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    The Big Sober House 2

    Day 2 in the Big Sober House, series two. We left the last series of Big Sober with Dr Richard Head and his partner in crime, Trigger, trying to find away into the Big Sober House in order to get the housemates to drink again. Although they got into the house, they were then subjected to what, for them, was a nightmarish experience with a sexy, saucy sobersexual Byrdie.

    Who promptly booted them out the house into the night storms that were following on from Sandy's destruction. Dr Richard Head is presently seeking therapy for his sobersensual experience with Byrdie.

    Stella (Chook) has been sidelined from her continuous attempts of getting into the Booze Shed, when she discovered she could hear voices, and then discovered that the voice she was hearing was none other than a talking plant, Stella (Flower).

    Meanwhile, RunningCourage (aka Arsey or Rab, depending on the thread, but here shall simply say RC) has been Missing in Action of late... sometime between the unexpected end of Series one of the Big Sober House and, well, now.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Stella?

    STELLA (FLOWER): Yes?

    STELLA (CHOOK): You're getting big.

    STELLA (FLOWER): I am. Well done, Stella.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Very big... Stella?

    STELLA (FLOWER): Yes, Stella?

    STELLA (CHOOK): Have you been taking the Bacs?! Hahahahahahahaha! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

    STELLA (FLOWER): That's ok Stella. But Stella?

    STELLA (CHOOK): Yes, Stella?

    STELLA (FLOWER): Have you seen the size of my new shoot? Look...

    STELLA (CHOOK): Wow. That is impressive.

    STELLA (FLOWER): I know...

    Maxie comes out to speak to Stella (Chook).

    MAXIE: Stella, c'mere. You seen RC?

    STELLA (CHOOK): Naw. Why?

    MAXIE: There have been reports of his missing in action.

    STELLA (CHOOK): He been getting action? Lucky sod.

    MAXIE: Not that kind of action. Just missing.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Then why didn't you say that?

    MAXIE: What?

    STELLA (CHOOK): Missing.

    MAXIE: I did.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Naw, you said missing in ACTION. If you don;t if he was doing any action, how do you know he is missing IN it?

    LAV: Stella, shut it. Answer the damned question.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Naw, i aint seen any action. Or any missing. Or any of RC.

    Lola and Byrdie come out, followed by Cat.


    BYRDIE: Hmmm... he's no where to be seen in the house.

    LOLA: Maybe he just... well... left?

    CAT: No. Don't think so. I think he might be laying a little low though.

    BYRDIE: Hmmmm....

    LOLA: Hmmmmm....

    CAT: Hmmmm.....

    LAV: Hmmmmm.....

    MAXIE: Is the equivalent of us mutts going Woof?

    LAV: Yes.

    MAXIE: Oh, ok. Well, Wooooooooooooofffff, then.

    While they Hmmmmm, Stella (Chook) takes the opportunity to check up on the Booze Shed. Of course she knows she is banned from it. Of course, she knows there is no way to get in. Of course she knows that to get in she has to find the key and she doesn't know a) where the key is and b) who does know where it is.

    Anyway, she stares at the Booze Shed. And then... the shed...

    Parps.

    Stella (Chook) looks agawp. Did the shed just fart? No. Surely not.

    Parp.

    It did. The shed farted.

    PAarrrpp.


    STELLA (CHOOK): Lav, Lav, Lav! C'mere. The Shed's farting!

    LAV: Stella, have you been drinking again?

    STELLA (CHOOK): Not yet, no. Please come over here. The shed is farting. I think it might even be preparing to lift off. With MY booze!

    LOLA: Hmmmm....

    BYRDIE: Hmmmm....

    LOLA: I agree Byrdie.

    CAT: You don't think?

    BYRDIE: Well... it wouldn't be the first time someone...

    LOLA: Let's open up.

    STELLA (CHOOK) OOooohhh... who has the key?

    BYRDIE: No one has the key but we do have the power to open it up the shed when we are beyond the power and grip of what's inside it. Stand back guys.

    They stand back. Somehow, with a bit of jiggery-pokery, of which no one can see from behind the backsides of Lav, Lolab and Byrdie, the door of the shed opens. A crowd has gathered. A smell pufts out...

    STELLA (CHOOK): That is rank.

    And their heads peer inside. And there in the corner with the last empty of bottle of beer and empty bottle of wine, slumps a sleepy, smelly RC.

    STELLA (CHOOK): Bastard! I'll kill him, I will I will, I'll kill the stealing little bugger. That was MY booze you little Celtic shite.

    That was how Day 1 began again for RC. And how Series II started of the Big Sober House.

