:h Didnt get much sleep last night which I know from past experience is only to be expected. Last time I think it was about a week before I slept thru, its like the first night your new baby doesnt wake you up a mixture of concern and elation. Had a really strange semi-awake sort of dream in which my son and I were caught up in (in the wilds of Scotland!) what proved to be a world wide riot instigated by my daughter. Weird or what?Still better than the unconsciousness of alcohol. Nearly headed out for bottle of wine about 9 when hormonally charged teenage daughter tried to upend the coffee table but resisted and Im really glad I did. I dont get physical symptoms (apart from not sleeping and needing to go to the loo a lot) when I dont drink but I think thats just because I have the constitution of an ox. For me the big hook is emotional/psychological. I have been reading the posts and realise that a lot of people grapple with the same question "why do we do it?" and that there are probably as many answers as there are people out there. And I am amazed at how many of you there are. Partly for me its boredom and lonliness (alcohol has been my main companion for at least the past 4 years) but also I feel that at my core there is a big black hole which I have consistently tried to fill up with booze. I realise thats something I have to tackle in a different way and know I will get lots of insight here. When I am drinking one of the worst things (health, family, rationality aside) is the feeling of total negativity toward myself and when I dont that starts to dissipate almost immediately. I go to a parenting class today and the kidology going on with that hasnt escaped me - if mum is sober being a parent isnt a problem - but still I find it useful, companionable and uplifting so hope that will be enough to get me thru today.
I raise my mug of tea to each of you, best wishes Fiona
I raise my mug of tea to each of you, best wishes Fiona
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