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Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

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    #1

    Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

    I'm on day 5 AF and was feeling pretty good about things yesterday. Last night I sayed up all night working and didn't sleep. I went to the chemist and got some Restavit (Doxylamine Succinate) - usually one tablet knocks me out even when I'm well slept. I took one at about 10am. Nothing. I took another at 11am. Nothing. I took another at 12 (exceeding the recommended dosage by one tablet) and I'm still wired. It would be tolerable but for the fact I know my moods get wrangled when I don't sleep, and early yesterday I got some pretty heartbreaking news from my wife, from whom I have been seperated for about 10 months. I coped with it reasonably well yesterday, Al free, but today, due to my sleeplessness, I'm suffering to the point of obsession: pacing around, crying, swinging wildly from having arguments with her (in my head) to sending her (and him) my most sincere love (in my head), picking up the phone to text her another tortured message of love then putting it down (I went back over all the texts and emails I've sent her over the last few weeks while this news was brewing and, naturally, being that I was drunk, I read them today for the first time - syrupy, manipulative, tortured messages repeated over and over, so calling or messaging her in any way is not an option, as she's been very patient and, as I did yesterday when I was sober, I seriously wish her well and do not want to add to the alcoholic slosh i gave her for 13 years by now ruining the joy she so richly deserves). Anyway, as you can see, I'm a bit of a wreck. I know the easy way out: drink. Being drunk is the way I've 'accepted' things this year, and the big bonus is it will put me to sleep, so this is a huge trigger right in front of me - the biggest. All donations gratefully accepted.
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    #2
    Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

    Mmm...I live on the other side of the world so all of you guys are ASLEEP. Now I'm even more jealous. :upset:

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      #3
      Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

      Naw, Im still awake. I battle the insomnia monster as well LOL
      Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




      DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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        #4
        Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

        I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Broken relationships are tough to deal with. I've always found that, once one is done, moving on to another is the best medicine. It takes a big person not to burn bridges in that situation, and for that you should be commended.

        But please don't give into your temptation. You will regret it tomorrow. Stay strong. You're in my prayers.

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          #5
          Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

          Oh Deathless, what an awful time you?re having, I?m so sorry. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I?m not surprised you?re not sleeping right now but please, please hang in there. You?re in the eye of the storm and things definitely won?t be made better by drinking. You?ve been through so much and are still going through it, but you will come out the other side. What a dear soul you are wanting what?s best for your wife while at the same time being tortured inside as you know you have to stand back. Try and hold your children as your focus. Things will get better in time and you don?t know what lies ahead, but you do know which direction you have to take. From the downs come the ups, hang in there hon.

          I just want you to know that your journey is making me think really hard about my situation. If you can go through all this without booze, then surely I can conquer the beast. I know little consolation, but I?m sure you are helping many others right now too. Big hugs :l:l
          You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

          :lilangel:

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            #6
            Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

            If you are still there deathless let me first of all empathize........insomnia was my number one excuse for drinking, and is the number one cited by all agencies dealing with alcohol abuse.

            Early sobriety really messes up your sleep.

            My salvation was trytophan and melatonin, which you can order from biorecovery in the states.

            While you are waiting remember. 2-3 hours sober sleep is equal to 8 hours drunken coma. And remember to rest in bed even if you can't sleep. The physical body benefits even if the mind is racing.

            Hope this helps ......stay sober it WILL get better

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              #7
              Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

              Thanks, everyone. I've been on the phone to a friend for a few hours and vented hard, so feel a bit more relaxed now. The good news is that I DO NOT feel like a drink. I simply know it's a trigger. It's weird - I know the temptation is SUPPOSED to be there, so I'm frightened of it's ALLEGED presence, but the reality is it's NOT there - I do not FEEL like a drink (could Campral be working that quickly? Five days?) So I'm OK. I'm getting a bit calmer.

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                #8
                Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                Deathless;1384003 wrote: Thanks, everyone. I've been on the phone to a friend for a few hours and vented hard, so feel a bit more relaxed now. The good news is that I DO NOT feel like a drink. I simply know it's a trigger. It's weird - I know the temptation is SUPPOSED to be there, so I'm frightened of it's ALLEGED presence, but the reality is it's NOT there - I do not FEEL like a drink (could Campral be working that quickly? Five days?) So I'm OK. I'm getting a bit calmer.
                Good to hear Deathless. I hope you get some sleep too soon
                You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? Rumi

                :lilangel:

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                  #9
                  Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                  Feeling drowsy now so am going to try to sleep for a few hours. I'lll post again when I wake. Thanks, folks.

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                    #10
                    Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                    There's no point in coming on here unless you're honest, right? I drank. I was too tired, too sad, too wild in the head. I could not sleep no matter how many tablets I took or sheep I counted. I had hoped to be asleep hours ago - it's Friday night here and I know they're both out together on their first night of official true love after telling their spouses the news no lover wants to hear (I'm sorry for turning this into a relationship forum, but this sort of shit is when my drinking becomes collosal). I had a huge glass of wine and drank it in one gulp. Then another. And, almost instantly, that angry, jealous, parasuicidal voice in my head that had been going for hours whispered: "Good luck to you, my love". What the fuck can you do about that sweet misery? At least I can say I made it until a quarter to midnight on what is probably the saddest day of my life. Here's to tomorrow.

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                      #11
                      Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                      deathless,you slipped last nite oh well one slip,just get started again,besides its hard losing a love but youll have the last laugh when your sober and healthy
                      I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

                      I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
                      Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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                        #12
                        Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                        Deathless, I feel for you, I really do. One slip does not have to send you back to where you started. You can do this! I had a slip but I jumped back on the horse, so can you. I hope today is a better day for you.
                        AF since 8/29/12 Goal 30 day-screwed up on day 9
                        AF since 9/9/12- Goal 30 days
                        STUMPY IS A LADY!

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                          #13
                          Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                          Thanks Stumpy, Pauly, others. I've woken up feeling a bit disappointed and sorry for myself. But I'm intelligent enough to know that if I pine like some lovesick loner for the past - for someone who is gone - then I'll drink to wash the pain out of my head. If I think of the future I want - my children happy, perhaps even love again - it's almost impossible to think sensibly of drinking. Are their any lovely women out there who want to start a life with an alcoholic who has two sad children? If there is, I don't want to know her. Jesus, y'know - this place is strong. I've only been a member for a few weeks and it has helped me enormously to think about Al. I cannot talk honestly about drinking - even to myself - without seeing this screen in front of me.

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                            #14
                            Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                            Deathless, I have never commented on your posts, but I have read many and I am always surprised at how forgiving and how "gentlemanly" you are. I mean that in the best possible way. It is amazing and very commendable of you to accept that you haven't been the person you wanted to be in your relationship, and also to acknowledge without jealousy that your partner has found another mate that you feel she deserves. That is awesome and highly evolved, in my opinion!

                            So you took a drink. You are here, aren't you? You obviously want to quit, and I believe as long as you continue to come here and be honest with yourself, you will be successful. I sense a very powerful person in you.:l Good luck to you, and stay strong.


                            "I like people too much or not at all."                             Sylvia Plath

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                              #15
                              Sleep: lack off, and a massive trigger

                              I am very proud of you for coming here and fessing up and trying again. In the past week you haven't been perfect, but you've had a hell of a lot less alcohol in your system than previously. This is the beginning. Just keeping sobriety in your mind, even when you're not perfect, is the process.

                              I'm still on the road and have a lot more to say when I have some time alone. You are doing great and I am so happy to see you using this forum as it was meant to be used. It is a lifeline when you're drowning. :l

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