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[Ripley]

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Hi Maxman

haven't read this thread for a few days. I am increadibly moved by your honesty, desperation and determination to beat this. Keep on coming here Max there are so many people here who will help you succeed.

read the book Max, and try the programme. It works. I'm doing the whole car-wash myself and couldn't even do one DAY without a drink on willpower alone before MWO. If you can get a sympathetic Dr on board so much the better.

I wish you strength courage and love. Kate

[maxman]

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thanks for the support, I have spent the arvo with my 18 yr old bro (im 32) had a sparring session with him, Im bigger but he could beat me sensless, hes a blackbelt, It was like when I used to play with him on the playstation years ago ( he would let me get one or two in then go to town on me, just to show me who was the boss!!). Satori, have I mentioned jimi in one of my posts or are you a psycic?, I have been a fan of hendrix for about 18 years. if you like zeppelin check out new aussie band wolfmother. my wife doesnt drink much which is good. we have been married for just over five years. I love her now more than ever. She said to me on the phone tonight that making me leave was the hardest thing that she has ever done and that I was the worst day of her life. I do not blame her for anything, she is a beautiful person and I am lucky to have her. I really think that it needed to be done for me to realise what was going on. I only have myself to blame.I am so lucky that she is so understanding. Mum and dad are on hols at the moment so I havent told them yet. I gave Tom (my Bro) some advice, andtold him all about the cravings, being on autopilot and he told me that drinking was why he pulled out of uni,hes an apprentice electrician now with one of my mates and doing well. frog, from now on my bro will be my 4x2 and he will be training me once a week. he may be able to beat me in a fight but I will be 60 before he can beat me in an arm wrestle!!! I love all of you, I dont know what would have happened if I didnt find MWO. I am turnining my situation into a positive and hopefully I will be back home in a few days.
maxman:h :H :H

[satori]

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Hey max,

you can think of me as a psychic if you like - but you did mention Jimi earlier! (you quoted a line or two from Manic depression!)

I already have Wolfmother's album on my computer! It is pretty good.

Look on the fitness section there is a thread on running music there - I listed the bands I currently am listening to while exercising. Sounds like we have similar tastes.
Jimi will always be a fave though!
I have spent most of my adult life trying to get close to playing some of his stuff!!!

Take care

[cassy]

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hi Max...good luck

it may be a a slow process but take all the support you can get from this site..spend hours on it if it stops you drinking.

It sounds like you have a great wife who wants back the guy she loves when you are not sloshed!!!

hope you get through a few days off the booze and can see the way forward.

Maybe plan an evening with your wife on a DATE arrangement when there will be a rule of no booze for a few hours...seee how that feels to be together again SOBER.

I for one found the evenings odd at first without any booze on board..even boring!! I,ve got used to it now and i feel less boring too...better check that out with my hubby who ihas joined me off the booze for last 32 days!!!

good luck to you

Cassy

[maxman]

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Two weeks after we got back from our honeymoon I got a call from mum saying that my younger brother David was having another episode ( bipolar, 18 months younger) we were best mates. he had started thinking that god was talking to him, giving him missions to do. his mission was to kill osama. he beleived that he had to take him out while he was hiding in australia. He was told that He had to contact the local biker club and get them to take him to kill osama, he was invincible, could see through walls and could walk on water. He demonstrated his powers by jumping off my uncles 12 foot balcony. when he got up unhurt it proved his theory.after a few hours at my uncles trying to settle him down the police arrived with the cat team (crisis assesment team) from the hospital and took him in. I had to tell the police about the pocket knife and the pair of pliers that he was carrying for their own safety. On the way to the hospital in the police car dave swtched on and befriended the police telling them that he wanted to join the force and general chit chat. When they got to the hospital they let him go with the cat team members without making sure he was checked in properly (which is proper police proceedure over here. David had spent a couple of 3 month stints in hospital while they were trying to figure out what was going on in his head. He was in survival mode and he didnt want to go away again. the first was when he was 15 and the nxt was when he was nearly17) he escaped from the hospital within 15 minutes after being driven there, before he was even checked in. He asked the nurse to make him a coffee, then the phone rang he tuned his back to answer the phone and david took the chance to get out. We got the call only one hour after he had been taken that he had gone missing. I had a terrible feeing all day even before I knew what was going on that something bad was going to happen. I havent told anyone this but I knew that he as going to die even before we got the call that he had taken off. My uncle lives about 15 km from the hospital on about 5 acres. as soon as we got the call we all went out, there were about 10 cars looking for him. He had run almost all the way back with his new found powers, and everyone was looking in the wrong spot. we had to wait for 24hr to register him as a missing person. he was found a week later 1km from my uncles place by two young girls ridig their horses floating in a dam. he was trying to get home.

Due to all the stuff ups involved it took nearly 2.5 years for the coroner to come up with a cause of death and if anyone was responsible. i went through lots of stages, even blamed myself for a while(my cousins wanted to bash the guy dave escaped from) blaming him, the police for not making sure he was checked in properly. I even moved up to ayers rock to get away from everything, with my wife, a six week old baby and a 1 1/2 yr old daughters.Half way across aus and It doesnt matter how far you drive you cant escape that sort of shit. stayed up there for 4 months. Anyway at the coroners reading we found out that since davids death, the hospital has installed anti escape double doors and all the shit that the police did wrong has also changed. I do not blame anyone for what happened.

