October Sober...

[Rainyday]

October Sober...

Prairie Fairy;1386764 wrote: Rainy, cold and crappy here - but I'm loading up on diet soda and mozart - (it has my custom MWO subliminals underneath it so I'm hoping to tell my rat brain to get with the program) and let's get this done!

Diet Soda and Mozart! That's what I need! I haven't been able to find music to fit my mood! Usually go between Christian Rock and Country with some 1980s and 1990s mixed in. Stayed away from Classical and Jazz because it reminded me too much of red wine. But Mozart and Beethoven, they are a little bit more upbeat and might do something for my foggy brain!

[Prairie Fairy]

October Sober...

TTDAP = Take The Damn Pill or Took The Damn Pill depending on if it's past tense or reminding someone to do it....it's a signature of the AB (Antabuse) club members to each other that they did their daily task...

Once you get past the first week of yuckiness on the AB (kind of metallic taste in your mouth, a bit more tired than normal so not sleeping is not so much an issue for AB people because you are SLEEPY week 1 for SURE) there really aren't any side effects other than a violently bad reaction to AL if you drink ANY.

If you are taking the full normal pill - which is 250 mg - you shouldn't even attempt a drink for at least 5 days from taking your last full sized pill. So when you say TTDAP - you know - no matter how tempted you are - you are white knuckling it - no matter what - even if you quit taking your pills - for the next 5 days - at a minimum.

[stumpy]

October Sober...

Wow Prairie, I don't think I'll be taking that pill anytime soon. (YIKES sounds awful)

[paula]

October Sober...

Stumpy, antabuse is often used by people who have tried everything to stop drinking. It does work if used properly. You know that you just can't drink if you take it. If you do drink while taking it, it can be lethal, but then so can alcohol. It's awful when you can't sleep though, that is my biggest problem now. When I do sleep, I often have drinking dreams, which are awful, but not as bad as the real thing. I do occasionally take an anthistamine pill to help me sleep.

[scottish lass]

October Sober...

Joining in - really want to do this, nicely and quietly - day 6 today, but I have slipped on Fridays for the last few months - so knowing Friday is a tough time, I am reading up to try and toughen up for tomorrow - I aim to get thru tomorrow and kick that demon to the side, once I have done that, I think it may just stick...and that would be so very nice!

[Prairie Fairy]

October Sober...

Stumpy -

I think AB is a gift from God. Best thing ever. Even if I have had a bad day and I lose my head for a night - I simply can not break. I can not cheat. I can not give in. The AB won't allow it. There is not - have a glass. I simply can't. No matter how bad the rat brain calls - I can not give in.

And so I simply go to bed. Frustrated. Full of urges. But I go to bed. And I wake up. Not hung over. I haven't said anything I regret. I have not damaged any relationships irrevocably. And with sleep - whatever was swamping me yesterday feels smaller today. And I am so grateful I didn't drink. Because I couldn't. Because of the AB.

For me. AB is a gift from God. It is a last minute emergency brake. That forces me to cope when I don't want to. Until tomorrow. When I can.

[RunningCourage]

October Sober...

Somebody posted recently that they were on AB (I think it was anyway) and that they felt that they were cheating because they were going cold turkey. Although i don't take AB (and personally feel that my situation/condition does not merit it), I did disagree with their sentiment. I spent three months on nicorette patches to help me kick my 14 yr old smoking habit. As far as i see AB is a similar aid. And for those who see it as a gift from her wonderful almighty self upstairs, then, well hey, perhaps for them it is. Who am i to disagree? Prairie - i am SO glad it is working for you. Stumpy - perhaps, like me, AB isn't for us. We have our own aids and supports. (I am liking this new found lease of life, with taking high-Bvit supps... oh-ohhh, can one get addicted to Bvits!?!?!)

So, if folks feel they can battle the urges with the usual sups (L-Glut/Bvits etc) and will power, and support from this here damn fine community, and other communities, then i would be advising that they do this rather than taking meds. Each to their own, and if anyone's is confused - ask someone (pref' a GP).

Either way, it's leading to a life free from the vicious circle of AL dependency. :yay: (me on a super-high Bvit dose)

[odat1234]

October Sober...

Wow Prairie, that is a strong sentiment about AB. It sounds great...dangerous but great. I just took a gram of l glut and ate a big healthy meal. My brain is a little woo woo from the l glut but I will say the craving is very gone...for now.l I can only hope it will stay gone. I will repeat the gram of l glut at 7 if it comes back. Then there is just the sleep to worry about. I had 2 interviews today. I don't know how they went but heres hopin well. I will be staying here and reading tonight. Stay strong everyone and I will too.

