Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RC, you can buy fish oil today that is oderless and doesn't have that 'yummy' effect. Also, many brands have been found to have mercury, PCBs and Dioxins in them. The whole craze into OFA benefits brought every profiteer under the sun out and not all brands are safe or equal. There is a site that has the brands that were tested, but I don't have it off hand. Just came back from having my tooth pulled and not up to finding it at the moment. However, I use Nature's Bounty which is purified to eliminate the toxins. Mine is Odor-less Double Strength 2400 mg and its coated to eliminate fish burps. I keep them in the refrigerator and I don't get any backlash. If you sprinkle ground flax seed (can do this in a coffee grinder), on your cerial, salad or such it will give you what your body needs to make O3FA, also, but it has to go through another step.

For the vitamin C, the other RC or should I say RC #2...or RC #1...you two battle that out (lol), is referring to titrating to bowel tolerance. Here is one link concerning that so I don't get too graphic here.

Vitamin C Dosage in Disease


Hope that helps. You don't want that Bonnie Lass tasting fish oil. Eek!!!!!

Love,

Slay

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Thank you Nurdl. I do like your pink car. Though I am less sure about the Barbie inside it. She seems a little too big for the car. Does she have a growth problem? Is she some sort of giant?

Speaking of cars, I was driving home this evening and had some mild, but straining pangs for... for "getting away" of not being here - here being anywhere, - or perhaps I should say "of not being", but then that sounds quite fatalistic sounding. This was the furthest thing from "to be or to be" (said Hamlet as he mused as to which pencil he would use to draw a portrait of Ophelia :H).

It was just an irritation. Like, "bleh, i feel a bit bleh. Just bleh. No specific reason. Just bleh. Maybe I'm frustrated at work. Well, yes - so bleh. Bleeehhhh. Maybe I'm getting bored of being sober. Bleh. Maybe I'm hearing Rick the Dick in the back of my mind and I'm thinking 'oh fecking bleh, here we go. bleh'. Maybe I'm tired... bleh? Bleh. Maybe I'm angry? Bleh. Bleh-bleh-bleh-bleh-bleeeeehhhhhh. Fucking bleh."

Then, well, then I think - "oh for goodness sake ya sniffling wee shitebags. It's not THAT bad. Get on with it." And i think "Bleh" for thinking "Bleh". But then think "Bleh for putting meself down for blehhing."

So this was mostly happening as I was driving home. Not THAT hungry. Not THAT angry - frustrated, perhaps, but not angry. Not THAT lonely feeling at all. Not THAT tired. BUT still just bleh. It's time for stomper... :stomper:

It's the first time since Saturday that Rick the Dick's really been to visit. More of a distant holler from a far away field.

Found yooooouuuuuuu!

Darn.

I was in what Molly and the Army call shaggintescos... and I thought about what or how I would be telling to my folks at Christmas about not drinking. Yes, they will be supportive. But they are inquisitive. They will want to interrogate. And I don't want to be interrogated by them I don't think.

So yeah, I became a bit scared.

Yooooouuuuuuu hhhoooooooooooooooooo! I'm outsiiiiiiiiiidddddeeee

Yes, I heard him.

It's easier mmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy wwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Rick the Dick is a form of tinnitus. Never shuts up.

I went to look at the AF beers. And saw a guy with three 2lt bottles of Cider in his trolley. He looked a lot like a regular imbiber. A youngish guy bending down to look at the prices of whisky. Probably pretending to be some connoiseur - it's cool to know your drinks... A couple compare how the label design had changed on a premium beer. And peeps looking at the prices on the lowest shelf cos the wine there is cheaper.

So I bought meself some bread. That was what I went in for.

Back home. Day 5. Tired.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Bobby Womack

What is your most unappealing habit?

My worst habit was drugs, though I haven't done that in 20 years. Cocaine makes you smoke cigarettes and the two of them make you drink. If you are fortunate, you grow up; if you are not fortunate, you go out.

[Starfish1]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hey, R.C. I think your Bleh feeling was just day 5 talking to you.

It got me A LOT!!!!! Yep, I caved lots of times on Day 5 (if I ever made it past day 3 or 4).

You are doing so well right now and you KNOW you would feel bad if you drank! Good for you for sticking with just buying the bread. :goodjob:

Just a couple more days and you will have one week and by Christmas time you will have over 3 weeks! - you want that, don't you? I think you do! We all want it for you! :l

Don't worry about what you are going to say to your family and all at Christmas time. You can work that out later. For right now, just concentrate on getting through the day!

