Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Catbuddy;1410892 wrote: RunningCourage,

Stand by me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on

But not carry the booze. Let's leave that and the guilt and regrets behind.

:h Cat

:h backatcha buddy.

I love that song.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

mollyka;1410906 wrote: Arsey - talked to you on the Army thread so you know I've got your back (you know the one 'nag nag nag' till ya behave yourself:H). I truly love the detailed way you catalogued your relapse - both the physical and mental aspect -'tis good for all of us - but 'specially for yourself. There's something 'real-er' about putting things in writing! What'll save you is your honesty - it's critical in this game. When we lie to ourselves and others, we're lost!
Day 2 will have already dawned when you read this --- you need never endure Day 1 again if YOU choose not to:l
Molly

Thanks Molls. Do keep naggin me.

And i'll keep on parping :H

[LillyE]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Oooohhhh RC. Oh my. My my. There is so much in your post I could have written myself. I completely and utterly hear you 100%. I went 80 days, and no things weren't perfect but they were definitely on the up and up. Then, had a small slip? then just another little one? few more days AF? then just a bit more? then one night BOOM! and onwards to the multiple binges. It really doesn't take long does it?

But, here's the shit part, ever since then, and that was a couple of months ago now, I've been stuck in a cycle of going 2-3 weeks, drinking again for a bit, quitting again, going two to 3 weeks. Rinse, repeat.

Please don't do this!

The SOONER you can get back to that 100% committed quitted state the better. Because, trust me - I've been out here testing this one out for you - if not it will only keep going. And if some nights will be so bad you'll scare yourself, if you're anything like me, which it sounds like you are given I could have written your post minus the pints and plus the odd martini.

I'm not far ahead of you from my latest heavy drinking binge and, once again trying to muster up my resolve. Let's do this!

All my support to you. Reread the Toolbox. Sink back into the Nest. Write out your game plan.

Onwards friend.

Lilly x

p.s. Molly your nagging rocks

[Quest for the key]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RC thanks for starting this thread - it resonates with so many of us here on MWO -

We all have our own experiences, paths to follow, plans for the future and mistakes to make.

But we share one common problem - AL.

Together - with mutual support, understanding and respect - we can help each other to stay the course and beat the beast ( no penis pun intended, I'm trying to be serious here !!)

RC - I think the world of you, you're a great and valued member of MWO - and the army and nesters love you to bits !!!

So come on - grab me hand mate and we'll walk this path together !

(And please stop sticking yer finger in the socket !!! It's costing the army a small fortune in feckin bulbs xx)

[lolab]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

:l

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Moll's quote: "I was sober for 6 (relatively) happy months - happy enough not to drink anyhows, but I hadn't changed the rest of my life around - anyway, the bottom line, for NO great reason - just lack of motivation and an excess of cockiness (nooooooo penis jokes pleeeeez)"


*Not changing your life around is an important point, Molls. It tends to keep the trigger on the gun cocked and ready.:0)

No, worries. I never get cocky anymore. It's been at least two weeks...no cocky. I'm cocky free.

Something about telling me not to do something I think...

[Mootsbill]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Rc I'm with you, i too a, struggling not to drink at the moment :0( it's tough, but you are an inspiration :0) I think we are all on the same journey, and what a fab place this is that we can all be honest with each other.
I find that I manage my social drinking well but it doesn't stop till I hit the wall if u know what I mean!
Here's to tomorrow xxxxxx

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Just lending my support. I never drank harder than the year I tried to moderate. So I hear ya loud and clear. BUT, it's part of the journey....now you know, you got it, and onwards we go! You've got LOTS of company with you! It's not a bad thing...it's a good thing! The best is yet to come! XXOO, B

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hello everyone, thank you so much for the words. It's really quite overwhelming.

Still mulling what all was going through my head last week and weekend, but I will say that something must have clicked for me to run back to try AF again so quick after falling. I was quite simply, deep down, a little scared. Still am. Of who I am or might be. Or worse, what I could become if... well you know.

