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[Desperate]

Hi. Last year I found this site, ordered the book and the supplements and actually went 10 days AF waiting for my supplements. I thought the program was great. However, I'm back to drinking most nights and can't put away a bottle of wine once the cork is opened. I am drinking way too much and getting worried about my health. I am 49 and starting to be aware that I can't get away with punishing my body like I could at an earlier age. I also feel so embarrassed when I drink too much in company - I think I should be conducting myself in a much more mature and responsible way. My problem time is usually between 4 and 6 at night. I go home before my husband and its when I'm home by myself that is my worst time. If only I could not drink then, the only other times I drink are socially with a lunch or whatever and usually only 1 or 2 glasses of wine - not a problem. I secretly smoke (secretly from my husband that is) as he hates it and thinks I have given up. My big problem is that when I know he's not going to be around for a couple of hours I go home and sneak a smoke and also then drink. I don't smoke without a drink. So I'm not sure which is the worst habit - its a bit like which came first - the chicken or the egg! I think I'm rambling, sorry, but I desperately need to stop this excessive drinking. I am going to get some more supplements and try again, but today my goal is to not drink for one week. Then I think, oh no, I'm going out to the Gold Cinema on Sat night and was looking forward to having a glass of wine while watching the movie. I know that I would only have one, maybe two max, as I said, I have no problem with that sort of event, but is that piking? Should I say, I'm not going to drink for a week except for 1 glass of wine at the movies? Or should I be harder on myself? Sorry again to ramble, I'm just feeling so lost, I feel like I have absolutely no willpower and my self esteem is pretty low. I'm overweight and I contribute quite a bit of that to the drinking - both the alcohol itself and the nibbling of bad foods when drunk. Everyone here seems so motivated - I hope I can get caught up in that and get motivated too.::upset:

[Preciouspinot]

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We have all been there..it is a cycle of low self esteem and self destruction....take it one day at a time and set realistic goals...maybe taper it down in your consumption instead of setting yourself up for failure...just a suggestion...stick around and we will motivate eachother

[lushy]

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Hi Desperate, glad you came back. Some of us may sound motivated but we are not always, so do not feel like you are an outsider in that regard. I completely understand what is going on with you as all of those thoughts have gone and still go through my mind at times. I am a big believer in not setting ourselves up to fail because then I think we end up in that self-loathing cycle that usually ends up with us drinking more. Instead of saying a week without drinking, why not say 2-3-4 days? Break it down into smaller, more do-able goals that will not stress you out. I know that has helped me a lot. And my real craving time used to be between 4-6 as well. Now I pick up daughter from school, come home and have a diet soda (I know not too healthy but better than wine), take some kudzu and l-glut and usually it gets me through. If I can get to 6 or 7 I can usually tell myself to forget it for the night and I will also tell myself that I can have some tomorrow if I want. I don't like the feeling of deprivation and I will rebel if I feel too deprived, so that technique works for me. I also have just recently started the CDs and I know people are sick and tired of hearing me talk about them, but they have really helped me. I really am not constantly thinking about wanting a drink and in fact have had 4 nights AF in the last 7 without it being a big deal.

Sorry to ramble. I just think it is helpful to be realistic about what we are willing to do when first starting out. You can do this. Please stick around. The support here is key to the program I think.

[lushy]

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Funny that PP said the exact same thing......great minds think alike!!!

[Desperate]

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Thanks to both of you. It's great to find someone who understands that just to say I'm not going to drink for 3 days, and then to do it, is really an achievement. Difficult for someone who can take it or leave it to really understand. My husband is a wonderful guy but just cant understand that if I don't like drinking too much, why don't I just stop? Hmm, in a perfect world! So, I think now I will say, I'm not going to drink between now and say, next Friday night, but I will have 1 glass of wine at the movies. Then maybe go out for dinner next Friday and have a glass or 2. I would feel wonderful to get through the work week. I have all the CDs of course from last year so I'm going to dust them off and maybe that first half hour I'm home should settle quietly somewhere while I have the house to myself and listen to a tape. Thanks again to the reply, even now I feel better. Will check in over the weekend.:thanks:

[mustdobetter]

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Hi Desparate - Take it one day at a time. Heck, take it one hour at a time if you have to. That's what I have to do. Right now I am AF for almost 17 hours. I am hoping to be able to say I made it through day 1 AF.

Hope to hear from you again soon. Chin Up! You can do this.

