Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RC, you are not running away from booze you are running TO your health. This isn't about being able to be around alcohol, this is about having a peaceful place to heal and recover. A place from which you can venture into the world, boozey or not, and retreat to rest.
This is about maturely deciding to care for yourself, whether in that city or after a move to another place.

Also, this fitting in lark is vastly overrated. I go to parties, enjoy myself, people enjoy my company but I fit where I fit and as one gets older the need to fit everywhere becomes less important.

Fit in with yourself first, RC cos happy contented people attract happy contented people. Drunks attract drunks.

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1425166 wrote: RC, you are not running away from booze you are running TO your health. This isn't about being able to be around alcohol, this is about having a peaceful place to heal and recover. A place from which you can venture into the world, boozey or not, and retreat to rest.
This is about maturely deciding to care for yourself, whether in that city or after a move to another place.

Also, this fitting in lark is vastly overrated. I go to parties, enjoy myself, people enjoy my company but I fit where I fit and as one gets older the need to fit everywhere becomes less important.

Fit in with yourself first, RC cos happy contented people attract happy contented people. Drunks attract drunks.

AMEN, Kuya! Every word true as true can be. I suggested he build a tree house. What's wrong with a tree house? At least he'd have the solitude he needs to heal. Of course, he may need some darn good insulation, and he will still have to deal with some bird brains. (g)

Very important to have your safe place to retreat to. I must have my solitude. Yesterday evening, I ran across this video. I'm just fine with this. I do have my lonely moments and will need to find other outlets, so I don't go to my pub people, but I wouldn't trade my solitude for anything. Vitally important.imo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs[/video]]How To Be Alone - YouTube

[Wagoneer]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[QUOTE=Zenstyle;1425111]Waggy... where the heck have you been?! :l

QUOTE]

Aw, thanks for remembering me :h I've been quite the lurker the past few months. I was doing so great for so many months, then just hear and there I have had a drink. NOT what I want and feeling like quite the failure. No benders, no falling down drunks, nothing like that, just....failure. I hate it and after all these years still can't get it through my cranium that I can't drink DAMN IT! And I shouldn't drink! I have been eating well, lost about 20 pounds, life is good! So what the hell, right? I will stay around

Anyway, don't want to hijack this thread.

RC - I will keep reading your posts as I find them quite inspiring. :h

[RingingCedars]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1425166 wrote: RC, you are not running away from booze you are running TO your health. This isn't about being able to be around alcohol, this is about having a peaceful place to heal and recover. A place from which you can venture into the world, boozey or not, and retreat to rest.
This is about maturely deciding to care for yourself, whether in that city or after a move to another place.

Also, this fitting in lark is vastly overrated. I go to parties, enjoy myself, people enjoy my company but I fit where I fit and as one gets older the need to fit everywhere becomes less important.

Fit in with yourself first, RC cos happy contented people attract happy contented people. Drunks attract drunks.So true! RC, just a thought I had...perhaps sublet your current situation and seek out a room with an older man/woman while you get sorted. When asked all the questions simply say you're honouring your temple for awhile.....as time goes by...you just say your body more fit than ever, prefers it that way. Hope you get lots of strikes and spares tonight!
Slaythefear;1425236 wrote: AMEN, Kuya! Every word true as true can be. I suggested he build a tree house. What's wrong with a tree house? At least he'd have the solitude he needs to heal. Of course, he may need some darn good insulation, and he will still have to deal with some bird brains. (g)

Very important to have your safe place to retreat to. I must have my solitude. Yesterday evening, I ran across this video. I'm just fine with this. I do have my lonely moments and will need to find other outlets, so I don't go to my pub people, but I wouldn't trade my solitude for anything. Vitally important.imo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs[/video]]How To Be Alone - YouTube

Love, love that video Slay. Lonely moments here too, but I truly like myself and I even catch myself singing and humming like the girl inside me used to despite life's challenges I still face. Keep journalling and keep close RC. :l

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Amen to Kuya...Byrds of a feather flock together...drunks attract drunks, ain't THAT the truth!
Remember those stages of grief, RC....anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance? Hanging out in the NN like I do, I see each stage play out in the course of everyone's quit. Notice how I try to pull folks to strive for that 13 day mark? That was the day when I was able to work thru the anger, denial...bargaining (this stage almost killed me...couldn't get past 12 days!) the depression is where all these things are sinking in...this is where you feel sorry that you can't be like everyone else.... the whole world seems to be able to drink normally except you. This is where a lot of self reflection takes place...not all of it pretty. Day 13 was a turning point for me...I hope it will be for you, too. I began to accept this way of life. Today, not only do I accept it...I EMBRACE it...and recommend it to other people normal or not!
The feelings you are having are part of the process! This is a relationship, after all, and a major break up you are having with AL and it takes some 'therapy' to work thru it all. I'm so glad you have this thread, I know it is helping a lot of people who are going thru the very same processes.
Have a great time tonight....it is all a mindset! XO, B

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1425166 wrote: RC, you are not running away from booze you are running TO your health. This isn't about being able to be around alcohol, this is about having a peaceful place to heal and recover. A place from which you can venture into the world, boozey or not, and retreat to rest.
This is about maturely deciding to care for yourself, whether in that city or after a move to another place.

