Moderation or Abstinence?

[Raven2012]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Hi Eve,

I sense you've got some information to share.

I hesitate to share my opinions at times becuase I am just one person - not really representative of a new person in search of a better way of handling alcohol. I've had six weeks without and felt quite good about about it which I've shared with the group.
My experience is after a couple of weeks here, the abstinence method was dominant. surprised me because I wasn't ready. I also saw some posts where people were called out for "posting under the influence".

Well, after a couple of months, I was grateful to have a wonderful lifeline called MWO but if I had a few drinks and posted I wondered if I would be outcast - do people understand that sometimes those in transition might post after having a few? What if we were feeling down? Needed help? I was on the fence for about a month, not that really but a few things all around mulling in my head.

So, I sign off for tonight. Thanks for listening.

[199days]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Everyone has their own views, but I see moderating as drinking Alcohell and still being in the clutches of addiction.

Abstinence through AVRT for me is not drinking and living life free from addiction.

[paula]

Moderation or Abstinence?

I could drink moderately for a while, but then my drinking would escalate and cause me problems. If I could drink moderately I would love it, but I can't. It took me a long time to realise this. That first drink would trigger something in my brain and befor long I would be out of control. Alcohol has caused me so many regrets. I do agree with 199. I would never judge anybody. That first drink for me is the one that causes me pain.

[Sunbeam]

Moderation or Abstinence?

I used to post in the mods section, and was pretty successful. But I grew tired of the struggle to stop once I started. I am better off without alcohol. It is not my friend, it brings me no pleasure.

I am just finishing my first completely AF vacation. Not a moment would have been improved with alcohol. I sat with my husband as he had wine (just 2 glasses) at dinner. I didn't touch the two bottles he bought to have on hand for eating with take out. I simply don't want to drink any more.

[Sunbeam]

Moderation or Abstinence?

I believe in the past that modders and AF people agreed that a person should start by going AF for 30 days. It seems like that point of agreement has been lost.

[Eve11]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Raven2012;1388355 wrote:
I encourage you to keep the open minded, positive momentum going on with MYO.

...Well, after a couple of months, I was grateful to have a wonderful lifeline called MWO but if I had a few (drinks) and posted sumitted a post, I wondered if I would be outcast - do people understand that sometimes those in transitions might post after having a few? What if we were feeling down? Needed help? That kept me away for a month. I didn't want to violate the "don't post while drinking rule". I'm OK now, and I"m back, but I'd love to see an even more welcome envrionment where drunk, really messed up people can come over too, because they need us the most. No judgement.
Raven

Raven,
This is the reason that I posted what I did here. The moderation board will not judge you and that is why I want newbies to know that it exists, that they can share a post while drinking or talk about relapse or even how much they drink which may be far more than the typical modder drinks, but it is ok as we all struggle to find our way.

For any newbie that felt or feels judged here, please remember that for some people the next drink will literally kill them. As a nurse in a hospital who works with alcoholics dying from liver disease, alcohol related accidents, etc. I know the dangers of alcohol. If someone abstaining posted something offensive, please keep that in mind, that this can be a life or death battle for some. My battle is I had 4 drinks in one sitting and that is relapse for me as I never want to have more than 2! A far cry from someone having 15 drinks a day. This is why moderation works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone and certainly doesn't work for chronic alcoholics.

We must always keep in mind the shoes the other person is walking in, try to understand it from their angle, and not take things personally. Once again, the intention of my post was merely to educate newbies that there is a site that may be more receptive to their struggles as they try to determine whether they can still fit a little drinking (harm reduction) into their lives, or whether they really do need to face the facts that the freedom and way out for them is to abstain.

Peace to all.
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Sunbeam;1388463 wrote: I believe in the past that modders and AF people agreed that a person should start by going AF for 30 days. It seems like that point of agreement has been lost.

Hi Sunbeam,
Good to *see* you again!

You are right in the fact that 30 days abstinence is a good idea and I think you shared that a lot when you posted on our site. To educate others I believe it clears your system of alcohol, allows you to sleep better and frees up your time to evaluate what is really important in your life (how you keep busy when you don’t walk around having that glass in your hand you’re focused on). It also gives you a chance to break old habits, experience a change, and build some confidence.

The reason that I don’t personally recommend it is due to the fact that I don’t know how much people are really drinking as quitting drinking suddenly could put someone into full blown DT’s which could be life threatening. As a nurse with a license, that makes me personally very cautious to give that advice but quitting for 30 (if medically safe) is definitely a good idea. It also helps a person identify more clearly the internal (environmental) and external (emotional) “triggers” associated with their alcohol use and helps to reduce conflicts with family members and significant others caused or exacerbated by their alcohol use (which is how many people end up coming here because their wife or children or significant others are mad about their drinking habits).

Thanks for the reminder as that advice is benficial to folks, I am just personally (protecting my license) afraid to give it.

:l
Eve11

[Sunbeam]

Moderation or Abstinence?

It seems you could add a cautionary statement to obtain medical advice for a 30 day abstinent period.

[FarfallaP]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Eve,

I, for one, am glad that you started this thread.

As I believe Lav once mentioned, many people who first find MWO are still drinking at that time, and I feel that it is important that everyone know that support is available all along the way.

Most folks will figure out where they need or choose to be, sooner or later, and IMO learning in general occurs better and faster with as little additional shame and guilt added on as possible.

As mentioned elsewhere, sites that support harm reduction and moderation are not exactly plentiful; and if the moderation support side of MWO is at least a starting point, if not an ending point, for some of us, that is certainly a positive thing...and good for people to know that it exists. FF

[paulywogg]

Moderation or Abstinence?

i know for sure i found this site while i was drunk,i was just so scared to quit,but reading everyones stories helped me make that first step,as i read on some of the af people seem holier than thow sometimes,moders seem more realistic for us just starting,maybe to give us a stepping stone so to speak,just my opinion anyways

[Eve11]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Sunbeam;1388524 wrote: It seems you could add a cautionary statement to obtain medical advice for a 30 day abstinent period.

Good advice Sunbeam as I really do agree a 30 day ab period is helpful. Although some people even struggle hearing that as they have a hard time not having that daily drink.
:l
Eve11

[Eve11]

Moderation or Abstinence?

FarfallaP;1388526 wrote:
As mentioned elsewhere, sites that support harm reduction and moderation are not exactly plentiful; and if the moderation support side of MWO is at least a starting point, if not an ending point, for some of us, that is certainly a positive thing...and good for people to know that it exists. FF

FF,
Studies show that many people with drinking problems do nothing to help themselves as they aren't emotionally ready for the all or nothing approach. That is why I want to encourage newbies who are struggling with what to do to come to the long term mod site where they will get the emotional support they need there without jeopardizing someone's recovery who is really struggling to abstain and doesn't want to deal with hearing how a newbie is still drinking, etc.
:l
Eve11
p.s. Just wanted to add an addendum that we don't want the discussion on this thread to change to why we can't drink or want to drink. This thread was started to just help give newbies a direction for additional support.

[TheSunFlower]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Eve...I apologize. I read your post differently than intended. Glad I checked in today and read your follow up as it was cleared up for me. Again, I apologize.

[Eve11]

Moderation or Abstinence?

The Sunflower
Thank you for your apology. I just felt bad that you weren't able to understand what I was saying and am thankful it makes better sense to you today. No hard feelings, that is for sure!
Big :ls,
Eve11

[TheSunFlower]

Moderation or Abstinence?

Eve:l

It does make much more sense with the follow up. :thanks: