Brilliant!!! :l
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The Big Sober House 2
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The Big Sober House 2
Kuya, I was going to say something to him about that essay he's supposed to be writing for school, but I don't want him to turn on us!!!
Dick Head's MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So funny, RC. I hope you are well paid!!! XO, B
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The Big Sober House 2
Zen, you shameless huzzy!! :H:H:H
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The Big Sober House 2
X-post, sorry I stepped on your toes, K. Yes, RC, remember cats and chickens don't mix!! Besides, I'm the sobersexual house maiden! You could be punished (Ooops, wrong thread for that). B
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The Big Sober House 2
Day 6 in the Big Sober House
Day 6 in the Big Sober House. It's 10.30pm. Big Sober has given Mick his biggest challenge to date: Mick has been let out of the house on an excursion to the Isle of Tinyrelief. If he can get through this next week in complete sobriety, he'll be allowed...
Eh... Big Sober? What will he get if he comes back having not touched a drop of booze?
BIG SOBER: You're the voice over, you should know.
But it's not on my autocue... please, can you assist? It's very embarrasing this.
BIG SOBER: If Mick survives the week without touching a drop he will...
He will?
BIG SOBER: He will... well, actually, I'm not too sure. Let me have a look in my big coat of brick-a-brack and see what i can find...
Big Sober looks about and in his big coat of brick-a-brack... Found anything?
BIG SOBER: Nope.
The Suspense is building. What will Big Sober find? A new joke book? A new second-hand jumper? Sheep shearers? Big Sober...?
BIG SOBER: What?
Have you found something for Mick when he returns sober?
BIG SOBER: Eh... oh, look. Here we have a fine 24yr old single malt from that tiny distillery in the heart of Scotland, Deanston. A fine peppery, peaty malt that lingers on the back of the tongue with sweet distinctive tones of woodfires and burnt caramel...
Whisky? Big Sober, you are offering Mick a bottle of whisky?
BIG SOBER: Ah shit. Sorry. Wrong programme.
Och - double F and S Big Sober. We've not even got into the effin feckin hoose.
BIG SOBER: Got it! We'll ask the other house mates! We'll ask the other housemates what Mick should get on his return!
Oh. OK. Sounds a good idea. Now, back to the house. While outside the house Dr Head, his mother, Mother Head and Trigger are still trembling in the wake of the arrival of Tyrannosaurus Pipkineximus, inside there's a celebration with it being Freefly's birthday.
SCOTTISHLASS: H'min a'body... I said h'min a'body. Everybody? Can you no' fecking hear me?
MARIO: I hear you -
SCOTLASS: Why can;t people hear me. It's only a house we live in. It's no' like i'm shouting across the universe. I mean for crying out loud, what the hell is this?
MARIO: Said, I hear you -
SCOTTLASS: Like, i can SEE you but can you no' HEAR me? You got something against a scottish lass speaking.
ZEN: In principle, no.
SCOTTLASS: I mean -
MARIO: Hello -
SCOTTLASS: Did someone say something?
MARIO: I did.
SCOTTLASS: Mario! Mario? Where are you?
MARIO: Back in my bed.
SCOTTLASS: Oh, but it's FreeFly's birthday, we gotta have a party. How do we do that?
MARIO: Bring 'em all here.
SCOTTLASS: Yeah?
MARIO: Sure. Molly? Byrdie? Kuya? Mr G? Fin?
The five of them scuttle in.
MARIO: Molly, be a dear and rustle up some grub - JC's got some macca and cheese in the fridge, nab it.
MOLLY: Right ho'... Feck sake. You'd think 2 dinners today wis enough... am shagginstuffed.
MARIO: Byrdie - get the newbies in here. More the merrier.
BYRDIE: Gotcha Mario.
MARIO: Kuya.
KUYA: Yes?
MARIO: How are you?
KUYA: Good thanks. You?
MARIO: I'm good.
KUYA: Great.
MARIO: Great.
KUYA: So?
MARIO: What?
KUYA: You want me to do anything?
MARIO: No, not really. Just like having you here. Now... Mr G, Fin?
MR G/FIN: Yes?
MARIO: Music maestro's, can you do some Big Sober Karaoke with a guitar and mandolin?
MR G: Absolutely.
FIN: I got a new boat - can i play in that?
MARIO: No. We're all gonna party in here. My boudoir. Mario's boudoir.
SCOTTLASS: Oh Mario, thank you for doing this.
MARIO: My pleasure.
And so it was that Freefly had the most squashed birthday party as all 18,000 (give or take a few thousand, maybe 17,900) partied in the Big Sober Boudoir, aka Mario's bedroom. And everyone wished her well, and they sang, and drank fizzy stuff that made you burp, and danced on Mario's bed -
MARIO: Ma legs. Mind ma legs.
Untill they were all quite pooped, to which they slumbered together with pillows and duvets and blankets as Fin sang lullabies and they all fell asleep...
Meanwhile, outside...
MOTHER: Feckin racket. I'll shut them feckers up. Feckin sober hippies. Feckin think they're so feckin great. Feck.
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