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Today is Day 30 AF

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    #1

    Today is Day 30 AF

    Well, I made it and it was NOT easy. Yesterday was the most tempting day of all, but I made it through to hat day. It's been a wild ride of ups and downs some of which I've posted here and others I did not. Brydlady likes to have a speech and I wanted to give one for encouragement to others, but today, I am just not feeling up to it. I had a rough afternoon yesterday, last night and into today. I think part of it has been overdoing this week, the pressures of trying to be perfect and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've used alcohol in the past to ease that stress. Not having that can make for some tough times not having my sea legs built up.

    Throughout this thirty day journey I believe I was thinking just get to 30 days and everything will be alright like some type of magical moment or achievement that marks the beginning of an easier life. However, I feel like the war is just beginning somehow. That now life is raw and there is no where you can run and hide. I have to deal with everything and every emotion served straight up. It feels a little lonely and scary for some reason. I have yet to journal out these feelings. Turning 50 tomorrow and a bad haircut yesterday didn't help either. So, I think I'll be a bit quiet right now and maybe just let some of these mixed feelings out in tears. It can be tough when you are always the strong one for everyone and they expect that out of you. Being weak somehow makes me feel diminished, but I need to let it out. I can't escape into a bottle.

    Thank you all for listening and hopefully I will have a better post for you at a later time. I'm just not up to it right now.

    Be well.
    Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat
    Tags: None
    #2
    Today is Day 30 AF

    Hello Mr (?) Slayer! Read my post on "Mindlessness". Maybe it will help? Of course, I have only slayed (is that a word?) one day, so I'm not as heroic as you! Perhaps you need to celebrate by going out to eat? Go to a movie?
    I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

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      #3
      Today is Day 30 AF

      Slaythefear;1381090 wrote: However, I feel like the war is just beginning somehow. That now life is raw and there is no where you can run and hide. I have to deal with everything and every emotion served straight up.
      Be well.
      Yuppers - with you Slay. Every emotion is just BOING. Every nerve rattles. There is no numbing agent anymore. It's been numb and grey for so long all this technicolor is a little much.

      Congrats on 30 days. It is a long fight. We are at the start. Go read some PAWS articles - this is all normal. Love to you today. XOXO:h:l
      That popping sound you hear is me attempting to remove my head from my arse. It's been there for years so this may take a while.
      Admitting I need healing. And I am not big enough to do this alone.
      AF - August 20, 2012

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        #4
        Today is Day 30 AF

        :bday3: Congrats on 30 days Slay :bday3:

        See how far you've come......and to be able to recognize what's happening right now is HUGE!

        Have a little cry, get it all out, then come back here for some cake and many more Congrats to come. We're here and we're with you.....PPQ

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          #5
          Today is Day 30 AF

          Slay - also, are you on Facebook? I just joined a group "Being Sober Is Only As Dull As You Make It". Check it out!
          I will be sober so I can be clear and remember being a mommy and so I can be in the best place God wants to place me. I will be here! now! FREE! 12.5mg Topamax AM&PM, Ativan until safe from withdrawal syndrome & for anxiety. Thank God I Am Done!

          Comment

            #6
            Today is Day 30 AF

            Rock On Slay....let's shoot for another 30....on day at a time
            I promise, promise, promise it will get easier.......
            I love my family more than alcohol.:h
            Live in the Solution....not the problem

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              #7
              Today is Day 30 AF

              30 days

              fantastic on 30 days i can only hope i get that,anyways,i read your post you seem kind of sad,it remind me of something i told my husband about all this,if you go on a diet after 30 days you lost weight yay your done,quitting drinking is never over,theres no finish line,it sux,its always a struggle,but your doing so good,keep going,and hair does grow and 50 is the new 35 ! have fun!
              I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

              I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
              Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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                #8
                Today is Day 30 AF

                Slay, well done on the first big milestone, hugs and kisses for you, as I don’t know how to insert animations like the others.

