I think I've hit rock bottom

[struggles]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I completely understand your position...I was in the same boat. Drank all day, slept at night but then it turned into drink in the morning, all afternoon and bed sometimes early, but most late. I would clean, cook, do laundry and then pass out for a "nap" in early afternoon. I did a few weeks in early summer and felt great.

Kuya, funny how you mention the low carb thing and I actually went on your link. I went on low carb, but not Atkins since I still ate beans for my protein and learned how to count fiber and carbs and therefore lost my weight. For the first time, my cravings were not that bad and I am a beer drinker....normally no sugary sweets or snacks except chips, dip, pizza, etc.

I honestly believe nutrition does play a role and not until I read your post did I realize that in the week prior to my binge, I had pizza one day, a little pasta, ate bread..all of which I had almost eliminated for the past few months and since then I have relapsed twice. :upset:

Thank you for that response, I am now looking further into i t again.

We are all in this together and need each others support and any help is great.

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

NewOne! Welcome! You have come to the right place if you are serious about getting this monkey off your back! Hop on over to the Newbie's Nest, you'll find it under New Posts and click "Last" and that will be today's posts. We have folks in all stages of their quit...I may be biased, because I spend most of my time there, but to say the Newbie's Nest is just a thread is like calling the Mona Lisa JUST a painting!!! Ehehehe...we have lots of success over there...and I'm one of them! We are so glad you found us, we can help! See the Tool Box link in my signature line below, there are 100's of tips and coping skills written down thru the years to help you with those first challenging days and hours. I know you can do this...I had 7000 day 1's and promised to cut down at least that many times. If I can do it, I know you can too! Hope to see you in the nest! Byrdie

[Alcoholic]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one:

Hi! Sounds like you have a lot of thoughts going in your mind....

I'm the same way, alcohol gave me energy and motivation. So I used it for 20 years until I got scared what it was doing to my liver. So now, I just let the house go ... Dishes piled up, no path to get from bedroom door to bed without stepping on clothes on the floor. I'm about 1.5 months sober, and I still don't have energy. But I just bought a treadmill and will start watching Netflix while walking on it. Try to get that energy back instead of drinking. But I'll tell you, the first 6 weeks You could put a gun to my head and I still would not exercise!

So good luck. Let some of the stress go. You're not super woman and you will never please everyone. Just do what you think is right ... Like trying to quit drinking to get healthier, and forget about what others think of you right now. Don't do all these things for everyone. First, do something great for you: get healthier! Good luck!

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I realized something today and I don't believe I have ever felt it before. But the thought of being alcohol free for the rest of my life did not scare me into next year. When I first said "I don't drink"... I felt more freedom than anything. My stomach quivered a little, but my spirit felt free.

I'm practicing saying it, just to try to deal with the feelings that it brings up. I can feel a little lack of confidence in my voice & a little bit of doubt.

If the issue of alcohol ever comes up, (with anyone beyond this forum) that's all that needs to be said. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anybody.

"I quit" just doesn't seem to work for me.

I am soooo over the Super Woman thing. Anything that requires a lot of cleaning, work & energy, is going out the door. No if ands or buts. I've spent a half of a lifetime on that senseless crap. It's all about me now. (man that felt good to say that)

I feel more like BE-ing than Doing. I am a bit of a neat freak though. But I am also a minimalist by nature. I am not attached to 'stuff'

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I am at a much better place this morning. My first line of defense is to take magnesium & niacin to ward of any afternoon jittery-ness.

I know one of my problems is not being able to eat in the mornings, the glucose drops & the jutters set in.

I've just realized the hilarity of the "why I drink" mind set. Man, I could knock out a million right now. But truthfully, the only why is because I like the buzz, the rest is just excuses for me to get the buzz.

The jitters is the biggest excuse I use. And another big one is...'the sunshine makes me thirsty'...

The are no reasons, only excuses. That's my big aha! for this morning.

When I woke up, I had "traitor to the family" going thru my head. I heard that on one of the recovery vids on youtube. Am I a traitor to the family unit? Well, seeings how my daughter can't stand me because I choose the almighty buzz over a connection with her... I think so. For my victim aspect, I looked upon it as non acceptance on her part.

I think for me, the whole "alcoholism' thing is part of my victim mentality.

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

NewOne, you sound like a different person today. It is absolutely amazing to me how AL robs of us our self-esteem and puts us into such a pit of dispair. And just a few short days AF and hope emerges! You are so right about the excuses...I could find a 1000 why I should take a drink! There is always some reason! Hells Bells, there at the end, I was drinking to get over drinking??!! How screwed up this that? Dig your heels in and take your life back. It is so worth it. Like they say when you are in flight, secure your mask before assisting others...true here, too. When you get yourself sorted out, you will be surprised at what else gets sorted out, too. What everybody else does is not your problem....you are #1 right now. You are taking the steps necessary to get you out of this rabbit hole and I am so happy for you! Every single day you put between you and AL is a win!!! Well done! Byrdie

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

well, I just wrote my daughter & explained the 100% focus on me, (which is the major big reason I needed her to take her pet home with her) because I need to come to the grips that "I don't drink",,,and OMG, waves of fear went through me over that realization..

