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This past Saturday morning, October 27th, 2012, I was arrested for my second DUI charge. I had been celebrating with friends the night before, only slept three hours and had to be on the road at 6 a.m. for a work event. I grabbed the biggest cup of coffee I could find, a bagel, and began my journey which should have taken an hour. I was convinced that I was merely groggy from exhaustion and was not still under the influence, turns out I didn't know s***.
After blinking in and out of sleep while driving to my destination (approx. an hour away) I snapped into focus at the sound of a siren and red and blue lights behind me. I genuinely thought that I had made the right choice by getting some sleep, coffee, and a bagel, and didn't think twice about explaining that to the state patrol officer thinking he would accept what I thought was the true cause of my erratic driving: exhaustion.
However, reality was much different: I blew .136 on the side of the freeway and ultimately a .110 in booking. The first time this happened I was only twenty years old and will admit that I was reckless and cavalier about driving drunk. But after that first incident I was determined never to let it happen again. However, over the last nine and a half years my drinking increased in frequency, and quantity to the point that I was drinking daily, sometimes even starting early in the day on days off of work and maintaining a steady intake of booze all. day. long. Flash forward to Saturday morning and the image of who I really was snapped into focus: I'm an alcoholic.
I now realize that regardless of what steps I think I can take to "control" what happens to me when I drink, that is not reality. The only way to stay in control of my life is to stop drinking entirely. Saturday was the day I chose to begin a new life, one where I am in control of my actions and will be held accountable for them; for my own good and the good of my family.
Today was the end of day two and I have already had two moments today where I was hit with an intense craving to drink -- ironically the first was after talking with a lawyer about my DUI conviction. I don't think I've ever drank so much coffee in one day in my life, and can see a need for investing in a very large thermos. The second craving hit about 20 minutes ago so I went on the internet looking for help/distractions and found this forum. I look forward to checking in with updates on my journey and at some point in the future hope to be able to provide insight to others that have/are/will be experiencing the same thing.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share, as you know it is not a great conversation starter with non-sober people, and if you don't mind I have a favor to ask: does anyone have tips/suggestions on how to cope with the guilt, embarrassment, and depression that coincides with a DUI arrest? I am much more unstable/freaked out/lacking self worth at 29 years old than when I was 20 and would love to get some advice on how to cope/move forward with my new life.
Sincerely,
NA102712
This past Saturday morning, October 27th, 2012, I was arrested for my second DUI charge. I had been celebrating with friends the night before, only slept three hours and had to be on the road at 6 a.m. for a work event. I grabbed the biggest cup of coffee I could find, a bagel, and began my journey which should have taken an hour. I was convinced that I was merely groggy from exhaustion and was not still under the influence, turns out I didn't know s***.
After blinking in and out of sleep while driving to my destination (approx. an hour away) I snapped into focus at the sound of a siren and red and blue lights behind me. I genuinely thought that I had made the right choice by getting some sleep, coffee, and a bagel, and didn't think twice about explaining that to the state patrol officer thinking he would accept what I thought was the true cause of my erratic driving: exhaustion.
However, reality was much different: I blew .136 on the side of the freeway and ultimately a .110 in booking. The first time this happened I was only twenty years old and will admit that I was reckless and cavalier about driving drunk. But after that first incident I was determined never to let it happen again. However, over the last nine and a half years my drinking increased in frequency, and quantity to the point that I was drinking daily, sometimes even starting early in the day on days off of work and maintaining a steady intake of booze all. day. long. Flash forward to Saturday morning and the image of who I really was snapped into focus: I'm an alcoholic.
I now realize that regardless of what steps I think I can take to "control" what happens to me when I drink, that is not reality. The only way to stay in control of my life is to stop drinking entirely. Saturday was the day I chose to begin a new life, one where I am in control of my actions and will be held accountable for them; for my own good and the good of my family.
Today was the end of day two and I have already had two moments today where I was hit with an intense craving to drink -- ironically the first was after talking with a lawyer about my DUI conviction. I don't think I've ever drank so much coffee in one day in my life, and can see a need for investing in a very large thermos. The second craving hit about 20 minutes ago so I went on the internet looking for help/distractions and found this forum. I look forward to checking in with updates on my journey and at some point in the future hope to be able to provide insight to others that have/are/will be experiencing the same thing.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share, as you know it is not a great conversation starter with non-sober people, and if you don't mind I have a favor to ask: does anyone have tips/suggestions on how to cope with the guilt, embarrassment, and depression that coincides with a DUI arrest? I am much more unstable/freaked out/lacking self worth at 29 years old than when I was 20 and would love to get some advice on how to cope/move forward with my new life.
Sincerely,
NA102712
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