    #2
    The Big Sober House 2

    Ah my little Scottish nutter, I am proud to be the first to read the next installment of your much loved insanity! :H

    Youse a funny bugger matey and that's for sure

    Comment


      #3
      The Big Sober House 2

      RC, I think your episode stinks!
      Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

      Comment


        #4
        The Big Sober House 2

        Stella (flower) has an enormous shoot, that's brilliant!
        ~n
        :notes:
        we are human beings with alcohol problems not alcoholics with problems caused by drinking

        Comment


          #5
          The Big Sober House 2

          ahaha slay...:H

          so the booze shed is empty - I guess that's good! Except Stella is NOT going to be pleasant....RC, I'd watch your back!
          ~

          Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

          Sobriety date: Sept 26, 2011

          Comment


            #6
            The Big Sober House 2

            Nice, rc!
            Alcoholic (or Ally)

            "Only a fool knows everything.
            A wise man knows how little he knows."

            Please feel free to block/ignore my posts through your control panel.

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              #7
              The Big Sober House 2

              Stella asking Stella if she's been taking the Bacs!!!! PRICELESS!!!!! RC, good to have you back in the house!!!!!!!!!! You are a love! B
              All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
              Tool Box
              Newbie's Nest

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                #8
                The Big Sober House 2

                Day 2 in the Big Sober House

                Day 2. 6am. Fin was up early wanting to take yet more photo's of the piece of timber he plans to straddle down some Grand Crevice. He walked into the Big Sober Kitchen to find Stella (Chook) pouring coffee.



                FIN: Stella! Gonna pour me a brew?

                STELLA (CHOOK): *whistles*

                FIN: Stella?

                STELLA (CHOOK): Lalalaffaaffaalalafafaffa...

                FIN: Stella, are you ok?

                STELLA (CHOOK): Fa? Lalalalalala...

                FIN: Stella, shall I call for Maxie?

                STELLA (CHOOK): FA?! EHM....Ohm...ehm...am..fen, fank you fin. Finny fin-fan. Fin? 'S'like Finnigan's wake, eh? Fennigan's wake. FANNIGAN'S WAKE! Finar! 'At's funny, Fin, Init? Sa'Fin? Sa - -

                Kerplunk.

                Stella falls over. Fin sniffs the coffee... uh-huh... no shadow of a doubt...

                Whisky.

                The drunk chicken is back.


                STELLA (CHOOK): 'S'no! 'S'no! 'S'no the Drunken Chicken!

                Comment


                  #9
                  The Big Sober House 2

                  Day 2 in the Big Sober House cont'd

                  Day 2. 11pm. Pug is in the bathroom. He's been there quite a while. Chi's getting worried. Chi chaps on the bathroom door with his paw.

                  CHI: Pug? You alright in there?

                  There's no answer.

                  CHI: Pug? Mate? You alright?

                  King Charlie comes over to Chi.

                  KC: What is it Chi?

                  CHI: Pug. He's in the bathroom. Wont answer to his name.

                  KC: Oh.

                  CHI: Is that all you can say? Oh?

                  KC: Ehm... don't we usually communicate through woofs?

                  CHI: Yeah normally, but woofing is kinda restrictive. Pug?

                  PUG: Eh, yeah. Hi guys. I hear you.

                  CHI: You ok?

                  PUG: Sort of.

                  KC: Sort of?

                  PUG: Well... you know them flea tablets i've been taking?

                  CHI: Yeah...

                  PUG: Yeah, well, they kinda reacted with me.

                  CHI: Oh no Pug. Are you sick?

                  PUG: No, not sick... well actually to look at me might be deemed a bit sick.

                  KC: You feeling unwell?

                  PUG: No, not at all.

                  CHI: So what's up Pug. You a fricking hypochondriac?

                  PUG: Sure you wanna come in.

                  KC: We're yer buddies. Of course we're sure.

                  Pug unlocks the bathroom door. He reaches for the handle with his paw and opens the door, letting Chi and KC in.

                  CHI: Nice bath robe Pug.

                  KC: Yeah, you got the Rocky Balboa look going on there boyo.

                  PUG: I need it.

                  CHI: Why? What's going underneath?

                  PUG: This -

                  Pug undoes his robe and lets it fall to the floor. Chi and KC's mouths drop to the floor.

                  PUG: Really, I'd rather you didn't do that with your mouths.

                  KC: Pug!

                  CHI: Pug - your penis is enormous!

                  PUG: Yes, i can see that.

                  KC: Blimey. It's as long as you are tall.

                  CHI: Can you walk?

                  PUG: Only when it's deflated.

                  CHI: Right, I see.

                  KC: It's a bit like a trunk innit?

                  CHI: Yeah. Wow.

                  PUG: Guys could you please stop staring at my willy? Especially with your mouths drooping.

                  KC: Have you tried it on a random leg yet?

                  CHI: Aw yeah!

                  PUG: No. I have not. And I have no intention to either.

                  CHI: But Pug, you are the lothario of leg humps.

                  PUG: No.

                  KC: No?

                  PUG: No.

                  A pair of bare and hairy legs walks past the ajar bathroom door.


