I relapsed!

[Slaythefear]

I relapsed!

finallydone;1403948 wrote: I number one want to thank everyone! My eyes are filled with tears. I don't want to have my life ruled by addiction or anxiety anymore. I know I have to take the action now. And be the one to take on this challenge. I have to take on the hard work of getting past AL and past anxiety. I know it can be done. Feeling relief felt great for a day or two. But than the worst feeling of panic overcame me. It was quilt. Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I love you all soo much and I know there is a huge mountain in front of me. But I want to face this head on.

Haven't had much time or strength to post here lately. There are several posts I've seen skimming through I've wanted to comment on, but I am so drained myself. However, I hope you see you are being way too tough on yourself. That in itself will just cause more anxiety. Trust me, I know. Eight months is such a great achievement. I see so many people being so hard on themselves like perfectionists. We aren't perfect. Life is hard. Give yourself a break, sweetie. I started my AF in August and I made it to 39 days without a drop and I've still been pretty good, but I've had some slips. You know what, I didn't beat myself up. I stopped counting days and obsessing over it. You've broke the physical addiction and you had some weakness. So what? We all do, babe.

So you don't feel alone climbing that mountain, know that there are others here climbing it with you. I have a VERY difficult situation/life right now and WE can do this together. We can make it through one step at a time. We are going to be good to ourselves and love ourselves. The world beats us up enough...why do it to yourself?

Big hug!!!!:l

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

I relapsed!

Moll's quote:
"What I'm trying to say is that to maintain longterm sobriety it is usually necessary to 'face up' to stuff from our childhood/past - no matter how insignificant or irrelevant the stuff may seem - so I would agree that going for a bit of counselling would probably be a great idea - I know it made all the difference to me.
Onwards and upwards - sometimes it seems that this is just about not picking up that drink - but there's a lot more to it than that imo. Thinking of you
Molly x "



A LOT MORE TOO IT! I just sent a PM to someone regarding that. For a couple days, I've been wanting to start a thread on toxic relationships because for me that has a lot to do with my drinking. I've cut out my drinking friends, but now I'm having to cut out toxic relationships with people I love and who have been in my life. It feels like someone is ripping my heart out, but when I went AF in August I was doing so well, but these relationships continue to suck the life out of me to the point of insanity which makes me slip up. So, I realize to conquer AL, I have to conquer these other issues. It really isn't that simple for many of us.

Slay

[kdog]

I relapsed!

So sorry your feeling glum FD, But I think most of us have been down that damned road before, therefore we are not here to judge you only to help and listen. I think what Molly said has a lot of truth to it and I may even heed to that advice myself. Pick up where you left off and carry on! We are all here for your support as you have been for others in the past and will be in the future!:l
Kdog

[Catbuddy]

I relapsed!

Hi Finally,

You don't know me, but I've read your posts and taken inspiration from them. I remember distinctly you reaching out regarding your growing anxiety and panic attacks. You reached out, you sought help.... you tried to fight it. AL was just a last resort in coping. My god, you got 8 months! and that is fantastic. Once you get a better way to cope with the anxiety, I'm sure AL becomes an issue of the past. I wish we had been able to help you better on the anxiety front. I suffer from it, too.

Catbuddy

[Struggles 106]

I relapsed!

Hey FD

I have so admired you and your courage these last few months. You are OK! This slip does not negate all that time in any way. Like someone said A BUMP IN THE ROAD-
Dust yourself off and go ahead. You've got this thing!

I wish you well and hope you get all meds you need and PLEASE don't beat yourself up!

[Alcoholic]

I relapsed!

Finally: just know we are all behind you and we are all proud ?f you and you should be proud of yourself for all the hard work you have put in! Keep your chin up! And I hope your anxiety gets better.

[Lavande]

I relapsed!

FD,
Sure hope you are feeling a bit better tonight.
I have had a lot of experience with anxiety & know how crippling it can be.
Work with your Doc, take the meds, see a therapist - do anything you can to get a handle on this.
You are a great guy with a lot of promise - you deserve the best

Lav

[finallydone]

I relapsed!

Thank you everyone! Just seeing how much people care means more than you can imagine. Don't will be a tough night of trying to sleep. And having to endure telling my teacher at school what is going on. But I need to do it. I am ready to hit this hard tomorrow. Thank you everyone!

[NoraC]

I relapsed!

Just saw this. Want to give you a big hug. Sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Hang in there. Anxiety is the pits. I agree with everyone about the docs/meds/therapists. It really, truly helped me. :h

[SAUSAGE]

I relapsed!

FD just saw this.

So sorry to learn this but try and be positive - its not all bad.

Firstly you did the right thing and came on here and confessed and didn't runaway - like I did after relapsing following 8.5 months AF 3 years agony- read my signature line! Pick yourself up and keep going don't be like me. Lots of people have a brief slip like this but still go on to have long term success, it's how you deal with it that matters. At least your relapse was a negative experience, that's better than it initially seeming OK and your levels gradually creeping up which was what happened to me.

8 months AF is not to be sniffed at, and even if people at school get to know what has happened, the fact that you've managed 8 months AF shows you have commitment and dedication to sort this out.

I am really sorry to learn about your anxiety and panic attack issues but at least you known what trigggered it and I'm sure you also know that these kind of problems are made worse by alcohol. As you say, you may just need to take a different approach like Antabuse plus a mental health professional.

You have achieved a lot, especially considering you have other issues. You have a lot of support on here and have inspired a lot of people. Inam sure if people knew the truth in the real world, about what you have managed and achieved over the last 8 months you would have a lot of inspired and impressed people there also.

Now use it a s a leaning experience and keep going.

I like Doggy Girls comment, fall down 7 times , get up 8.

Another good one is " never, never, never give up" - Winston Churchill.

[Kradle123]

I relapsed!

FD:

You are still a rock and a total inspiration.!! :rays:

Your fight is all our fight. Like Byrdie says: Slow and steady wins the race.

Hugs and heart to you, sweetie

:l:h

[clear eyes]

I relapsed!

FD - I have seen how happy you were to reach 6 months and on. You have accomplished much more than others on this site. Be proud of yourself for your 8 months, yet you are entitled to feel disappointed for your relaspe. Yes, we can feel even if it is not a good thing here. That is different than where you were before (when drinking we have no real feelings). Before you had 8 months, you would not have cared or felt bad that you drank. Having been sober for 8 months, you now have feelings that you never had before. I am proud of you and know you can pick up where you dropped off and become sober once again for a great length of time. You are a star!

[helth]

I relapsed!

Just a warning thing on that no more panic site that was given. as they say information wants to be free....that site is a bit of a black hole

You might find some info there. but when they say the site is run by sufferers...they mean it. the admin & owner there arent the high point. they are the low point. and their 'therapy' is often bringing you down with them.

the site has caused a lot of peoples to get worse because of the behaviour of "management" (most of the admin & owner, some long term users are a bit like the cops in the film lakeview terrace). If you find yourself going there and feeling worse because of the replies you get from the admin (not to mention the replies you dont get because many good members have left) its not just you.

[Mick]

I relapsed!

Finally done...giving up... there are no targets..we use them to help ourselves, ie 30 days 6 months etc...this is all about alcohol dependancy and enjoying life without it..you are doing well mate pick yourself up dust off, get the other issues sorted out and carry on

[mama bear]

I relapsed!

let us know how it goes today FD...