New Here

[HunterL]

Hello everyone -

This is a post to tell you a little about me and where I am. It's probably going to be a bit of a tangled message, because I'm not sure how to deliver this information in a story format. But I am hoping I can get some advice from you guys.

The bottom line is I've decided I have a problem with alcohol. This has been a really hard conclusion to come to, but it is the truth. Yet I'm fairly confident that I'm not addicted to it. But I need to do something about it.

I'm in my early 30's and have been drinking alcohol since I was in college. I come from a line of alcoholics (not in my immediate family, but grandparents and distant relatives). When I was in grad school - after finishing college and working for a few years - is the first time I remember drinking alone to pass some time. I've been doing that ever since - almost 10 years.

Since then I have been a regular drinker both during the week and on the weekends. I would be what is defined as a binge drinker, where when going out I will have enough in a short enough time span to get drunk. Usually the drunk part comes after I get home, where I will keep going until I finally get off to bed. Once I start, I don't want to stop.

In a given week, I probably drink 24 - 28 beers. But I find myself drinking five or six nights a week. I rarely drink liquor or wine: Liquor occasionally at a football tailgate and wine sometimes when out to dinner. I'm a lightweight....five beers and I'm drunk.

If I'm with people all night, I don't overindulge. In fact, I'm usually the one doing the sober driving because I moderate while out.

I don't really crave alcohol. I feel like I drink out of habit. I drink for a reason to go out and be around others. I recently moved from a large city to a smaller city where I don't know anyone. I find myself drinking beers at home to pass the time or out on the town as a way to meet new people.

It's the nights when I come home and continue that concern me. In the past, I've never been one to get hangovers, but my body always knew I'd had too much. Recently, though, I no longer shake off the after effects like I used to be able to. It's affecting my work life. Last night I went out to a trivia night with some people from work. Had a few beers out and then came home and had a few more (7 in total). Today I was feeling horrible. Worked from home instead of going into the office. I've just been feeling all around crappy lately, and I think it's the alcohol. My body is telling me it doesn't like it, and I need to stop.

I'm scared to stop. I guess a lot of my social life revolves around alcohol. It concerns me that I'm scared to stop. It concerns me that I'm ashamed that I need to tell people that I have a problem with drinking, and I need to stop. Has anyone else been in my shoes? I'd appreciate your advice.

[RunningCourage]

New Here

Hey Hunter :welcome:

Glad you've come in here - i'm pretty new myself, but it's been a godsend finding this place. First thing I'd do is dive into the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...446-30074.html where you will find a mass of support, help, advice etc.

As for your own story - i can very well relate to it. I'm in my 30's and have drunk pretty much daily since my college days. Pretty much every night (whether week day or weekend) I would drink the minimum of a bottle of wine or the equivalent of between 4 and 6 beers (pints). Similar to you, most of my drinking was done in private at home. (I'd maybe have a couple of after-work pints with colleagues, but would return home secure in the knowledge that i would still be able to get my 'fix' with a few cans or a bottle of vin rouge).

I'd wake up feeling a bit groggy, but rarely with a full-blown hangover, would go to work, function reasonably well... hey, what's the problem?!?! But it was/is. And i knew that i was dependent. I've been looking at AL dependence websites a few times over the past years - which i think speaks volumes as to where i was with my dependency.

I also do firmly believe that AL was taking the edge off of me - I wasn't as sharp, or as awake as i ought to be. I was diluting life.

Don't worry about being scared. I'm fairly new and I'm scared at times also. But that's ok. That's what this place is for. For now, don't be scared to stop - or don't see stopping as or all or nothing. One day at a time. Heck - take 1 hour at a time - 15mins even. Have you had an AF day recently? Is today day 1? Or are you still thinking about/planning when day 1 might be?

I've just watched this short inspiring TED talk - it's been posted here elsewhere - about trying something for 30 days. Worth a watch. Matt Cutts: Try something new for 30 days | Video on TED.com

So, welcome - it's not easy but this place is superb for advice, support, love, having a laugh, having fun and being inspired.

Running C

[Deathless]

New Here

Hi Hunter. I'm new here myself, so I won't dare give you advice about whether you've got a problem or not. The more zealous members of AA would pounce to declare you an "alcoholic" without question, but the more important thing is that you yourself are wondering whether you have a problem, which I suppose means you probably do - or at least will, if you don't get to the bottom of it. I'm a fair bit older than you, but it's interesting what you say about how you're feeling a change with how your body relates to alcohol - that happened to me at a few years before your age. Before that, I used to feel proud to tell people I didn't really know what a hangover was. Then I started getting them. Then I started noticing how much more euphoric I'd feel after that first beer (I can almost remember the very night, and where I was sitting). Looking back, that was clearly my brain telling me that I was becoming seriously addicted. I now am. I drank about the same as you way back then - about 30 beers a week. The last few months of my life have seen me drinking that much in a day - 5 litres of wine a day, sometimes (my bank records tell me that, on one day in March, I purchased a six pack of beer, a bottle of bourbon a few hours later, and then another bottle of bourbon a few hours after that...and i remember none of it). It's a slippery slope, let me tell you. There are plenty of people here who will give you good advice. Stick around.

[Quest for the key]

New Here

Hi Hunter and welcome:welcome:

Just to echo and agree with what's been said - and to let you know you are NOT alone in this battle.

