Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

[lolab]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

ahem.

Just WHO was it sittin in a tree???

ME!

:l

[Starfish1]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Yep, I was just waitin on MS LOLA B to come gettin in on all this!

R.C. It's up to you, dear-

:threekisses:

Who'll it be?

[Starfish1]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Somethin' tells me he's gonna choose Stella, girls!


:lalala:

[Byrdlady]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Humph! It won't be the first time I've been dumped for some other chick!! :chick:

[Starfish1]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

:H:H:H:H

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Smiles the lucky man

these cool gals surely can

:danthin: make this man wanna dance

:armsaround: n wrap his arms round then all, aye he'll chance

:bigwink: these lovely ladies here

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Notes from Day 61

Firstly a post from FallenAngel in today's 100 Day Thread:

The 6 month mark was a real turning point in my quit. My 3-4 month period was a dark time for me, I knew it was only temporary, but nonetheless, it was something I had to get through.
At 6 months, it felt like I emerged from a dark tunnel into the sunlight... it was wonderful!
And the best part, it's been getting better & better ever since.

Secondly, I posted this morning in the Army barracks that reaching 60 days was a little like running (and this analogy only runs so far, pun intended too) in that the first 3 or so miles can feel a bit of a drag but once I get past mile 4, I feel I'm cruising and strong. A half marathon doesn't feel like a pain to do.

But then analogy gets sticky, cos at about 16 miles I begin to weary quickly and can't wait til me running is over :H

Thirdly, I am still tired - especially at work - and I just don't get it. I'm not sure if to say it feels oppressive is the right description, people at work are not oppressive, but i do feel "under". Perhaps though it is other stuff I am dealing with - "Little I" beginning to grow and Little I needing space, energy, time, nurture and nourishment to grow... and perhaps the work I do as my day job is one thing that currently is being sacrificed.

Perhaps?

Maybe.

I've said this many times - and it is the reason I put FA's post here - but despite being tired, often irritable about nothing in particular, and working through issues (which, yes, I do want to keep private here, so apologies if this sounds vague), I do look forward to having longer term sobriety under my belt, and try not to be affected by them proverbial dark clouds that certain days might bring. Perhaps it is a blind hope. Or a naive hope. Perhaps it is a leap of faith. A leap of faith that one day the penny that is very slowly dropping will land and I will look up with a smile (a particularly cheeky one I hope) and say "I get it".

Like FA's emergence at 6 months from a dark tunnel, or reaching the 4mile mark on a morning run, the hard bits, the sore bits, the "this-is-so-fucking-hard-why-the-hell-do-i-bother" bits all pass. They pass. And more importantly, from what I have heard, they pass onto places that were better than before.

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

I always hesitate to relate this for fear of causing loss of momentum with the newly sober but I found days 30 to 90 really bloody annoying. Not the craving......never craved alcohol but a couple of times my entire quit...... But the mood swings were infuriating. I would feel fine for say 4 days then irritable for four more. And tired as feck, at one point thought I had leukaemia or something life threatening. It lasted till the new year and suddenly lifted and now I feel great.....the magic is happening. So basically at four months it turned round.

This last month has been awesome cos my mood fits the occasion .......meaning I feel normal. Not euphoric, not superhuman, just normal......it's amazing!

Hold fast my dear friend.....the end is in sight.

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Kuya - no momentum lost here. And you'll be the first to know when I do lose my rag and want to yell "FUCK IT!"

But your posts in particular these past few weeks have been so cool to read. Today's one (yesterday for you perhaps), about swimming under the stars and that simple feeling of bliss - simply awesome.

Slay has just posted in the NN nest - and wrote good words about if we want things to change we need to act, not just wish. I do a lot of wishing... but at the same time need to know the balance of pushing too hard, and acting just enough. Just now, I spend a little bit too much time alone in the evenings I feel, but there are other aspects of my life that I am actively working on that I have NEVER done in the way I have recently started doing. This is good. Some things can wait a wee while.

Having said that, I'm off to a quiz night tonight. Last one of these I was at was in Novemeber, I drank ... 4, maybe 5 pints... came home and opened a bottle of red and drank that.

Aye well, tea and buttered toast tonight it is then . I would go for a swim under the stars, Kuya, but we are missing three viral ingredients: 1) Swimming pool 2) Stars 3) The Kiwi climate

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

If only you could hop on a plane !

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Got a grand? :H

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 62

Just back from quiz night at work.

No particular desire for AL. Hardly thought about it - had to concentrate on the quiz Q's after all :H

Note: Have not got to the point that the smell of AL puts me off it. This may never happen, but just need to be aware of associations.