Also, this fitting in lark is vastly overrated. I go to parties, enjoy myself, people enjoy my company but I fit where I fit and as one gets older the need to fit everywhere becomes less important.

Fit in with yourself first, RC cos happy contented people attract happy contented people. Drunks attract drunks.

Awesome.

Slay - a lovely video indeed. Gentle, uplifting.

Byrdie - YES! Thank you for the reminder of the stages of grief. I've been meaning to hunt down your posts on them.

Tonight
Tonight was bowling. I arrived back at the flat after work, peeps were having a glass of wine. I had an AF beer before we all walked in the baltic air to the bowling alley. We had to wait a while - about an hour, maybe 90mins before we got our lanes. Everyone drank. But of course. I'm the oldest there, by i think 4 years. Most are in their early-mid twenties. I wouldn't be encouraging them a life of sobriety when I was their age. Or perhaps I'd be too scared to join such a life at that age, for fear of not being able to "relax" "let go" "have fun". Perhaps.

I'm sitting there with my overpriced and somewhat over-sweet mocktail. And I'm wondering "are we here to go bowling... or are we here to drink and, because it's a special occasion, we'll do something extra with it - i.e. go bowling?" Probably the latter. If there was the choice of removing one or the other, the bowling would go without a shadow of a doubt. But we are also there to celebrate a friends birthday. But because celebrate = drinking. We all drink. (I'm on the mocktails mind).

But at least that there is bowling gives me something else to focus on, something to else to share with people... so it doesn't feel as hard as last night. It is still hard to engage as I would have done had I allowed myself to drink. No lube. I'm still stuck inside. I'm still obsessing over it. But it has only been 10 days. Time....Molly said something along the lines of the the real change, cure, the real non alcoholic drink that will alleviate the psychological cravings - is time. I'm holding out. It's an endurance test. A very long run.

Some had been out last night - last night, (as I sat in the office among bleary eyed peeps, hungover, slightly dishevelled hearing of the fun times had, the shenanigans etc) appeared to go a while - and those that were out last night, were continuing to drink tonight - just as I would have done, I'm sure, had i not stepped nervously into MWO-land those few months ago. And i wondered how much of an issue AL was in their lives. Each of us is different in our relationship, but with one guy in particular, i wondered how much AL was actually an issue. Or perhaps i was just putting me in his position, "that's what i would be doing - a big party the night beofre, followed by pints the next night to find equilibrium and continue drinking more..."

So I am glad I got through these 2 days/nights. But I am also not going to say they were enjoyable. Last night was certainly the worse of the two - tonight was bearable for the reasons of there being something to do. But as I say... I'm looking at the long term.

It's after 11pm... I pray that there's no raucous in the wee sma' hours when the flatmates come home. Tomorrow I have to study before going into work later. Just want a peaceful sleep. Having just wrote that - one has just returned. :H

Ear plugs - in.

[almost free]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Oh, RC, so sorry you are struggling so mightily. Wish there was something I could offer or do to help. Please stay close and keep posting. You add so much encouragement for so many of us. Wish we could do something to help. Such a frustrating situation you are in.

On days when I am really low (many, these days) I keep remembering the mantra always heard in AA. "Happy, joyous and free". Or, "Don't leave before the magic happens" All I could think was, well when the f*ck is that? It better be soon, 'cause I am hanging on by my fingernails!

This has been a really hard day for me too. Barely hanging on.......Seems like everyone is really struggling lately. Please, let's all try to hang together and get through it all together. Hugs to you! Hope you are able to get a good night's sleep.

[Lavande]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RC,
I checked with Stella & she's in complete agreement ~ you should come here, it's very quiet & you can sleep all you want :H :H
Of course she'll probably ask you to go to the feed store & bring back a couple of 50 lb. bags of feed for her (and her friends)

Hope you are getting some rest!

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 11

:H :H Lav -I'd happily go to the feed store for Stella! I'll just take me car. Would the chooks want a lift anywhere? A wee day out?! :H

I wasn't awoken by flatmate number two - ear plugs must have worked.