According to the AVRT, it is a survival mechanism. So I am wondering if somewhere in my brain, is it equating not drinking with dying? Is this where the fear comes from. Like OMG, I am going to die now?? Is this what my animal brain (and physiology) reacting to?

I don't even know if I have this AVRT thing down right yet. I need to read more. My head is still in a bit of alcohol fog.

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New, I'm not familiar with the AVRT approach. I actually didn't read any of the books, just stuck my head into the Newbies Nest and stayed put! It might have been really helpful if I had...but alas.
I don't know the chemistry of it all, but I call that brain you are referring to as Addiction Head...Dick Head. This is the voice that will tell you absolutely anything to get you to feed it. It is survival mode for your addiction...if it doesn't get you to give it a fix it's gonna die! Be prepared to start making deals with yourself...if I can just get ONE drink I'll be ok. Just let me drink tonight and I'll start tomorrow. Just ONE DAM DRINK is all I need....Everyone else drinks why can't I? It's no use...I can't do it. Do any of these sound familiar? This is the ultimate mind game...you can win, if you are armed and ready!!! B

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Okay, I left my house & went thru the drive thru for food. The AV kept telling me that I was uncomfortable being out in public without alcohol.

It started out small but became louder & louder. When it got loud enough I was able to pinpoint it.

I think that may be the trick. Allowing it to become loud enough to be recognized.

I am also understanding that energy is not an issue with me (unless I am hungover) I have good energy. It is motivation & interest in things that escapes me.

It's the void. The no-thing. I have to face it to get thru it.

I feel like I am about to jump out of my skin. I really should have done the de-caf thing this morning.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I ordered Alan Carrs book & Rational Recovery.

I had a visit from a non drinking friend. It went well. No major major cravings but I did feel a little something & I knew the AV was going on about something but I couldn't hear it. It was just a small discomfort. This one I could feel very slightly but deep within me somewhere.

It took me a while to figure out what it was all about. It came to me a bit later after I thought about it. It was "this would be so much more fun if I was drinking".

Tomorrow is errand day & Wednesday. It should be interesting. I think I already know what it is going to tell me....You've been out here amongst the freaks (shopping people) and you lived thru it, now you deserve to go home with JUST a six pack (the other six pack afterward is never mentioned) ;-P

I think I can counteract it with...these folks are not freaks. They are ordinary people who need to get supplies for their household just like me. And nobody did anything "special", it was actually nothing but ordinary. so therefore nobody "deserves" anything.

That one I am prepared for. And I'll counteract the jitters by doing decaf. I have that prepared, and some tuna for protein before I head out the door.

I have also added to my shopping list "self". I don't care if I buy myself nothing but a piece of 10 dollar junk that ends in the trash. & never loved but for that one day.

That will be my reward instead of the six pack....hmmmm...I may be onto something here.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

well today went fine. I didn't even want a beer. I'm a bit foggy headed & was a bit twicthy earlier. Probably due to withdrawals. I don't have a clue as to how long they will last. I am giving myself until Friday to just lay around before I get back to life. Not that I had one beyond drinking.

I had a big aha! moment while out. Some strange thoughts. I was in the grocery looking at the coffee creamer...and I thought, "do I really want to buy that?". I ran out this morning & it is one of my other addictions, or must have's or whatever. I looked at the coffee & thought the same thing. Then I thought, 'well if I don't use it, someone else may while visiting, or the boyfriend'.

And it shocked me because I realized at that moment that the AV was not running the show anymore. I made a conscious decision to buy the stuff. If for no other reason than to have it in the house for others. That I was very much okay with waking up to no creamer in the house tomorrow. I KNEW the only thing I NEEDED was the protein that I had in my cart.

It never entered my mind to go down the grocer aisle for beer, nor to go thru the drive thru. I also didn't feel the need to buy myself something to fill that gap. Because I didn't have a gap.

And I thought, "man, did I really kill the AV? Just like that?" I actually even wondered if I had broke thru to some new reality. So, it was an amazing experience.

[kuya]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one...... Thanks for posting these first days.

I believe you can kill the AV .....(. Alcoholic voice? I assume) just like that. I did.

Now I have good moments, bad moments, happy moments,sad moments, angry moments, hungry moments,lonely moments ....... Like everyone else. But AV is dead from starvation now.
I only get a NEW AV if I start drinking again. And that ain't happening !

Well done you !

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Thanks Kuya for the confirmation. Are we awesome or what? I got the AV from rational recovery..addictive voice.

That bad boy is afraid to open his mouth. lol

[kuya]

I think I've hit rock bottom

NewOne;1418553 wrote: Thanks Kuya for the confirmation. Are we awesome or what? I got the AV from rational recovery..addictive voice.

That bad boy is afraid to open his mouth. lol

I like the approach of AVRT, only went on their site after my quit but realised I had accidentally used that approach.

That AV has NO power to make me DO anything. After twelve weeks it is a shriveled wreck somewhere, I pay no heed to how it is or where. I only hear it whimpering softly when I hear others talking about moderating, the little bugger has a little scratch at the cell door and I laugh then he f**ks off somewhere......I don't know where and I really don't care :H:H

[Alcoholic]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one: you sound great! I'm happy for you!