[kuya]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

RunningCourage;1455169 wrote: Got a grand? :H

Just checked down the back of the sofa......got a load of dog hair! :H

[RunningCourage]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Day 63

That's why I don't understand the appeal, or the struggle once you have a decent amount of sober time.

I understand the addiction, that is biochemical, the rush of endorphins. I understand if something TRULY tragic hits and you say 'feck it, I hate the world and I don't care if I live or die'.

But I don't get the continued longing and battle against something that has messed you up so badly. Particularly when life has been so much better sober.

All the folk at my dinner last night know they have a problem but it seems there is safety in numbers.

Maybe that's it ......just wanting to fit in

Can someone enlighten me?

Kuya wrote the above in the 100 day thread - (37 days to go...)

I was thinking a bit about this last night, as I watched my colleague and friend down 3 or 4 pints while being quizmaster. As far as I know he does not go home and finish the night of with a bottle of red, or even just to try and cram in a final night cap on top of what was had in the pub. But, I do think many in our culture drink unhealthily not just because it's about fitting in, but because so many of us like too much of good thing (certainly me) ... my dad eats too much cheese and too many crisps ... my brother eats too much chocolate. My dad is rotund and my brother's teeth need extra dental treatment.

My friend the quiz master drinks unhealthily (if healthy is the absolute minimum one is advised to drink), but it is deemed "acceptable" because it is a socially accepted drug and because the amount he imbibes is not seen as abnormal per se.

Fat Joe Blogs orders a Big Mac with large fries and a bucket of full fat coke - it is deemed "acceptable" because it is a socially accepted food retailer that sells food endorsed by society and the amount Joe eats is not seen as abnormal per se.

Edvard Munch likes his ice cream. So much so that sometimes on a Saturday night, he'll take a large tub of Hagan Daz and consume the whole box...

Willy Wonka likes his chocolate so much that every night after tea he has his Oompa Loompa's make him a large slab of freshly made chocolate. And that is after desert.

Joe, Edvard and Willy all consume too much of a certain food stuff, and will likely reap the consequences, as my father is rotund and my brother needs dental treatment... Similarly will those who drink too much - whether a little too much or a way too much. But, as long as our societies perpetuate a culture of acceptance that all these things are indeed OK, then long will they continue.

Are they OK? Is it not individual choice? How much do we want to create a nanny state that demands what and how much we eat or drink? Well I certainly don't, but we do all seem to be part of some massive social machine that only self-perpetuates it's own desires... to the point we pass it on to our children.

I have just been teaching kids all day. In their improv scenes, one ten-year old's character said to another:

Yeah, and while you;re there, make sure you grab me a beer!

and in another, an eight-year old's character said

Well, let's got to Spain and drink cocktails!

I said, jokingly, "yer a bit young for a cocktail!"
She said, with an adorable cheeky wee grin, "Oh - I had a sip of a cocktail when i was in Spain last year!"

Arguably this is a good thing - do not deny children something adults themselves imbibe, but as long as we teach about moderation etc etc... education of course. ... but AL is still sold BY us all TO us all as something that is "cool" - and that's the lie. AL does, for many, have a place in our lives, but it's not "cool" - that's marketing, that's money-makers fleecing us for our dough.

AL is a drug that can, and is, used wisely and safely by some.
AL is a drug that is used liberally and blindly by others, despite health warnings
AL is a drug that affects our mental states that can and does lead to many fatalities - such as road accidents
AL is a drug that is progressively addictive and can itself cause death of the user

That's not cool... that's dicing with danger needlessly

At least when Felix did his jump, he could say, YEAH, I AM SO PROUD OF THAT. That is not dicing with danger needlessly but facing the fear and proving what the ingenuity and capacity of the human spirit can achieve.

[Catbuddy]

Stella (Chook), I stole your booze...

Hi RC,

Lots to think about here. As a mom of a son with addictive genes on both sides, I take this very seriously. Being a sober role model is a big part of my quit; his Dad has done the same. Culture is the driver of this insanity in our heads. We know AL is not good for our bodies, we don't metabolize it right and we get addicted and behave badly ...... yet society judges us as weak or damaged for not being able to consume the drug, and dangerous to engage with lest we give in to this weakness. I wish it was like diabetes - you don't blame a diabetic if they can't join you in enjoying a dessert.

You and I live in cultures that embrace AL. We could be in other parts of the world, where for religious reasons it is shunned. So we must find our way through this - it's not going away as a dynamic, prohibition is not coming back, and we both want social contact in our lives. You and I both become morose with too much time alone.

I'm bumbling through this journey, too. I would just share that I am SO IMPRESSED with your progress - last night, no great desire to drink. That is quite a change from November, no?

Cat