The thing I didn't mention last night - have just brought this on the NN thread in response to Rooni - was that I was just straight up with people about drinking. I.e. if someone asked if I wanted a beer, I just said I'm not drinking.

When my flatmate asked, I said I was back on the wagon. When my friend/colleague whose birthday it was said "back on the wagon, son?" instead of making up some excuse as i had done the previous night, I just said yes.

People might talk, but actually, they probably wont, because there's more interesting gossip to be shared and chewed upon.

It may well be different in different situations and some peeps might be more interrogative, but just a post-it note to self: sometimes just being up front and saying "I'm not drinking" "I'm on the wagon just now" can suffice.

[paulywogg]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

just gotta say i love this thread! maybe we should all have our own personal thread,um maybe not but i love to read about whats going on with you rc,its never boring keep up the good work!

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Thank you Pauly - keep trucking.

Not much to report today right now. Studying this morning, interspersed with skiving dives into the Army here at MWO.

Some niggles:
* Work's mildly frustrating, although what is more frustrating is the combination of voices in my head: one that is having a constant argument with my line manager that seems to be on repeat play, another that is surreptitiously questioning my ability at doing my job. There's Rick the Dick also. But just now i'm getting used to him.

* I'm tired too. Not dragging my feet tired. The supps help, but I am sometimes having not much more than 5 hours kip a night... I reckon it'd be better for me to have a bit more, but my internal alarm clock seems to go off at 5/5.30am ... I should probably try to hit the hay earlier.

* I have small pains in my head and around the top of my shoulders. Possibly posture? Stress? Am i still detoxing from booze 11days after...? I could do Yoga, but, to be completely frank and honest, I can't be arsed. I don't particularly enjoy it unless it's with a group. I used to do an Iyenga Yoga class once a week, but then moved cities. Maybe a run. But not tonight.

* Booze watch 1: A very lovely gentleman i was working with today, said, "oh the team (of which we are both a part) must go for a drink, we've been working hard, so would be good to relax." My first thought was "yes that would be very nice" my second thought was "how do i make myself UNavailable?" This would be a perfect example of people meeting up NOT to get pissed, but just to enjoy one anothers company outside the frame of 'work' for a single drink. ... Hmmm ... right now, it just feels like another ordeal. These Christmas "let's let our hair down" events are a bit of an ordeal when one is newly sober... Gonna play this one by ear. I can make excuses if I feel weak, or if it'll be too much bother.

* Booze watch 2: And there he is. The alkie at the bar. My colleague. Friend. Drinking San Miguel .... and if I have a think about it *thinks*... yep, the craving's there. A pint would be good. Check in - how do I feel: hungry? Check. Angry? Check. Lonely.... pass right now. Tired? Check. 90minutes later (i.e. now) Hungry? No. Angry? Not so much at all really. Lonely... no, not really. Tired? Yes. Craving a drink? No.

But I do miss the pint at the bar. No lies here. I do. But who was drinking who?

I feel I should write more on friendships... those we have with those we share the drink with. Some, I hear, had drinking buddies who'd do nothing but drink with. I have folks I drink with, but I know them in other contexts. I don't know if this makes it any easier or harder not going to the bar with them. But they prop up the works bar for an hour most nights at 5pm...

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

For laughs

Click on the link and read the reviews... and have a good chortle.

Purple juice

[disclaimer: if by reading the reviews you intend to go to, and do go to, a drinking establishment, I am in no way to blame]

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RunningCourage;1425946 wrote: Click on the link and read the reviews... and have a good chortle.

Purple juice

[disclaimer: if by reading the reviews you intend to go to, and do go to, a drinking establishment, I am in no way to blame]

Fecking hilarious! ROFLMAO

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

PAWS

I'm only really just learning about PAWS. Still to do more reading and finking about it.

PPQ - thank you for posting the links on the abbers thread!

I found the following from one of the links... it's sort of similar to one train of thought that helps me take me through these days just now.

If you use this opportunity for change, you'll look back and think of your addiction as one of the best things that ever happened to you. People in recovery often describe themselves as grateful addicts. Why would someone be grateful to have an addiction? Because their addiction helped them find an inner peace and tranquility that most people crave. Recovery can help you change your life.

Here's the link: Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

If you use this opportunity for change, you'll look back and think of your addiction as one of the best things that ever happened to you. People in recovery often describe themselves as grateful addicts. Why would someone be grateful to have an addiction? Because their addiction helped them find an inner peace and tranquility that most people crave. Recovery can help you change your life.

My most valuable and truthful insights have come in periods of great adversity. I can often give advice on various topics because I've already been through a path littered with mistakes. Enlightening experiences often come from great pain.