Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...
Day 7 - Christmas looking easier
A week ago this evening was when I sat in my room, late at night drinking to the point where my emotions just went berserk. I was on this site (now humbled and a bit embarrassed) and there are posts where I felt I was at my pit of despair - those real bubbling tears of hating "this, this what I am doing. This, that life has come to this, that i am this." I am sure those tears were for so much more than drinking too much, but the drinking was the manifestation of everything else.
As someone here said to me recently when I spoke about always going up stairs to drink the bottle of wine at night alone, "WHAT IS THE BOTTLE?"
Anyway, at my folks this weekend. Mum asks at breakfast if there was one thing I'd like from the next year what would it be. I thought "AF". And said something about meeting a lass... or feeling more settled at work. AND THEN, I said... maybe even have a year AF.
She knows I was AF for 7 weeks. I said I knew I drank too much, that when I drank in November I quickly resorted back to my old ways (the folks have little idea at quite how bad it was). I said I drank too much. I couldn't just take-it-or-leave-it. I said I wanted to change this. She said she was relieved.
She said,"I had said to your father, that I think you drink too much, but he just said, oh, it's fine."
I said, "you mean he was ignoring it? But not engaging with it, pushing it under the carpet, is only feeding the problem."
She said, "I know." Then she said, "Well, I am proud of you of what you are trying to do."
I feel good... And then she said...
"I don't know where you're thinking is at, but have you ever thought, 'OK i don't drink, but only on a Sunday, or a particular day of the week.'
Rick the Dick barged into the kitchen... "Hi! It's OK - just the one. Just the ONE! See? even YOUR MOTHER said it was OK"
It kinda irritated me - her statement, him barging in. I said, "I just want to break the current relationship I have with drinking. And that, perhaps, takes some time."
Dad entered. Sits down at the kitchen table
"You know how I went 7 weeks no drinking?" I said.
"Uh-huh" He uh-huhs.
"Well, we're discussing me having an alcohol free Christmas."
"Oh right."
"The beer I had last night was AF."
"Rightio. So we'll get some AF beers for you then?"
And then he cracked a joke about something else we were all discussing. Nothing more said.
They know.
Christmas AF here we come.
Day 7 - Christmas looking easier
A week ago this evening was when I sat in my room, late at night drinking to the point where my emotions just went berserk. I was on this site (now humbled and a bit embarrassed) and there are posts where I felt I was at my pit of despair - those real bubbling tears of hating "this, this what I am doing. This, that life has come to this, that i am this." I am sure those tears were for so much more than drinking too much, but the drinking was the manifestation of everything else.
As someone here said to me recently when I spoke about always going up stairs to drink the bottle of wine at night alone, "WHAT IS THE BOTTLE?"
Anyway, at my folks this weekend. Mum asks at breakfast if there was one thing I'd like from the next year what would it be. I thought "AF". And said something about meeting a lass... or feeling more settled at work. AND THEN, I said... maybe even have a year AF.
She knows I was AF for 7 weeks. I said I knew I drank too much, that when I drank in November I quickly resorted back to my old ways (the folks have little idea at quite how bad it was). I said I drank too much. I couldn't just take-it-or-leave-it. I said I wanted to change this. She said she was relieved.
She said,"I had said to your father, that I think you drink too much, but he just said, oh, it's fine."
I said, "you mean he was ignoring it? But not engaging with it, pushing it under the carpet, is only feeding the problem."
She said, "I know." Then she said, "Well, I am proud of you of what you are trying to do."
I feel good... And then she said...
"I don't know where you're thinking is at, but have you ever thought, 'OK i don't drink, but only on a Sunday, or a particular day of the week.'
Rick the Dick barged into the kitchen... "Hi! It's OK - just the one. Just the ONE! See? even YOUR MOTHER said it was OK"
It kinda irritated me - her statement, him barging in. I said, "I just want to break the current relationship I have with drinking. And that, perhaps, takes some time."
Dad entered. Sits down at the kitchen table
"You know how I went 7 weeks no drinking?" I said.
"Uh-huh" He uh-huhs.
"Well, we're discussing me having an alcohol free Christmas."
"Oh right."
"The beer I had last night was AF."
"Rightio. So we'll get some AF beers for you then?"
And then he cracked a joke about something else we were all discussing. Nothing more said.
They know.
Christmas AF here we come.
You just stay focused on all the good things being AF brings!
oke:
Comment