Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

satz123;1518186 wrote: Patron Saint of Camping????






Pope Pious the Tent :H

Wrong Doc,

He was known as Pop Pious the Bent (eh, is that un PC nowadays to say that?!?!) :new:

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hi Arsey,

Back when you joined you didn't enjoy your job and you drank and it made it tolerable.

Now you are sober you REALLY don't enjoy your job, it is making you miserable and it makes you want to drink.

Regardless of whether one has an alcohol problem or not, if something in life makes you so miserable you want to drug it away.......then change it ( if you can)

You are a young man, no mortgage, no kids, no reason to stay in a job that makes you want to drink???????

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1518387 wrote: Hi Arsey,

Back when you joined you didn't enjoy your job and you drank and it made it tolerable.

Now you are sober you REALLY don't enjoy your job, it is making you miserable and it makes you want to drink.

Regardless of whether one has an alcohol problem or not, if something in life makes you so miserable you want to drug it away.......then change it ( if you can)

You are a young man, no mortgage, no kids, no reason to stay in a job that makes you want to drink???????

Hey you.

I need to get wiser first. Is it me or is it the job. One thing I'm needing to a get grip on is what I want to do - really want to do - and not consistently compare myself with everyone around me as if I should be where they're at, or the equivalent. I have biases that I need to get over. And I need to work out who I am and where I am in this whole knotted world of work and earning a living and what we feel driven to do/be/become. Perhaps just like many of us.

Sure I'm frustrated with work. There is a lack of mojo. But I am not altogether sure how much of that is a) work and b) my own internal working through/struggle with self-esteem that in turn (because i feel negativity towards myself) i throw upon work.

The phrase, can't see the wood for the trees feels a little like where I am at. I need to climb one of these trees and see if I can get some perspective.

16 "I's" ... That's the bugger of being bogged down, it's all about me... :no:

Orf to find my encyclopedia of irreverent pope ref's ...

[FreeFly]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RC, read Screw Work, Let's Play by John Williams

[free at last]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Free Fly, thanks for the suggestion -- it will be my next book.

Hey RC, I just read Wild by Cheryl Strayed. Took me to another place in my head and got me motivated to plan a hiking trip. Have to have something to look forward to other than work.

[FreeFly]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hey Free, ditto that, gonna check out Wild. Thank you

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Notes from Day 198

Freefly, Free at Last - thank you for the book recommendations, will definetly look 'em out

At over 6 months sober time, I often wonder whether I have beaten my habit that I had of drinking. Could I ever go back? Until very recently I wondered whether having a dabble was sooner rather than later. But I'm reviewing that.

A good friend here was speaking to me about time - and the real time it can take for some of us who have used and abused AL to start feeling good about OURSELVES without recourse to AL. Learning sober living, they said to me, takes time before it becomes comfortable. It will be different for all of us. Perhaps for some it feels as if it is more or les immediate. For others, and for me at least, it's taken 6 months to realise it may take that time again.

The great thing is though, is that being sober has woken me up to the fact that I need to or at the very least ought to, deal with the underlying dissatisfaction i felt about me and to begin building my self esteem - or letting go of the negative self-esteem. The more time sober, the more time i can and will allow myself to deal with this. And through it all become, i believe, a happier, stronger and more fulfilled person.

Still a way to go... but still on the right track methinks.

[Lavande]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hey RC!

You are doing great, congrats on your AF time

It does indeed take T I M E to adjust to living AF. Rebuilding your self-esteem & learning to really trust yourself again is hard work & it can't be rushed. Just stay on your AF path & stay open to new & better things!!!

Lav

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Rant Alert (Notes from Day 2hundred and something or another...)

So currently reading course details for the Teaching Artist short course - a course i am doing this summer? which takes me to the PGCert in teaching in learning (something someone i know has done) ? which takes me to the Postgrad brochure thingy at Glasgow Uni where the latter is taught and I find a writer/performer in there (who I know of) who is doing a PhD probably in theatre studies or creative writing and dramaturgy? and is, as i well know, simultaneously carving himself a career as very successful and award winning writer and performer. Perhaps the former more than the latter. But who?s judging.

