lurking no more!

[amethyst]

:new: I have been lurking for several months, and have gained much insight and info from all who gather here. Usually by the time I finished reading, I had no more time for posting! I have been trying to moderate with the (erratic) use of the supplements. I realized today that I was following a very predictible pattern. Thursday nights have been a heavy drinking night - I have a somewhat free day on Fridays. Then I feel lousy and guilty, and don't drink Friday. Saturday, I'll have 2 or 3 glasses of wine. Sunday, usually the same . Monday -Wednesday, I am back to 4ish glasses, then Thursday rolls around when 2 bottles in not uncommon over 3-5 hours. I usually have to rewatch Grey's Anantomy to find out what happened the last few minutes!. This weekend was heavier than usual, as dh was out of town(he travels lots) and I was bored, lonely, and a little ticked I was alone...again. Except for the kids, that is. It struck me this morning that drinking as the responsible adult at home was not very responsible nor adult. One of my teenagers was out late last night. What if he had needed my help? I would have been a liability, not help.

SO, I am getting serious, and FOR REAL. I cannot continue to fool myself that moderating my way to health is happening. I need to go AF. I also need to be consistent about the supps and posting here. I was AF for 3 months last year, and thought I could begin moderating, but that didn't happen. The funny thing is that I was never a drinker, didn't like the way drinking made me feel, didn't like feeling out of control. Then I turned 40 and WHAM! I have been a consistently heavy drinker for about 5 out of the 8 years I have been drinking, and that is too long, too much. So, I'm saying hi, saying I'm in, saying I plan to remember all my evenings from now on, and enjoy all my days!:h

[lushy]

lurking no more!

What a great realization you had!! I am glad you got up the courage to finally post here. It really does help. And as one who was also erratic with taking the supplements I have recently started being more regular with them and I notice a big difference when I am consistent. Welcome to the club! Look forward to getting to know you.....:welcome:

[Beaches]

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Hi Amethyst and Welcome
I so understand your concern about your kids and so will a lot of members that follow.

Moderating doesn't work for many and they decide to go AF. Join one of the Abstainer boards and you will find so much support. Any of the Monthly Boards you will find support.

I wish you the best and lots of clear, hang over free mornings.

[meditation mama]

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Hi Amethyst!

I also felt like I could drink if I didn't do it openly, even so much as hiding my drinking while at home. Who was I fooling? Like my 10 year old daughter can't see the difference when I am drunk! Anyway, I am with you. I am also not going to take anymore of those nights and days. I have tried moderation 100's of times. Everytime I have a glass of wine I try to moderate.. It doesn't work for me. I am starting over, bought the supplements, book and cd's. I am going to do everything in my power to let that last drunk be my last one. So, stay here, stay in touch. These folks are really helpful and thoughtful.

here's to a hang-over free day tomorrow!

[AAthlete]

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Understanding that you have a problem is the biggest step - congrats....

Stay with us and best of luck to you...

[Breez]

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[Determinator]

lurking no more!

Amethyst, good deal on making a move! you should be most proud. I can fool myself into beleiving I can moderate, then blow it bigtime like Friday night....arg. Let us all be honest with our selves if nothing else. what was that the Oracle said to Neo....."Know Thyself". how interesting. take care.

[amethyst]

lurking no more!

Hey y'all, thanks for the warm welcome. This can be a difficult thing to do alone, but with help, I am sure it will be much more...well, not easy really, but doable. Thanks again, and look forward to getting to know y'all better.

[Popeye]

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Hi amethyst.
This is a great place. Glad you found us.

[Bella]

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Hello amethyst. I can't moderate either. But these people here are a life-line for me so let them in and get the support you deserve. All the best. B

[Guest]

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Amethyst,
I am new, starting day 4 AF, I don't think I could moderate either...1 always becomes 10. All I can say is take it one day at a time. Each morning I wake up feeling GOOD, I just say a little pray to help me through the day so I will some day say 30 days AF. Hang in, we can do this!!!!! I too have children and I know how very much it means to them too.

[Ripley]

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Hi there, :welcome:

I'm new here, on my 7th day AF and loving it, but suspect that I will be one of the ones who come badly undone once I try to moderate... we'll see. Still, if that day comes I know that these good people will be here to help me through it.

This is a terrific place. kate

[goldie]

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Welcome, I lurked too for a while and know the courage it takes to mke that first step so well done on that and also for anting to deal with things. I can relate to the children bit. Some mornings I have woke up and had to make sure the kids were in bed, how shocking is that. I don't want that horrific feeling again. Glad you fond this place and keep going, evryone here is here to help.

[aquamarine]

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Amethyst, Welcome! You have come to great place. Keep comeing back. There is lots of people to help who can really understand what you are through. Aquamarine

[Rocky]

lurking no more!

Hello Amethyst and Welcome...

Getting serious is the key and you have some very strong reasons to do so... Being responsible for the kids!! That is sobering i itself...

You can do it! Lot's of help and understanding here...