Since my brothers death, one of his best mates, a guy I had known since we were little, hung himself in his parents backyard, a mate that I did my appreniceship with ended up gassing himself with his dog in his car, another workmate from cancer(40) and only a month ago another mate in a car accident.Sometimes I feel that death is following me.


Apart from my wife you are the only people that know my whole story(bad I have alot of good stories to tell) . I love each and every one of you for listening and helping me


maxman

[maxman]

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I play jimis stuff every day,......... on the stereo!!

[maxman]

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Cassy, you are my hero
:yay: :rays: :yougo: :thumbsup

[maxman]

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hardly slept, feel like shit today, have to stay positive. not going near redbull again

[Serenity]

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Maxman

I have followed your journey up to know and your honesty pierces my heart.

You have admitted you have a problem and want to stop - so that now every time you drink the pleasure that once was there has all been taken out of it.

So many people have not even come this far (my husband included) and he has a go at me when I mention we do this together.

You need to know this - You must do whatever you can to beat this, prepare to do anything - hypno, topa, amino acids, supplements whatever if you need to see a doctor in order to do it.

It has to come top of the list today - what am I doing today "not drinking" what am I doing tommorrow "not drinking" and you are not giving something up you are gaining a new life.

You can do this as your posts always sound so determined - You know where you are with drink - you can't do it anymore.

I wish you all the best - I see you how I wish my husband could be - battling his addicition instead of giving into it - it makes me very, very sad - he is a great man destroyed by drink!!

Love S

[cassy]

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hi Maxman
wow youu have had an emotional roller coaster and so many losses of people you truly cared about.
Hope you get through today without a drink..I,ve mucked about all day on this site... Iwas on a day off drom work.

My addictive personality I guess!!

i cant imagine how awful you must feel right now but please keep sharing on this site if it helps.i can say when I first came on here a little over a month ago i too felt my drinking was heading out of control and dared not share that with with anyone except my husband.he is a drinker too though denies he has a problem!!

Together we have plodded on day by day not drinking ..day 32 now and yes its really odd at times being sober every evening. i have loads of energy but i couldnt sleep well for the first week or so.
i dont know where my journey is leading me but i hope i either get the grace to abstain or to a stage of moderating.

another member ...serenity i think said earlier that people who are trying to moderate can never be classed as normal drinkers as the obsessive thoughts about alsohol remain.

Right at this moment I would love to be able to moderate and have aa few drinks once a week...the scary thing is like fags no doubyt it would creep back up again. when i gave up fags 12 years ago ..it was after cutting down didnt work for me...so deep down i know really that moderating probably wont work either...just mad that o cant be in the "normal category"actually i dont know any normal drinkers and i have a huge circle of friends and family...that is all my friends say stuff like " i only drink at weekends" "never before 8" "i loook forward to saturday for a meal and a few wines"

So maybe they are all problem drinkers or alcoholics or both depending on definitions!!!

when i go out with friends in couples the only friend i have that doesnt drink is the one who had a problem with it so stopped!!

Oh well cant be getting hung up on that stuff! just want to wish you well Max .. hope you get through today and get some sleep tonight.

take care Cassy

[Serenity]

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Hi Cassy Hi Maxman

Its a difficult one isn't it... after all alcohol is an addictive drug and the more you drink it the more you become addicted the question is " are some peoples brain chemistry more predisposed to "liking" it ? " and therefore drinking more in the first place to get the addiction or if you drink for long and hard enough do we all end up addicted to the stuff.

Most people who drink will drink to excess either occasionally or regularly (not all I grant you) - I think you only define yourself as having a problem when you don't like the way it makes you feel and how it impacts on your life.
There are plenty of people that I know prepared to put up with the hangovers and feeling like crap to keep the "buzz" of the addiction going but would not class themselves as problem drinkers let alone alcoholics.

If we all were to inject heroin, an addictive drug like alcohol (although less socially acceptable) and it was in a neverending supply we would all become addicted to it because of the way it makes us feel - I think that it is the same with alcohol and ultimately there is not a "normal" drinker category just people who drink less and less often.
Hope I made sense bit of a rant - am going to bed now!
All the best
love
S

[maxman]

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For the first time in a while I actually feel good about myself. I was allowed to come home and spent the day with my wife, went to aa ( still not sure about that, some how reminds me of when I was in the army!) Its my wifes birthday today we are going out for breakfast, then taking the kids to the red hill show. 3 days AF!! unbelievable. thanks guys for my life back.

maxman

[maxman]

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still doing well staying focused, keeping positive, feeling better than ever. Hanging out for my package to arrive. thanks again

[Guest]

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Hey Max! I finally decided to try them vitamins and such too.. congrats on the three days and the time with your wife!!!

[WaitingToExhale]

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Max great thread!

I'm up in the middle of then night *sigh* reading and it was like a mini book! I was cheering for you each post.

3 Days AF! WOW .. just WOW!

So tough and you have had so much to overcome .. you give me courage in my journey.

Congrats from this side of the world ... you sound really positive.

WTE