[Popeye]

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Hello Desperate.
That sounds like a good plan. We're right behind you.

mustdobetter,
During my worst cravings, when I'm fighting hard to stay on track, an hour seems like a heck of a long time. Best wishes to you.

[SKendall]

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Desperate, congratulations, you are in the steps of all of us, I wish you well, and keep posting.:goodjob:

[cassy]

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hi desperate

i too srtuggle with the notion of "never having another drink" and i too hope to moderate. At present i am on day 19 AF and thats the longest i,ve done in years.

ihave buddied up with a friend and my hubby who all are heavy drinkers to do this.

Less of a temptation when hubby isnt drinking either. i txt my friend am and evening as acccountability to each other spurs us on.

we are trying to do the 40 days of lent alcohol free!!!seemed like a good idea at the time!!!

It is scary and i too struggle as not going to lock myself at home. We went to the cinema...no booze..had an ice cream instead and took water for during the movie.

went to the pub last night to meet friend s and we stayed on the soda water.tonight another social evening out with friends. bought a new top and lippy and determined to go there and have fun and leave sober and looking the same as when i went in!!! no alcohol fuelled talking rubbish, getting argumentative, or getting emotional or just getting tired and withdrawing from the conversation as the booze takes over my brain.


its a lovely feeling to be in control.

i have to say i have a strong catholic faith which also helps me along this rocky uncertain path of life.

hope you get through a few days ..it sure helps you feel better about yourself.


good Luck

cassy

[stiff one]

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Dear desperate,
Remember things could always be worse!
It's 9:00 am Saturday I'm hung over and just went to have a nip to soften the hang over.
Now I'll go for a walk with my wife and dogs and get back to work doing bids for my work.
wich I will totally stress about cause of the booze. Very debilitating. viciouse cycle. I can't spell guess the booze is doing it's job. so HEY remember thing could always be worse!!!!!!!!!!!

[betty boop]

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Hi Desperate & :welcome:

You have come to the right place, we have all been where you are, and you can get out of it, In the beginning I used to try to keep really busy, my house never looked so clean.....

Take care xx

Stiff one ..... hang in there, keep your chin up .....

[Beaches]

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Hi Deperate and welcome
You need to come up with a plan that will work and I know that is tough figuring out at first. Re-read the book and then talk to some of the moderators and abstainers in their forums. They can provide you a lot of great advice on how it works for them. Some have found they can moderate (which is different for each person) and others have found that abstinance is the way it has to be.
I wish you the best

[tea]

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HI DESPERATE, sorry for cAPS, was in fury wi husband at time, think we cn alll relate to that - welcome to site and alll that it will bring to you.

Lorna

[luckyone]

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Hi Desperate,

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. One battle at a time. I would
choose one to start. Could you go for a walk before you husband comes home?
This might keep you away from home alone but I always feel better when I get
my body moving and I have found that once I pass that bewitching hour I can make it
without....try creating a diversion for yourself. It has works for me and do not
think for one minute that I do not struggle myself. Just some friendly ideas.
Hang in there!

[Desperate]

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Good start

Hi everyone. Thanks for posts and encouragement. Stiff one, thank you also for reminding me that things could be worse - they have been and I've had days like your Saturday, so, thanks for showing me that I could be worse off at the moment. We had a long weekend this weekend and went away for 3 days so I didn't get to do the AF day yet. But, I feel really good about my progress over the weekend. Sat night out for dinner and movie - 2 glasses of wine over 3 hr period. Sun lunch - 1 glass wine Sun dinner - 1 glass wine. Mon lunch - 1 glass wine. I did lots of walking and swimming and even had a windsurfing session (my first in so long that I am aching and sore today) - I forced myself to keep out of the apartment and go join my husband in the water activities as I knew that if I stayed there while he went out kiteboarding I would indulge in a wine (or seven). So, that motivation was great and the replies from the thread before I went away were a big part of that. I felt that I could come home today, log on and brag a bit to you guys - so thank you. As I said, haven't done an AF day yet but aim to this week (Cassy, maybe I'm not sure I'm ready for 19 days though - fantastic effort!). I know its early days, but I feel so much better and healthier even from such light drinking on the weekend. Feeling good is a good motivator. However, I know now I'm home again, the test will really start. I am going to need to find something to do in my 2 hr danger zone so I hope I can keep as determined as I was over the weekend. Again, thanks for all the replies - they've helped a great deal. How did everyone else go over the weekend? Stiff one, hope you got a good sleep Sat night and had a better Sunday?