[jenniech]

October Sober...

hey october sober people!!! I am on day....53.....that is hard for me to believe!!! I have been going to AA meetings EVERY DAY except for a couple when I could not make them so I doubled up the next day or the day before. So, I guess that means I am turning it over because I can't do it on my own.... even with MWO.....(I am really doing the "fake it till you make it" stint because although the meetings help, the higher power stuff just doesn't sink in for me....i can't seem to drink the kool aid) however, I have a confession to make that I can't admit in a meeting: my door to AL is not completely shut. Since August 12, I haven't had a REALLY good reason to drink....nothing horrible, no wild type of celebration has occurred so it hasn't been hard to NOT pick up. The problem is, my 30th high school reunion is next week. I am toying with the idea to drink. The thing is, my "bottom" before heading to AA was very high. I did not lose my job or my family or my home or anything like that. I have never had a DUI nor have I ever been arrested. I just was tired of the vicious cycle of waking up hungover, trudging through the day, feeling better by lunch time and then craving my wine by 3pm so that by 5:30 when I went home the cork popping was the very FIRST Thing I did. And all of those bottles!! I was up to at least a bottle a night. So, nothing horrendously terrible has happened to me. anyway, just rambling....felt like I had to confess what I am thinking. I am in a constant argument with myself about it. Guess that means I have a problem, no???
Yes.

[paula]

October Sober...

I would take it if I could, I did for a few months, but then my doctor told me I had to stop, as I have a heart condition. Do whatever it takes, if it leads to a sobe life anything is worth trying.

[nurdl]

October Sober...

Love my Antabuse except for the tiredness and metallic taste. I hope that goes away. It takes the decision out if my hands when I TTDP. Stumpy, I also LOVE the wave! Woo-hoo for October Sober!!!

[odat1234]

October Sober...

jenniech;1387490 wrote: hey october sober people!!! I am on day....53.....that is hard for me to believe!!! I have been going to AA meetings EVERY DAY except for a couple when I could not make them so I doubled up the next day or the day before. So, I guess that means I am turning it over because I can't do it on my own.... even with MWO.....(I am really doing the "fake it till you make it" stint because although the meetings help, the higher power stuff just doesn't sink in for me....i can't seem to drink the kool aid) however, I have a confession to make that I can't admit in a meeting: my door to AL is not completely shut. Since August 12, I haven't had a REALLY good reason to drink....nothing horrible, no wild type of celebration has occurred so it hasn't been hard to NOT pick up. The problem is, my 30th high school reunion is next week. I am toying with the idea to drink. The thing is, my "bottom" before heading to AA was very high. I did not lose my job or my family or my home or anything like that. I have never had a DUI nor have I ever been arrested. I just was tired of the vicious cycle of waking up hungover, trudging through the day, feeling better by lunch time and then craving my wine by 3pm so that by 5:30 when I went home the cork popping was the very FIRST Thing I did. And all of those bottles!! I was up to at least a bottle a night. So, nothing horrendously terrible has happened to me. anyway, just rambling....felt like I had to confess what I am thinking. I am in a constant argument with myself about it. Guess that means I have a problem, no???
Yes.

I, much like you, have never really had anything horrible happen because of al, I just want the cycle of hangovers to stop as well as I want my body to be healthy. I don't feel bad but I think I am killing my body on the inside. I want to be strong and healthy. I want al gone for a long while. I can't say forever yet but I'm getting there. I want to go to AA but I can't get past the higher power thing either. Do you have a sponsor or work the steps?

[stumpy]

October Sober...

Jen, I know how you feel, your story is similar to mine. At times I think, ah, one day I'll have another glass of wine. It's not that I can't, I'm at the point where I don't want to. My downfall will be if I have to go to my in-laws house. Mano o man, the glass runs full over there. Keep up the good work!

PF and Nurdi, I'm allergic to everything so I'm afraid to dabble in AB or any other substance for that matter. I also don't like the thought of ( I can't have an accident) seems so final to me lol sorry but that's how I feel. Good for you two.

