I relapsed!

[finallydone]

This is a new low for me. I feel horrible right now. I make 8 months. I suffer a bad panic attack and I go back to the devil. Sunday night I caved in under crushing anxiety for relief. I am not happy right now as I went the ER this morning puking and shaking horribly. I missed 4 days of school and now have to be honest with my instructor over this all. Right now I feel mentally crushed. I have ativan to help take the anxiety away. I finally need to stop this. This self destructive nature I have is beyond even rationality at this point. I feel down and out right now. Thankfully I can recover from this. I want to be honest with the community that I have fallen again. But I hopeful I can finally use the tools we have to stop this madness. I will keep everyone updated. I care about you all very much here. I know I have to take a different approach to this and that maybe means antabuse and a long-term plan with a mental health professional to deal with my anxiety.

[Starfish1]

I relapsed!

Sorry you have been having such trouble with your anxiety attacks, FD. And sorry you had such a rough time this morning. I hope the doctors can get your anxiety medication straightened out soon and then you can figure out the best approach for you to take. For right now, take care of yourself and let us know how we can help you

[paula]

I relapsed!

Don't write off those 8 amazing months, I have relapsed so often, once after 6 years. Take the ativan, it will help, and just get back on track. Take whatever help you need, but don't let one slip define you.

[Byrdlady]

I relapsed!

FinallyDone,
My heart goes out to you. I can understand your frustration and dispair. Thank god this isn't a race that goes to the swiftest, as Lola said earlier today, but to those who are steady. NO one here is judging you because this is a life we all know too well. This is addiction....it's a lifelong party and we got an invitation.

You have the tools in place you need, right? You have your support in place and we are all right here. Try not to carry the burdens of the past on your journey forward. Like Star said over in the nest, this is Day 1...makes the counting easier. Let's take the path together....it's the beginning! B

[K9Lover]

I relapsed!

FD! :l:l:l

I just want you to know I'm here for you. You know how to get a hold of me. Start over...'nough said.

Love you!!

K9

[JackieClaire]

I relapsed!

Oh love, I feel for you I really do and so pleased to see you back on the wagon.

So just a little story for you. A couple of years ago my daughter started getting crippling panic and anxiety attacks. So much so we once had to take her to hospital as she was convinced it was a heart attack. Luckily she was able to see her doctor and he arranged counselling and one of the many good people here gave me a website they used to belong to.
I passed the info on and she received massive support from them. I know it's UK based but it's very like MWO.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/

Within a year her attacks had abated somewhat. She still gets them now and again but has learned how to cope with them very well.

J x
:l

[kuya]

I relapsed!

As Paula said Finally, this is one drink after eight months. Maybe even CAUSED by the excitement of reaching eight months.

All will be well :l

[Doggygirl]

I relapsed!

FD - The road to recovery is a bumpy one - that's for sure! I'm glad you went to the hospital and got your way through it. I think that's a great idea to see a professional regarding the anxiety/panic attacks. One of my favorite sayings is "fall down seven, get up eight!" Onward we go!

DG

[Zenstyle]

I relapsed!

Hiya FD...

Like the rest said, 8 months is 8 months no matter what way you cut it... not to be sniffed at AT ALL. It's an accomplishment, not a failure. )

The website that Jackie mentioned... I have a friend that used that same one and she speaks very highly of it. I think it's worth you taking a look at... it's like we come to MWO as alkies and we gain a lot of knowledge about our condition... same thing over on that site.

Good luck FD... xx

[Mootsbill]

I relapsed!

Finally done' my heart goes out to you, I suffer from anxiety, it's where my booze problem stems from too. In my early twenties I had a panic attack that lasted for 1 month or so, I couldn't leave the house, threw up all day, lost weight and my mind, now it's much a general anxiety disorder which latches onto certain issues e.g money, work, kids etc it always finds a thread to grab ;0) I have used no more panics its a great website try it, also what I try and do is think I am not a drinker therefore even if I'm panicking drink is not an option (this is hard and I fall all the time ;0() here's a few of the things I do to keep anxiety as bay;
Exercise lots of.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine other stimulants
Sleep well
Try meditation only a few mins a day
Have a strong network of people who know the real you and your problems.
Be strong and I hope the doc can help xxx

[RunningCourage]

I relapsed!

Hey FD,

We've never officially "met" so to speak, but i've read your posts and your threads while i've been here and think what you have given this site with sharing your journey has been hope-filled and inspiring and quite phenomenal.

And even with this latest episode, you come here and share again. I have much respect for that. You'll know some of these guys here way better than me, so you know they have the advice, the words, the history and tools to help you as you need or want it.

But be proud - 8 months is absolutely fricking awesome.

RC

[finallydone]

I relapsed!

I number one want to thank everyone! My eyes are filled with tears. I don't want to have my life ruled by addiction or anxiety anymore. I know I have to take the action now. And be the one to take on this challenge. I have to take on the hard work of getting past AL and past anxiety. I know it can be done. Feeling relief felt great for a day or two. But than the worst feeling of panic overcame me. It was quilt. Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I love you all soo much and I know there is a huge mountain in front of me. But I want to face this head on.

[LibraryGirl]

I relapsed!

Hi FD, my friend. Please don't worry so much. You have been so successful and determined for such a long time, this is just a little bump in your journey. You have the tools and the desire for sobriety and I have every faith that you will conquer this!!! Take care of yourself and stay close.

Thinking of you:l LG

[mama bear]

I relapsed!

Shit FD..I just saw this.
I am here for you and you cannot forget how much 8 months rocks!
Please forgive yourself sweetie.
Love you
Mama

[Pinecone]

I relapsed!

Hey man, I just wanted to give you some support. You are going to make it through, around, under or over this because that is the way you operate. You are one of the good ones! I've always appreciated your posts.