                We started about the same time and I agree with everything you have said. First days, weeks are hard but it feels like you are working your way up to a big score, the big 30. However, when you get there, you realise there is no jumbo screen up in the sky that says you have done it, now you can relax. I think being sober long term is more of an adjustment, like moving into a new neighbourhood. You got to get use to it and accept it for what it is. The biggest motivator for me will be the fear of going back to day 1. I have worked so hard to get where I am. As much as I may enjoy that one drink I will regret it for the foreseeable future. So no way no how.

                Better yet if you have a picture of yourself drunk or a photo that reminds you of those dark days, keep it close and every time you catch yourself reaching for a drink, look at that picture and say I am never going back to being that person, for no one for nothing.

                AK
                AF since 1st Sep 2012
                NF since 1st Sep 2012

                If you want to feel better visit www.hopeforpaws.org

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                  #9
                  Today is Day 30 AF

                  :l:h:h
                  A learned habit surely be unlearned !!

                  2012: Continuous AF for 7 months from May to Oct.

                  Big Relapses : 6th November and 12th December 2012.

                  2013 : So many ups and down !!

                  2014: Has a conviction to stay with a healthy life.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Today is Day 30 AF

                    Slay...Are you forgetting about your hat? I left it for you over in the nest...but I deliever...Here you go!! :day5: I'm so proud of you. To reiterate a couple previous posts...50 IS the new 35 and Sober IS the new drunk!! I wish I could make your hair better, but you are on your own with that one, your hard-earned hat should cover.

                    30 Days is a real milepost. You have proven to yourself that you can live without AL. Now is the maintenance of your new quit. No, there aren't any balloons, but seldom in life are there big doings for quiet accomplishments. I have something for you...
                    self esteem, dignity, and pride. Please go back and look at your post from 30 days ago...you will be amazed at the transformation. You are on a journey indeed. Things will get easier and decisions will be made with more clarity...it's as if you have more information with which to make the decisions...and you do. Your mind is clearer and your thinking less jumbled. You will find that you will have good days and some that are harder, but compared to the person we were before our quit...I'll take today's version all day long.

                    Happy 50, and welcome to the other side!! I hope you are as proud of you as I am....Your fan, Byrdie
                    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                    Tool Box
                    Newbie's Nest

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                      #11
                      Today is Day 30 AF

                      Slay - big congratulations on 30 days!!! :yougo::yougo:

                      Sorry to hear you're feeling down at the moment - I hear ya on the roller coaster of emotions.

                      But just remember that this IS life, the emotions and the ups and downs. Unlike the mind- and body-numbing trance we were in before. You have choices, and the strength to deal with them. It's a freedom really, and it will just take some getting used to.
                      AF since 6JUN2012

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                        #12
                        Today is Day 30 AF

                        Slay, WTG on day 30! Very proud of you, I know its a struggle and you did it. I can certainly understand the rollar coaster of emotions too, some days are great and others?
                        Well you all know!
                        Enjoy your day and know that we are all proud of your accomplishment!
                        Kdog
                        Reflect upon your present blessingings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some

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                          #13
                          Today is Day 30 AF

                          Hey Slay, WTG!Tthis is big! 30 days? I'm jealous. Enjoy this day and tomorrow and the next AF.
                          Stumpy,
                          AF since 8/29/12 Goal 30 day-screwed up on day 9
                          AF since 9/9/12- Goal 30 days
                          STUMPY IS A LADY!

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                            #14
                            Today is Day 30 AF

                            Great job, slay. I believe it will get easier over time, but we will need to also be prepared to do the work, and ride out all of those emotions. We just need to remember that alcohol will never improve any aspect of our lives.
                            My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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                              #15
                              Today is Day 30 AF

                              Hey Slay,

                              You're a fighter aren't you. Fantastic job on your 30 days I'm sorry you're feeling a bit down. I'd say more but I haven't made the 30 yet so don't feel able to comment. Just wanted to give you some birthday greetings, a massive :l and I really hope you feel better soon. (also I've got a lovely long pink wig if ever you want to borrow :h) x
                              You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                              :lilangel:

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