Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Moderation or Abstinence?

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 3
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 template Next
    #1

    Moderation or Abstinence?

    Newbies,

    Welcome to this site :welcome: We're glad you finally discovered us!

    Something or someone has led you here and whether you decide to moderate or abstain from drinking, you have something in common with everyone here...you have a drinking problem and are ready to do something about it.

    This is a great site because it doesn't force you into an all or nothing approach. You are encouraged to check the different sites out, read what others are experiencing in their recovery process, and decide what you think will work for you. So, if you think you want to try moderating your drinking, you are encouraged to do that and this post is to inform you that the long term moderator site is the best place to go for that support. If you feel scared to take another drink and feel ready to begin abstaining, there are more sites for help in that area, feel free to check out the monthly abstinence board as you start your one day at a time recovery or the long term abstinence board where long term abstainers with a lot of wisdom can help you.

    I want to share a post that is not copyrighted and is very informative regarding his path to recovery.

    Bluesky's Story
    I've been trying to moderate my drinking since my teens, and I'm now in my 40s. I finally came to the realization that, for me, abstinence is the only way, but like you, I have harbored reservations and have given it another try. It never works out for me, but still I don't learn.
    You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.

    Not An Alcoholic?
    It could be that you're not an alcoholic, but remember that more than one drink per day for a woman is risking health problems. Can you moderate to one drink per day and perhaps a couple occasionally? Or will there be times when you can't control it and binge?
    Usually, when we have to assert so much control over our drinking, it's because it's taken control of us. Otherwise, why would we need to wrestle control back?

    -- Bluesky

    The article goes on to say:

    A Dangerous Gamble
    Many alcoholics have tried to return to social drinking. Those who did so successfully were probably problem drinkers to begin with and not necessarily alcoholics. The Moderation Management program has helped many learn to drink safely, but it's not for everyone.
    The vast majority of alcoholics who talk themselves into thinking they can return to "normal" drinking find that they quickly return to unsafe or binge drinking. The problem is that by the time they find out that they are not capable of moderating their drinking, it is too late. It takes many of them years to find recovery again and unfortunately some never make it back.

    So dear newbie, Good luck on your journey. There are wonderful people who are here ready and willing to help you on your road to recovery.
    :l
    Eve11
    "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

    ~Jack Welsh~:h

    God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:
    Tags: None
    #2
    Moderation or Abstinence?

    I am just a bit confused. The post said MWO never pushes you one way or the other, but I only saw strong abs posts.

    I can not moderate. But, I do personally know people who have struggled with AL, being able to moderate. Just so its fair sided....where are those?

    It should be fair and balanced. I mean no disrespect....but, this post seems lead someone into thinking they will see fair and balanced.....and only see one side.

    Comment

      #3
      Moderation or Abstinence?

      I think Eve was trying to say that modding works better for problem drinkers than for alcoholics. It would seem so, logically, but I don't have any proof other than what I have read on here, which supports her post.


      "I like people too much or not at all."       Sylvia Plath

      Comment

        #4
        Moderation or Abstinence?

        Eve11;1388168 wrote:
        Usually, when we have to assert so much control over our drinking, it's because it's taken control of us.
        Whether abstainers or modders, Bluesky's line here is where, i think, we all start.

        Ultimately i think Eve is simply saying, we each have our own, personal journey to make in learning how we deal with taking control of AL, and that no two journey's or experiences are the same. As a newbie, I don't yet know whether it's best for me to continue abstaining or whether I can try to be someone who can drink socially, or within healthy limits.

        For now, though, Bluesky's quote above, reminds why I am here... and why for years i have thought about, and fought with myself about, my struggle to limit my drinking.

        RC

        Comment

          #5
          Moderation or Abstinence?

          I missed that part of the post LG.

          Comment

            #6
            Moderation or Abstinence?