Here, I made you a :cupajoe: cuppajoe to keep warm since yer flat is so cold and when you make it to one month, we are all chipping in to send you to :beach:

So how 'bout it? Tell Mr. Ricky Dicky to shut the hell up and lets get on with it:l

:h Star

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

If I was going home for Xmas, I would tell my parents that I have quit drinking because I have been drinking too much. They are the ONLY people one should not be embarrassed to be totally honest with.

I might even be telling them now to prepare them for a different son coming home. Maybe even to get the questions out of the way now. Also to keep me sober.

It will change their expectations on you, AND help you keep your quit.

Just a thought

Congrats on day 5 RC. Only took you a month.....it took me 8. Well done you, matey.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I was thinking about this today. You're right - they ought to be the easiest - and most supportive - people to share this with. I KNOW they would never tease, jest, look funny at me. Others would...

I was thinking about some colleagues - most of whom don't drink excessively, or daily, as i did but who like to drink at parties - and how their jesting would have been me perhaps not so long ago.

Like AL free beer. I knew a guy who drank that and used to think "what's the fecking point? It's not DOING anything to you, why would you even bother?" Funny how thoughts change... I've just been to a supermarket. I needed some juice at 99p and spent ?13. That's not unheard of. I did spend some time in the AL ailse, not much, but I did want to buy some AF beer. I've had a little of it since I first quit. Not much. But two things I do perceive:

1) After i have one, I don't seem to want another. It's like if I can have a can of coke... I don't start trying to chug can after can down my throat. I burp and move on. (I know some don't advice AF for various reasons. Respect that.)

2) I still view it - that it looks like, tastes like and is packaged like AL beer - as something for a special occasion. Yes, I know i drank on any occasion - happy, sad, bored, indifferent, end of day, middle of day, whatever, whenever - but on special occasions the association with AL and celebration is so culturally strong that at this very early stage of the quit, I want to find something I can have that is a celebratory drink. Perhaps. My brother takes it or leaves it. He's be known to just drink a 2L bottle of coke over Christmas day. He doesn't see the point of getting even a little bit tipsy when we're at the folks. I did. It's Christmas - that means there is yet another reason to drink! And would it not be silly not to make the most of the fact there is even MORE reason to drink? Of course it would - so drink some MORE! And so out would come the whisky...

Bonkers.

Perhaps, if I keep up the quit, then eventually, one day AF beer with celebrations will be non-sequitur. A coke-float will do. :H Or a mocktail. Or simply I wont care. For now, it see it as part of the plan.

[Guitarista]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

G'day Running courage and y'all.

Love the thread mate. I watch your journey from slightly afar with interest friend.

Here's a post discussing gratitude vs. deprivation thinking that you've probably read from the toolbox, but it won't hurt to recap.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/477897-post13.html

G-bloke.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 6

G-Bloke, thanks for popping by - and for the link to wip's brilliant post. To read and re-read and re-read again.

I just woke up sober again. I'm thankful for this. I like waking up sober...

I like waking up sober.
I like waking up sober not feeling groggy. And by groggy i mean my insides feeling knotted, slightly nauseus, head stuck in a mist of stale AL.
I like waking up sober and not having to down yet more paracetamol to either offset of slay the headache.
I like waking up sober knowing that my tiredness is a natural state and that it will soon lift.
I like waking up sober and drinking coffee
I like waking up sober and drinking coffee and it not burping back up on me.
I like waking up sober and drinking coffee because I like coffee - not because I need something to blast through the grogginess.
I like waking up sober and eating breakfast
I like waking up sober and eating breakfast and it not burping back up on me
I like waking up sober and eating breakfast because it tastes really good and I enjoy it and not because I need something to help dull the hangover
I like waking up sober and feeling I have a whole day and night ahead of me that is mine to seize.
I like waking up sober with that mild - but very positive - feeling of "oh yeah!"
I like waking up sober and knowing that I am thinking straight and not through a groggy haze
I like waking up sober and not needing to check what I wrote on my work emails the night before
I like waking up sober and not having to think about what I wrote on any electronic appliance the night before.
I like waking up sober and not thinking "I really must stop this drinking"
I like waking up sober and not feeling shame that i have thoughts such as "I really must stop this drinking"
I like waking up sober and not having to avert my eyes when i see flatmates in the morning because I am hungover and don't want to communicate with anyone
I like waking up sober and finding that "me" in the morning is quite a nice "me" who's friendly and warm and, though perhaps tired, has a glow about them and again that feeling of "oh yeah!"
I like waking up sober and feeling that, yes, i can do another day AF. This is good.
I like waking up sober when I have been to party the night before, not drunk, having had a good time, and woken up clear headed with yet another whole day ahead of me...
I like waking up sober knowing I did not succumb to that part of my brain that says "just one, it's a special occasion, or such-and-such a reason" and feeling stronger for it
I like waking up sober, knowing that despite whatever hurdles life may throw at me, I can deal with them better sober than drunk. Who ever saw a 110m Olympic hurdler succeed running drunk?
I like waking up sober knowing that I did not drink yesterday.

