Starting to realize

[Mike31]

Hello everybody. I am starting to realize an issue here. I have always been a drinker. But lately i have been drinking myself to sleep. I have slipped into a major depression after my wife left me and filed for divorce. My drinking has become a real issue after she served me with divorce papers. Now I often wake up not remebering what I did the night before. My head feels foggy all day. My work performance is suffering. I need help. However, I am not willing to attend any type of AA. How do I get through this? How do I get through this alone without my wifes support? I am very scared. Does anybody have any advice?

[Byrdlady]

Starting to realize

Mike, hop on over to the Newbie's Nest...go to the New Posts section...it should be there...I will go over and bump it up just in case so you'll see it. I was in almost the same boat as you. My hubs gave me an ultimatum, my work was suffering, I was perpetually drinking...starting earlier and earlier in the day and all day on weekends. I didn't remember much either. I was on a path to certain self destruction. With the help of this place, specifically, the Newbie's Nest, I was able to get the tools I needed to quit...and I'm almost 2 years sober! You sound a lot like me, I was scared, too...But you know what? What I should have been scared of was NOT quitting. Being AF is the best gift I have ever given myself. Please don't be afraid...if I can do it, I know you can too. In my signature line below, please find a link to the tool box...there are 100's of tips and coping skills there to help you thru the first challenging days. I am so glad you found us, we have LOTS of success here. This place saves lives and I'm one of them! Welcome! Byrdie

[Mike31]

Starting to realize

Thank you for the kind reply. I am 100% certain I will beat this. But I am in an extremely hard point of my life.

[nancy]

Starting to realize

getting over a divorce

Hi Mike
So are you saying you developed a problem after a divorce or was that a reason for divorce or the problem was there but got worse after the divorce?
Do you have friends and family to turn to?
You need other people to rely on now.

[Mike31]

Starting to realize

I would say I had a mild issue while I have been married. But I am spiraling out of control now that it is actually happening. My soon to be ex drank as well. I do have friends. But they are all heavy drinkers. I rarely spent time with them during my marriage. My family is there. But I am the type of person that clams up when there is an issue. I don't like to talk to family about it. If that makes sense.

[nancy]

Starting to realize

talking to someone

Well I think in that case you need to get an understanding therapist pronto! Isolation is a big trigger. You could try AA meetings just to meet people who are not drinking if you are open to that. But my guess is that if you can't talk to family that might not be something you are open to.

Opening up and talking to someone can be very helpful. Divorce is very painful, from what I hear. You are going to be ok Mike but you need to find some better coping skills.

[Caper]

Starting to realize

Hi Mike... Welcome to MWO. You've found a great site with tons of good information that will help you get started. There is something called "Toolbox" that others on "Newbies Nest" who know what they're doing can link you to. Plus there are so many compassionate people here who have gone through every situation that you can possibly imagine. You will be amazed at how many times you'll be able to relate to exactly what someone else is saying. And at how many people feel the same way you do about AA meetings, or talking to your family, etc. I would go with Byrdlady's suggestion and check out the "Newbies Nest" thread. Someone who's been around a lot longer than I have will no doubt see your thread here and reply, but you'll probably find the most activity and support over there tonight.
Not sure where you currently are in your efforts to fight this thing but at whatever stage that might be, you will certainly find help here. Take care and stay with us!

[Nelz]

Starting to realize

Mike31;1417049 wrote: Hello everybody. I am starting to realize an issue here. I have always been a drinker. But lately i have been drinking myself to sleep. I have slipped into a major depression after my wife left me and filed for divorce. My drinking has become a real issue after she served me with divorce papers. Now I often wake up not remebering what I did the night before. My head feels foggy all day. My work performance is suffering. I need help. However, I am not willing to attend any type of AA. How do I get through this? How do I get through this alone without my wifes support? I am very scared. Does anybody have any advice?

Hello Mike and Welcome to MWO!

I know far too well about your drinking until you pass out/to help you sleep issue. It REALLY sucks waking up in the morning in that haze, wondering just what happened to you last night. Dont know how many times after waking I "swore" that was the last time.

Getting through it as you have stated (no support from a spouse and without AA) doesnt mean it cant be done, only that it will take more strength from you. With that said, it absolutely can be done alone.

When you are "truly" ready, whatever it takes to get you to that point, you will stop drinking, and when you do, it will be life changing. Im sure the thought of life without AL is scary for you if not unimaginable.

Im here to tell you it wont take long to change that way of thinking.....you will actually get to a point where drinking is unimaginable. It will not be an easy chore, especially in the beginning of your quit, but it will be so very worth it.

Think small in the beginning, set some realistic goals......1 day AF......7 days AF 14 days AF. That way you can hit your goals, you will get traction, and you will feel like you are doing well. Hell break it down to minutes or seconds if you have to....just dont drink while that urge hits you.

Each time you win the battle you get a little stronger. You can do this good luck my fellow brother in name!!