[RunningCourage]

October Sober...

jenniech;1387490 wrote: however, I have a confession to make that I can't admit in a meeting: my door to AL is not completely shut. Since August 12, I haven't had a REALLY good reason to drink....nothing horrible, no wild type of celebration has occurred so it hasn't been hard to NOT pick up. The problem is, my 30th high school reunion is next week. I am toying with the idea to drink. The thing is, my "bottom" before heading to AA was very high. I did not lose my job or my family or my home or anything like that. I have never had a DUI nor have I ever been arrested. I just was tired of the vicious cycle of waking up hungover, trudging through the day, feeling better by lunch time and then craving my wine by 3pm so that by 5:30 when I went home the cork popping was the very FIRST Thing I did. And all of those bottles!! I was up to at least a bottle a night. So, nothing horrendously terrible has happened to me. anyway, just rambling....felt like I had to confess what I am thinking. I am in a constant argument with myself about it. Guess that means I have a problem, no???
Yes.
Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!! Jen, you sound JUST like me in this post. I've just posted in Mr G's thread about a similar situation coming up for me this weeked. Although i'm only at day 18, (congrats on day 53, BTW) and would quite like to get through this weekend without recourse to the pints of San Miguel or bottles of red.

BUT - i do absolutely identify with what you are thinking with the upcoming 30th. Hmmm... I don't have an answer, nor do i want to advise as I don't feel experienced enough in abstaining/modding since i stopped - i.e. 18 days ago. I would ask whether you have tried abstaining prior to this stint, whether your memories of what it was like before - from reading your quote above - is enough of a memory to deter you. Or whether you are toying with seeing whether you can actually drink in social situations but not resort to the old ways of opening a bottle of wine at 5.30pm each day. Have you tried to have a drink before that led you back to daily drinking before this quit?

Byrdie has some great advise on the 4 stages of grief when someone gives up something...let me try and find it. Although i understand and agree largely with this, my head is still in that place of going "but can i be able to drink in social situations without going back to nightly private parties for one, waking up feeling shite, guilty, ashamed but by 4pm craving the cool and crunchy taste of an ice cold beer... drinking said beer and beginning the vicious circle all over again?" But i think it's good stuff to know and mull over as you work through all the challenges with AL - whether you're abstaining, modding or drinking.

Here's Byrdie's post:
breaking free of alcohol is, in effect, ending a relationship. And I mean a long-standing, hard-core, abusive, solid relationship. In essence you are going thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger (what brought you here..."I'm SICK of this crazy life!"), Denial (Maybe I'm not all that bad! What was I thinking? Other people drink as much or MORE than I do' I think this is where the biggest Pity Party is thrown...it comes after the first 2 weeks and before day 30), BARGAINING ( why don't I try to moderate? Other people are able to do it...if I could just have one precious glass of _____ I'd be ok, THEN I'll get right back on track..), Depression (Is THIS all there is? Where are the balloons? Is this as good as it's ever going to get? ' Well shit...'.) and finally, acceptance. Let me tell you, this is where it's at. You finally are able to accept that, NO, you CANNOT drink ....AT ALL. Not one, not ever.....and you are ok with this. This is the stage where you can see AL for what it really is....a DRUG. Some people abuse drugs and some people don't. We do. Each stage in grieving is very important. Once you can see what is going on and that you aren't going crazy, it helps...at least it did for me. What you are going thru is the natural stages of loss. If you stay the course, I promise it will get better....I can also make a promise the other way, too....if we stay on the path we were on....well, you get the picture. I can assure you there will be a day where you don't even think about AL! As hard as it is now....it seems hard to believe. As hardcore as I was, I can now come to the end of an evening and think...I'll be dam, I didn't even think about it. THAT is amazing! You will get there...it just takes some time.

[jenniech]

October Sober...

wow! Thanks for the supporting response!
I have a temporary sponsor but I haven't "worked" the steps. I guess that will be my next step
It is a grieving process.....yes it is. And I am at the bargaining stage...Byrd's post is really very helpful to me. I will print it out and read it over and over.
I am not sure how I will be able to get through that weekend sober free. I need to start calling people and talk it through with them. In other words, if I want to make this work, I have to be more proactive. Going to meetings is easy and very helpful. The part I have trouble with is reaching out to others and trusting them. I have always been a very independent person. I even studied for the bar exam on my own rather than taking a study course that all of my fellow law students took! I have always done things on my own and in my own way so it is hard to switch gears, so to speak, and actually reach out to others for help. Hmmm....maybe that is my ticket....I don't know. But I will keep reading, posting, going to meetings.... and I will start calling people. And maybe, I will work the steps....however, it does really sound like and feel like a cult. I am just not that kind of person......I like to do things my own way but look where it got me!!!
Tonight i have to go to "back to school night" for my 10th grader.....ugh. But I will be sober!!!