Oh yeah!

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

You do realise this is alcohol free beer?

I need to read the above entry. Why I like to wake up sober.

I've left Stirberia as it's the weekend. I need to study and I don't want to fight evenings of a noisy flat with me sober and reckoning that, actually, to get through a night, I need to get drunk. So I left. Protect your quit, as Byrdie says.

Before driving off, I headed into a local market. I wanted to pick up some AF beers. I wanted one with dinner. So i picked up the AF beers (FYI, I take the ones that say 0.0%, there are some that say they're 0.5% ... i'm scared that at this embryonic stage of the quit that even something as weak as 0.5% might trigger something in my head). And stood in the queue. It was a long queue. Eventually i was able to take the AF beers to the counter, whereupon I was greeted by the cashier.

CASHIER: Soary 'boot the wait there.

ME: No probs

CASHIER: That a'thing?

ME: Aye thanks.

She scans the AF beers. [beep] Then looks at the AF beers.

CAHSIER: You do realise this is alcohol free beer?

ME: Eh.. yeah.

CASHIER: Oh. No, it's jist thit some folks dinna see its alcohol free, ken.

ME: Oh.

Dinna see it's alcohol free? It's bloody fecking obvious it's alcohol free. It's got a silvery colour design - the alcoholic version has a full-bodied green coloured design. The top says IN RED - like as in a warning - Alcohol FREE. It's logo is a larg "0/0" sign to SHOW that it has no alcohol in it. Pfffffftttttsssss....:damn:

Enter stomper... :stomper: And WHY do you have to question me when I buy alcohol free beer. You don't question me when I buy alcoholic beer. You don't say, "You do realise this is alcoholic beer?" do you? No. You don't. And what seems to be a little bit fecking ironic here as I pppppfffftttttssssss away, is that you really ought to be saying to me - and not just me - "You do realise this is alcoholic beer... and that if you have one of these, things might not look so rosey in the morning?"

But no. You don't. YOU ask if I realise this is alcohol free beer, as if this is weird. As if I have some sort of problem. As if EVERYONE else is normal and there's these weird few people on earth such as the ones hanging at the fringes of the alcohol aisles in supermarkets checking the AF beers, or looking in the complimentary FreeFrom section to buy some of that weird plant-based replacement for cheese that smells distinctly of the fungos-foo between yer toes after a sweaty day that only Vegans eat. (Vegans - not a dig at you - VERY supportive of Veganism. Damn good food.)

For fucks sake.

Can you tell I'm only just at the start of this journey?

Anyway, I got to my folks. Dad and I had dinner. He had a glass of white wine. One glass over two courses. I had one of them alcohol free beers. Yeah one of them. And know what? It was alright actually.

I will say, however, that i was desiring a buzz. Whether it was from beer, or wine, or a spirit. I was wondering whether dinner would have more conversation (it wasn't lacking in it.. but sometimes conversations take time to warm up) if I had had a glass of wine. Or two. Or three. And then would it not be good to finish the evening (it is Friday after all) with a few cans in my room, alone, while watching TV, or a film?

Best thing to do when I think that? Well actually, sometimes it's best to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw[/video]]Stop it. (Thank you Patrick)

[RingingCedars]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE[/video]]Mad TV Bob Newhart Skit - Mo Collins - Stop it - YouTube

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

GOOD ONE, Ringing.

RC, read today's post in the newbies nest. I've mentioned this before. Programs abound.

"If a person who drinks too much is an alcoholic, then is someone who never drinks called a non-alcoholic?"

Your thoughts about a more stimulating conversation at dinner haunt me from time to time. It seems to loosen up lips which for the first one or two isn't so bad...

Hang tough! Turn off the program.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Thanks Slay.

