What triggered your addiction?

[mommyKW]

I'm starting a new thread, because I have not seen this question asked? "What triggered your addiction?" I believe that none of us on this site should have a label that implies that we are inherently weak. Sometimes we are labeled (I don't even want to type the word), which IMHO, makes it worse. Something led us to this addiction, possibly. The addiction may not be itself the main problem but there is some other underlying reason. I ask this question because despite resisting the habit for 30+ days on and off (which took a considerable amount of strength and will power), I am still left with the demons that drove me to it. In my case, painful memories of childhood (rejection and abuse). I also noted when watching the "Rain in my Heart" documentary, that mention was made of "gremlins" that drove the addiction. Wouldn't the best resort be to address those problems?

[vlivengood]

What triggered your addiction?

For me the trigger was lame, started drinking a few shots of liquor instead of my couple of beers because it was fewer calories and I was on a strict diet and exercise program but that grew outta hand REAL fast.... My real question is what kept me on it? Boredom? Habit? Physical addiction? Not sure, I had a pretty good childhood, no trauma, have a happy life now, good job, nice family, never been treated for any mental health issues such as depression or anxiety, have a healthy marriage.... I have managed to give up the liquor for the most part but cant seem to give up the few beers in the evening that can lead to more but usually don't and I am not having any of the problems with the beer that I had with the liquor but still wonder why I cant just give that up.....

[stumpy]

What triggered your addiction?

I really had to think hard about this question. I feel my problem started with just having a couple of glassess of wine each night just for the relaxation, then it turned to a habbit out of boredom, one day I woke up and realized I was physicaly and mentally addicted. So here I am.

[Byrdlady]

What triggered your addiction?

Mommy, I can't say that anything triggered my addiction, mine was a progression of storms that built up into a perfect alignment for abusing AL. I can blame it on any number of predispositions, but that doesn't help me in where I am today...I am an alcoholic. With that being the fact of the matter, how I arrived at it doesn't make it less so. If I really wanted to dwell on the causes, we could be here all day....I found I can't move forward with the burden of the past on my back.
I see a great deal of conflict in your post. You say the past 30 days have been on and off with AL. You have the demons in your head driving you to it. These are red flags #1 and #2. If you have a serious problem with AL (like the rest of us) the only way to get rid of those demons are to eliminate AL from your life. As long as you let it in, you will ALL WAYS have demons. No, I didn't mean ALWAYS, I meant all ways. We abuse AL. That said, do you see any other possible way to make it work out? Once that line is crossed in your head, there just isn't any rewire in the book to make it go away. #2 is if you give yourself a choice, what choice do you think that's going to be? Yes, let's have a drink. Only when you get AL out of the equation can you move forward and sort things out in your head. Once you can do that, you will be surprised at how much more calm your headspace is. The demons that haunted you...that little girl that was abused...can be sorted out and accepted. It's hard to face...giving up AL for good, looking at your path and what led you here...it's time to get the current abuser out of the picture...If you take AL off the table, you will be amazed at your own ability. You will find strength you never knew you had. You can be the person you've wanted to be instead of a victim. I hope you will give yourself a chance. Right here and right now, AL is the problem. You have the solution.
Just my 2 cents....Byrdie

[FarfallaP]

What triggered your addiction?

Good question. I used to think that if I could just figure out the WHY, my problem would evaporate. so I spent a LOT of time fretting about the WHY...and, like V, I have had a pretty rosy life, all in all, so...WHY?

the only answer I have found which rings true, and it is about addiction in general, is in the work of Lance Dodes, MD, which was recommended here on MWO by ProPartyChief, (thank you very much! Btw) in The Heart of Addiction and Breaking Addiction.

However, the intellectual understanding did not make my own issue vanish...my alcohol-befuddled brain still is confused, and only continued vigilance prevents the compulsive behavior from sneaking up on me. Very annoying... Good luck to us all! FF

[FarfallaP]

What triggered your addiction?

Oh, and what pushed me over the edge into actually DOING something, was not the knowledge that I SHOULD quit drinking the way I was, but an unpleasant result on a CT scan for an unrelated issue...in spite of the fact that my liver enzymes were normal, my daily martini habit had overtaxed my liver, and made it fatty.
THAT got my attention, I assure you! all is well now, thanks to most of Roberta's program, hypnosis CDs, supps, mild exercise, etc, and the wonderful support here at MWO. Thanks, everyone! FF

[Lavande]

What triggered your addiction?

DEPRESSION

Long standing, unresolved depression caused me to turn to wine ~ needed some pain relief
I couldn't & didn't make any progress until I finally found something to kick the depression. Once that was done kicking AL out of my life wasn't such a huge problem

[Sober Visitor]

What triggered your addiction?

There are a lot of articles about the association of childhood trauma and PTS with alcoholism and addiction, and while they were certainly factors that led me to want to self-medicate, I believe the primary reason that I became addicted is because my body simply cannot process alcohol like a so-called "normal" drinker. I'm just not wired to safely drink alcohol, and that's the bottom line.

One of biggest things that helped me in getting sober was keeping my expectations in check. I would have done myself a great disservice expecting everything to be "peachy keen" after just 30 days AF given my long drinking history and struggles. For most of us, 30 days is just the beginning of our journey and not a true reflection of what long term sobriety is like. Many of us find ourselves "white knuckling" our way through those first 30 days thinking how on earth can I do this for the rest my life, but it doesn't stay that way as long as you stick with it and develop other ways of coping.

