I think I've hit rock bottom

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

No drinky today. I didn't have any cravings either, but I did go thru some weird head shit.

I kept asking myself...why am I doing this? It took me about an hour of this self pity crap to realize it was my AV and I was doing THIS, because I am sick & tired of being sick & tired. Plus...do I really like being drunk? Not for some time I haven't.

And I have fear of the upcoming weekend. Sat & Sun is me & the boyfriend's booze days. I have been kinda sorta planning alternative stuff. I don't worry about bf pushing the booze. Actually he doesn't even know that I am doing this. Not much bothers him so he'll be okay with whatever.

That being said, I included kudzu in my supps. Even if I don't have cravings, I'm thinking it may be good for the menopausal thing. The surprise was, it made me very mellow & helped my mood. It may be a keeper. I don't know why I haven't been taking it. It's been in my cabinet for some time.

I still got a bit of alcohol fog going on.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

No cravings today, no drinky. I had major brain fog & upped the l-glute & that did it. I did go into a major sugar craving so I made myself some log carb peanut butter rolls.

My AV is up to no good though. It is trying to convince me that if I do 'need' to drink, that I can do wine.:nutso::nutso::nutso::nutso:

Of course that came with stipulations. Never alone, never during the day, blah blah blah! Yeah, right. Within a month I'll be knocking down 2 bottles before evening.

The AV is definitely in the bargaining stage.

And oh yeah. I put a pair of jeans on this evening for a trip to pick up peanuts & they fit better already. I've been in skirts all week & plan on staying in them until this few pounds come off.

No jitters today. I think I can call the detox officially done. My last drink was sometime Sunday evening.

Tomorrow will probably be the freakiest.

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Well done!!! Don't listen to Addiction Head (Dick Head) he is trying to seduce you! Been there, done that...dig your heels in and stand your ground. THAT'S the way you beat this thing, one day at a time! Very proud of you! Byrdie

[Mootsbill]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one I love your posts they are so honest I've tried create an opposition voice for my AV so they get to battle it out!! ;0) if I've fought a particularly bad battle I choose myself a reward I.e beauty treatment, big chocolate bar, crappy celeb magazine ....
Good luck with the weekend

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

lol on the dick head Byrdie! I don't even like wine, my gawd!

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

NewOne...it seems so proper when you call it Addiction Voice...and then I call it Dick Head...sorry! He's the same guy just with a cheap mustache! You are doing great! B

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I do like the term Dick Head...lol Dick for short. Anyway, this morning, Dick was running the term 'honeymoon phase' thru my head. It took me a minute to catch on. One whole minute. And that's because I hadn't had my coffee yet. ;-D

It would be nice to have a thread on The Dick Tricks. We could share because some of them are veddy veddy sneaky.

My morning jitters are finally gone. I can drink coffee in peace. Yay me! I am so awesome!

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

I just had another aha! moment. Something that keeps running thru my head is, what do I do? It's not like I have an interest in life.

And just now I caught on. That's not ME.

In reality, The Dick has no interest in life. Beyond getting the drunk on. Unlike The Dick, there are things in life that I love. My home, my cat, my bf, being sober, coffee in the morning, mosying around my little house, cruising the net, laughing w/the bf, my roku & netflix, hot baths,, things being in order, my daughter, my mother, brother, father & my extended relatives. The Dick prefers alcohol over these things.

Wow! What a pitiful creature.

At this moment, I feel the need to send it compassion, love, forgiveness, healing, and peace.

[Byrdlady]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Hells Bells, NewOne, kick that @$$hole to the curb! Isn't it amazing what you can see when you are out from under Dick (there's a joke in there, I just know it!) You are making enormous strides! It only takes a few AF days to feel HOPE and renewed faith! At 3 days, all the AL is out of your body and you are operating under your own power! It feels pretty good, too!!
Land Mine #1 Don't think you've got this thing licked and reward yourself with AL.

I'm so happy for you! Sorry about Dick Head...we've all got one in the closet! Keep him there....
Happy AF Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY and be mindful of what you are doing! XXO, B

[SoCalBunny]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Drinking to shut up the panic

NewOne - Very helpful re: "AV" or as ByrdLady calls it "DH"! From drinking 6-7 glasses of wine per night for about the past 15 years, I am still on my taper. My AV tries to scare me with "But my dear you MUST DRINK, lest something even MORE HORRIBLE befall you - like a seizure! Mwa Ha Ha..." Yeah, the drink landed me in severe B12 deficiency with neurological damage (hopefully reversible with good treatment). Fortunately I am under a doctor's care.

My Achilles heel is panic disorder - since early childhood. I don't get drunk when I drink - it just makes the fear go away. So at age 57 it's time to face the fear and other feelings! This is my very first post. :new:

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Hi SoCal...mine was giving me fear of withdrawal also. It worked over time on getting me to fear today.

I got out of the house for a while instead of running out, grabbing the al then hole-ing up. I'm past the witching hour so I'm fine.

I also used breakfast & lunch on his ass. DICK! (that still makes me laugh) much prefers to drink during the day instead.

I even went thru the drive thru & picked up a six pack for my bf. He congratulated me on making it thru the week & asked me if it would bother me if he was drinking. I said no. And it isn't. I was surprised that he even noticed. I knew he wouldn't push me to drink with him. He is like me, very comfortable drinking alone.

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Sober Sunday! Yee haw. After today, I am not going to allow my AV to obsess on days, times, events, etc. or how many days I have sober, or on what days I may feel the need to drink blah blah blah. It's all AV, not me.

Since I no longer drink, I think when the RR book arrives, I will apply the techniques to smoking. The thought of stopping used to send huge fear thru me. Now it doesn't.

I haven't been sleeping all that well. I understand now that the AV is dictating that I have issues with this or that because I have read about it before. It is using my intelligence to justify a relapse. Just like it is telling me that I should withdraw from smoking gently so as not to put my body & mental health in shock. If I think about it, that logic is insane thinking. I have to know that it will use my physical self against me as sure as my intelligence.

[Alcoholic]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one: quitting alcohol also seemed very scary to me 2 months ago. I am so glad you are in a better mental place to deal w it. It gets so much easier and freer! No more time wasted worrying about how to get a drink! .

[NewOne]

I think I've hit rock bottom

Thanks AL. I appreciate you taking your time to stop in & check on me.

I come from a spiritual background, mixed in with major conspiracy theorist background. From the Ickes, to Lisa Renee, to Tolle, Bach, Marciniak, the whole slew. I know about the reptilian influence. I know about higher consciousness & the higher self.

Now, I am wondering if this is what ascension is...ascending from the influence of the reptilian brain to the higher self brain....and learning to differentiate between the two. And choosing.

The problem I always had about ascension is, it made me think that it was just another form of the christian rapture, just in a different package.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is such a thing. Maybe I just scooped up the last piece of the spiritual puzzle.

[Alcoholic]

I think I've hit rock bottom

New one:
I'm no expert at all about spiritual things/teachings. But I do like what Tolle said about this: that the image of ourselves we have in our mind is just a thought. Our past is nothing than a mere thought.