It was like: hey, is this REALLY me? Really? No! ... what? Really? I'm like this?

A really weird weekend. Not nice.

[paulywogg]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

hey guys,when brydie said she never drank more than in the year she tried to mod,that was me 2 weeks ago,i had slipped and got back up,slipped again and went hog ass wild! one of the days drank 30 beers,and of course drank the next morning before work,at work,all nite! ill never try to moderate again!

[LillyE]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Molly, I always love your posts and your words have meant a lot to me here.

It really, really heartens me to hear the stories of people like yourself, and Byrdie (HI Byrdie!!!) who did slip and slide but still found their way out. It makes me believe it is still possible even when I am really struggling.

RC, please keep posting. We got your back. You can do this. :l

[Juja]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I appreciate your honesty, RC. Thanks.:l

Dog, what a struggle.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I don't know whether to start a new thread or keep this one going.

My plan is to document the journey. Keeping a diary by any other name. Never great at these things, but a daily thread that i can check into, and can be my personal place to write all me thoughts, fears, joys, procrastinations.

It's after 1am. I'm tired. Exhausted. Yet can't sleep. Hands are a little tingly. And my neb feels as if it's grown and huge and is kinda sore. But I look in the mirror and it doesn't appear to be any different. Still a bit sore though. Wonder if i slam dunked it into the computer last night... Face has shown a little reddening up on my right temple. Like a faint, mild rash. Might have gone now. Still dull headache. Nothing upon earlier, but still there. I've know and know a number of hardcore alkies. I see them stumble a little, during the day, trying to get there balance. They're not drunk unbalanced. Just not got their inner balance working. I've been a bit like that today. Not so much a fog, everything is clear, it's just that it seems a bit like the world is balancing atop a spinning top. It sways a bit. And sometimes things suddenly appear closer than you expected.

I'm not going to sound bold and brash and shout "Gonna do this this time" ... I want to beat this. I want to believe I can beat this. Stopping is hard. But it is also incredibly simple. Until the age of about 10, I sucked the two fingers on my right hand between my pinkie and index fingers. One December day in 1989 I just stopped. I just said to myself that's it. I stuck 'em in again about three months later, but they didn't seem to fit so well and I wasn't getting any comfort from it. So i just took 'em back out and went "Ah well, there you have it... wont be doing that again."

It's not even one day at a time. It's just a constant now. The constant now. I will not have a drink now.

I just made a graph but for the life of me dinnae ken how to either create a link for it, or make an image so as photobucket will like it. Advice from techies sought.

Day 1... I am looking forward to waking up tomorrow. On the proviso i fall asleep.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 2

Gotta run to teach shortly.

Nose still sore. Feels bulbous. Perhaps I've gotta cold coming on. Perhaps I just need to get a few more days under the belt. Slept about 3.5 - 4 hours total. Very tired. But that's OK. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel shame. I don't feel or think "Why did i DO that last night?!" I feel the day is up for grabs.

I'm looking forward to another evening of sobriety. Doing some study (NOT looking forward to this particularly), then cosying up into bed. I just wish I lived in a place where a) one flatmate didn't smoke b) said flatmate's bedroom and mine didn;t have a pathetic excuse for a wall dividing them so as I can hear everything he does c) that it wasn't such a party flat. Actually it's not that bad. But i don't look forward to weekends.

Rant over.

I'm gonna be late for work...

[lolab]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hey RC....I'm thinking of you today - in your tiredness - but the good news is you're not feeling remorse.

All of those things that make life a challenge are amplified today....but by the end of the week - as the dreaded weekend arrives, you should be feeling stronger and be seeing things in a more positive light. :-)

You are doing great. You can't work your way through this, if you don't work your way through this! You're not here just saying "Well, here's to hoping I get through this day..." you're looking within and getting to the root of everything. It might seem like it's taking longer - and it does take longer than just saying "I'm not drinking for December"...the difference is - IMO - you are giving it enough thought to face the challenges head on - figuring out in advance so that your'e not blindsided.

"Stopping is hard. But it is also incredibly simple." ~RC