absorption of alcohol enough to prevent making a total ass of myself. If you eat a stick of butter, pop some activated charcoal and take a cab, you can still decide not to drink; it will just be far less likely to be tragic if you do drink.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Fear

                              KittyMcKnitty;1377713 wrote: I suggest magnesium, an eye mask and headphones blasting ocean sounds. My travel formula is needles, yarn and an audiobook. Get creative - you can think of something.

                              As for the wedding, I say plan for the worst. If you know that you're likely to drink, plan some ways of mitigating the damage. Eat a huge, fatty meal before you go and take a kudzu supplement if you can get some with a lot of active kudzu before Sunday (doubtful). I have also used activated charcoal (dirt cheap) to slow the absorption of alcohol enough to prevent making a total ass of myself. If you eat a stick of butter, pop some activated charcoal and take a cab, you can still decide not to drink; it will just be far less likely to be tragic if you do drink.
                              what does kudzu do?

                              i know its strange what you put witha holiday arriving at airport a few drinks then some on the plane beer by the pool and on and on............

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