Now perhaps I ought not to have been stuffing a sarnie down my gubbins as I saw and read this, but I was kinda frustrated, not so much nauseaus, but frustrated, that led to the sarnie being lodged and growing little strangulatory hands in my esophagus. Frustrated that, at the flick of a proverbial fucking switch, I am thinking to myself ? ?oh, that sounds more interesting?? and ?who the fuck do I think I am with writing witterings to myself each morning. Train of thought pish. A pish of thought. A tirade of wordage best collated at the far end of a stainless steel urinal at some old mans pub..." and "Am i so up my proverbial fucking arse of self-adulation that i might, could, should, be anything more than i am?!!"

Fuck. I think. Who the fuck do I think I am? I think. I think "why would you think yourself good enough as to be worthy of writing anything? What makes you think you can get up on a stage and speak to an audience about? well? probably about your own life?. And try and make it mildly, what, theatrical?! Who the fuck do I think I am if I believe that I can do this AND consider a full time teaching career (teaching - like the normal proper teacher who most kids all think disparagingly of until they're at least 30 and think, 'oh yeah, they actually DID do something good for me' - anyway, it?s playing on my mind, it might just be this summer?s big blockbuster fantasy, but it might not be. It might be real.) Ah fuck. Who do I think I am. How on earth am I suppose to do everything? and in the midst of it, still whine about the fact that I?m single...

Fuck sake. Of course you?re fucking single you either the spend the evenings studying ? or running - or you?re so bloody banjaxed by 5pm that you hardly have enough energy to be social? sure, a beer or two would help there ? perhaps? hahaha?. Not the place to be saying that perhaps. No. Sorry. Please accept my apologies. It?s just the quagmire somewhere in the middle of my mind - it gets itself knotted and confused...But it is a beautiful evening... and I could lie-in tomorrow... and I might just open up to someone somewhere and then a bed of roses would bloom ... and we'd lie.... and share in the supping of crunchy cold bevarages, a beer or pear cider even (never drank that stuff...) and i'd wake up...

and i'd wake up...

Best go do that sober social thing and run. (Club tonight.) Mind will feel better. I?ll be calmer. Tomorrow I can re-look at the perspective. Maybe look at the long-view. This is all written because a) I just saw it and reacted and b) it?s 6.30pm and no one is in the office. And maybe c) Stella?s been quiet of late.

PS ? Stella has been quiet ? things have been developing actually ok ? certainly in terms of my ability to look at things a little more lucidly. It took 6+months AF to get here?. But it?s ok. It is ok. I would not be seeing as I see if I were still imbibing.

There?s yer positive comment.

Off back to be harrumphing and garrumphing gecko (or a frustrated frog) doing my Ophelia impression. Woe is me. :H

[free at last]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

So Running Courage,
I've been away from the internet and wanted to see how things were going for you. Took me several pages of looking through the daily threads to find your "woeful" tale.

Do you have "The Moth" in Scotland? It's where people meet, often at a bookstore, and come prepared to tell a 5 minute true, personal story about a certain theme (e.g. Lost, Love Lost, Love Found, Wanderlust, Lust, you get the picture). The best stories are broadcast on National Public Radio. So, I heard this middle aged woman tell an incredible story about how she was arrested on suspicion of drug dealing, took a plea bargain only to be put behind bars for 10-20 years. Climbed over the fence and escaped. For 30+ years she kept her past a secret from her friends, husband, children. But a police officer eventually came to her door..... (You'll have to go to the internet to find out how it ends).

When I read your rant, I thought of The Moth as an outlet for creative, and would-be creative, thinkers. I bet you could weave a great story on running (from danger... with courage....to new adventures....) or anything else you decided to share.

Warmest

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Notes from Day 240 (I think)

I've ranted enough on the Army thread, but just wanted to note that today my job was made redundant. A new post has been created. It is a managerial post. And i know, i know because i feel it in my guts, because my line manager or the CEO, neither have insinuated this change happening now to me, they've have not suggested supported CPD training to develop my role... they do not see me in this new post whatever they see in me as a person.

Right now - i was told this this morning - i am in a really don't give a flying fuck mode. I am very angry, and I am upset. Although i have been open on the boards about not being happy within my role at work i am angry that any control i thought i had about getting out has been taken from me. Control... yes that is something i am getting to understand more about in my life... where i need to let go or otherwise. Anyway, I am also angry that it's come so sudden. And for some reason I have way more anger and resentment towards my line manager than i do towards the CEO... not sure why. Perhaps because he was never my line manager. Perhaps because he is a better manager. Perhaps because perhaps...perhaps perhaps perhaps.... and all that shite.

