Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Mr. RC, I went down to the archives and found something for you. My Day 13. As you may have seen me post before, I had flu like symptoms for the first couple weeks of my quit, so the aches and pains you may be feeling are a normal part of the process. I don't know all about the PAWS stuff...I know when I read about a side effect, I can have it by the end of that paragraph if I try....
But here you go...I hope you find this Day 13 to be like mine:

2/2/2011
Day 13. Yesterday was EASY!!!! I'm so happy to report, that hubs was out of town and I had the perfect opportunity to have myself a high old time....but I didn't! The voices weren't as loud or as often, so day 13 was the day that I think I turned the corner. I feel good! I certainly haven't lost any weight...I am rewarding myself by saying, look, you can have anything in the world you want, except AL...now I need to reel myself in a bit and stop eating everything in sight. Finally finished off the last of the Christmas cookies I had in the freezer. For the first time in years, I feel like I'm getting control of my life, and it feels really good! ODAT! I could NOT have done it without this site.

Hope that helps in some small way....Byrdie

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I reckon part of the problem is having a decent 7 weeks then a hard 4 back on the bottle then quitting again. Your body and brain doesn't know if it's New York or New Year!

Add to that all the emotional turmoil and around drinking, your folks and Christmas ........woooooooo, don't know why you are tired! :H:H

Cut yourself some slack, rest, eat, rest, eat, read and watch brainless drivel and stop wearing your knickers over your tights, mate. You are NOT superman. Pretending we were is how we got into this mess.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1426490 wrote: I reckon part of the problem is having a decent 7 weeks then a hard 4 back on the bottle then quitting again. Your body and brain doesn't know if it's New York or New Year!

Add to that all the emotional turmoil and around drinking, your folks and Christmas ........woooooooo, don't know why you are tired! :H:H

Cut yourself some slack, rest, eat, rest, eat, read and watch brainless drivel and stop wearing your knickers over your tights, mate. You are NOT superman. Pretending we were is how we got into this mess.

But i like dressing up and pretending I can fly...

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Thank you Byrdie - You've often spoken about your Day 13 as a turning point, so it's really good to read your post from then. All these little experiences of others is so helpful in working out our own recovery. And posts like Nurdl's short post today in the NN about how good she is feelin after a shite few days - i find that hope-filled, and encouraging.

Though just realised that tomorrow is a Friday and it's my day 13 :H :H

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

My Day 13. As you may have seen me post before, I had flu like symptoms for the first couple weeks of my quit, so the aches and pains you may be feeling are a normal part of the process. I don't know all about the PAWS stuff...I know when I read about a side effect, I can have it by the end of that paragraph if I try....

Same here, Byrdie. It was my first go around so I wasn't sure if I had the actual flu or some similar bug. This go around seemed to hit me different but harder in different ways. I think Kuya has that point on target. The brain is saying, WTF is going on here? Will you make up your mind? I'm, also, with you on analyzing it all. I'm not doing that this time just like I don't count my days now. It seems to become a sort of pointless introspective process for me because regardless of what is causing it, tis what it tis. Unless of course, it becomes a chronic issue like an underlying depression or something that needs addressing. I'm not sure of all the hows or whys of all my symptoms, I just know I want them to pass and they do seem to pass and then sometimes come and pass again. Even people who don't drink wrestle with such symptoms from time to time. We have bad days. On the other hand, I do believe in some self analysis into my internal issues that have triggered my drinking or other self destructive behaviors. Why did I drink to begin with and what seems to trigger me to want to drink. Those internal issues need to be addressed.

Well, that's my two cents worth. Take it for what it's worth. heh

Signed,

Slay the Vampire

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

like Ky says, cut yourself some slack - and stop overthinking it.

Aaaarrrrggggghhhh! Where have I heard that before? Sorry, RC, I have to laugh here. YOU are an over thinker. It takes one to know one, but I've got years on you sonny! Not trying to poke fun at ya, just trying go get you to lighten up on yourself. YOU are just fine. Maybe struggling with staying sober and finding yourself, but it will come. Patience grasshopper. Not sure of your age, but I know you are a young one yet.

Slay the 'Vamp'

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Maybes I do over think. It does help to hear Kuya, Molls, Slay say I am over thinking and to cut myself some slack. However it is still all new to me. And I do want to understand what is happening (even if I can't) ... And more importantly I don't want to naively think "oh this sobriety thing's a doddle" only to have it trip me up. It may well do. But that's for another time. If ever.

