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    #16
    Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

    This a great thread and you ALL have contributed good points my mind is currently processing like a chatter box. I've noted that week four has definitely produced more thoughts about having a drink. I've had more cravings in the last few days then any other time in my four weeks sober. The monster is really running around loose in my head. That could be due to my emotional conflicts or where my chemistry is at during this time or both. I don't feel complacent per say, as I know where this road leads, but I can see where there can be a waning of the prior excitement you get from the initial success and the need to stay vigilant in adding in replacements and sticking to a PLAN OF ACTION. I, also, see your point, Alan, concerning the 30 day mark, but for me I need those marks as a way to accomplish my short term goals. It gives me a shorter time span to hold onto when things get rough. I'll worry about the next week after my 30 day mark. It's that one day at a time or short term goal thing. Even if I am shooting for long term sobriety, for me I must stick to the shorter time frames for now. If I think about making it a year, I may feel overwhelmed. A wall is built one brick at a time. Accomplishing shorter term goals lets me see my accomplishments and that it is possible even if done in small chunks, and I accumulate productivity and growth I can see as a reward to build on.

    Side note to Byrdlady: If you've never seen anyone who drinks like you, I think you've never run into me. In five years of drinking, I managed to accomplish gaining quite a reputation in my area for my bad habit/problem. My husband says, wow you've become famous. This isn't quite what one wants to be made famous for as I'm sure you know. I could start at 2 in the afternoon and at two in the morning, I'm still going strong looking for a party. God knows how I stayed alive this long. I don't think that can be forgotten so easily as some bartenders are happy to see me not drinking. The stigma can be pretty horrible for a woman. More so than a man, imo. Somehow woman are looked down on much more shamefully than men. That is not to take away from a man's burdens of having an addiction/alcohol problem, but women have an additional shame added to the mix. Maybe that's a blessing at this point for me.

    Again, great thread. I need some new thoughts floating in this head right now.

    :l
    Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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      #17
      Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

      Zax;1379916 wrote: You can't think like that. They say "one day at a time" for a reason. You'll only know how it will feel at that 1 month/1 year mark when you get there. And like others have said you'll feel different after having reached that mark multiple times.

      Just like how everyone abuses alcohol differently everyone feels different about sobriety (and even moderation). Just stick to your plan until *you* feel like altering it. Thats what i tell myself to take some measure of control back.

      Dont think about a year from now. Think about how good you feel right now
      Agreed! I do like to read all the thoughts and have them at hand to use when needed.
      Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

      Comment


        #18
        Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

        dixon;1379905 wrote: Yes, you find the enemy and that is overconfidence !!There are so many people here in the worlds who have lost all the stuffs they had and surrender to the death .As far I know we are in need of everything in our life, day for work ,night to sleep, friend to love,partner to have romance, we need enemy too ,they make us need of strength...so over doing and over indulging to any of them certainly will be fatal. Like over eating,over sleeping,over worrying don't pay back good health,overconfidence will destroy our whole life.
        I am glad you recognise it and hope you will deal with and reign it under your arm.

        I would like to add a paragraph relating to this issue here,

        Sad Vs Happy

        Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.

        Dix
        Love this, Dixon. I just started reading you in the last week on and off. You have some great thoughts in that mind of yours. Keep pushing on.
        Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

        Comment


          #19
          Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

          mollyka;1379938 wrote: I agree Slay --- far worse for us women imo also. A man who drinks too much is often known as a 'bit of a lad' whereas we are just sneered at and made fun of when we make eejits of ourselves with drink. I use that as a positive tho - I love being the sober wife/mum/friend/work colleague - that can be depended on - I never want to be that snivelling drunk woman again.
          Me, too, Molly. I used to say I'll do it more just to prove I'm not going to fall prey to their mid evil drone mindset. I don't think that is fair, but I do not want to be that drunk woman with or without that mindset that still prevails in the world.
          Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

          Comment


            #20
            Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

            allankay;1379874 wrote:
            I don?t know when I will be able to completely trust myself but having too much pride/confidence can have its downside. Just wanted to say to everyone in their first weeks or months of being sober ? stay humble.
            Allan - thank you for this. This is what i have been looking for these past couple of days, having got through 1 week AF. It's only my first time going AF, and i read so much about folks' over confidence at the start, that i'm questioning my own. Trying to stay humble here. Listening, experiencing, learning. Thank you.

            RunningC

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              #21
              Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

              Byrdlady;1379909 wrote: Allan, well done on your urge surfing!! From around 2 weeks until that 30 day mark not only will your emotions be all over the place, but public enemy #1 is complacency!! Once you KNOW you can live without it a whole other game begins in your head. And that game continues on....I'm 20 months sober and still, every now and then I get hit out of left field. Some of the 'old timers' may be able to say that they go away totally, but I think that great vigilance will always be necessary. It doesn't bother me one bit when others are drinking around me...that is their privilidge...I abused that. This is my problem, not theirs. I know that it will never be ok for me to drink....Not one, not ever...I think sometimes to myself, so what if I go off the wagon for a while and pull a bender?? But there is one thing this place has shown me time and time again....the ending of that scenario. I know how that will end. It is HARD as HELL to start over. No more Day 1's....Like you, I have learned my lesson. AL wins everytime. I give up. I am no opponent for its power. If you stay on this forum, you will 'see' the future!! And fear motivates me too! It's just NOT worth it.
              Great thread and thoughts here! Well done! Byrdie
              I always LOVE your attitude Byrdie, as it is so mirrors what i believe is necessary in order to overcome alcoholism. ACCEPT the nature of the problem.