It took me at least 6 months to begin to feel comfortable in my sober skin and well over a year to fully heal, but just as my drinking got progressively worse, sobriety got progressively better. It does take considerable strength and willpower in the beginning, but we have tools and supplements and medications and support and other options to help us through. Alcohol prevents us from working through our "gremlins" and healing. That's why many therapists refuse to even see patients if they're drinking or using, so I don't think you you should put off getting sober until you work through your "gremlins."

Do you have a therapist you can work with that has experience in addiction and childhood trauma? That might be the best way to go to learn some tools specific to your needs.

Sheri

[mommyKW]

What triggered your addiction?

vlivengood and stumpy, really interesting that you did not have any triggers apart from habit. And then vlivengood, with friendly regards to the devil on your back… who is he apart from AL? I'd like to know as I have one myself that I am trying to shake off.
Farfalla, what pushed ME over the edge was my kids and my intense love for them. What was the lesson you learnt from Lance Dodes?
Lav, depression has inflicted me all my life (troubled childhood). AL appears as instant relief but then makes it worse.
Sober, yep I've been trying too hard to be "peachy keen", disguising my hurt and being the perfect mom, wife and professional.
Thanks to you all for your support and help. I will be meeting a therapist within a week. I am still unsure about admitting to my addiction, but I think I will. If anyone has other advice, let me know. Thanks again you all. This is a terrific support community.

[paula]

What triggered your addiction?

My father was an alcoholic, although I only realised this as I grew older, so I think genetics can play a part. I also suffered childhood sexual and psychological abuse. I personally used alcohol to forget. I did not drink every day or even weekly, I once went six years without drinking. Every time I drank I did it compulsively, and once I started I could not stop. I do speak in the past tense, because I do not intend to drink again

[DancingGirl]

What triggered your addiction?

This is a really good thread. What has struck me reading the responses is that we are, as usual, quite different but are in the same place.

For me - genetics, definitely, habit, and also the habit of my husband. We have become problem drinkers together, gradually increasing through twenty-one years of marriage. I can't blame anything else but myself and my genetic predisposition - I had a reasonably good childhood with no more than the normal moments of bullying and feeling ostracized; no assaults, no depression, no unwanted pregnancies... The drinking is just part of who I am and it's up to me to get a grip on that.

[Mootsbill]

What triggered your addiction?

Two words; self medication!
I suffer from depression and general anxiety disorder, I discovered years ago that booze stops panic attacks...... For the moment, trouble it it makes you feel a thousand times worse after.
When I was living with a boyfriend in my early twenties he was a wine drinker so we would drink at least 2 bottles a night, as well as smoking dope, then that habit just stuck with me although not the dope, alcohol has always been ,y poison. Over the years the habit mixed with the anxiety has led me to be a binge drinker who can go weeks without a drink then go mad and down loads.
I had a lovely childhood and no worries in adult life but I do seem to suffer from a lack of self belief with is odd because I think most people who know me would say I'm confident. I always feel like I'm just not quite good enough.
I loved what some one wrote here that the addiction got progressively worse but the sobriety will get progressively better ;0)

[FarfallaP]

What triggered your addiction?

MommyKW,

You asked what I had learned from Lance Dodes...it is difficult to condense his theory into a few words, so I am sure I am not doing it justice, but I will try.

He addresses the psychological component which underlies addiction, in his opinion. He theorizes that, when an individual feels trapped and helpless, that person's "fight or flight" response is awakened. When fight is not a good option, then flight takes over...an intelligent, life-saving survival mechanism.

And, when flight itself is NOT an option, then - TADA! escape presents itself, via an addiction...i.e., to substances, activities, etc. He theorizes that this mechanism is one reason that people sometimes switch addictive behaviors...(for me, I know that when I quit smoking, YEARS ago, I just HAD to have my daily cocktail...so this rang true, imo).

The key, as he presents it, to freedom from one's compulsive behavior is to recognize and deal with the anxiety-producing events and emotions EARLY, long before a person pours the glass of gin or downloads the pornographic material. His second book puts forth strategies on how to do just that.

It all seems pretty difficult to do, on one's own, and my heart went out to the case studies in his book - boy, some of those poor people really WERE trapped and helpless, in horrible job situations!

And, for those who also truly WERE trapped and helpless at one time, such as children caught in dreadful circumstances, Dodes does present some thoughts as to how to help oneself become freed from continually re-experiencing those feelings.

HIs presentation in no way discounts the need for breaking what might be called habitual factors, such as always doing something a certain way, but attempts to account for the WHY which several of us discussed at the beginning of the thread.

He addresses what he sees as some of the shortcomings of programs such as AA, along with some of what he perceives as positive aspects, as well. He also has a website, which presents his thoughts more coherently than I have, I'm sure!

Anyway,...that's the best I can do! Good luck on your quest, and Happy Mothering! FF

[FarfallaP]

What triggered your addiction?

P.S. --- I don't think any of us is actually a Perfect Mother, but I DO believe that each of us is the "right" mother for the little ones who end up in our care...who will eventually forgive us all our errors! Motherhood certainly is a rollercoaster, but a most worthwhile one, imo...FF

[Struggles 106]

What triggered your addiction?

My $.02

I like this thread. I have thought a lot about this subject.

I think that, in my case, I was ridiculed and ignored as a kid, and made to fell that anyting I had to day was stupid. And tacitly reminded that my feelings were invalid.
It was just a perfect storm of emotional abuse, alcoholic household,genetics etc. so that maybe it would have been a miracle if I didn't drink to stifle feelings.

Out of 7 kids 4 are drunks and 3 are lot. I used to envy them, but they are screwed up in their own ways.

I don't dwell on it. I'm just trying to live a good honest life and take care of myself. Clearly noone is going to do it for me. LOL