            Maybe its new information. I don't know. I posted a similar question "Has anyone had any luck with moderation" a few months back and receive a great deal of personal experiences from people. I felt that gave me a good start to evaluate different courses for myself. The moderation board, not ours but (moderation.org) , sadly, had just a handful of members, which suggested either moderation wasn't very successful or the board wasn't working real well, which is why I turned right around and came back here for answers.

            I'm not sure what new information Eve has gathered since August but it seems to be a topic many care about. As a rather new person to this concept I think one has to be rather slow and cautious about the approach. There is a long road ahead and it make take some time to figure out the right path, so in my opinion, no big rush. I do appreciate hearing different peoples experiences

            Comment

              #7
              Moderation or Abstinence?

              Raven2012;1388262 wrote: As a rather new person to this concept I think one has to be rather slow and cautious about the approach. There is a long road ahead and it make take some time to figure out the right path, so in my opinion, no big rush. I do appreciate hearing different peoples experiences
              Me too. :yeahthat:

              Comment

                #8
                Moderation or Abstinence?

                RunningCourage;1388260 wrote: For now, though, Bluesky's quote above, reminds why I am here... and why for years i have thought about, and fought with myself about, my struggle to limit my drinking.RC
                Beautifully put RC and it is exactly what I am saying. Most newbies aren't sure what road to take, many come to this site fearful of the fact that "I can never have a drink again" and feel better if they can take babysteps, or believe that they can moderate. As Bluesky said however, very few can moderate and for him, despite wanting to believe that he could, he had to finally admit that he could not.

                I merely wanted to point out that there is a moderation thread as most newbies will hear that folks are abstaining and some get discouraged with that because they found MWO believing that it was a moderation site. And in reply to The Sunflower, it can never be balanced because it just isn't, as most people with drinking problems can't moderate. Bluesky states that struggle better than I can so that's why I posted his words of wisdom.

                There's lots of wisdom here newbies so just read different posts and you will find your way...
                :l
                Eve11
                "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

                ~Jack Welsh~:h

                God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Moderation or Abstinence?

                  I think modding vs abstinence is still a bit black and white, I think a better term for the moderaters board would include the words harm reduction, because what some people there are doing is not strictly modding, but using harm reduction to work towards gaining control of their drinking and that may ultimately lead to modding or abstinence so there is a gray area that isn't technically either mod or abs, but is still a valid approach to an alcohol problem. I think there would be less confusion if the board was named moderation and harm reduction because it's more accurate for what goes on there and I think some people still misunderstand that.

                  I agree with eve though that people should read around the site and decide what may best work for them and be honest about where they are in the al continuum, and what they are trying to achieve because it doesn't matter if someone chooses abs or mod in the end, but being honest with yourself and putting in the work to stop the madness is what's really important IMO.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Moderation or Abstinence?

                    Eve,

                    I'm sure your heart is in the right place but as someone who posed this question just six or eight weeks ago I got lots of advice. I'm not sure if you followed the whole thing ~ it become a bit adversarial at the end. I stopped posting about one third into it. I think everyone was able to state their positions and gather the information they needed. I appreciate that you are bringing new info to the group (and I will preface my opinion by stating I am just one person and may not be representative of all new people) however, I feel I've got plenty of info at this point.

                    Maybe lots of new members have joined since then I don't know. I just would caution about reinstating a topic that - had I known at the time was so polarizing - would have considered a bit more carefully how I posed it.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Moderation or Abstinence?

                      Raven.....you are correct. I took down my origianl post as I knew Eve would not like it.

                      Personally, it is not my thread. But why open the doors so wide with a title......that the ending is so very small? Did that person think they had magic in their hands....to convince people of things that are simply not true? Or show how small minded they were? I knew what was up as I have seen it before.....do you truly think you are going to convince someone of lies....when you are lying to get them in.

                      I see how sick it is here. I wish you all the best.....but, this did if for me.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Moderation or Abstinence?