So, yes, anger. And upset. And a pride bruised. And now a fucking tension headache. I'm usually in bed right now but i am just so fucking furious. My head is racing and i feel i need an outlet for it. It is just for today. The advice from the army is sound, supportive and i am immeasurably thankful i have such a brilliant troop of friends there. But today i need this outlet. So if you are reading please don't take these words as how i will be feeling next week. I am sure it will get better. But today, right now I am well fucking pissed off. And the headache aint budging and I'm not even going to think about the billions around the world who have it worse off than me. Because i can't think that right now. Because I don;t care right now. Because I want a beer - a KEG - just to help me fucking sleep. But i wont because i need to feel these emotions and anyway it's after 10pm. Shops are shut. In fact, it doesn't need to be a fucking beer, anything to make me fucking sleep...

My mind is racing with thoughts my body is rife with negative emotions careering through it. Woe is me. Excuse me while i don my Ophelia gown and go wallow by the riverside.

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I'm so sorry, RC. I don't see how any words of mine could make anything better at the moment.
I went thru a really tough trial myself earlier in the year....it was the hardest thing I have ever done, really. It would have been easy to zone out into AL. But I didn't...and you won't. We are further along in our journeys than that. We know too much to go backwards. Yes life sucks sometimes....but this is what coping is all about and growth.
I wish I could help in some way, make it be better for you. You will land on your feet, I have faith in you. This could be just the impetus you needed to get out of a job you hated. I am pulling for you...if I can help in any way, just let me know. Holding you close in thought, Byrdie

[free at last]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Dear Running Courage,
Back from holiday and wanted to check how you were doing.Am sorry to see your news and wish I had some profound words but the only thing that comes to mind is sometimes "it sucks."

Hoping this week is better for you.
Warmest,

[Siren136]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RunningCourage;1530189 wrote: "Am i so up my proverbial fucking arse of self-adulation that i might, could, should, be anything more than i am?!!"

Fuck. I think. Who the fuck do I think I am? I think. I think "why would you think yourself good enough as to be worthy of writing anything? What makes you think you can get up on a stage and speak to an audience about? well? probably about your own life?. And try and make it mildly, what, theatrical?! Who the fuck do I think I am if I believe that I can do this AND consider a full time teaching career (teaching - like the normal proper teacher who most kids all think disparagingly of until they're at least 30 and think, 'oh yeah, they actually DID do something good for me' - anyway, it?s playing on my mind, it might just be this summer?s big blockbuster fantasy, but it might not be. It might be real.) Ah fuck. Who do I think I am. How on earth am I suppose to do everything? and in the midst of it, still whine about the fact that I?m single...

Who do you think you are to not be extraordinary? Who do you think you are for not sharing your talents with the world? For keeping yourself from us?

Don't you dare be ordinary!

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Notes (well, quotes actually) from Day 254

?Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him.? Ralph Waldo Emmerson


We all have a genius within us and when one of us doesn?t develop or use our special gift, a void takes place.

Each of us is born with a specific genius that was bestowed upon us so we can do our part to make this world a better place. All of us have a role that we?re uniquely suited for. Imagine our planet without trees, oceans, or clouds. In this same way, when one of us doesn?t develop or use our special gift, a cosmic void takes place..
This unique talent or ability may be hidden from your own sight like a golden treasure buried under shifting sands. Often, we spend so much time dazzled by the talents of others that we can overlook our own gifts. It may even be that our unique ability is something we view negatively. Perhaps we find it difficult concentrating on any one subject for long; meanwhile, others are thrilled by our ability to weave various ideas throughout our conversations. Or, you might think of yourself as ?frivolous,? when it?s likely your charming approach to life casts a light of inspiration that others can?t help but follow.
It?s important for all of us to try to find our special gift and discover how we can best express it. Ask others to name what they think is your most overlooked talent or character trait. Their answers may change your life.Explore these riches that are yours to express, and you may find yourself helping others discover and develop their own blessings. Acknowledge and appreciate the gifts you see in those around you. Tell your neighbor that loves to garden how much her green thumb enlivens the whole block. Thank your coworker for always greeting your days together with a smile. Tell your close friends that their ability to listen makes your world a better place. Our unique gifts are like golden rays of expression that can encircle the world with light. Posted By Dr Ben-jammin Satzuma-Clementine in today's Army Thread