I don't mind counting days. It's something to latch on to these early days. When I gave up smoking I counted the days almost obsessively.... and then I got to 1 year and in the blink of an eye I stopped. Almost as if I needed the 1 year NF to finally free myself from the shackles of nicotine... and then i forgot about it. Never counted from then. I don't want to climb in a void. I like watching how far I've come.

Also, this is just lots of train of thought. I do think about it a lot, but suppose 1) i'm new at it 2) i'm fairly young and known as someone who likes a drink 3) I would be one of the very few around my age who is AF (can think of only the one i know of from where I live) and being that person isn't necessarily easy when you've spent your live looking forward to drinks each day.

Slay - you're right, it will come in due course.

Kuya - meant to say - rock solid awesome post.

[Slaythefear]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I don't mind counting days. It's something to latch on to these early days. When I gave up smoking I counted the days almost obsessively.... and then I got to 1 year and in the blink of an eye I stopped. Almost as if I needed the 1 year NF to finally free myself from the shackles of nicotine... and then i forgot about it. Never counted from then. I don't want to climb in a void. I like watching how far I've come.

RC, I don't want to take a way from the great feeling of accomplishment and strength that comes from counting days. I hung on each and every day I made it AF my first go around starting in August of this year when I came here. So bravo to you for your AF days. It is an achievement. I made it to about day 39 if I remember correctly and thought I could have a couple beers for my belated BD celebration. I was fine. Stopped, no problem. Then made it further, but my girlfriend came in town. Fine, we can have a few. Well, after that it just got easy to say, hell I got this! Sure, never made it to 60 days. Had a couple good binges with a bruised tailbone. So I came back and said this is it. NONE, NADA, CAN'T MODERATE you dang bat!!! So here I am working to be AF. I was marching days with matchee and I'd be over 30, don't know where, but you remember the depression thread where I drank one and a half glasses before stopping. Well, do I start again, keep counting? I don't know. I only started counting days on the roll call to help you when you first came back. Thought another early returner would encourage you. Now, I just say, I know this stuff is hurting me, making me sick, has messed up my life in several ways and taken it in a direction it never would have gone otherwise. So, I'm not counting the days. I'm counting my progress to get the toxicity out my life and all that entails and to enjoy this next half of my life. I plan on being AF, but I did slip and to be truthful, I can't guarantee I never will again, so I am not going to count. I don't want to slip anyone up here either. I do know, life is better without it. I, also, know all those feelings you are having, so know you are not alone in them and that I cannot slip back into a person who abuses alcohol. So, not doing that is my goal. Watching my life improve regardless of how difficult some of the changes can be.

Sometimes, you just have to let some things go and be patient for what is over the horizon that you can't see just now. Make the best choices you can today and hope for the rewards that come from them tomorrow.

Sorry to go on and on...I just want you to know we all struggle. We just learn that sometimes we are making the struggle harder than it has to be. Things always seem to workout. Today brings enough worries without dragging tomorrow into it. :l None of us here are perfect.

Love,


Slay

[Lavande]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Wow RC,
You sure did get a lot of support here today.
I love the 'don't wear your knickers over yer tights' advice the best :H:H:H:H:H

Makes perfect sense to me

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 13 - Friday and a dream about whisky

Thank you everyone for your posts yesterday. Really appreciate these.

Suppose my wee consideration (not to be decided today) is whether to continue with my studies. I have been given a book though on Time Management. Wonder whether i just try to take titbits of ideas from that and apply to it areas of my life - work and study.

It's also learning to say "no". I'm not so good with that. Actually I'm pretty roundly shite at saying "no". This i get from my father.

Not much to comment on this morn :H You've all shut me up :H

Only that I had my first drinking dream last night. I tend to get my most memorable dreams just minutes after I drop off. Anyway, all i remember was that i was drinking whisky. It was during the day, I'd had a 2 or 3 or 4 glasses of the stuff - enough to fee a bit tipsy. I can't remember where I was but all I remember thinking was "Ah SHITE.... gonna have to start at Day 1" ... and I stopped there and then. Didn't want any more. I actually believed I'd drunk it for a short while - until I woke up from it and my mind slowly realised that it was 1am and only a dream. A wee wave of relief as I feel back to sleep...

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Well, that's my examination done.