Plan an AF day and see how you feel - then day 2, day 3 - let me tell you, I know it's not easy !! I've done about 4 day 1's in the last couple of weeks - but you only fail when you stop trying !!

Good luck - and pop int the newbies nest - it's a great place to start - and look at the tool box which is on this site too - lots of helpful tips and advice xxx

Good luck hun xxx

[kuya]

New Here

HunterL;1383392 wrote: My body is telling me it doesn't like it, and I need to stop.

I'm scared to stop. I guess a lot of my social life revolves around alcohol. It concerns me that I'm scared to stop. It concerns me that I'm ashamed that I need to tell people that I have a problem with drinking, and I need to stop. Has anyone else been in my shoes? I'd appreciate your advice.

Hi Hunter, no need to be scared, you have come to the right place.

Your own words tell you what you need to do, as is often the case when we write things down.

Has anyone been in your shoes? Well I think if you look at the bottom of the threads board you will find 168 members have visited today ...........all of them have been in your shoes!

2678 guests have visited this site in the last 24 hours, most of them are in your shoes but unlike you have not yet gotten the courage to post!

You , fortunately are at an early stage of alcohol abuse. Join the newbies and settle in for a bit. The best advice I think is to quit for 30 days whilst reading and posting and learning. At the end of 30 days you will feel clearer about what direction to take. Give your brain and liver a holiday on the sober side of life for a while.

Good luck and hope to see you again soon
KY

[K9Lover]

New Here

Hi Hunter and welcome to MWO!

Yes, we've actually all been in your shoes, or a pair almost like them! My drinking spanned over 10 years, probably more, but really bad for 10. I was up to 12+ beers every night. I would black out, pass out, fall, stumble around, drunk text/call/email...everything you can imagine. One time I fell in the shower and I was bruised from head to toe for 2 whole weeks. I finally quit when drinking became harder than not drinking. I got tired of wondering what I did the night before, dragging myself into work, being in a fog all day, planning which store to get my beer from, counting and checking to make sure I had enough to get through the night, waking up at 3am with anxiety, shame, guilt...it just became TOO much. I'm not one to label people or even use the word "alcoholic". I figure that if YOU think you have a problem, you probably do.

Please come on over to the Newbies Nest...there's lots of good advice, support and encouragement there.

I look forward to getting to know you!

K9

[mama bear]

New Here

Welcome Hunter...
I ditto what everyone else says. be thankful you are young enough to stop without having done extensive damage to yourself.
Can you go for thirty days without AL? That will be a true test for you.
I am 51, married, and have two sons. It took ALOT of damage to the things that are the most precious to me for me to accept I have a problem.
Good luck and stay close ok?

[HunterL]

New Here

Hello All -

I very much appreciate your advice and encouraging words. I have never been much for online communities, so I wasn't sure what to expect. It has been very helpful and enlightening hearing from each of you, and I'm already happy that I let loose and posted here last night.

@RunningCourage - I am very familiar with the feeling of not functioning 100%. I hate showing up for work or at a meeting and having my mind function at slow speed. For me, I travel a lot for work and usually alone. A few at the hotel bar, a few in the room, skip dinner. Then I show up for my appointment the next morning feeling like it was a wasted opportunity because I wasn't 100% there. Dull to the world, lacking enthusiasm.

And, yes, I do have AF free days. Usually 1-3 per week. They aren't usually strung together any more than 2 in a row.


@Deathless - Thank you for your story. I know intuitively that I'm on a slippery slope, but hearing your story really stopped me in my tracks and made me think about that for a few minutes. Do I really want to risk heading further down that road?


@Quest - Thank you for the kind words.


@kuya - Thank you for the advice. I'm honestly not certain that I can go for 30 days without having a drink. I don't know how I'm going to explain that to my friends and family. Kinda like how you figure out someone is pregnant...I am ashamed to admit that I have a problem. I'm going to try, though. I think I can commit to a 2 drink limit in any social setting and to not drinking at all alone. I don't know, though, if that's a good idea either?


@K9 - What a good way to put it: drinking is becoming harder than not. I think I'm to that point. The sluggish feeling and lack of enthusiasm traded for beers at night alone. It's not a worthwhile tradeoff. I'm not to the point where you were, but I know the feeling of hiding my alcohol from others. Covering up bottles in your recycling bin hoping that nobody notices? Cleaning up beer bottles from your house before company comes over?

I certainly have a problem with alcohol. Finally telling myself that is what led me to post here. It has more control over me than I have over it. Telling myself I'm not going to do "that" again and then doing it a few nights later....


@Mama Bear- Thank you for the kind words and advice. I feel very fortunate that alcohol has not cost me dearly....yet. I don't have blackouts, I'm not mean when drinking, never gotten a DUI (there I times that I could have), and never hurt anyone. It has cost me a relationship though a few years ago, and that should have been a wakeup call in itself.

Thank you all for responding to me. You have no idea how much your words have made me think. I've been going over them in my head for most of the morning.

I'm sure that I am going through steps in my mind and emotionally that I don't realize are happening to me right now, and it's good to know there is a place I can go for experiences and "been there, done that" wisdom.

I hope that you all are doing well and wish you success on your own journeys. I look forward to getting to know each of you better.