Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

[allankay]

Today marks my 18th day sober. The cravings got milder, emotional distress I experienced last week has not re-occurred in a few days but I have a new enemy ? confidence.

It was coming to the end of the day. The air was fresh and the sun was still warm, perfect time for a drink outside before the weather changes. I had no desire for an alcoholic beverage, however, something deep inside told me ? look at you, you are the man. You got the will power and proved it to yourself that you can do it, so enough is enough just enjoy the company of your peers and have a drink.? This was so irrational that I almost went with it. WTF, not only do I need to be in control of my physical state but psychological too.

However, for the first time in my life, I feel like FEAR is my friend. The fear of losing my prize (my 18 days that I worked so very hard for), the fear of waking up with anxiety and guilt, fear of doing something stupid and potentially dangerous or illegal. No Way! But damn it was a close call.

I don?t know when I will be able to completely trust myself but having too much pride/confidence can have its downside. Just wanted to say to everyone in their first weeks or months of being sober ? stay humble.


ALLAN

[vlivengood]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

AK - I 100% AGREE! you know how easy it is to quit on the heels of a binge that left you with the shittiest hangover and anxiety and guilt..... Pretty easy.... the pain is still so fresh and the will power is PRESET for us by that.

The way you described the perfect day and the perfect setting for just one cold one is exactly how I feel.... The better I feel the more confident I feel and the less I remember the horror of it all I begin to focus on all the wonderful things about my old friend AL.

I still do not know how to conquer that..... I think it is especially hard when while I may have suffered way to many horrid hangover mornings I was still very high functioning so it is easy to say F' it, whats the worst that can happen, I might feel like crap in the am?

Today i am shooting for day two AF, yesterday was a breeze but I know today will be much harder since I am feeling GREAT! I'm really going to try and force myself thru this one and see how I feel in the morning about that decision, I am willing to bet it is a similar feeling to how I feel about going to the gym i never WANT to go but I have never regretted it afterwards.... I have regretted a night of drinking afterwards MANY of times.

Did you regret choosing not to have that drink? I mean really wish you could go back and have it? I HIGHLY DOUBT IT.....

Thanks for the post, just what I needed CONGRATS ON 18DAYS

[K9Lover]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

You are so right Allan. TWO TIMES at day 40 I felt confident that I had this problem licked...so I drank. Needless to say, it didn't take long before my celebration of how well I was doing morphed back into my nightly blackouts. We have to be vigilant in our sobriety and never allow ourselves to think we're cured. It's a daily battle that gets easier over time, but it's still a battle.

[allankay]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Livengood, I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Keep posting often, that helped me a lot especially in my first week. A good start in AF journey is very important as it is in real life. But unless you decide to truly quit for good and switch to gratitude mode (thankful to be sober), recovery is nearly impossible as you will always think of AL as a reward/friend...

ALLAN

[FlyAway]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Good job Allan!

I think way too much importance is put on making it 30 days. As if you will be totally free from your alcohol dependence after 30 days. The hardest time for me every single time I've quit is during the second and third month. That's really when I tend to let my guard down and think, hey I really wasn't all that bad; maybe I can moderate now.

[allankay]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Mollyka, thank you! This time around I will admit that AL is a stronger opponent than me. So why even try to enter into the boxing ring knowing that you are going to get beaten. I would rather just not fight at al. Let AL feel like he is a champion, a bully if it pleases him. Just keep me out if it.

K9, yes completely share your experience. I started drinking after 6 months sober, the last time around. I wonder, now that you have been AF for nearly a whole year, do you still get craving or thoughts about having AL, even if you don’t act on them. And also, how do you feel in a drinking environment or surrounded by people having a drink. Do you completely block it out or do you acknowledge the alcohol around you and simply continue to enjoy yourself?

ALLAN

[Ishybit]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Oh boy AK you really speak the truth.
I can't tell you how many times I have failed due to that very scenario. This is the first time EVER that I have racked up a semi significant amount of time AF. On the one hand it gets easier but on the other, the memories can fade and set you up for failure. I have been kind of struggling with gratitude, I mean the really deep satisfaction and peacefulness of sobriety. Lav had posted a gratitude sight a while ago but I seem to have lost it.mif anyone knows of it or has any tips, advice etc... I would love your input.
Btw ak, way to go for not caving! Stay strong.
Ishy

[dixon]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

allankay;1379874 wrote: Today marks my 18th day sober. The cravings got milder, emotional distress I experienced last week has not re-occurred in a few days but I have a new enemy ? confidence.

It was coming to the end of the day. The air was fresh and the sun was still warm, perfect time for a drink outside before the weather changes. I had no desire for an alcoholic beverage, however, something deep inside told me ? look at you, you are the man. You got the will power and proved it to yourself that you can do it, so enough is enough just enjoy the company of your peers and have a drink.? This was so irrational that I almost went with it. WTF, not only do I need to be in control of my physical state but psychological too.

However, for the first time in my life, I feel like FEAR is my friend. The fear of losing my prize (my 18 days that I worked so very hard for), the fear of waking up with anxiety and guilt, fear of doing something stupid and potentially dangerous or illegal. No Way! But damn it was a close call.

