Help - terrified.

[TheSunFlower]

Help - terrified.

Those 3 days are important! Get some rest and take care of yourself tomorrow.

[Next, please]

Help - terrified.

Wow! 47 seems to be a popular age around here, myself included.

Deathless, I can relate to everything you're going through. I am trying so hard not to drink and have been getting 1 day, then 3, then another 1,etc...after daily drinking for...dare I say..decades? YIKES!

I'm looking at it as learning to walk. Not that there's any memory of that, but I know it was a part of MY life. So, I'm trying incorporate that "try again....one more step this time" encouragement, hoping one day I will say, "HEY! Look at me! I'm walking!"

I am also a writer. And, also probably lost another relationship to AL. My BF hasn't called for a couple of days. Our last encounter had a look I cannot get out of my mind. He looked at me, looked at the wine glass and his face just read a look of disgust. OUCH!!!!

Let's get outta this AL hell hole, okay? I'm not sure about anything right now, except I know life will be better on the other side and I'm not sure I can get there. Bit of a mind f**K, huh?

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Kradle123]

Help - terrified.

Thank you Next for your Post.

I can so relate. I'm a writer as well and have many relationships lost to AL-romantic and otherwise. I never quite looked at it, however, as being 'lost to AL' .

I want to think about that perspective. For whatever reason, it makes me feel less self loathing which for me is a big hurdle...

It is an AL hell hole. That's the only thing i'm certain of as well. :h

:l

[Mootsbill]

Help - terrified.

Deathless your post made me feel so sad and worried. It's so good that you are here and trying to make the changes, but have you thought about more support, maybe AA, chat rooms are great but you can't beat the comfort of real people ;0) if you know what I mean?
Each day at the moment feels tough for you but think of the future, although your wife has made changes in her life the children are still yours and you can still be a brilliant father to them,spend time with them, nurture them, hold them and most importantly be there for them.
You (as many of us have) have a big mountain to climb but don't ever think its not worth it because it is.
Sending you strength

[Deathless]

Help - terrified.

Hard day. Had to write something this morning and could barely touch the keys - took me about an hour to type so much as a sentence. Shakes, anxiety, shame, worry. I had a friend who died not long ago who had been sober - booze, drugs, cigarettes, everything - for 15 years. I'll never forget him saying to me: "I'ts funny how you're not embarrassed to be seen asleep in a gutter, or feel shame that you fell asleep with your face in a bowl of spaghetti, but you're ashamed of becoming sober, or telling people you how you have a problem when chances are they've known for years." How true.

[Deathless]

Help - terrified.

Mootsbill;1381981 wrote: Deathless your post made me feel so sad and worried. It's so good that you are here and trying to make the changes, but have you thought about more support, maybe AA, chat rooms are great but you can't beat the comfort of real people ;0) if you know what I mean?
Each day at the moment feels tough for you but think of the future, although your wife has made changes in her life the children are still yours and you can still be a brilliant father to them,spend time with them, nurture them, hold them and most importantly be there for them.
You (as many of us have) have a big mountain to climb but don't ever think its not worth it because it is.
Sending you strength

AA is not really an option for me, Mootsbill. There are reasons for that which are fairly exotic, but, even if they didn't exist, the reality is that I live in at Outback Australian town where AA does not exists - what exists instead is a 130-year tradition of hard drinking. I have to be here for work, so doing a geographical is not really an option either. I have spoken to a few close friends I have here who know what's going on, and one of them is going to try to get me up every morning for a plysical workout - this person is a former warden of some of the toughest jails in Australia, so that might be useful.

[Quest for the key]

Help - terrified.

Deathless I just wanted to let you know I've been following your thread and I really feel your pain.

I too can manage it to the night of day 3 - then - wollop !! There she goes again. So once again, back to day one.

I have come really close to losing my marriage (on more than one occassion) and my kids (I have 4 boys). I don't know what I would have done if I had actually last them completely. I try not to think about that.

Just wanted to let you know that we are all here for each other - I only found this forum last week, and I pop into the newbies nest quite often - but if you need to talk, you can message me.

Take care hunny xxxxx

[jenniech]

Help - terrified.

it is a very difficult journey, but you CAN DO IT. I can't tell you how many times I tried and failed. Look at when I became a member here. This is the longest I have gone without AL in 13 years (and I stopped 13 years ago only long enough to give birth to my healthy, wonderful son). So, what has happened yesterday or last week or just a few minutes ago DOESN"T MATTER. What matters is NOW ..... RIGHT NOW.....and right now you don't want to drink anymore so you won't.
That is what I do. I take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time......and I always feel so grateful that I did not pick up because my head is clear, I am not hungover, I remember things, I am PRESENT....
Keep coming back no matter what and eventually, if not sooner, it will work.