It reminds me too of a programme I was listening to on the radio on the drive up - a stand up comedian's thoughts on the rising of the price of AL in England and Wales (I think we've already done it in Scotland). To cut a long waffle short - she said something about AL being "a social lubricant" (go to 13:30min into it)... Which, yet again, made me wonder whether I was missing out on something. I wasn't being lubed! I want lubrication! I want to have my tongue loosen, be able to converse, join in, have "Dutch Courage", say to such-and-such "Hey, wanna grab a coffee sometime."

I wondered at dinner tonight that if I had my minimum 2 glasses of wine, whether this would be a good enough lube to encourage more in-depth dialogue.

But I want to believe that's BULLSHIT. Why?

Because I want to believe I CAN do all of the above WITHOUT AL. I know AF peeps. Two in particular - one lives in Perth, Australia and the other in London, so not as if I could ever just go hang with them for an afternoon! - and when i think of them in social occasions, AL was so clearly NOT on their radars. It wasn't what they were about. It wasn't who they were. It was US who made AL something about them. It was US that raised an eyebrow of curiosity as to the fact that they didn't imbibe and yet seemed to be having a great time, and it seemed so easy to them.

I have a sneaky suspicion that being AF makes you stronger than being tied to AL. That being AF allows us to have the strength to say things with real confidence that previously we would never have said while sober when we were still drinking (I know that last sentence sounds a bit odd, but it makes sense to me).

Need to sleep.

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

That lubed up person is still under there RC....only now he has an EDIT button. You will be that comfortable AF person...I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me...but I am living proof. I just thought that I couldn't be fun without AL, but you know me well enough now...what do you think? You dang skippy....I can be that social person I used to be only without the false courage and the good sense to know that ALL thoughts don't have to be spoken. (I was a very talkative drunk). I'm pretty talkative now....hum....maybe I am being an example of what I was trying to say....YOU are still under there! :H B

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I wasn't being lubed! I want lubrication! I want to have my tongue loosen, be able to converse, join in, have "Dutch Courage", say to such-and-such "Hey, wanna grab a coffee sometime."

I wondered at dinner tonight that if I had my minimum 2 glasses of wine, whether this would be a good enough lube to encourage more in-depth dialogue.

But I want to believe that's BULLSHIT. Why?

Because I want to believe I CAN do all of the above WITHOUT AL. I know AF peeps. Two in particular - one lives in Perth, Australia and the other in London, so not as if I could ever just go hang with them for an afternoon! - and when i think of them in social occasions, AL was so clearly NOT on their radars. It wasn't what they were about. It wasn't who they were. It was US who made AL something about them. It was US that raised an eyebrow of curiosity as to the fact that they didn't imbibe and yet seemed to be having a great time, and it seemed so easy to them.

I have a sneaky suspicion that being AF makes you stronger than being tied to AL.

I was AF for years...that will become your normal once you make it to that point. Kuya just got a taste of it as posted in the newbies nest. I drank when I was young like a party animal, then stopped for A LONG LONG TIME...YEARS. I started again about five to six years ago and went wild (many reasons). Right back into my addiction craziness again. Anyway, you need to reestablish yourself without AL. It's like giving up your water wings and learning to swim without them. You don't just jump in the water and swim. You have to learn how. You are in training. It's just like anything else. You won't feel safe at first because you've been relying on those water wings. With time and practice, it will become second nature. The trick is getting to that point where you trust and believe in yourself...look in that mirror and quit letting programs tell you what you like or don't like about yourself. What do YOU want to be as YOU and be it. You'll never please everyone else. Nor will everyone else like you, and rejection will always be a possibility for EVERYONE! BE you and let those who like you like you and those who don't, don't. We'll get comfortable again without those wings. Patience grasshopper. (Don't use my words against me later...yikes....what have I done?!)

DAMN right you'll be stronger!!!! AL is something we hide behind and it doesn't develop courage and strength. How can an illusion do that? Ok, I'll quit babbling now. It's getting late. Just finished my movie and thought I'd check in. Feeling AF strong tonight, so thought I'd use some of my muscles. :H

Love,

Slay

P.S. - Dutch courage...oh the stubbornness of a dutch man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought my Irish/German heritage gave me the crown. NEVERMIND!!!!

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Slay - brilliant post. Really like the analogy with water wings...

When i finally learned to swim, it was almost by accident. I let go of the fear of floating in water... and found that I was swimming.