              We have abused alcohol, whether that is the cause, or whether it was caused by genetics, childhood, life traumas etc is neither here nor there. We can no longer drink. This is only my second quit and ( barring what I call a suicide event in my life ,like the death of a loved one) I AM confident that I will not drink alcohol again.

              Whilst this may cause a sharp intake of breath from some quarters I do not care.....and I will explain why.
              I have ACCEPTED I have an allergic reaction to alcohol
              I have ACCEPTED one is too many and a hundred is not enough
              I have ACCEPTED that alcohol is a toxic poison that normal healthy people do not ingest.
              I have ACCEPTED that life without alcohol is infinitely better
              I have ACCEPTED that my past has made me who I am....and I like me
              I have ACCEPTED that to be envious of people drinking alcohol is as stupid as envying a heroin addict, in fact worse, as percentage wise alcohol will kill more people.

              This post is about overconfidence, I don't believe anyone COULD be overconfident if they truly hold the above beliefs.

              Or put another way, if I had just been hospitalized and near death due to eating macadamia nuts because I had a severe allergy that I was unaware of you would describe my survival as lucky. If I came out of hospital and said " oooo I know those nuts nearly killed me, But I am feeling better now, and I really liked the taste. I think I will have some more" then you would call me stupid.

              I AM NOT STUPID!

              BUT I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO STILL BE ALIVE

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                #22
                Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                Great post, you are doing so well Allan, so good that ou didn't cave in. I know what you mean re, the fear, I need that fear to keep me going.
                My main thing is when I think forward to certain social occasions I can't visulise myself doing it AF! This makes me fearful within itself.
                Wonder how this rings true with others? Xxx
                AF since 2nd Oct 2012
                Day by day

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                  #23
                  Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                  Mootsbill, I know exactly what you mean. However, with every passing day I find that my attitude towards AL changes and even though I am still avoiding drinking places like a plague, I am confident that I will get through social events without giving in, may be with a hint of temptation.

                  I actually wrote a whole post about this, if you are interested. Link here

                  https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...bel-68016.html
                  AF since 1st Sep 2012
                  NF since 1st Sep 2012

                  If you want to feel better visit www.hopeforpaws.org

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                    Mootsbill - it rings SO true and SO loud. I'm concerned too about forthcoming social situations - we have a number at work coming up - and up until really just a week ago, i'd have been there lapping up the amber nectar sauce, the electric soup, the de'il's tipple believing this was THE way to relax and have a good time.

                    Truth is, there is still a large part of my brain that likes to reckon that this still is so... But! I do want to learn to enjoy social events of all kinds without the use of chemical substances... especially ones i have a certain fondness for... So i'm going to try and abstain.

                    Let us know how you do too!

                    RunningC

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                      #25
                      Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                      Forgot to mention, I think its very important to try to avoid those places for ther first 30 days. After that you should have a different outlook.

                      AK
                      AF since 1st Sep 2012
                      NF since 1st Sep 2012

                      If you want to feel better visit www.hopeforpaws.org

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                        Mootsbill....it rings true with ALL of us! How can we possibly go thru _(insert event here)___ without AL?? It's just unthinkable! Until you do it. I kept putting off my quit until this was over or that was over...truth is that these things will always pop up, it's just life! There will always be an event of some sort! But you have to start... 90 days from today is Christmas. If you start your quit today, just look at where you could be in 90 days! But what about all the parties and the big doings and the pressure to drink? Here's how you do it...you start by conquering today. Have your plan in place as to what you are going to drink and what you are going to tell people who offer. You take each occasion as it comes whether it's a football game or a turkey dinner, get your excuse down pat. You will find a little rough edge at first, but practice makes perfect. After a while you will find your legs and be just fine..as the evening wears on, no one will be noticing what you are drinking. I've found that the only ones that really care about what you are drinking are other people like us!! Most people, at some point or the other don't drink and nobody grills them about it. Most of what we worry about never happens...the fear we have of stopping is replaced with optimistic hope for the future. The biggest fear I should have had was NOT stopping! Stopping was the reward, not the punishment like I thought. If what you've tried hasn't worked...change course and try AF! Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely!! Byrdie
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                        Tool Box
                        Newbie's Nest

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                          #27
                          Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

                          allankay;1382841 wrote: Forgot to mention, I think its very important to try to avoid those places for ther first 30 days. After that you should have a different outlook.

                          AK
                          Allan - you should have a different outlook. But *I* didn't. Not my first long quit. I was very confident. And shortly before 40 days - we were all out having a lovely social brunch - and the table ordered a pitcher of Bloody Mary's - and that was all she wrote for my quit.

                          Oh - I seemed fine. At the table. But I was secretly obsessing on how I could have another. And on the way home - I got the box of Tempernillo. And the rest is history. Rode that box right back into the gutter...worse than ever. Ruined everyone's trust along the way - because they had just begun to hope...

                          Everyone's different. This time - I'm going to make 40 days. And this time - I am taking the AB. Because I know I can slip in an instant. But tomorrow is another day. And I will wake up tomorrow wishing I hadn't. The AB buys me 5 days to come to my senses before I can act. I believe I will come to my senses in 5 days.

                          And we are now - day 36.
                          That popping sound you hear is me attempting to remove my head from my arse. It's been there for years so this may take a while.
                          Admitting I need healing. And I am not big enough to do this alone.
                          AF - August 20, 2012

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