I need your help

[japaneseGirl]

Hi,
I am sorry to bother you, but I need little help. I am with this guy, who I believe is alcoholic. I just don't know how to help him. Please do not get me wrong, he is a great guy! He has really good heart and I love him very much. The problem is he drinks. When I say he drinks I mean he drinks 24/7. He has alcohol on his night table stand.
Normally in the morning I don't talk to him until he had some alcohol as he would be not responsive.
He is running his own business and the business is doing well. We have good standard of living, but lately he is prone to more and more mistakes. I can see that this constant drinking is taking toll on him. I am soooo worried. He would really not leave house unless he has some vodka in him. He would be scared. In the morning he shakes and his eyes look like he is absent.
I allow him to have some alcohol as after that he becomes somehow normal. He says he has a problem, he acknowledges that, but is doing little to address it.
Also when he is really drunk he can become difficult. He never been violent, but his mood would change dramatically. What should I do?

[Prairie Fairy]

I need your help

Does he acknowledge he has an issue? Generally until the person is ready to deal with it - they aren't really ready to deal with it.

There are some books you might want to have around - Quitting the Drink Easily has been helpful for some...The My Way Out book which is the reason for this web site is what led me to try to moderate in the first place... it was a message I was willing to hear...Both are written in easy to ready, rational language - and people are at least willing to read what they aren't willing to hear via ears often...

[Wally22]

I need your help

There is really not much you can do, until he is ready. Most of us will fight to the bitter end to deny our problem. He does sound as if he might be ready, why don't you show him this site and then leave it to him.

[Doggygirl]

I need your help

Hi Japanese girl. Welcome to My Way Out. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I know many of us here can read your post and know that we put our loved ones through the same worries and fears that you are experiencing.

The others are right that there is not much you can do to help someone else decide to quit. We have to decide that for ourselves. I'm not sure what part of the world you live in but have you looked into Al-anon Family Groups to get some help and support and information for YOU? Your life is really the only one you can manage. A support group like Al-anon can help you keep your life in focus, and also help you make sure that you are not enabling the drinker to experience or cause even more damage, without you realizing it.

Good luck,

DG

[Kradle123]

I need your help

Hi Japanese Girl and Welcome!

The others are right in that there is really is nothing you can do for him but there is alot you can do for you.

Since you don't seem to have an AL problem (well, you do actually but just on the other side of the coin) please read as much as you can about what AL does to people like this and get a good look at your future if you decide to stay with him. MWO is a great start and I really encourage you to read read read and as I say, get a good look at what will most likely be coming your way...It's not pretty and your 'good standard of living' won't stay very good. :upset:

Don't mean to scare you but just mean to scare you...:h

PS: Can you imagine bringing children into this situation?

:l

[japaneseGirl]

I need your help

Thank you for your kind words. I am crying when i type this. He is now on 2 week long binge. I forced him to go and have appointment with doctor today. I don't think he will go. We have been to this doctor many, many times and he is ashamed to go there again.
Doctor would check him and he would say "Mate you just need to cut on your al intake". He seems fine as he is already drunk! Doctor don't see him when he is out of alcohol.
One positive he switched from vodka to beers today. He has to sober up as he needs to go to clients(long overdue). BTW he never drives drunk.
I met this handsome, charming man. I was over the moon, but now I am crying. I still love him

[Nelz]

I need your help

I am so sorry for your situation JGirl.

I can tell you I was that guy....all around decent guy, but under the influence of AL I was a different person, to the point that people around my wife had advised her to leave me. The sad part about that is, even hearing that didnt stop me from drinking.

There is hope for both you and him, but, he is going to have to want it, as cliche as that sounds its 100 percent true. I dont think anyone has the magic answer(I really wish we did), but until he is ready, it just wont happen.

I like the idea of showing him around this site....it is very helpful. He could start just by reading the life stories of others, and see that he is in no way alone in this battle.

It will require some patience and understanding on your part.

I hope that you guys can work it out, it sounds as if you love him very much!!

Wishing you both much strength to get started and try and kick AL to the curb. Your story is so similar to mine, Id be happy to answer any questions you had either here on the boards, or in a PM. Im not ashamed of who I am or how I got here, so dont be bashful