[Deathless]

Help - terrified.

Quest for the key;1382127 wrote: Deathless I just wanted to let you know I've been following your thread and I really feel your pain.

I too can manage it to the night of day 3 - then - wollop !! There she goes again. So once again, back to day one.

I have come really close to losing my marriage (on more than one occassion) and my kids (I have 4 boys). I don't know what I would have done if I had actually last them completely. I try not to think about that.

Just wanted to let you know that we are all here for each other - I only found this forum last week, and I pop into the newbies nest quite often - but if you need to talk, you can message me.

Take care hunny xxxxx

You've still got your family? Use me. Use me to tell you how awful it is to lose them. If you have not lost them yet, stop. Stop. Now. You say you don't want to think about what life will be like if you lose them. Allow me to tell you. When I was drinking and Kellie was fighting me about it, I actually convinced myself that I wanted to be away from her and the kids, so I could be free. Now I have been for nearly a year, and it's been horrible. There have been some happy times, when I've been drunk and don't care about anything. But unless you've got several million bucks in the bank, and no concern for your health, that happiness doesn't last very long. If I had the money, I would buy back every drink I've had for ten years, tip it all down the sink, and be in heaven lying in what my little daughter calls "the big bed", with their lovely bodies next to me, and all the love I know you have experienced, too. Don't lose it. It's not worth it. There is nothing about it that is good.

[Kradle123]

Help - terrified.

My bestest friend lost her three boys to the most horrible monster I've seen outside of films he tortures those boys and her constantly. How she stays sober through it....I don't know. But she is an inspiration to me and is a main reason I have to be free of this.

You and she are kindred spirits in a way Deathless though you're on the other side othe world. I've gone through her struggle four 4 years now. It's indescribably hard.

Your journey is incredible, inspirational to me, as strange as that might sound.
Sleep well,

:l

[Deathless]

Help - terrified.

The shakes

Feeling a bit better today, but these shakes suck (I can hardly type), as does that little "horror thrill" (as I call it) that courses through me every few minutes and wakes me about 100 times a night. How long do these last? I'm sure a lot of my nervous tension is based on what's been happening in my life, so it's difficult to assess what is Al withdrawal and what is not. But I am feeling a trifle stronger today about giving up for good.

[Dritzz]

Help - terrified.

new here. can relate to so many of these personal stories. especially your loss and sadness deathless. i lost my mother to parkinson's after a terribly hard to deal with decline of her health. i'd always been a binge drinker since teenage years. her death threw me over the edge into complete escapism. i would drink everyday and hide the bottles when they were empty. my self loathing and shame escalated.
i lost the love of my life and step child. my home. self respect. friends.
i have nothing to gain from drinking, yet i can't stop. i'm a highly logical person but i get into a situation with alcohol and if i don't have limits (like having to work the next day) i binge.
recently, i went to an event i had been looking forward to for months. i binged, drunk fell and smashed my face. i'm healing quickly, but this was my wake up call. i ruined the entire event for my friends as well. the absolute remorse and shame is overwhelming.
i am hopeful that this is truly a solid step in the direction i need to go. thanks for your courage to post.

[Determinator]

Help - terrified.

Deathless, how long since last drink? from my experience the first 3 days 'totally suck' then I'm shaky off and on for days 4 and 5.

if you can get some magnesium, vitamin C and thiamine, those are all critical at this time. hang in there! it does get better soon.

Dritzz, welcome! lets proceed to shame-free happy lives

[mommyKW]

Help - terrified.

Deathless, courage to you... I get shakes too but they fade within a couple of days. I guess it varies from person to person. You are so strong to reach out at what can surely be a challenging time for you and I am cheering for your success. Things can only get better.
@Determinator, Vit C was what I had plentyful of today...another one of my day ones (tough). Also your signature "Know Thyself" stuck out... guess I need to be doing some of that. Best to you all...

[Deathless]

Help - terrified.

Determinator;1382928 wrote: Deathless, how long since last drink? from my experience the first 3 days 'totally suck' then I'm shaky off and on for days 4 and 5.

if you can get some magnesium, vitamin C and thiamine, those are all critical at this time. hang in there! it does get better soon.

Dritzz, welcome! lets proceed to shame-free happy lives

Three days. I've taken some Codien and beta-blockers which are helping. My appetite is non-existent.