                        Dear Group,

                        I know there was controversy in the past and that is the reason I posted this post and I have no regrets or remorse in doing it. I am not trying to stir up controversy but merely want to share with newbies that come here that there is a thread where some people post who have chosen the moderation route and for the ones posting there, moderation seems to be working pretty well for them. I have been there 5 years myself. The reality however, is most people with drinking problems cannot moderate. Some people who have chosen the AF route may feel protective of newbies and it may sound like they are swaying them in that direction (abstinence). Are they being bad for doing it? Not really. They believe they are helping them because they believe moderation cannot work. Can moderation work? Some studies show it can work. Mark and Linda Sobell received international attention from their evaluation of chronic male alcoholics (1973, 1976, 1978). At one year, controlled drinking clients were found to be functioning well for a mean of 71% of all days, as opposed to abstinence group who were functioning well on only 35% of days. And for those that find that moderation cannot work, at least starting out moderating has created harm reduction as DrinkingGal so brilliantly reminded us of and they are ready to abstain at a time when they are ready and not pushed into it.

                        In response to you, The Sunflower, I was not offended by what you said. I can understand your confusion and that is why I posted this thread, to try to eliminate the confusion and to give newbies the opportunity to know that there is a thread where they will be supported in their moderation attempts although they may or may no find it works for them. I have no war with anyone who has chosen to abstain and will defend my AF friends to anyone. We are all here with drinking problems. That is our common problem, so let's be cohesive and work together to help and support each other with whatever path we decide works best for us.
                        :l
                        Eve11
                        "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

                        ~Jack Welsh~:h

                        God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Moderation or Abstinence?

                          TheSunFlower;1388300 wrote: Raven.....you are correct. I took down my origianl post as I knew Eve would not like it.

                          Personally, it is not my thread. But why open the doors so wide with a title......that the ending is so very small? Did that person think they had magic in their hands....to convince people of things that are simply not true? Or show how small minded they were? I knew what was up as I have seen it before.....do you truly think you are going to convince someone of lies....when you are lying to get them in.

                          I see how sick it is here. I wish you all the best.....but, this did if for me.

                          I'm not understanding your post sunflower, do you think this is eve's attempt to get people into moderating? and she's lying? or is she lying by saying not many people can do it successfully?

                          IMO eve is not the sort of person who looks for controversy and she's seen first hand what alcohol can do to people so she is very mindful of that, and i doubt she's looking to rope people into anything.

                          I think raven hit the nail on the head when she said
                          "There is a long road ahead and it make take some time to figure out the right path, so in my opinion, no big rush.                           I do appreciate hearing different peoples experiences

                          we might not all take the same path and the destination may vary between us, but we know ourselves better than anyone on a forum could, so we each have to choose our own path and work at it in our own individual way.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Moderation or Abstinence?

                            drinkingal;1388310 wrote: I'm not understanding your post sunflower, do you think this is eve's attempt to get people into moderating? and she's lying? or is she lying by saying not many people can do it successfully?

                            IMO eve is not the sort of person who looks for controversy and she's seen first hand what alcohol can do to people so she is very mindful of that, and i doubt she's looking to rope people into anything.

                            I think raven hit the nail on the head when she said
                            "There is a long road ahead and it make take some time to figure out the right path, so in my opinion, no big rush.                             I do appreciate hearing different peoples experiences

                            we might not all take the same path and the destination may vary between us, but we know ourselves better than anyone on a forum could, so we each have to choose our own path and work at it in our own individual way.
                            as ever DG, with this post and the earlier one in the thread, you show so much clarity. REALLY appreciate your posts.

                            RC

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Moderation or Abstinence?

                              Me too DG! Thank you for helping to clarify.
                              :l
                              Eve11
                              "Control your destiny or somebody else will"

                              ~Jack Welsh~:h

                              God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Author unknown, :thumbs:

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 3 template Next
                              Working...
                              X