AF Beer
I promised myself as I left the exam that I'd pop into friggingtesco's to buy some AF beer. This I did. I came home, stuck one in the freezer, popped on here for 20min, then opened the beer with some nibbles, just as I might have done only with AL beer before (and having already had a jar or two in a pub). So I'm thinking 'hey, this is fine! Me and my AF beer, after a hard days work. I deserve this.' And perhaps I do. It's not AL beer, so what's the problem?

So, i'm writing this now because I want to think through what might be hidden desires.... Is Rick the Dick gonna make a surprise attack in a years time brought on by the subtle and seemingly innocent association of (AF) beer and celebration? I like the taste of beer. Or so I think. The jury is still out on that on account of the fact that I drank the stuff heavily for 14 years. Still, I like that it's not sweet juice / soda when I want a drink that is now sweet juice. There is water, yes. And there is Tonic, of course. Noted.

But my wonderings were stoked by JC today on the Army Thread asking about the association with AF drinks and celebrations/times of relaxation/stress/any excuse needed to have an AF drink (and when I say AF I mean as in AF beer, wine, etc etc). Could it be that my drinking 1 single 0.0% AF beer per night after work, might escalate into two 0.0% beers... and then three? Might I feel I have enough resolve in months to come to have AF beer that is 0.5% AL.... and maybe two of those. Might it be that in a years time, I think, actually, a LIGHT beer - say 2.0% would be fine... and then later, much later, maybe 18months or 2 years down the track, I'm having a 4.0 or 5.0%% lager and drinking moderately... and then...perhaps....in due course I find myself craving more and more? Hiding the drink, consuming and lying about it and then here we are all over again?

Perhaps. This is day 13. JC and so many others here have not only had much longer quits (into years) but have also had long quits and fallen off the wagon, before getting back on again and succeeding. So I listen and try to learn as much as I can. I had a short sharp fall. 1 month. Then back on again - with a hell of a lot of support from peeps here. But i would be naive to think I know much more about any of this, our, struggles. There's a fine, but blurry, line between giving out our opinions and expertise because we have been there, and understanding that every single person may well need to travel down roads that others know (or know for themselves) are roads that can lead to eventual ruin. Yet if a person so decides, or so falls down these roads, getting burnt and learning from it makes the person stronger. Or should do. Like the kid who puts their hand in a flame after being told not to. So they get a burn - it aint nice, but as long as they learn from it, it's actually not such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things.

Irrationality is when we keep sticking our hands in the fire. Part of the struggle though (for me i've found anyway) is that irrationality and Rick the Dick are soul mates.

Anyway, just saying that drinking AF beer is something I am conscious of. Maybe next time I'm out I'll just try water. Maybe go hardcore and try fizzy water. And rim the glass with fresh lime.

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Lots of peeps like AF beer, so as long as it IS AF, why not?

It is only day 14, if AF beer keeps you AF ...... Good.

( I have rediscovered this amazing drink since I have been sober, it diminishes thirst AND often hunger, is 0 calories, it detoxes and helps with headaches, insomnia, poor skin and is FREE)

I shit you not RC, drinking water has been a revelation! It also means I can consume more REAL food rather than empty calories in sweetened drinks

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

OMG - you mean that stuff that comes from the sky? That stuff we avoid by putting brollies over our heads? That stuff that makes me people groan and go back to bed when they hear the weatherman say it's gonna we raining? That clear stuff? Shit. I'm definitely keepin the window open tonight. It's lashing it down and blowing a gale (no dirty sexual innuendo jokes about celtic men and their girlfriends thank you very much :H) so I'm gonna stick my head out like a dog out a car window and get me some free water juice.

You're right Kuya water is simply awesome... but - I drank a shit load of water when I was boozing - easy drank 2L+ a day. Whereas now, well, I don't wake up gagging for 2 pints of water anymore. Ironically, it seems a little harder to drink as much water as I did when I was drinking. Shows how dehydrated I must've been.

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RunningCourage;1427131 wrote: OMG - you mean that stuff that comes from the sky? That stuff we avoid by putting brollies over our heads? That stuff that makes me people groan and go back to bed when they hear the weatherman say it's gonna we raining? That clear stuff? Shit. I'm definitely keepin the window open tonight. It's lashing it down and blowing a gale (no dirty sexual innuendo jokes about celtic men and their girlfriends thank you very much :H) so I'm gonna stick my head out like a dog out a car window and get me some free water juice.

n.

Sarky fecker.....I will track you down and hurt you big time ! :H:H:H

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

kuya;1427144 wrote: Sarky fecker.....I will track you down and hurt you big time ! :H:H:H

Love ya too! :h