I don?t know when I will be able to completely trust myself but having too much pride/confidence can have its downside. Just wanted to say to everyone in their first weeks or months of being sober ? stay humble.


ALLAN

Yes, you find the enemy and that is overconfidence !!There are so many people here in the worlds who have lost all the stuffs they had and surrender to the death .As far I know we are in need of everything in our life, day for work ,night to sleep, friend to love,partner to have romance, we need enemy too ,they make us need of strength...so over doing and over indulging to any of them certainly will be fatal. Like over eating,over sleeping,over worrying don't pay back good health,overconfidence will destroy our whole life.
I am glad you recognise it and hope you will deal with and reign it under your arm.

I would like to add a paragraph relating to this issue here,

Sad Vs Happy

Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.

Dix

[Byrdlady]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Allan, well done on your urge surfing!! From around 2 weeks until that 30 day mark not only will your emotions be all over the place, but public enemy #1 is complacency!! Once you KNOW you can live without it a whole other game begins in your head. And that game continues on....I'm 20 months sober and still, every now and then I get hit out of left field. Some of the 'old timers' may be able to say that they go away totally, but I think that great vigilance will always be necessary. It doesn't bother me one bit when others are drinking around me...that is their privilidge...I abused that. This is my problem, not theirs. I know that it will never be ok for me to drink....Not one, not ever...I think sometimes to myself, so what if I go off the wagon for a while and pull a bender?? But there is one thing this place has shown me time and time again....the ending of that scenario. I know how that will end. It is HARD as HELL to start over. No more Day 1's....Like you, I have learned my lesson. AL wins everytime. I give up. I am no opponent for its power. If you stay on this forum, you will 'see' the future!! And fear motivates me too! It's just NOT worth it.
Great thread and thoughts here! Well done! Byrdie

[allankay]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Ishy when you are talking about semi significant amount of AF time, what time frames are we talking about? I really would like to establish solid milestones for myself. I think 1 year should be a good indicator that you have quit for good or at least should signify a high probability of a lifetime quit.

Hi Dix, good to hear from you! I like your analogy with the tree. May be that how celebrities feel every day LOL

ALLAN

[allankay]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Thanks Byrdie, I was wondering if I will still be having these thought 1 month, 1 year... down the line. You are right! How can you forget, when you are constantly reminded by people around you, with all the stupid questions and comments, even though deep down you know that they mean well. I am of course talking about the privileged few who can enjoy just one beer, just one glass of wine with dinner, just one cocktail at an after party.

ALLAN

[Zax]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

allankay;1379912 wrote: Thanks Byrdie, I was wondering if I will still be having these thought 1 month, 1 year... down the line. You are right! How can you forget, when you are constantly reminded by people around you, with all the stupid questions and comments, even though deep down you know that they mean well. I am of course talking about the privileged few who can enjoy just one beer, just one glass of wine with dinner, just one cocktail at an after party.
ALLAN

You can't think like that. They say "one day at a time" for a reason. You'll only know how it will feel at that 1 month/1 year mark when you get there. And like others have said you'll feel different after having reached that mark multiple times.

Just like how everyone abuses alcohol differently everyone feels different about sobriety (and even moderation). Just stick to your plan until *you* feel like altering it. Thats what i tell myself to take some measure of control back.

Dont think about a year from now. Think about how good you feel right now

[Byrdlady]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Yes...lucky ducks...they prolly have other problems tho, that we can't imagine. No body has everything!!!
We went out with a couple the other night (me, the only nondrinker)...she got a drink called a Pain Killer. She only drank half of the dam thing! Then when we got back to the house, I offered her some wine (hubs got it) and she only drank half of that! Son of a..... I could never do that.
I have become the AL police...unfortunately, I keep track of how much other people drink...I guess one day I will find that person who actually drinks more than I did!
I keep thinking about what you said the other day, and I think you are right....Sober is the new drunk!! B

[allankay]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Byrdie the AL police! That made me laugh to my very core. I can imagine that’s how I will entertain myself at parties and bars when I return to that environment. Thanks for the tip. They will have their drinking games I will have my counting game.

ALLAN

[Ishybit]

Moderation, overconfidence and failure...

Ha, ha Byrdlady!
I have the hardest time wrapping my head around a person who doesn't lick the glass clean! What's wrong with them...me? Im also a counter of others, not necessarily to judge (although I do that sometimes to) but to see what normal drinking is like. I still don't get it.
Ak, I agree with zax, what seemed to help me get started this time is looking at little chunks of time vs down the road. When I look too far ahead I have anxiety, one day at a time really works. It took me a long time to "get it.". To answer question, I'm in the 4-5 month mark. I did have one slip and I will tell you the second I said yes to one, I was chasing down the next with the ol' screw it attitude.
It wasn't worth it. Even writing this is a great reminder for me.
Dixon, that quote really hit home for me. THank you!! I copied it for reference. It just resonates with me. I love picking up nuggets of inspiration and comraderie (sp?) from all of you!
Thanks everyone!
Ishy