                  CHI: Look, Pug, bare naked leggies. All for you.

                  Pug's appendage begins to grow.


                  KC: Jesus Fecking Chroist.

                  CHI: Elephant's would cross their legs in shame if they saw Pug's wee dog.

                  KC: Just enormous.

                  CHI: A sight to behold.

                  KC: Have you got the camera?

                  CHI: Yep, here it is. Hang on, i need to take a step back to get it all in. Nope.... need to be further back... further back still... ah fuck it. I'll just do a panorama shoot. Oh look - !

                  KC: And he's off!

                  Kersplat!


                  CHI: Oh, no he's not... Ouch.

                  KC: Oocha...

                  Pug lies splayed out on the floor.


                  CHI: Never seen a dog trip over his own willy before.

                  KC: Reckon he could use it as a pole-vault?

                  PUG: Guys, help me up.

                  KC: Or a spinning top...

                  CHI: Or an umbrella...

                  PUG: Guys...?

                  Comment


                    #10
                    The Big Sober House 2

                    I am just DYING here!!!! LMAO - "Never seen a dog trip over his own willy before"
                    ~

                    Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

                    Sobriety date: Sept 26, 2011

                    Comment


                      #11
                      The Big Sober House 2

                      What is making me larf the most is the thought of the look on faces of visitors to this site trying to make sense of these threads .........it must feel like they have entered the twilight zone! :H:H

                      Comment


                        #12
                        The Big Sober House 2

                        Day 3 in the Big Sober House

                        Day 3. Midnight. Lav, Byrdie, Lolab and K9 are having a confabulation - which, for those who are interested, is either the act of confabulating, that is, to have a discussion, or the replacement of a gap in a person's memory by a falsification that he or she believes to be true.

                        You know...

                        Like when you blacked out on a night and someone tells you did something and you believe them, when in fact that something never did happen. Don't worry, there's a lot less of the second confabulating in the Big Sober House.

                        Anyway, back to the Golden Girls. They are in discussion as to how to hide the key for the Booze Shed.

                        The Booze Shed, for those new to the Big Sober House, is, I suppose, the Big Sober House's local off license (or equivalent if you live outside the UK). Like off licenses, they never seem to run out of booze. And even appear to accumulate even more booze, despite customers gluttonous demand for their favourite tipple.

                        Tipple? TIPPLE? I've never tippled in my life. Quaffed, yes. Glugged, yes. Downed, yes. But tipple?

                        Anyway, back to the Golden Girls. Despite RunningCourage drinking all of Stella (Chook)'s beer...

                        Stella (Chook), for those confused, is a very real drunken chicken who is owned by Lavande. Here's her pouring a coffee-whisky concoction yesterday:



                        Not to be mistaken for the Stella (Flower), a mighty fast growing beast owned by Nanette. As seen here when she was but a babe-in-dirt.


                        Anyway, back to the Golden Girls. So, yes, despite RC taking all the booze, this being the Booze Shed, the booze has, simply, miraculously reappeared. Although the Shed is locked, if temptation calls and if Dr Richard Head and his partner in crime, Trigger, get clever then sometimes the Shed can be opened by the most determined of peeps.

                        We can't hide from the Shed. We must learn to live with it. Even though the contents are potentially lethal, the housemates must learn to live with the fact that the contents (Booze) are, in the world outside the house, everywhere. At least here Booze is only in the Shed. Under lock and key...

                        Which brings us back to the Golden Girls...

                        K9: Like the sound of your own voice, eh?

                        Well, I am the presenter and the narrator

                        K9: Just sayin' ...

                        BYRDIE: So where's the key to be kept?

                        LOLAB: Up high, where no one can reach it.

                        K9: Hidden behind a rafter, beam, sorta thing.

                        LOLAB: Or in the insulation.

                        BYRDIE: Lav?

                        LAV: Hmmm.... not sure... but for now, ok.

                        BYRDIE: Agreed? Up high?

                        LAV/K9/LOLAB: Agreed.

                        BYRDIE: Right, well then, better pass me the ladders. K9 - hold the bottom of the ladder while I climb. And no peeking.

                        And so the Golden Girls hide the magic key that lets anyone who wants into the Shed, into the Shed.

                        But... one pair of eyes were watching them though...

                        TBC

                        Comment


                          #13
                          The Big Sober House 2

                          OMG.....the suspense......:H:H

                          Comment


                            #14
                            The Big Sober House 2

                            This episode is left hanging??? :huh: Not fair! :stomper:
                            ~n
                            :notes:
                            we are human beings with alcohol problems not alcoholics with problems caused by drinking

                            Comment


                              #15
                              The Big Sober House 2

                              I just LOVE this.....need some humor right now...WTG RC thanks for the comic relief!!
                              Dottie
                              Dottie

                              Newbie's Nest

                              Tool Box
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                              AF 9.1.2013

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